The 15th of October.
A year ago today, we “went public” with the news that I’m unfixable. Funnily enough, I had liver clinic this afternoon. Nobody in that room expected me to still be alive today. My tests are all good – everyone is really happy with me.
I don’t know how I feel. I’m still really scared, but I don’t go to bed petrified every night. I plan stuff because I can’t afford not to. There are things I’ve come to terms with, like not having children, but there are things I try not to think about, like how my family will cope after I do die, especially at Christmas and on my birthday.
I can’t think about those things. Day to day is enough of a challenge at the moment – concentrating too much on my lack of future would sap me of any remaining will to live.
I am tired. In every sense.
The 16th of October.
Today was just as great as I hoped it would be. We had an early start, having to be on the half nine train, but I am used to this and coffee helped. Even all the assistance went to plan which is rare.
We were going straight to Wild and Coffee for cronuts, but they had run out, so we went to Timberyard Seven Dials instead where they had many unexpected cronuts! I considered the Oreo cheesecake one but I thought it might be a little heavy, so I had a lemon drizzle one and a flat white. Mommy had a flat white too and some blueberry loaf, and she spotted Seb Coe walking past! As you do.
We though we’d walk down the river to get to Borough Market because if we got a cab, we wouldn’t be hungry yet, so we took the scenic route and saw the most runners I have ever seen without there being some sort of race on. So many lunchtime joggers!
Upon arrival at Borough Market, we were slightly overwhelmed by the amount of choice, so we went to BreadAhead where I got a vanilla custard doughnut, then we were just dithering when Amy arrived! We looked round all the stalls, and eventually Amy and I both had salt beef on rye, and Mommy had a chorizo sandwich that I’d bought for myself but couldn’t then get past a few bites of because it was too spicy for my mouth.
Then we went on a treasure hunt for Momma Bottrill involving British cheese and ham, then we were queueing for Monmouth Coffee while waiting for Christine, and I spotted Arthur Darvill aka Rory from Doctor Who ahead of us! Such fun. So Christine arrived and we swapped her thermos for some Betty’s tea loaf and chocolate owls. We had a little catch up, then we got a cab to Fortnum’, and while we waited, I ate half of my doughnut and Mommy finished it. I can see why Christine and Kim get spoons to eat the filling with! At Fortnum’s I bought some marmalade and four mini cronuts, and Amy got her dad the best mini chocolate in the world. I hope it was!
Oh, we went to Konditor and Cook too where I got a slice of curly wurly cake and chocolate noisette cake for Daddy and a fudgepacker brownie for Becky. Christine and Amy both left at Fortnum’s, so then we went to Selfridges where I bought two challah rolls and magazines to read on the train, then there was nothing else that took our fancy so we got a cab back to Euston for a relaxing warm beverage before catching the train home. Now I am a super schweepy bear.