The 29th of June. The best thing about lorazepam days is that nothing really matters to me at all. I got up at nine which was beautiful, and after a leisurely breakfast, coffee and a blog update, I worked out during Sunday Brunch on Channel 4 + 1. I'd already seen bits but my fuzzy brain meant I didn't care.

After lunch, Mommy washed my hair, and I got dressed and sorted out a lot of the excess make up that needed to be binned from lurking around in my drawers.

I put some new music on my iPod and synced and backed up my phone so all is safe and well there.

Tonight I've been trying to do a new header for my blog but it hasn't really been co-operating so I've given up on that now and am going to go upstairs to bed soon.

I am sorry I have nothing of real substance to say but my brain has gone for the day.

The 30th of June.

I don't normally do this until after dinner but I am just so depleted of any spoons I had left that I'm doing it now and will go upstairs pretty much straight after we eat, I think.

I woke up at three is the earliest it's been without me even having a little bit more sleep, so I lay there and listened to podcasts while I re-did my blog scheme and played games on the iPad. I got up at seven because I was starving hungry.

I met Lauren for coffee at half elven at Faculty Coffee where I had a piccolo. I needed something stronger than usual. She had a peppermint tea which smelt really refreshing and that also helped wake me up too. It appeared they were not serving any savouries today so we left and met Mommy with the wheelchair. Lauren needed to go to Lush, so we parted ways, then Mommy and I went to The Pen Shop because I had a ridiculous dream about owning a really good fountain pen so I acted upon it. I wanted it engraved so we had to go to House of Fraser for that, and I bought a sandwich and a latte from 6/8 to have in the car on the way to clinic.

We ended up seeing Fran, not Ram, which was probably a good thing as she was actually helpful and phoned people to try and get some of these things sorted out. I should have a line hopefully on the 14th, if not, then the 18th. They're going to ring but if we've heard nothing by Thursday, we ring them. Got a big bag from pharmacy.

When we got home, Becky came round with the latest school sagas, I drank more coffee and am honestly just waiting for it to be a decent time for me to go to bed.

I feel like bursting into tears but I don't have the energy.