Archives For 2017

The 1st of January.

Happy New Year!

I am very warm and very sleepy. Staying up until half past one and only getting eight hours of sleep is not good for me. I know, eight hours, woe is me. I have had a small coffee so that should keep me going until bedtime.

It’s been a very sedate New Year’s Day. This morning I wrote my last blog post of 2017; will have to retire that diary to the collection in my bedroom. I’m annoyed that Moleskine have stopped doing The Little Prince stuff but this will do. I also finished the shawl! Finally. I will not be using that wool again – it’s so full of static. Then I went to give the kittens some individual cuddletime, especially Amber as she didn’t get any yesterday.

Grandma came for lunch, and we had duck and goose, not that I could tell the difference between the two. Both tasty though. And leftover puddings for pudding, because we were building up a larder.

This afternoon has been film-watching and trying not to overheat. I had some good news this morning – enough tickets to Still Standing have sold to pay the venue! Now, as long as the insurance is paid off, all extra sales go to Anthony Nolan. Got to have a chat with them about some press.

The 2nd of January.

My ribcage hurts where I had the chest drain, has done all day. I don’t know why – my breathing is no worse than normal, and I haven’t made any weird movements. I’m at the chiro tomorrow, so maybe Trine will be able to help.

Said goodbye to Christine this morning because Daddy was driving her back to Twickenham, then Mommy and I spent until lunchtime inventorying my wool. Went through both boxes and worked out what belongs together, by brand, colour, weight etc. It took ages! But now I know what I have and I can decide what to use for projects I’ve already got in mind.

This afternoon, I started reading Gnomon, and sat with the kittens so they could roam around while I watched the first two episodes of How to Get Away with Murder season three. I know I’m very behind but it’s only just come on Netflix. Amber and I are becoming quite good friends now. Ava not so much, she still runs away a lot. Will have to bribe her with treats.

The 30th of December.

Is today worse than New Year’s Eve? I think so. The tv is definitely very poor – I had no interest in any of the films on today. I have set Carrie to record tonight but that is not for festive viewing.

This morning I wrote up a blog post, then watched Raymond Blanc dick around on Saturday Kitchen while crocheting the never ending shawl.

After lunch, I had a hairwash, then sat and watched three episodes of Black Mirror while the kittens ran around the room for the first time. First up was Crocodile – thought it was good, interesting premise, to see how far Mia will go, nice twist. Next, USS Callister – I really liked this one. The contrast between the 70’s Space Fleet and the hypermodern present in which the characters and game exist was great, and there was just the right balance of psychopathy and emotion. Really smart. Last I saw Hang the DJ – this seems to be the one most discussed in promo so I was a little bit wary but it lived up to the hype. I loved Georgina Campbell in this role, a much more likable character than the ones she played in Broadchurch and One of Us. I just really liked the concept and the ending. Good work, Brooker. I’m saving Arkangel and Black Museum until last because I think they’ll be the best. We’ll see.

The 31st of December.

2017 has been a weird year. Physically, I spent the first half of the year feeling like shit with pneumonia and constantly coughing. The second half was spent waiting for appointments, trying to figure out why my arm is still the same, desperate for pain relief for my back, and discovering that the diminished lung function I’d been experiencing since the pneumothorax is permanent.

Emotionally, it’s been pretty miserable. Feeling like an invalid for six months was incredibly depressing – it had been a long time since I’d felt so weak, like I was going to die every time I did something simple. Needing oxygen purely to exist felt humiliating. Then as I started to improve, Dean was going downhill, and we lost him. I haven’t been hit so hard by a death for years. We made no progress on my arm for the entire year, and everyone is still baffled. My back continues to decline, to the point where now I can barely stand. And my lungs are a disaster, so much so that an anaesthetist won’t put me under for even a short procedure.

There were some high points. Taking Mommy to The Ritz, Machynlleth, John and Maddie’s wedding, the Anthony Nolan summer reception, Regina Spektor, my ten year diagnosis anniversary, Amusical, meeting Peter and Sophie’s twins, Christmas at home.

Those were all lovely, but my memories are marred by my body’s myriad of problems. It’s really hard to enjoy things when everything is a trial.

I just want 2018 to be bearable. I’m not hoping for miracles, I just don’t want to feel wretched all the time. I’d like to definitively know what is wrong with my arm and whether we can fix it. I want to be able to move around my house without such immense difficulty, so one of my resolutions is to start exercising again. Nothing vastly energetic, but I know I can build up some muscle mass to at least make things slightly easier. I want to read at least two books a month – I am just accumulating them and they continue to mount up without me making any sort of dent in the pile. I am going to crochet an item of clothing I can wear that is not a hat, scarf or pair of mittens. And I am going to take more photos with people at happy times. I have no photos of me and Dean and it devastates me.

I ended the year the way I always do, or at least the way I always want to – champagne and Christmas cake with my family, in front of the fire. Grateful to be here.

The 1st of January. 

Happy New Year! Not feeling my best – not hungover (obviously, my tongue can’t cope with alcohol), but all the rest of my body is still misbehaving. My feet have been quite calm today, but other things are not so good: my hands and fingers are still sore, my right arm is still massive, and I woke up with really sensitive eyes again. Think I might have to go see someone at the eye hospital. Not to mention my ulcerated tongue. Oh and I’m still coughing, so yeah, not a great start to the year. 

Most of today has been crocheting. This morning I sat with the kittens while blogging and watching New Year Brunch. Grandma came for the afternoon, and we had game casserole for New Year’s Day lunch, followed by sticky toffee pudding with extra chopped up fudge. 

I then spent two and a half hours crocheting the green stripe of my blanket and watching Mirror Mirror, occasionally massaging the base of my right thumb to stop it cramping up. 

She shuffles around,

Turning the lights out,

Closes the window,

Checks on the locks. 

Folds up the blanket,

Empties the bottle 

And leaves it in the hallway, dark. 

She’s just glad she gets to be around

To see another Spring to come to this town. 

Happy New Year, Happy New Year 

To you.

The 2nd of January. 

Bleah, I feel like garbage. My eye is sore again today, and everything else is still the same, maybe my hands and feet are marginally better? Plus now I’m sporting multiple scratches from the kittens because they hate the worming medicine. Thankfully today was the last day they need to have it. 

Daddy drove Christine home today, so they left at about 11 after she got a bit sad saying goodbye to the kittens. Speaking of whom, they will be disappearing to an adoption centre on Wednesday or Thursday. Then I will be sad. 

This afternoon I did mainly crocheting and watching Nashville (I have eight episodes on the box to watch, and I got through two). Shaki came round just after half three to show me this Cats Protection database system called Catalog (see what they did there?) and ended up staying for two hours talking about all sorts of branch stuff. Lots of change afoot and streamlining of some areas which will hopefully make life easier. 

I need a really big sleep. Tomorrow we need to ring the QE because I need to see someone about the mess that is my body, and I need to start ringing potential adopters again.