The 3rd of November. 

She died this morning. I woke up and Mommy pretty much immediately came in, almost as if she'd been hovering outside my door, waiting. I asked if she was about to go out, to which she replied "I've already been", and I just put my arms around her. It happened at about five, and one of the carers who's looked after her for almost all of the time she's been there was with her, so she wasn't alone. And the machinery began to whirr. 

My right eye has been bothering me for most of the day, I think because an eyelash was poking inward - Mr. Kolli is planning on whipping some of them out on Friday, but I had to try and get this one with my tweezers (even though I'm not supposed to). Drops didn't really seem to help much, so when I went for Dark Time, I put some ointment in. Thankfully, that has made a difference, and I am comfortable, although things are a bit smeary. 

I don't know what else to say. We are doing what we always do - carrying on. Dealing with the situation. Living with it. As we only can. 

The 4th of November. 

I am so fucking tired. I know it took me a while to go to sleep, and I tossed and turned a lot, but not enough for me to want to have a nap at 11am. Mommy has been awake since 3, and she's managed. We do think she might be running on some adrenaline though. 

I think my life for the foreseeable future will revolve around what needs to be done. This morning was lots of phone calls, receiving of more flowers, and I sat and knitted, trying to keep my eyes open against their dozy wishes. One of the phone calls was to the chiro, because my back is fucked again. I don't know how this has happened, but the right side of my spine is in some kind of spasm and I can only get comfortable on my back, which is not my normal sleeping position. Another reason I'm probably knackered. And as a result of ringing up, my appointment with Trine has been moved forward a week to Wednesday morning, so hopefully I will be able to lie on my side again soon!

After lunch, I had a bit of Dark Time, but only a short one because my eyes have not been too terrible today. I listened to the first in a new series of podcasts about the BBC's adaptation of His Dark Materials, but I don't think I'll listen to the rest because the guy anchoring it is kind of annoying. He is a bit too much of an obsessive fan of the books. 

Shortly after I came back downstairs, Mommy and Daddy returned from a trip to the home to clear out some of Grandma's room, then I went to spend some time with the kitties and watch the first two episodes of Watchmen. They were very well behaved, at one point all sitting on my legs, sleeping adorably. At some point, there was another trip out so the death certificate could be collected in order for the brain donation to happen tomorrow morning. Grandma wanted to donate her brain to Parkinson's research, and they needed the cause of death before they could do it. According to the certificate, she died of old age, and Parkinson's was a contributing factor. No shit.