The 28th of September.
A day of ups and downs. I felt good when I woke up, and we were going to have a trip to the new John Lewis so I could look at wool. Unfortunately, they do not have a good selection of the type that I wanted. I did get some buttons and a bamboo crochet hook because I’m finding the plastic one I have isn’t smooth enough. Anywho, we went to House of Fraser where I got some, although it cost more than it would have if I’d just ordered the wool I wanted and paid for next day delivery. So I was mad about that, then on the way back to the car, a woman whacked my arm really hard with her enormous, heavy handbag and didn’t even stop or turn to apologise or acknowledge me. I felt like bursting into tears but there was no point. I should have reversed into her or run over her toes. Stuff like this just makes me feel invisible and shitty and worthless. So that was good.
After lunch, I went to the gym, and that made me feel better. I got all my work done and listened to a podcast that cheered me right up. However, I did laugh out loud a few times so looked somewhat weird if you caught me at the wrong time. Smiley boy made his first appearance in a while but there were no mats for him. Two boys using a machine next to me had doused themselves in body spray to the point where it choked me, and I was grateful when they moved on.
The 29th of September.
The most monumentally shit of days. This morning I was screaming at the TV because of an able-bodied woman defending her use of disabled parking spaces and toilets. Except she can’t defend it, because there is literally no justification for doing that ever. It makes her a lazy, selfish piece of shit. Total scum. I dream of walking across a car park like she can but I can’t. She went on about how life is being made so much easier for disabled people but I’d like to see her spend a day in a wheelchair trying to get around. Badly built kerbs and doors you can’t open. She hasn’t got a fucking clue.
So there was that. I have spent all day working on Christine’s birthday present, then just after half past four, Mommy came in after a phone call and told me Helen died in her sleep on Saturday night. Helen whose retirement party we were at last week. She was fine, looking forward to all the things she was going to do. And now she won’t. Then about twenty minutes later, I got a message from Joely saying Tom had died this afternoon. They got married last year and I knew he didn’t have long left, especially after a recent spell in hospital.
It’s just a really shit day. There’s nothing else to say.