Archives For April 2015

The 27th of April.

Ughhh I am so sleepy. We think my haemoglobin might be low, so going to 621 tomorrow to have it checked.

I was awake at nine, and before Mommy went to see Grandma, we packed up some sandals to go back to Asos and the pig off to Buckinghamshire. I spent my morning writing a blog post and I found the iMac needed an update so it’s been doing that all day.

I was back at the chiro this afternoon for more lower-back/bum massaging. I’m back next Tuesday for more. The spasm has been a right bastard but I will be back at the gym tomorrow afternoon, working the muscle and stretching it out.

Once we got back, we watched two episodes of Criminal Minds. I am just so tired, I would like a massive sleep tonight.

The 28th of April.

Busy! Well, busy for me. I got up at half past nine, despite my possibly anaemic body not wanting me to. After breakfast and coffee, we toddled off to the QE to have my bloods checked to see if I do need blood before we go away next week. They couldn’t tell me straight away like normal as their analyser had broken, so I’ll check myhealth later.

After we’d had lunch and Mommy had taken Grandma to fellowship, she took me to the gym and I’ve spent all afternoon there. A good three hours of hard work, and very few youths today! The sweaty one was there, and either he or his friend smelled really bad which was upsetting.

When checking my email, I discovered that Fortnum & Mason have brought out a marmalade hamper, so I tweeted that if anyone wanted to buy me a random present, this existed, and bless them, someone is! My followers are great.

The 25th of April.

I don’t know how to start today. It’s been good, I just don’t have a good opening. I woke up just before nine, to see Stanley Tucci on Saturday Kitchen and I love him so that was great. I did a blog post, then finished crocheting a little surprise to go with the pig, although I was too late for the post so it’ll have to go on Monday now. I also read the majority of the paper and had my lunch, until it was time for Daddy and I to go and see Avengers: Age of Ultron PA-POW!

I love a good superhero movie, but I’m always left wondering who pays for all the mess they leave behind when they smash up cities (the Stark Foundation, I have since been reminded). I won’t say anything else because spoilers but it’s safe to say I loved it. Super super good, makes me want to go and save the world.

The 26th of April.

Accidentally had a big sleep until ten o’clock – I remember being awake at eight something, rolling over and suddenly Mommy was opening my door to check on me.

Spent my morning watching Sunday Brunch, then after lunch, we washed my hair for the first time since I had it cut. That’s always tricky, getting into new blow-drying habits. Once back downstairs, I spent the remainder of the day in the back room, watching films on Channels 4 and 5 and backing up/syncing my iPhone, which I haven’t done since before Christmas. Holy cow it takes so long. It’s been plugged in for hours and it just saps one of the will to bother. After such a long time, I have given up and unplugged it, decided to delete the music/apps causing memory problems manually. Also, my eyes are starting to hurt.

The 23rd of April.

This is pretty bad. I’m in a really terrible headspace today. I woke up in a fairly nondescript mood, planning on going to the gym. It’s a really stupid and selfish thing that has me feeling this way – on This Morning, they had the couple whose son became the youngest ever organ donor on. Obviously I am pleased for the awareness raised and new donors, but it may seems that they will take all sorts of stories on organ donation, stem cells/bone marrow, cancer, but not mine. They don’t want me, don’t want to tell my story, don’t think it’s interesting or even worth telling. It’s made me feel worthless. If my sole purpose in life is to spread the message about donation, but no one wants to hear my version, why am I even trying? But if I give up on that then I am struggling to find things that are good. Looking forward to holidays but why? What am I expecting to happen? I have no prospects of a career or relationship so what else am I here for?

So we went into Sutton for ribbon for the pig’s neck and stuff that Mommy needed, but I didn’t go to the gym because it’s very difficult to find the motivation to work out when all that’s going round in one’s head is “I feel worthless”.

So I’m under the heavy cloud. I don’t know if it’s going to last. But I don’t know how it can change.

The 24th of April.

Feeling better. I’ve been able to shake off the heavy cloud that was hovering yesterday. I woke up in a medium amount of pain in my back – more so than the past few days, so I’ve had two Tramadol today. Kate came to flush my line and take the stitch in my groin out, which was somewhat overdue. I wore a dress for easier access, but after I’d had my morning coffee, I went upstairs to get changed into some warmer clothes, including stuff that could be worn you the gym if the pain lessened.

It did, so after lunch, Mommy took me down there and I had my first proper workout in nearly two weeks. After half past four, a vast amount of youths descended, suddenly everywhere! Didn’t love that. Strange smiley boy was among them, but today I just saw him punch himself in the arse multiple times, then wander off to read a magazine because there were no mats available. I had a really excellent session, so I think I will get back into my routine quite quickly.

The 21st of April.

Another day of coping with my ulcers. Thankfully, I haven’t had to talk or eat much. I have my appointment at the dental hospital tomorrow, and they rang this morning to discuss clexane and I need to halve my dose tonight. Last night’s injection really stung for some reason.

I was on my own all morning, as Grandma’s polyp removal operation was today, so Mommy had to take her in for half seven, although she didn’t get taken down until lunchtime. She’s being discharged about seven, if everything’s gone to plan.

I have been crocheting the pig all day, so now all the pieces are finished, I just need to see him up tomorrow.

The 22nd of April.

A 7:15 start plus an adrenaline rush so early in the day means I’m quite weary now. I had my dental hospital appointment at 10:10, but we ended up getting there really early because there was very little traffic. This ended up being a good thing, because when we opened the boot, we realised the wheelchair wasn’t in it! We hadn’t got it out of the garage. Numpties. So we used the extra time we had for me to slowly walk the 200m from the car to the front door. I had to stop twice.

One of Mrs. Richards’ minions looked at my tongue, and he agreed that injections were probably the best plan, but he went to talk to Dr. Albuquerque who came to look too. Once more, he brought up the idea of tongue biopsies but I managed to dissuade him. A nurse came to hold my tongue, and I had local anaesthetic injected into each side, then the steroid injections. Then we left! Mommy brought the car to the front so I didn’t have to walk back.

We stopped at Boots and Tesco on the way home, for some cream for dry feet (actually for my hands – they are so dry it’s not even funny) and mascara, then I’ve cream for my lunch as there’s not much I can eat with a swollen tongue.

This afternoon, I sewed up the pig, I just need to get some ribbon to go round his neck. My tongue has slowly gone down over the course of the day, so I should be able to eat the chicken we’re having for dinner. I just hope it was worth it!

The 19th of April.

I started my day feeling pretty great, but this evening I am grumbly. Zopiclone finally did its job, so I had a full night of excellent sleep, waking up just an hour before I planned to get up so the Tramadol had time to kick in.

Sunday Brunch and blog post, then we had Grandma round for lunch, which was duck in port and orange sauce, then special chocolate mousse with Cointreau which is the best pudding ever.

When we were finished, I started working on the first part of my special crochet project (I can’t say what it is as it’s a secret surprise). James came round with the pressure washer and he and Mommy had rather a long chat about his new job and the university, but I wasn’t paying a great deal of attention because the pattern I was following was fairly complicated.

I completed that part, then I started on the pig that’s next on my list, and now here I am. The reasons I am grumbly are twofold – a) I think we need to ring the dental hospital in the morning as the ulcers on my tongue aren’t improving, so steroid injections are going to be the next step, and b) my right foot is still swollen, despite the furosemide. I think I had to take it for at least six days last time, so I’ll carry on and keep my fingers crossed, but if it continues or happens again, I’m going to have to start harassing doctors again, and I really don’t want to do that. I just want my body to behave completely, no extra problems, just for a little while. Is that so much to ask for?

The 20th of April.

My mouth is becoming a real problem, which seems to ring bells from a year ago. I have three ulcers on the right side of my tongue, and one on the top/left. Up until today, they’ve not really been sore, but today it is much worse. We rang the dental hospital and I have an appointment for Wednesday, and we did hope they might ring with a cancellation, but unfortunately no such luck, so I’ll have top keep quiet, spraying difflam and flixonase and drinking lots.

I had a chiro appointment at 12:15 which I was slightly concerned about, but my back’s been okay today. So much so, that I actually haven’t had any Tramadol yet. Trine felt around, and it seems that my lower left back/bumcheek just went into spasm on Sunday night for no particular reason. She did a lot of massaging which I had to grit my teeth and deal with, but afterwards, I did feel better. I popped into Black Sheep as there seems to be a weird hiccup about my next appointment.

This afternoon, I have been crocheting the pig snout and ears, and some of the special project too. Little tricky bits! I’m just trying not to move my tongue too much. Grandma has an operation tomorrow, so if the dental hospital ring, I have to just hope it doesn’t clash with her in any way.

The 17th of April.

Awake at half past five. Why? Stupid brain. I tossed and turned for a llittle bit, started listening to the Today programme, then got bored and watched an episode of Dexter. Mommy day my light was on so she came in to say hello, and I asked her to bring up my Tramadol so I could take it and give it a chance to start working before I started moving around.

I spent my morning frantically finishing Michaela’s black sheep, working right up until quarter to one when Daddy and I had to go to hospital for more bloods. Clinic was totally empty as it hadn’t started yet which was lovely, and Igor appeared promptly. All my cultures came back negative, but my CRP (infection marker) was 200 (it should be less than 5) so he wanted to make sure it was going in the right direction. We looked at my x-ray which showed no fractures, but the spaces between my vertebrae are smaller than they ought to be. If the pain doesn’t go away then I’ll need an MRI. Got some antihistamines from pharmacy as Tramadol makes me itchy, then Daddy took me to Black Sheep!

I got to see baby Blossom (so small!), and it was so nice to see Michaela back! I told her and James that I wanted short and vibrant, so now I’m a pink and blue pixie and I love it.

The 18th of April.

Three episodes of Dexter this morning. Plus several podcasts before I actually fell asleep. I’m so mad at my body because I’m not even on steroids – I ought to be able to sleep! I had my Tramadol upstairs already so I had it about forty minutes before I actually got up. After breakfast, I went through the weekend Guardian which took up until lunchtime.

This afternoon, I have finished Anna’s elephant and taken a frankly absurd amount of selfies because I am obsessed with my new hair. I feel pretty great about the way I look right now. Super fly. Yesterday, Michaela couldn’t get over the change in my face, which Ram also noticed, and I’m just like “Yes! This is what I’m supposed to look like! Do you now understand why I get upset about looking different “?

My right foot is swelling again a little so I’m taking furosemide but it’s still quite uncomfortable inside my slipper, so I might have to lie on my back with my legs in the air for a while. I’d also really like to go back to the gym but the pain hasn’t improved enough yet. And I have ulcers in my mouth that are not cooperating with the treatment I am doing, so tongue injections are a possibility this week.

The 15th of April.

Sweet baby Jesus my back has never hurt this much. I spiked yesterday evening and again at 1am, so I’ve had barely any sleep. My back now just hurts constantly at a fairly high level, then I get breakthrough pain when I move and sometimes when I do nothing.

I had clinic today, so we arrived at about ten, waited for three hours and was finally seen by Ram at one. I was almost in tears by this point, and nearly broke down when trying to describe the pain. I’ve got loads of Tramadol, starting on 200mg a day and if that doesn’t work, I can double it. We had to get a massive order from pharmacy, three huge bags, so I gave them my prescription and we went for lunch while we waited for an hour. I was starving.

Oh and no results from any of my tests were back yet, so we have to ring up tomorrow. Ram said depending on what the x-ray shows, I’ll probably need an MRI which I can’t currently imagine as lying flat is incredibly painful.

Getting out of the chair after five hours was no fun at all, I was incredibly stiff, and since getting home, I have just stayed in the armchair. This is just awful.

The 16th of April.

Things are better today. I had two lorazepam last night which did help – I didn’t get up until about ten. I was a bit stiff, but once I’d got the Tramadol on board, it started building up inside my system and I can walk around a bit better now. The constant ache I had its basically gone, which is a huge relief. I also haven’t spiked since 1am yesterday, so I’m hoping that continues.

Today I’ve just watched tv that I don’t need to remember (Lorazepam makes me forget what’s happened in the day after I’ve taken it) and made the last two legs for Anna’s elephant. I’ve put that on pause for the night as I’m going to make a black sheep to give to Michaela tomorrow. I’ve also been through the new Hummingbird Bakery book which arrived in the post today, and there seem to be many tasty things I want to make, like the birthday cake cookies and chocolate doberge cake.

Igor just rang to see how I am (bless him), so I told him, but none of the results are back yet and there’s no record of the urine sample being at the lab, so he wants me to go in tomorrow at half one to have more bloods done and do another urine sample. He knows I need to leave by half two.

Right, back to the black sheep!