The 18th of March.
I have an oxygen-induced headache because I’ve had to use it much more today. I don’t know why, it’s not like I slept badly or took any lorazepam, just the breathing has been worse today. I could tell when I was getting dressed that I was struggling, and I’ve had to have it on for most of the day, even when Daddy and I went to see Beauty and the Beast.
It was the first time I have been in a public place that is not a hospital while wearing specs. It was a moment I have been dreading – being in a wheelchair and wearing oxygen is, in my mind, the image of a visibly sick person and I never saw myself as that. Even when my breathing has been bad, I’ve never been able to cope with the idea of myself going out with oxygen. I suppose it is the immediate sense of pity it inspires that I can’t bear. In my wheelchair it is not quite so bad, I am able to retain some sense of independence, but needing extra oxygen just to exist, people’s first thought is “Oh that poor young woman.” I couldn’t look anyone in the eye.
The film is magical. I didn’t know if they could match Be Our Guest from 1991 but they did and more, and I was delighted to see the line “I use antlers in all of my decorating” get the prominence it deserves. I nearly cried several times, for more reasons than I care to put down, but for as long as I could forget myself, I had fun.
The 19th of March.
My eyes hurt and I am tired. I don’t understand why they’re sore – they’ve been getting much better since I started the steroid eye drops but today they are not good. Blah. I think I’m knackered just from being poorly. Stupid pneumonia, this is going to take weeks to get better. At least I have not needed the extra oxygen today (except to go upstairs/eat a main meal).
This morning, I watched Sunday Brunch and finished off another doily. Actually, I finished it just after lunch, and with impeccable timing, that was when Becky and Alison rang the doorbell. They went to the knitting and stitching show at the NEC yesterday and had bought us presents! Mommy has a very cute set off Christmas decorations to make (there will be no room left on our tree this year for any decorations that were shop-bought) and I have Lauren the angora bunny from Toft to make! It will be a welcome change from table decorations.
When they left, I went upstairs to try to nap, or at least lie down and rest. I put on Gardeners Question Time and closed my eyes for 90 minutes (I listened to a podcast too) but I didn’t do any sleeping. I don’t know if it helped, but I didn’t have the energy to do anything else.