The 27th & 28th; I could just feel the tears in my face and couldn’t speak for rage.

July 30, 2016 — Leave a comment

The 27th of July. 

Woke up at stupid time AGAIN. I am sure it is the fault of the Tramadol even though it is supposed Fri have the opposite effect if anything. I would mind less if it was actually doing anything for the pain but I am in just as much misery as before, even more so today because the tops of my legs hurt. For crying out loud. 

This morning I had an appointment at the Women’s to see a nurse about the problems I have being examined. Apparently, radiotherapy can cause a condition called vaginismus. Yeah, I’m going to talk about my vagina, if you are upset about that then skip to the next paragraph. People don’t talk about this enough, there is no information, so I’m doing it. It’s very painful and annoying but it can be treated, hooray! I have been prescribed these things called vaginal dilators. There are five sizes, the largest of which is apparently terrifying and I will never have to use it. I start with the smallest, obviously, and I have to use it every day until it is easy to insert, then move on to the next size up. I will require lots and lots of pillows, a distraction and a lock on my bedroom door. It’s going to be interesting. 

While I was seeing her, Mommy went to see the pharmacist in haematology clinic (they’re on the same site) to ask how long we should wait before deciding the Tramadol isn’t working, as the doctor had said it would take a few days. It turns out she didn’t know what she was talking about because I should have felt relief within 30-60 minutes of taking the first dose. Obviously, that has not happened. My consultant was not around to prescribe more or something stronger, so we are ringing the GP at 8am to get an appointment and make them write something up for me. I can’t carry on like this. 

Before going home, we went into town again to get my Pandora charm for Saturday because we won’t get another chance before then. We got the diagnosis anniversary one too, because it’s only a few weeks away anyway. They just have to stay in the boxes until the days themselves. 

After lunch, Mommy went to see Grandma, and I set about watching more episodes of Stranger Things (only three left!) and writing up a monster blog post from Saturday and Sunday. It took all afternoon with the uploading of the photos too, then when I’d finally got it posted, something malfunctioned and the entire thing got deleted. Many obscenities were uttered. 

I went to give the kittens a stroke to lower my blood pressure, then did it all over again. I have a problem with the cats now, because they are all my friends, it means that they all want to be petted simultaneously and I do not have enough hands! Nettie is the worst – if anyone is getting attention, she has to get involved. So jealous. 

The 28th of July. 

Yep, I am no longer sleeping past six am it seems. That’s fine, it just means I’ll get through more coffee and Netflix will definitely be value for money for a while. This morning, I finished off Stranger Things. It was so good

I got a GP appointment today for 11.40, because we rang up at 8. I had the chiro first, and obviously we talked about what’s going on with my back. It seems that they know Mr. Harland very well; they refer patients to each other. Trine said that if she were having spinal surgery, she would want him to do it. She also explained what actual surgery he might do, which is really good to know. One of the receptionists is training to be a doctor, and she was in surgery with him just the other week! I am feeling very confident about seeing him now. 

Straight to the GP who was on time, astonishingly. It was a lady I don’t know, and it didn’t go well. She hadn’t bothered to even look at my notes before seeing me. I got her to sort out the vaginal dilators, then we talked pain relief. She wouldn’t give me opiates. I have to take gabapentin in combination with the tramadol and regular paracetamol. I am not expecting it to work. I will try it and if/when it doesn’t work, I’m going back to hospital and getting Ram to write me up oxycontin or morphine. When we left I was so angry, I could just feel the tears in my face and couldn’t speak for rage. 

I calmed down after an hour at home, had lunch, and this afternoon my friend Anna came round. We had coffee and cake and lots of chat. Memories from school, of Miss Jackson, the deaths of our respective pets (R.I.P. Polo and Oscar), all the crap that’s going on with my body. She is a teacher, so we discussed that a lot. Secondary school, which I think is probably harder than primary. All those hormones. She said some very disturbing things about the way girls talk to each other, it sounds dreadful. They have no problem calling each other slags, they are of the opinion that if you are drunk or in a short skirt, you are asking to be raped. It is horrifying. They need Anna because they are not learning about feminism from anyone else. 

She left just after half four, and shortly after, a lady called Tracy arrived with her mother to view Nettie. Sheila rang me about it while I was in the changing room at the chiro, so I had to cut her off, but she emailed me the details and I set up the meeting. They are lovely people, very knowledgeable about cats and dogs – she has a boxer but she’s very timid and obviously wants something to mother. Nettie will absolutely fine with that; she is will be the alpha. Everyone was very well-behaved actually, But Nettie is who she wanted and Nettie wanted her. Perfect match. She’ll be picking her up in the morning!

Keep sharing and ask your friends to! Jeremy Hunt needs to see this.

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