The 4th of October.
Today was ruined by doctors saying I could basically go home, then taking it away.
I have pretty much been here for about a month, and I’m going a bit batshit crazy. The monotony of people coming in, pumping my body full of crap, putting plastic into my arms and just constantly fucking with my life. Taking my blood, waking me up for investigations, asking me how many times I’ve been to the fucking toilet!
How do they think it feels to have the thing you currently want most in the world promised to you, then just taken back? It’s devastating.
Part of me wants to tell them to go fuck themselves for the weekend and on Monday we’ll come back and they can sort this IV shit then. I know I need the antibiotics but I just want a fucking break.
Some dieticians came to see me today, now I have supplements and milkshakes and meal vouchers. They are the only thing I will use (the vouchers) because that means I can a relatively decent meal once a day.
God I am just going out of my fucking mind.
The 5th of October.
Today was a break. The night staff really infuriated me, so I texted my mama at about seven saying “We are leaving I cannot be here anymore” and she came as soon as she could.
When she arrived, we told the nurse we were going and we’d be back at lunchtime for my next IVs. And that’s what we did. We went home via M&S, and thankfully there were shoes in the car because I would’ve felt silly in my slippers. We bought chicken for a casserole and a Twirl that I was going to eat until I remembered that I think it was all the Twirl Bites that kicked off my last flare up.
At home, I made a good coffee, read the Saturday Guardian, and listened to Richard Osman on Radio 4. Then Oscar came to see me and we made space on the V+ box.
We had to come back, but my nurse had got everything ready so I was up and running very quickly. We were gone by two o’clock!
This afternoon, I finally watched The IT Crowd final special, then washed my hair. After tea, my dad brought me back in the new car so I pressed all the buttons and tried out the heated leather seats! Toasty bum.
I do hope the staff don’t irk me so much tonight. If they leave my door open again, heads will roll.