The 20th of August.
I really looked at myself today and realised that things with my body are not good. I was kind of taking each issue separately, but all added up, it’s pretty bad. I’ve been bleeding for a month now, am still very trembly, my memory has turned to mush (I’m fairly sure this is all some fucked-up hormone stuff – the menopause clinic on the 2nd cannot come soon enough), I’ve lost weight and muscle mass due to the steroids and I’m far too thin for my liking – I’m going to have to really consciously up my calories, even though eating too much of anything makes me burp ridiculous amounts, my facial bruising is taking its time to go away – I’ve basically forgotten what I should look like. Frankly, I am sight to behold.
I didn’t wake up until five, which was good! My day has been very sedentary, as the hole in my groin hasn’t fully healed, so I’ve been watching TV and reading The Goldfinch. I’ve got about 250 pages left, and it’s all a bit intense and I had to stop and have a break!
I have deflated enormously. It’s so dramatic.
The 21st of August.
Oh tonight I am weary. Awake from four again, and I have pretty much fully deflated now. Except my left wrist is still slightly swollen and we’re a little bit concerned that I may have a hairline fracture from the fall or something.
It’s been really quite a busy day – this morning I was emailing Dan from the Sutton Observer, then I went into town with Mommy because she had to give blood and I needed some wrapping paper, so I sat in Starbucks and read The Goldfinch while drinking a terrible flat white while she did so.
When we got home, we had lunch and I finished the book (the final passage is possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read) and we baked the gingerbread soldiers and chocolate and vanilla pinwheels from John Whaite’s book. He replied to my tweets again! Bless him.
I also spoke to Alison from the Birmingham Mail/Sunday Mercury and she wants to do a piece this week, and they’re coming round for photos tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow will be busy too.
Today has been GCSE results day. On mine, I went to school, got my results, then went back to BCH to start chemo, and that evening we had a takeaway Caspian Pizza in Bay 3.