Archives For Journal

Daily journal entries.

The 19th of May.

For all my talk of not caring about the wedding, I watched the whole damn thing.

I think mainly out of FOMO. I maintain that I do not particularly care about any of the people involved, but I wanted to know what was going on, and to be able to be part of the conversation. I like seeing what everyone is wearing. I think Lady Kitty Spencer, Sofia Wellesley and Carey Mulligan looked the best. I want to know why everyone is so obsessed with Victoria Beckham smiling; let the woman have her face.

Weddings always make me a little bit sad because of course, I will never have one. I am not under any delusion that I will ever even have a significant other again, let alone a wedding. I will not walk down an aisle to someone looking back at me, thinking how lucky they are.

But enough of my pity party! Once it was over, I took myself off to the back room where I watched the final four episodes of Scandal and began my next crochet project, a big multi-coloured cardigan thing. Now I have completed season 7 and I am annoyed about one aspect of the finale but oh well, can’t change that.

Back to things I definitely don’t care about: the football.

The 20th of May.

This evening I am full. We had pork stuffed with black pudding for dinner and I feel immense. I don’t think I can move.

It’s been a pretty sedentary day anyway. I’ve been working on this giant cardigan, with an eye on Sunday Brunch, every so often popping my head in on the kittens (mainly sleeping under the chair). I persuaded Mommy to make pretzels, but they weren’t ready in time for lunch.

After not-pretzels, I was really tired because it took me hours to fall asleep last night, so I went upstairs to lie down and listen to Gardener’s Question Time. Might not quite be a nap, but it’s the next best thing. Then I came back downstairs and made myself a terrible iced coffee. I made it with two shots, so the milk I put in didn’t cool it down very much. I chucked in some ice and put it in the fridge, but it still didn’t get very cold, so I put in nearly an entire ice cube tray’s worth in and that finally made it refreshing.

I spent the rest of my afternoon watching The Hostile Hospital and The Carnivorous Carnival while making the collar of my cardigan. I got to the end, and realised I’d done it along the wrong side, so I pulled out all out and I’ve just started over again. Sigh!

 

The 17th of May.

I’m going to level with you – there’s very little to say about today.

I had dreams about sweets, fixing an earring and the saddest Backstreet Boys concert in the history of time (they were playing a pitifully-populated arena). This morning I wrote up a blog post, then I went to sit with the kittens and watch the Riverdale season finale.

The kittens have remained resolutely asleep under the chair almost all day – I think I have seen them for all of about ten minutes. It has been warm in that room so maybe they’re all cosy and happy curled up together.

I spent my afternoon watching the second half of the Evil Genius documentary. It’s a very bizarre case, and I still don’t know what to make of it. Whether Brian Wells was involved or not, he died in a horrific manner, terrified out of his mind, and I don’t think he deserved that. Then I kept on with Scandal, while working on the sleeves of my jumper. Currently the kittens are so uninterested in me, I can crochet in the room with them and they don’t even notice. I do hope Dolly comes out soon.

The 18th of May.

I have not seen the kittens at all today. They obviously had a very busy night, frolicking, because they have been under the chair all day. However! Last night, Dolly came out! She ate some food, then went back under the chair. I took this opportunity to put some more food down because we were pretty sure she hadn’t eaten all day. She then came back out for some more, but went very slowly, stopping like she thought it made her invisible. She’s very pretty; just a big black floofball with huge yellow eyes. Like the Basilisk, but pretty.

This morning, I sat and watched recorded stuff while crocheting my sleeves, because the news is pure royal wedding and I am exhausted by it. This afternoon, we could escape because Daddy and I went to see Deadpool 2. That’s a lot of fun if you like violence and pop culture references. No spoilers, but Domino is the best character.

 

The 15th of May.

I feel better today. I didn’t have a nap, but I had a rest, and I don’t know if it helped, but I am not exhausted this evening.

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, and got back to work on my jumper. I have just been doing the rounds of the body which is very mundane. I have to make sure I don’t have a lapse in concentration though, or there’ll be a hole in the body that I can’t fix.

After lunch, I had a phone call from Sheila. It was because she’d done some online PetPlan training and at the end, she hadn’t got a certificate. Honestly, I don’t know why she phoned me, what did expected me to do or say…it was a handy reminder that I needed to do it though, because we’re supposed to complete it by tomorrow.

Shaki arrived at about quarter to five with Dolly and her three kittens Dusty, Dot and Daphne. She had to pretty much drop and dash, so I know who’s who and that’s it. The kittens are seven weeks old, very cute, and friendly enough – I have been able to pet them. Dolly went from her carrier to under the chair and hasn’t emerged since. I will befriend her.

The 16th of May.

I think I want a holiday. Part of me wants to go into hospital for a couple of weeks, but not be ill. Just spend two weeks in my pyjamas, listening to the radio, crocheting. I don’t know why I feel like that’s particularlu different from my normal life but it is. Maybe it’s the isolation. I want to be on my own for a bit.

Today I haven’t done much, even of the crochet. Been trying to bond with the kittens and mum, sitting in the back room, watching Scandal. Dolly has yet to venture out from under the chair in my presence. We know she’s been out because she’s pooed and we’re pretty sure she’s eaten, but only when no one is around. The kittens have bounced around, especially Daphne and Dusty. Dot hides a bit more, but she eventually comes out. I’m trying to pet them as much as possible, teaching them to like it.

They’ve also met Becky who came round to de-stress from SATs week. It seems there is so much pressure on everyone – when I was eleven, we did them, but they were marked in school because Hallfield is independent. Plus we’d been doing exams since Year 3 so it wasn’t something we were unprepared for. I’m just glad I’m not a child now. Everything is fucked. 

 

The 13th of May.

Trying so hard not to fall asleep. I stayed up to see the end of Eurovision because I wanted to see the recap, due to us missing the proper show while we were at Amanda’s birthday party. We ended up staying until ten, and both our voices had suffered this morning from having to shout over the sound system.

This morning, I wrote up a blog post while watching Sunday Brunch, then I got out my crochet and have worked on that all day. Grandma came for lunch, which was about half past one. Since then, I have been tired, but there hasn’t been an opportunity for me to go upstairs and lie down. Instead, I have endured Gillette Soccer Saturday because everyone else cares about football, and I have learned that the men who commentate are really a bit too enthusiastic. Or maybe it’s me; I just don’t give a fuck about any of the teams and the only person I fancy is Jurgen Klopp. And now we’ve got a programme on about the Chelsea Flower Show. I could leave the room, but I feel like that is rude because I only see Grandma when she comes here.

Really looking forward to going to bed. Kittens tomorrow!

The 14th of May.

Jesus Christ I am still tired. Maybe it’s just a build-up of Mach plus hospital appointments plus two late nights in a row? It just seems I flag at about four o’clock every day at the moment.

No kitties today. First of all, the mum cat has been given the name Dolly, so we had to come up with three D names for girl kittens. After consulting the internet, we decided on Dot, Daphne and Dusty. Shaki was going to bring them after they got registered at the vet this afternoon, but secondly, as Dolly is still not super friendly, Shaki will take them all for first vaccs etc in the morning, and we’ll get them later on, so we don’t have to fight to get her into a carrier for a few weeks.

My day has mainly consisted of tv and crochet. I’m cracking on through this jumper, and I’ve started season seven of Scandal. I feel very lazy when all I write about is how much tv I have watched but my energy levels are really low, even for me. Please don’t let this be a precursor to being ill.

 

The 11th of May.

I think I have caught up with all my sleep now. I’ll be out a bit late tonight seeing Suzi and Angela Barnes at the Glee, but it won’t be anything as late as Sunday.

This morning, Mommy had had to go out before I got downstairs, so I had to endure the pain of making my own breakfast. That sounds trivial, but my point is that my back is so bad, it’s agony to stand up for even a few minutes. Fucking discs. Thankfully, she got back in time to help with coffee.

I also had a very productive phone call with EE. Daddy had shown me some deals that Virgin have on SIM-only phones, and when comparing to mine, I realised I was on quite a shit plan. I was paying £20.99 a month for what Virgin charge £9 for. So I called them up and said I wanted a better deal, and now I’m getting 4gb of data (which is enough for me), unlimited texts and calls for £9! Very pleased with myself.

After lunch, I went to the gym. It’s a good ten days since I last went, so I’m expecting to hurt tomorrow. My arms were certainly protesting after less time than usual, so I’m not looking forward to the pain. I had to stop a bit earlier than I might have, because the after-school youths arrived and their body spray was overwhelming.

The 12th of May.

Ugh, my left eye is being irritating and I am supposed to be going out later which will require mascara so I really hope it calms down in the next hour or so. I probably could have done with a bit more sleep but I didn’t get to bed until about midnight and nine hours is not enough for me. My body is rubbish; it requires a lot of rest.

Today has been uneventful. This morning, I pootled about in my pyjamas, drank my coffee and received some wool in the past that I’m going to use for my next jumper.

And after lunch, that is what I started on. A few more episodes of Scandal, and the first eight rounds of said jumper. I’ve only got two more episodes of season 6 left, but Christine is here and she’s a few episodes behind me, so it wouldn’t be very fair of me to ruin the ending for her.

Anyway, I’ve got to eat dinner and get changed before we go out and write a card. But I am so tired.

 

The 9th of May.

Second catch up sleep completed. I reckon I probably have one left before I am back to normal, but that won’t be tonight because I have to get up at six for ridiculously early lung function tests tomorrow.

I wrote up a blog post this morning, but I haven’t sorted out the photos and stuff so it is yet to be published. I was upstairs getting dressed when I got a text from Mommy warning me of the imminent presence of the window cleaner (she had just gone out so saw him further down the road) so I dove behind the bed to protect my dignity. Turned out that wasn’t necessary because he didn’t appear for another forty five minutes.

After lunch, I went with Mommy to pick up Grandma from lunch club at church, then after dropping her off at home, we went to the QE for my follow up with Mr. Kolli. He had a look at my lashes which look good, although the right eye will need to be checked again in a couple of months. He also checked my pressures which had gone up to 25/26 which is bad. Have to start doing steroid drops once a day and in a month he’ll check them again. Hopefully I continue to be asymptomatic, I can stop the steroids and my pressures go down. If that doesn’t happen, I’m not sure what the plan will be. My eyes explode.

The 10th of May.

Well I definitely did not have a great sleep because just as I was dropping off, I heard a dripping sound. The rain was coming through my ceiling. I had to go and wake up my parents, who did what they could (at midnight) to stem the flow. Thankfully the rain stopped and has stayed away, but it’ll still need fixing because it’s very near my head.

Then I was up at six for my lung function tests. We arrived at hospital at eight, and I saw the same girl as I did in November, and I had to get in the box again. I think my lungs have got to a level of shitness that requires a specific test that can only be done in the box. I was in there for nearly an hour because I had to do two of the tests three or four times, plus she is nice so we were chatting.

I then sat and read my book for an hour and a half while Dr. Thompson saw the patient before me (for ages). When it was finally my turn, I was in there for about ten minutes? My results are the same as six months ago, so that’s fine. We talked about him putting the kibosh on my second liver transplant and everyone saying I would die, but five years later here I am, no second transplant, no more superbugs. He was glad I am not suing them for emotional distress. As if I care; I am just glad to be here. He couldn’t believe it was 2013. Here I am, still defying the odds. Having conversations about how long my 23% will keep going for. We don’t know.

The 3rd of May.

I woke up at 5am. Like I’m not going to be sleep-deprived enough this weekend. I couldn’t even force myself to stay in bed as long as I normally can so I was up at half past seven.

Still, it meant things got done. Mommy made some bread, then we went into town where I got some lipstick from Selfridges and a box from Paperchase so I could send Esmée the fox to John and Maddie. We were home by half past eleven. Then Mommy went to vote (I already sent off my postal vote ages ago) and I watched Riverdale.

After lunch, I sorted out some clothes to take to Mach, then sat and watched more of Scandal. I’m nearing the end of season 5 so if I commit I think I will do this. I don’t think I’ve watched so much of anything so quickly before. I also put the luggage tags on the dogs, so all that’s left to do is pack in the morning! I’m so excited.

The 4th, 5th & 6th are pictured.

The 7th of May.

Oh boy, I am so tired. Beyond tired. I think I had about five hours of sleep and considering that’s on top of two short sleeps, I am wiped. We had to be out of the house by ten, so I got up as late as possible, but still spent most of the journey home with my eyes shut, cold from the air-conditioning and in agony from my back. When we got to the services, I had a second coffee and broke out the Pom Bears I bought yesterday which perked me up until we got home.

I curled up in my armchair as soon as we arrived, and we watched Professional Bake Off while having lunch. Then, while the rest of the country was basking in the sun, I went upstairs, shut my curtains and had a ninety minute nap. I am never tired enough to nap unless I am ill, so fingers crossed this is an anomaly.

I couldn’t stay up there all day, so I had an iced coffee to try to make sure I stay awake until bedtime. I’ve put up a bunch of photos and videos from the weekend. I don’t know how to write about it. Maybe just photos.

The 8th of May.

Sleep last night was so good. A solid ten and a half hours, oh it was beautiful. My bed is the best.

It’s been a quiet day – the start of a week of recovery. I have a couple of appointments and a gig on Friday, but the rest of my time is going to spent doing not a lot. I might go to the gym on Thursday, but that’s only if my early morning lung function tests haven’t worn me out.

So, I have been sat in front of Scandal, keeping my fingers busy crocheting nothing of note, resting my back. This evening I had a chiro appointment, and that was incredibly necessary – so much kneading of knots in my neck and stretching out my back as far as it would go. I’ve had the ice pack on my neck since I got home. Looking up for three days straight is really bad for one’s muscles.