Archives For baby

The 11th of December.

My toes are really bloody cold tonight. Normally they’re cold but I can’t tell – now I can feel that they are freezing and it is not fun at all.

This morning I was up a bit earlier than normal, so I got a blog post done and was on the crochet quick sharp. Thankfully my coffee was nice today so I only had to make it once.

My entire day has been crocheting – Daddy’s present today. Couldn’t do anything over the weekend because he was around but I can work on it in the week. It is a frustrating thing – I’ve had to do some bits more than one because the pattern is translated from Dutch and some of it doesn’t make sense. Bah.

I had The Sinner on for the whole afternoon, got two episodes left. No wonder Cora is so fucked up; her childhood/young adulthood is seriously disturbing. So much not okay there.

I got the insurance for the gig sorted out too, and am getting sales reports now. I don’t know if they’ll make me more or less stressed.

The 12th of December.

Still so cold. I have had my knee-high thermal socks on but they have not helped my toes. Never ever warm.

I didn’t get up to take the kittens to the vet as I would have been no help. It took Mommy half an hour to get the car warm enough to drive.

She made the brave decision to take Grandma out for lunch in Sutton, but that was okay because the roads and pavements there were all clear. While she was out, I worked on her crochet, and realised I had to redo the whole previous section because I’d messed up the start of it. Nitwit.

I had an appointment at Black Sheep for re-toning and cut at quarter past two, so she came to pick me up with Grandma still in the car. We parked in the car park round the corner, and she took me to the salon in Grandma’s chair because mine can’t cope with snow. Then it turned out I was early, so I got to hold baby Lulu for half an hour which was great. She’s so squidgy.

We are very ginger for Christmas, I mean really quite orange, and have taken off some of the length and pushed it all forward. While I was toning, I was getting texts because Mommy’s car had got stuck in the snow. The RAC wouldn’t come because she’s not the policy holder which is bollocks, but thankfully there were several good samaritans and helpful physios around.

She escaped, took Grandma home, picked up the kittens and then came back for me, parking on the road. I had to walk to the car so she brought the oxygen, which I needed. I had to rest twice in a 20 metre walk. Fuck my lungs.

The 11th of November.

A long day of much driving but a lovely afternoon at our destination.

We set out early as it’s a good three hours to Wimbledon, where Hilary and Jeremy live. I took the opportunity to give the new Taylor Swift album a listen on the way – I like it, but I think I need time to love it. I also listened to the song from the trailer for The Greatest Showman multiple times – that, I love.

We arrived just after twelve, to find Christine had got there not long before us. We had a quick sit down in the living room, but before long, lunch was ready, so we went through to the table in the kitchen. It was a perfect day for cottage pie, and Jeremy was very appreciative when he joined us from his morning on the river.

After we’d finished, Peter and Sophie appeared with the twins! I was given Grace, who remained asleep for the entire visit, waking only to yawn and fart. Such a chilled baby. Henry was passed around everyone, I think – he likes to wriggle and gets uncomfortable, and he becomes tetchy when he is too warm. When he started to cry, they’ve learned that soon it is food time, so it was time for them to go home.

We stayed until about five, talking about Christine and Tilly’s Morocco trip, our current kittens, and I found out that Jeremy’s cousin is a Duke. Just casually drop that into conversation. We drove pretty much straight home, bar a stop for petrol, and the kittens were ready to climb the walls.

The 12th of November.

Good and bad night. Good, because I had a Zopiclone, so I had a pretty deep, unbroken sleep. Bad, because I dreamed that I was in hospital, my cancer had come back, I thought it was getting better when in fact it had spread everywhere and everyone had been lying to me about it.

Not a brilliant start to my day. Equally then not helped by me putting my leggings on inside out. Nitwit. Once they were on the right way round, I spent my morning typing up two blog posts. The second one was hard – to write, to edit, to share. I don’t want to elicit any specific reaction, I’m just saying how I feel.

For lunch, we replicated Nigella’s brie and parma ham toastie (minus the figs, ugh), then this afternoon, I sat and crocheted while watching The Blacklist. Then Mommy returned from Grandma’s, and we’ve caught up with X Factor, Only Connect and Masterchef.

I am looking forward to bedtime, despite knowing that post-Zopiclone sleep is very hit and miss. I just want to curl up.

The 7th of August. 

Still some pain today, but not quite as much. I had a decent enough sleep, but I’m still tired too. Too much activity for me for one day; my body is taking its time to recover. I’ve got very little on this week, just respiratory clinic and we’re back down to London this Saturday to do it all again. I will, at least, not have a gig to go to, so I can just rest when we get home. 

I spent most of my day working on blog posts, typing up the 3rd to the 6th, then uploading all the photos and culling the shit ones. Got to decide if I take my camera again this week, or if I take a different lens. We’re sitting in a different place so I need to work out what we’ll be able to see. 

I think I finished about half two, then I made two more squares of blanket while watching some more Glow. I’ll have to lay them out to work out how many I’m going to have to do. 

Tomorrow, I think I’ll stop the pregablin. A week of the double dose has done nothing but make me sleepy, burpy and hungry. The hunger is fucking me up because part of anorexia recovery is learning to feed yourself when you’re hungry, but now I’m having to ignore the hunger, tell myself it’s just the drug, and it’s so confusing. 

The 8th of August. 

Back to pretty much normal levels of pain today. I’ve binned off the pregablin because it has done fuck all for two weeks. I’ll be going back to see Dr. Blaney and we’ll discuss steroid injections. Stupid spine. 

Today has just been crocheting squares for the blanket. I did two or three this morning, in between visits to the kitchen to check on baking progress, because we made chocolate, ginger and sesame cookies and chocolate cupcakes with coffee frosting filling. 

After lunch, had a quick hairwash (very little colour is left in my hair now), then Mommy went to Grandma’s and I got back to crocheting. I’ve now got sixteen squares and I watched all the daytime crime dramas Sky Living has to offer. I think I’ll do four more and see how it looks. I don’t want the baby to grow out of it straight away!

The 3rd of August.

I didn’t get a huge amount of sleep last night. At least, not good quality sleep. I got some bad news just before I went to bed, so that was rolling around in my head all night.

This morning, I did a blog post, then I had a chiro appointment at half past eleven. Time for Trine to stretch out my back, try to get some relief because the pregablin is still not helping. I’m not sure if the double dose is also making me sleepy or if that’s because of the bad night. Ugh. We went into Sutton briefly so I could get some spray-in colour for my hair, because a lot of the dyed bits have been chopped off. I’m not seeing Saskia until mid-August, so I needed something very temporary to tide me over, stop me feeling boring.

After lunch, Mommy helped me with the hair spraying, then she went to Grandma’s and I started work on a blanket for Michaela’s baby while I watched Glow. Living up to the twenty-something grandma stereotype. Testing out different kinds of granny square because I’m that cool.

I’m tired. I want to go back to bed.

The 4th of August.

Bree is gone! Belle now; her new owner is a fan of Beauty and the Beast. They arrived shortly after ten, with the grandson in a much better mood, and a cardboard cat carrier for temporary use. Bree did not want to go – she kept leaping out of the top before I could get it closed; I had to chase her round the room and shove her in which was awful and I hated it but she was okay afterwards – she had some of her toys and a blanket that Betty has been sleeping on. Fingers crossed.

I did the Catalog admin that comes post-adoption, and went to do other kittens that have been done, to find them not on the list where they should have been. I subsequently found them in the system, with the adoption bit already having been done. I found out Nicole has been doing them which she is not supposed to, because she doesn’t have all the information. I have asked her to stop doing that please, so hopefully that sorts it out.

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Valerian. It’s quite a fun film – Cara Delevingne pretty much carries the plot. I like that her character is cool and badass, but Valerian is still her boss despite being an asshole and pretty stupid, which pissed me off. I also didn’t like their flirty relationship because I think they look like siblings. The film did not need to end with them banging against a window.

The 18th of April. 

Oh God, I am so bored already by all the Brexit/Bremain talk. I’m still not sure which way I’ll vote but nobody is swaying me either way. I’m going to have to try to find unbiased information and go from that. Tricky. 

I went outside today, decided to break the monotony. This morning, while doing my blog post, I had a minor revelation. I suspect the reason my neck always hurts on one side is because of the way I sit when blogging, so I’ll have to adjust that and see what happens. (Calm down.)

Gym this afternoon. I was working my way through my routine, nearing the end, when I saw Hoarder Lady from across the room on the bikes. I could see that the mats were free, so I decided to bin off my last two machines and go straight to the floor. Yes, I am that petty. Then I left at a good time because Happy Clappy Chap turned up as I was going out of the door. 

Monica seems to be my friend again. I have given her lots of belly rubs. 

The 19th of April. 

It has been a good day because I got to squidge a baby. This morning, Mommy was out at Joan’s funeral, and after I finished my breakfast, I went to sit with Monica. However, I ended up not staying very long, because after running up and down the room like she’d been at the cat mint, she did a horrifically smelly poo and I had to leave. 

Ellie came round with Esmé after lunch, and we had a delightful afternoon of Disney films, smiles and squidges. She is teething, so very drooly, and had a bit of a grumble when she was needing some food, but otherwise we still had a lot of fun. She’s grown so much in the 9 nine weeks since I last saw her, we can’t leave it that long again. I just love to look at her; she stares back at me, so wide-eyed, mouth open, and I wonder what she sees. Everything is new and exciting for her. Ellie and I managed to have a bit of chat but it was mainly in baby voices to Es. Can’t help it. If I could have my own children, no one would ever hear my normal voice ever again. 

The 10th of February. 

It has been a most boring day, unfortunately. None of us had a good sleep, we’re blaming the pancakes. Not that that’ll stop us having them again. 

I was correct about the pain I expected – everything is very stiff and sore, so every time it bend, stretch, extend, tense a muscle, I’m wincing. Standing up and sitting down results in involuntary noises, and I walk at the speed of a lame tortoise. 

The wheelchair engineer was booked to come and fix the opening and closing mechanism between twelve and four, so I spent the afternoon in the armchair, crocheting and watching the window/tv. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Agent Carter, Pretty Little Liars. I’m nearly at the end of season 3. The chap’s only just arrived now, at six o’clock. It sounds like he’s had a dreadful day. Thankfully, it also sounds like he’s in the process of fixing it. 

I was supposed to have renal clinic this afternoon, but the engineer appointment kind of took precedence. I’m glad I rescheduled it, because I couldn’t have crossed a picket line. A solution to the contract problem was put on the table that everyone was happy with, but Jeremy Hunt vetoed it, the insufferable bastard. 

Wheelchair is done! All fixed, I am mobile again!

The 11th of February. 

I have had the most fun day. Well, the morning was not so fun – I’m still very creaky from the gym so moving was tough. I had the chiro at 11:15, but had to spend the moments before we left trying to chase the nasty black and white cat away from the fence where it was attacking Oscar. 

The chiro was good, slightly painful, some serious neck manipulation and squeezing but I gritted my teeth and dealt with it. We went straight from there to Ellie’s which is about five minutes away. Her flat is up two flights of stairs, but thankfully Mommy wanted to meet baby Esmé too, so she climbed up to her front door while I waited in the vestibule. 

Ellie popped Elle’s postcode into her SatNav and off we went! Esmé was very good, slept for almost the whole journey, but when we arrived, Elle wasn’t home! Luna had had a bad night so she’d only just been able to go to tbf shop to get our lunch, bless her. Luna wanted a hug from me straight away which made me very happy, she remembers her Aunty Kathryn, bringer of crocheted goods and farm ladies. 

We then spent about four hours just sitting, chatting, eating, trying to keep Luna amused. Esmé is a lot easier to entertain at just ten weeks, whereas Luna needs a little bit more attention. I got a lovely hug from Esmé when she just fell asleep on me for about an hour which was bliss. I obviously have magic powers. We decided at about five we really had to make our move, and Luna got very sad! Poor poppet. Although I am sure she got over it very quickly. 

I love babies. All the babies. Just none for me.

The 29th of November. 

I was thinking I might have a Zopiclone tonight having had bad sleeps recently, but after a visit from Elle, Ben and Luna, I don’t think I’ll need it. She is a tiny whirlwind human. 

This morning I busied myself with a blog post and the assembling of a crocheted thing. I am being vague about it in case someone finds out what their presents are. It took a good couple of hours because it’s quite a stressful process, making sure everything goes in the right place and is adequately stuffed. Got that finished, then lunch. The Winnington-Coes were supposed to arrive at half one but they were a tad late so I started sewing up another thing but didn’t quite finish it. 

Once they arrived, it was mild chaos. She will march off in any direction. Many things came out of the bags to entertain her, mainly musical books. We also spent a long time trying to get her to make a duck noise, and were suitably delighted when she did. The only word she can really say is “car”. Ben dearly wishes he understood her ramblings and one day they’ll make sense but for now it’s just noises and pointing. 

I didn’t get any smashy hugs this time, just a little headbutt. They headed off at about half four, when she got grizzly and sleepy, and took her new hat and mittens with them. She refuses to wear hats right now, but that’s fine because it’s a bit big so she can grow into it. 

I love watching her grow. I hope I get to for as long as possible. 

The 30th of November. 

It was a normal day. Daddy forgot his glasses again so we were taking them to him, then doing a couple of jobs in town. I took back one of the purses I’d bought for Mommy to House of Fraser, then went to John Lewis to get my wrapping paper. Doing a red and white theme. 

They didn’t have the sort of ribbon I wanted, so we went to Paperchase because I knew they would. We were moving through Selfridges, and there was a man dawdling in front of me so I swerved and overtook him. The next thing I knew, I felt this man’s full weight on top of me, one elbow in my head, his other hand on my bag. He used me to push himself up, and I asked him if he was alright. He didn’t extend the same courtesy to me, and walked away. I buried my face in my scarf, breathed deep, willed the tears back into my eyes. I know I make jokes about being invisible, but I’ve never been fallen on before. I was in front of him and he claimed he didn’t see me. It really hurt, physically and emotionally. It made me feel like nothing, no one. It’s like I live on the cusp of a normal life. I know that when I’m in the chair, all people see is the chair, but today they didn’t even see that. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. Nobody I know could understand.