The 2nd of October

I have felt really quite shit for the majority of today. Really kind of light-headed and not good. Really tired too. My mama arrived just before ten because no one would let her in for ages, then the doctors came in and said nothing again. After they'd been in, Joke (the transplant co-ordinator) came in and we had the big education session about transplants. It took just over an hour and a half and she basically said everything that's in the book. We learned a few things, such as the liver makes you warm! Also things about how people are ordered on the list and stuff. Didn't see a surgeon or anaesthetist but they know they have to see me before Friday. Oh I sent Christine a birthday tweet and she said they were going to walk around Brooklyn, then go to Coney Island and the beach! Which sounds like a fun birthday. This afternoon, my mama and I listened to a really unsatisfactory play on Radio 4. It was called "Nothing Happened" and that was entirely the case. But then we watched Countdown which made us feel better as actual brain power was involved. I had to be stabbed twice by Dr. Lucas today, before and after my antibiotic so they could get levels. I've been weighed (still 7 1/2 stone) and I had my skin assessed. Had to show her all my haematoma scars and discolouration. It's a good thing I'm comfortable with my mess of a body. Oh, I got a box of delights from Rachel! Coffee beans, jelly beans, The New Yorker, Maltesers and other lovely goodies. Bless her heart.

The 3rd of October.

It's been quite a productive day! My line blocked in the night, so I spent most of the day waiting for the IV team up come fix it, which they did about half past two. It just basically required a lot of pushing, pulling and persistence. It's being a little bit resistant so I might ask about some Hepsal in the morning. A surgeon called Heinrich came to see me this morning. He was good; I would be quite happy if he did my surgery. He talked a lot about me waiting a long, long time for the liver, as they will only give me a super premium one this time. The only other option would be a living donor, but I don't know if I have anyone close enough who could do it. It would be a huge deal - they'd need to be O-neg and have a close emotional bond with me. So I could wait years, and frankly it is very possible that I will die on the list. I'm not giving up, but I have to be realistic and acknowledge the fact that I might be in the 33%. An anaesthetist came this afternoon. I can't remember her name, but she and my mama think they know each other from somewhere that neither of them can remember. She is very happy with me, has no problem with putting me on the list. She wants to talk to haematology and Dr. Thompson, and she wants an ultrasound of my chest and neck vessels. Also, I will probably need a tracheostomy post-op, because that'll enable them to wake me up quicker than if I stayed intubated. I want to go now.