Archives For June 2018

The 26th of June.

Oh god it is too hot for existing. No gym this week – it’s hard enough to breathe doing normal activity in this heat, really don’t think exerting myself is wise.

This morning, I typed up a blog post, although I have just realised that I didn’t actually post it, so I’ll do that once I’ve finished this.

Daddy took me to The Spire for twelve, for my appointment with the lymphoedema nurse. She measured my arm for my sleeve, and apparently I will be wearing it for quite a bit longer than six to eight weeks. I will see her six weeks after the surgery, which is when all the swelling will have calmed down a bit.

On the way home, we went to Tesco to buy ice lollies. Ended up with Calippos, Mini Milks and Fruit Splits, so we have loads of choice. Calippos give me flashbacks to Ward 8 after my liver transplant, became I could gnaw on them and not throw up, because flavoured ice was one of the only things I could actually digest. Eating them now, in the sunshine, is highly preferable.

This afternoon, I have been making my extra hexagons. Three colours left to do.

The 27th of June.

Pre-op day! Had to be there at ten thirty, and Daddy had to go to work but thankfully Alison was able to take us. It was pretty straightforward – we went through my history, albeit briefly, because they don’t need to know everything, talked through what I’m having done, had some bloods done, blood pressure, urine sample. That was entertaining because they gave me a she-wee-like device to get the pee into the bottle. I’m not sure how helpful it was. I’ll need to pick up a prescription for some pre/post-op antibiotics, and I might have to go back the day before for a group and save if they think I might need blood. Unlikely.

This afternoon, I have finished all of the hexagons, for definite this time, and been vaguely aware of the Germany/South Korea match. I also had a somewhat infuriating chat with the mechanic who’s fixing Mommy’s car. I told him multiple times that I wasn’t her, but he refused to hear it and just kept talking so I had to pretend it was my car and tell him I’d get back to him about picking it up. Thankfully not long after that, Daddy got home so he went down there to deal with it. I now understand Mommy’s reaction to that guy.

The 24th of June.

I am a crocheting machine. Only of set of hexagons left to do!

And that’s taking into account the fact that I didn’t get started until this afternoon. This morning, I wrote up half a blog post, but I knew Amanda was coming to pick up some Cats Protection money between eleven and half past. I thought I’d better be dressed when she arrived, so I made sure of that before she got here. I still got the post up before she came anyway. We had a bit of a chat, but we no longer have any kittens so she didn’t stay too long.

After lunch, I did something very unlike me and actually watched the football? I know. Although I missed the end because I was making a coffee, but by that point it was 6-0 so I didn’t think I’d miss much. The tennis was very slow, so I spent the rest of the afternoon watching How to Train Your Dragon on Film 4 while I worked. I finished my last hexagon, then went to see if I could get Dolly to purr again. And I did! With less Dreamies, and for longer, too. But then back to jumpy. She’s a funny little thing. I’m hoping next time I can get the brush on her. Tidy up her floof.

The 25th of June.

Finished all the hexagons! Except not quite. I have basically sat and crocheted all day, and having got to the end, I laid them out on the floor to gauge the size. From this, I have decided that it requires another two more columns. That’ll take me a couple more days, then I have the joyous task of assembling it. Never done that before so it’ll be interesting.

I have got very little else to report. I was able to sort out the rearranging of my appointment with Mr. Kolli, once I’d got through to the right person. And I made a bit more progress with Dolly – I went into the back room and said hello, but didn’t actually show her my face (she was under the chair), just to see if she would come out for my voice and not Dreamies. She did! And I was able to approach and stroke her without bribery. I am beginning to feel positive about her homing potential.

The 22nd of June.

I have stroked Dolly! Finally back to where I was a month ago. Christ. Maybe now it’ll speed up a bit? I can but hope.

This morning, I was going to meet Selina, but she wasn’t feeling well, so we rescheduled. Instead, I wrote up a blog post, tried to rearrange one of my upcoming hospital appointments only to find the person engaged, and made my first of the third set of hexagons.

After lunch, Daddy took me to the gym, and I had a fairly reasonable session. No scary breathing, no excessive pain. When I arrived, the manager told me I should always swipe my pass in case I need to prove I was there. I don’t know about him but I don’t often need to provide people with an alibi. And when I left, a little girl was very excited to press the button which would open the gate for me. I’m glad I could bring some joy.

My cannabis oil capsules arrived today. I have to start with one a day and slowly work up, maximum nine. Hoping it doesn’t get that far or this is going to be really bloody expensive. They have an interesting aftertaste – not unpleasant, just a bit curious. I think it might be the coconut oil.

The 23rd of June.

Two important things happened today:

1. I got Dolly to purr, and I mean a proper, prolonged purr.

2. I watched Hannah Gadsby’s show Nanette on Netflix.

I had to do my own breakfast and I can say that the CBD capsules aren’t having any effect yet, but I wasn’t expecting them to immediately. In a few weeks, maybe. Then I spent most of my morning filling in a form for my pre-op assessment which wanted me to list all the drugs I take, all the conditions I have and every admission I’ve ever had. I’ve chosen to tell them what’s important, and if they need to know more we can go through it in person.

After lunch, I went to feed Dolly. She came out of hiding, ate the food, and wandered off, so I left her. But then she started making sad noises so I went back and got out the Dreamies. At first, she was really jumpy, but eventually she calmed down enough to be stroked and scratched round the ear, and she was really purring for the first time. Then, back to jumpy. But it’s a step.

Buoyed by that, I went to watch Nanette. I’d heard it is brilliant, and not just that but important too, and those were accurate sentiments. It is fantastically constructed and balanced, incredibly poignant and smart, using tension in such a masterful way. It will teach you something; make it your business to watch it.

 

The 20th of June.

I stayed up a bit late for me last night to watch the live stream of Death Cab from Scala. I couldn’t go, and they’re not coming here on their tour, so that was my only opportunity. I’m quite glad I wasn’t there, because it was apparently disgustingly hot. I just love to watch Ben Gibbard dance. It makes me a bit sad too, because the thing I miss most about being able-bodied is being to sing and dance at the same time. So much.

Today, I was up early for oxygen clinic, which is usually very straightforward. We didn’t get off to a great start, because someone annoyed Mommy in the car park, so she decided to follow them, then we were about to park in a space when a woman decided she was going to try and swing into it, going against the one way system. We were not having this, so honked the horn at her loads and shouted at her through the window that this was not allowed and she had to reverse. Really don’t know where this burst of rage came from, but it was very funny.

Clinic itself was fine! Apart from the machine not working the first time so the nurse had to stab my ear twice. But my blood gas was better than last year! Not really surprising when at my last appointment I was still recovering from pneumonia/fungal infection but still, it’s pleasing.

This afternoon, I have made hexagons. I have completed the first set of nineteen! And I got Dolly to come out for a treat stick and she stayed out. Progress!

The 21st of June.

Well I had every intention of going to the gym when I got up this morning, but unfortunately we’ve had no cars so that idea was quickly shelved. Mommy’s car was going into the garage to be fixed after she scraped it along the wall, but then Daddy’s had to go in as well for some valve/charcoal problem that arose yesterday. Therefore, no cars, no gym.

This morning, I spoke to the train assistance people because I accidentally booked it twice for the same journey, so I cancelled the one in which they’d put me in coach A because I hate that space. Then I rang the Reservations Team at The Spire, so I’m seeing the lymphoedema nurse of Tuesday to fit me for my post-op sleeve, then having my pre-op assessment on Wednesday. I can’t believe it’s going to happen soon. I know it might seem trivial, but I have lived with an arm that is 37% bigger than the other for a year and a half, just as I’d actually developed a pretty healthy relationship with my body. There’s so much about myself that I can’t change and don’t have a choice about learning to live with, but I can fix this, and I’m going to.

After lunch: hexagons. Attempted to touch Dolly which made her jump and she’s spent that afternoon on top of the china cabinet, way out of reach. Maybe I was being optimistic.

The 18th of June.

I am pleasantly not knackered today. Had a fairly boring morning, typing up two blog posts on the past four days. I couldn’t be arsed to sort out the pictures so that’s a job for tomorrow. I also rang Anne Dancey’s secretary, Gayle, but she wasn’t there so I’ll have to try again tomorrow.

This afternoon, I gymmed. Did a few different things to try to keep myself from getting bored. Binned off the bicep curl machine because I don’t feel like it’s effective, did it with free weights instead and now my arms are a bit trembly so it definitely did something. When I got home, I had a phone call from Lynn, Dolly’s previous fosterer (sort of) to see how she is getting on. I had to give her the bad news that she has gone rather backwards. She is coming out for food and the litter tray, just like when she first arrived. Obviously had something incredibly traumatic happen in her first home and finds it very difficult to trust humans. Poor floof.

The 19th of June.

I hurt today. My bum and arms are protesting after the gym yesterday, and Trine had to do a lot of work on my neck because it had a terrible weekend. Ergo, much pain this afternoon.

Before the chiro, I rang Gayle again to see when we could schedule my liposuction. She said she had to move some people around, and would call me back, so we left it at that. Post-neck-kneading, we went to see if we could find a soft brush for Dolly, and got a few bits from Tesco. We have procured a baby brush from Boots, so we’ll see if she hates that one too.

Wool for my blanket arrived while we were out, so after lunch (and The Bridge), I started crocheting hexagons. I’ve done twelve, got ninety one left. I’m going to have to be somewhat industrious. But I’m excited to see how it comes out!

I rang Gayle back at about half two because she hadn’t got back to me, and the upshot is that provided the nurses can fit my pre-op in in time, I’ll be having it done on the 7th of July! And shortly after that, the pain nurse rang to talk about my injections. I told her that they’d had no effect, and she’s going to get me another appointment with Dr. Blaney, although god knows when that’ll be. Cannabis oil it is! 

The 16th of June.

Three hours of sleep. Street noise, bin lorries, club music unbelievable. Drop off about four. Up at seven. Pad about, make disgusting scummy tea. Refuse hotel breakfast, insist we go on family trip to Hjem for delightful Danish pastries and granola and really good coffee. Feel better. Go to V&A to meet Christine. She and Daddy go to Ocean Liners, Mommy to fashion, I go to miniature portraits, except the wrong way via household objects. Finally get to tiny pictures, just reach the end when Auntie Hilary texts me to say she and Jeremy are here. I sweep round jewellery, marvelling at the sparkly things, go to find family. Go to restaurant, and spend three hours eating and catching up on life in detail. Have to leave at three to get back to Euston for train home. Big hugs. Taxi to station. Buy fruity drink and magazines. Get put in least favourite wheelchair position. Train stops at Rugby because of suicide. Everyone gets off and we wait for ramp. Then train is allowed to go to Coventry; we go alone. Alight at Coventry, find ourselves stuck. Wait for coach. For some reason, no coaches will go to Birmingham so after 40 minutes we are put in a taxi. Driver gets lost trying to find New Street station so we end up getting out in Chinatown. Daddy goes to get the car from the NIA car park, Mommy and I go to the station to get food from M&S, wait for Daddy. He picks us up, we drive home, get here just after eight, two hours late. Pain indescribable. Cushions feel like clouds. I eat crumpets. I take Zopiclone. I collapse.

The 17th of June.

No energy today. Had two Zopiclone last night, so today I’m useless but I don’t care. My bed was amazing.

Unsurprisingly, I haven’t much to say. This morning, during breakfast and coffee, I watched Sunday Brunch (sort of – I couldn’t tell you what happened). I wanted to give crocheting a hexagon a try because I’m going to make a blanket of them. Thought I ought to practise. When getting out a hook, I discovered that two have gone missing (the 2.5mm and the 10mm). I had the 10 out not long ago to make the multicoloured cardigan, yet it has disappeared. We’ve searched everywhere but they’re nowhere to be found. I can’t lie, I was so tired and confused, I nearly cried.

Dolly is back under the chair (she managed to get under the front which is frankly very impressive) and not coming out for anything, so this afternoon I sat with her, crocheting a hexagon with one of the hooks I do have, and watching The Incredibles. Nothing that required memory or attention. By the end, I’d got her to eat a Dreamie I put right in front of her face.

After that, I wrote about the weekend and now it is time for partridge. I want to go to bed for a week.

The 14th of June.

Today has revolved around Dolly.

She was supposed to be at the vet this morning for her second vaccinations. We had one chance, so we put some food in the carrier. Unfortunately, we fucked it up and she ran away to under the chair. I rang Lydon’s, and they were able to reschedule her for 5pm.

We left her for the rest of the morning, and vowed to try again later with the help of Shaki.

I went to sit with her this afternoon, watching Bates Motel and hoping she would emerge from her hiding place. Eventually, she crept out, and I had to do the slowest movements known to man, swinging my legs over the arm of the chair away from her, sort of thrusting my pelvis up so I could get out of the chair and on to the floor. I crawled to behind the chair, and I shoved a bunch of pillows underneath so she couldn’t hide under there again.

Then we had one more shot before the 5pm appointment. She had, miraculously, gone over to the carrier, even inside, but I was at the other end of the room so couldn’t shut the door. Mommy came in with some food, so I slid a bowl over to her, and she put it in the very back of the carrier. Dolly slowly climbed in, checking on Mommy through the slits in the side. When I could see that she was eating and not looking, I instructed her to lean over silently and shut the door. Victory!

At the vet, she was actually okay! A bit scared, but Daniel was able to do the injection and she didn’t bite or scratch. Now we have to go back to basics with her. Time for some hard work.

The 15th of June.

I’m going to write about today and tomorrow in a slightly different way, as more of a record than my usual fashion. I just don’t have the energy to do it properly, so I’m sorry if it’s weird. A lot of it has been travelling. We have been to London to go to Space Shambles at the Royal Albert Hall for Daddy’s birthday present.

Train to Euston. I have to make a couple who are sitting in the wheelchair space move which enrages them but unfortunately for them it says my name above the seat and therefore they have to shift. Taxi to the Serpentine. Lunch in café in Hyde Park. Bimble through park to hotel, spotting all the good dogs out for a walk on a sunny day. Arrive at hotel, immediate disappointment. Had not realised when booking that it is not wheelchair accessible. There is one sentence on the website saying that the lift starts from the first floor. No mention of the fact that said lift has no lights, an unreliable door and a terrifying suspension. I climb the stairs but am exhausted and furious. Unpack. Go out to explore Whole Foods. Get very excited by all the baked goods. Buy a cinnamon swirl from the box of Crosstown Doughnuts. Go up and have fourth coffee of the day while eating doughnut. Decide to head for Royal Albert Hall, taking a detour around Natural History Museum to kill time until dinner reservation. Meet Christine, go to Verdi for pre-show pizza. I manage half, struggle to stay awake. Get shown a photo of a genuinely ugly baby and I laugh so hard I cry. Eat some blood orange and lime gelato. Time for show. Stash wheelchair, slyly retrieving water bottle from underneath, avoiding confiscation at bag check. Find seats, find scarf to filter air through to prevent choking on dry ice. Spend the next three hours listening to scientists and astronauts. Grace Petrie sings a lovely song. The final act are a band who play too loudly for too long. Time to go. Worn out and in pain.