The places you have come to fear the most.

October 19, 2013 — 2 Comments

The 18th of October.

I really don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m stuck in my own head tonight. We saw the doctors including the consultant this morning, and he said that they want to observe me for a few days after Thursday, because I relapsed so quickly last time. I had one day at home. I didn’t have colomycin last time though, so that might have killed the bug better than the vancomycin did.

However, if it hasn’t, I will be back in very swiftly. That means they’ll have to treat it again, for longer, and it’ll get more resistant. The sooner it comes back, the sooner I go. What if it just keeps happening? How will they know when it’s the last one? How will it happen? I don’t want to die in hospital.

And what if I’m stuck on the antibiotics? I have things I want to do. I don’t want to go before I’ve done them. I want to get to Christmas and my birthday.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. And God I am so scared.

2 responses to The places you have come to fear the most.

  1. 

    Me and my mum both follow you on twitter and while we don’t know you in person, you have not been far from our thoughts all week, we’ve spoken about you frequently. We think you’re great, and so brave, and also have ace moomin pj’s. We’re here for you, as I’m sure so, so many people are. xxx

  2. 

    Kathryn, I’m crying for you and feel so useless as I feel there’s nothing I can do except retweeting your blog. I don’t know where you are right, physically I mean as in at home or in hospital but if you need company and I am free then I’ll happily come and see you and talk and listen. Message me on Facebook. You have been so brave and such an inspiration for the last six years that I am so sad that it now all comes down to this. Keep blogging, get your story out there and hope that you encourage people to get on the donors list so that other people will get a second chance in life.

    Malcolm xx

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