Archives For back

The 10th of September. 

Today has not been so terrible, in terms of pain, but I have still felt pretty shit all day. 

I’m still tired, from not sleeping properly due to pain, so I got up just before the start of Sunday Brunch and got dressed in a cosy jumper and leggings, because the weather demanded it. 

I have, again, not moved a great deal, but also have not crocheted at all because I just can’t concentrate. I thought, after lunch, that I might need a nap, so I went upstairs to lie down. I put on a podcast, curled up and closed my eyes, but I did not fall asleep. This is good; it means I am not ill! Just feel shit because I’m tired and in pain. Preferable. 

After coming downstairs from my rest, I watched three episodes of Bones that had appeared overnight, and tried some Hugo petting. I forced him on to my lap and stroked until my arm was tired. He must learn to enjoy it. 

The 11th of September. 

Another early start, but for a good reason. I met up with Adam this morning, because he’d come up to the QE to talk to some of the nurses about stuff Dean wanted to do. It was really good to see him and give him a big hug in person, as opposed to verbally via direct messages on Twitter. We talked about how it had been in the last couple of weeks, and at the end, and his incredible appearance on Victoria Derbyshire. How he’s coping, how I am. There are things that are being planned in his name that I am looking forward to seeing. His legacy will live on. 

He had to get going up to YPU, and I had to go home for lunch before my chiro appointment. Trine has managed to make me feel some relief – it appears one of the muscles on the right side of my back had gone into spasm and travelled all the way up (or down, I’m not sure which end it started) which meant all of that side was contracting. No wonder I was in pain. She managed to work some of it out, while I gritted my teeth. Thankfully it hadn’t transferred into my neck, so I just needed some ice pack treatment when I got home. 

Since then, I have crocheted some mice for the kittens to play with. Henrietta has appropriated an old one which is incredibly tatty, so now they have some more that aren’t falling apart. 

The 8th & 9th; So much pain.

September 11, 2017 — 9 Comments

The 8th of September. 

Ooh it has been a long day! I was up super early to be at the dental hospital for my half nine appointment, which I was called in for only half an hour late, so I got a bit of book read. It was a student clinic, so I was examined by one girl, while one typed and the other one observed. There’s not much to see in my mouth at the moment, so it was a pretty quick examination, then the longest part of the appointment was waiting for the consultant to come. To pass the time, we talked about what we’ve all been binge-watching on Netflix. He eventually appeared, had a look and agreed that my mouth is in excellent shape (take that, Amy the hygienist) so don’t need to go back for six months! Let’s hope I actually get a letter. 

We got home about eleven, and I had time to write up a blog post before it was lunchtime. I was in the middle of eating my grapes when the doorbell rang, and it was Carol! We were expecting her, she was just a little early. No matter! We then had a lovely afternoon catching up, eating cake and discussing our various crafty projects. We hadn’t even noticed when it got to six o’clock, but she really had to make her way home then, so that is all that has happened! Much, much chat. Exhausted now. 

The 9th of September. 

Oh god today has been horrific. So much pain. No reason. At some point in the night, something happened, and I became unable to turn over or lie flat on my back. Well, I could turn over, but it was agony. I couldn’t get my back flat without bending my knees. So it wasn’t a good night. 

I’ve spent most of the day unable to move, so I’ve been able to finish the doily I’ve been making. Only left my chair to go to the bathroom, to eat dinner, and when Shaki came to impart kitten wisdom. When I have got up, I made such an awful cacophony of noises. Absolutely dreadful. I am so grateful I have a chiro appointment on Monday. Trine will have things to crunch. 

Nicole and Richard came round to drop off some cat paperwork, and they met the floofs. Shaki came at about five and spent nearly two hours coaxing Hugo into being petted. It involves lots of playing, treats, and basically stroking him until he relaxes. We also have to feed him inside the cage again. And we have to try stroking Henrietta when she’s eating but I’m going to leave that to Mommy because I’m pretty sure I’ll get shredded. 

By teatime, I was ready to cry. Fuck this body. 

The 23rd of August. 

Another disastrous night. I seem to be incompatible with sleep right now – it might be time for Zopiclone again. 

Not a great deal to report today. This morning, I had a bit of kitten fun time before writing up a blog post. That took considerably less time than Monday, because I used a different app to upload the photos. Mommy and I had chiro appointments, so went out at half past twelve to be stretched and crunched. There was a lot of tightness in my lower back, probably from my long days in the wheelchair in the time between visits. I can’t wait to see the pain man again. Steroid injections please. 

Came home, had lunch, checked on kittens. Mommy went to Grandma’s, and I spent a couple of hours writing, then watched the season 3 finale of Buffy, realising the similarities between the Mayor and Trump. It would not surprise me if he wanted to become a demon. 

The 24th of August. 

I had Zopiclone and it was good. I slept until half past nine, and this morning I did some kitten petting – Henrietta didn’t hiss at me, and she even gave Mommy a friendly headbutt! Definite progress. Denise is coming round this evening to meet them and pick up paperwork, and Penny is coming home this weekend so she’s coming to meet them too. 

This afternoon, I had a hairwash, which will hopefully stop the green rubbing off on my pillowcase, as I discovered was happening last night. I had a quick look at my copy of James Acaster’s Classic Scrapes which arrived from Amazon, and I am very much looking forward to seeing him again in the autumn. Since then, I have been finishing off the doily, which now needs starching or something, to look how it’s supposed to. 

Sorry for the lack of words. Life is pretty banausic right now. 

The 7th of August. 

Still some pain today, but not quite as much. I had a decent enough sleep, but I’m still tired too. Too much activity for me for one day; my body is taking its time to recover. I’ve got very little on this week, just respiratory clinic and we’re back down to London this Saturday to do it all again. I will, at least, not have a gig to go to, so I can just rest when we get home. 

I spent most of my day working on blog posts, typing up the 3rd to the 6th, then uploading all the photos and culling the shit ones. Got to decide if I take my camera again this week, or if I take a different lens. We’re sitting in a different place so I need to work out what we’ll be able to see. 

I think I finished about half two, then I made two more squares of blanket while watching some more Glow. I’ll have to lay them out to work out how many I’m going to have to do. 

Tomorrow, I think I’ll stop the pregablin. A week of the double dose has done nothing but make me sleepy, burpy and hungry. The hunger is fucking me up because part of anorexia recovery is learning to feed yourself when you’re hungry, but now I’m having to ignore the hunger, tell myself it’s just the drug, and it’s so confusing. 

The 8th of August. 

Back to pretty much normal levels of pain today. I’ve binned off the pregablin because it has done fuck all for two weeks. I’ll be going back to see Dr. Blaney and we’ll discuss steroid injections. Stupid spine. 

Today has just been crocheting squares for the blanket. I did two or three this morning, in between visits to the kitchen to check on baking progress, because we made chocolate, ginger and sesame cookies and chocolate cupcakes with coffee frosting filling. 

After lunch, had a quick hairwash (very little colour is left in my hair now), then Mommy went to Grandma’s and I got back to crocheting. I’ve now got sixteen squares and I watched all the daytime crime dramas Sky Living has to offer. I think I’ll do four more and see how it looks. I don’t want the baby to grow out of it straight away!

The 24th of July.

Feel much better today. Bloody rosé. I will stick with the Pinot Grigio from now on. 

It’s been a very quiet day. It will be rather a quiet week, as it stands, because my diary has nothing in it at all. 

I woke up from a dream in which I was Cerys Matthews from Catatonia and I was rehearsing with Tom Jones. As you do. I spent the morning writing up the weekend, and registering the adopted kittens’ microchips now I finally know what they’re all going to be called. 

After lunch, had a hairwash (would’ve done it yesterday but other things got in the way) and realised I need a trim. Michaela’s baby has just arrived, so she won’t be able to do it, so I’ll have to see if Danyl can fit me in. Sides and front getting a bit long. Then I went to see the kitties, although they were really only interested in sleeping this afternoon, so I watched some more Orphan Black instead. I suspect over the coming week, I’ll get up to date. 

I spoke to the lymphoedema clinic who have not had my referral. I then spoke up Philippa, and it turns out James hasn’t sent it yet, so she’s going to badger him for me. Sigh. 

The 25th of July. 

Well I’m fully up to date with Orphan Black, so I’ll have to find a new way to fill my time. Perhaps I will actually read some of the books I have been recently buying. 

This morning, I got busy on the crochet, and by lunchtime I had made the dungarees of the minion. Well, most of them – they need a back. Still, it is progressing. I had to make my own lunch and even just making a sandwich, I was reminded how awful my back is. It is agony to stand, to support my own weight. I need to give the pregablin another go before I can say to the doctors that it doesn’t work/the side effects are intolerable. 

This afternoon, I sat with the floofs and watched Orphan Black. Bree was chasing flies again, so I didn’t get to do much petting. Still no interest in either of them and I can’t understand why! Both so lovely, who doesn’t want a pretty cat?

The 9th of April. 

Today has been less terrible. I can’t remember how I slept, but I’m not so tired this evening. Still in a lot of pain, though. I don’t understand what’s kicked it off in the past few days – normally it’s bad, but I can cope and ignore it, whereas now I am struggling much more. It has done this before, but it’s usually after I’ve been sat in my wheelchair all day or something. This started overnight. Still, today I have started the Buprenorphine patch so let’s hope it starts to kick in. It does not appear to be making my breathing any worse than it already is, hopefully it stays that way. 

It’s been a standard sort of Sunday. Sunday Brunch, blog, crochet. Despite the sun, I have not been in the garden, but I listened to a lovely episode of Gardeners’ Question Time on their 70th anniversary. I have reached peak grandma. 

Christine has flown off to Denmark today for a pre-Easter holiday, so we talked this morning and when she landed, and I let her know that there had been an incident with the vacuum and her wardrobe. It still functions, it’s fine. 

One week down. Two to go. 

The 10th of April. 

A sleep that cannot be described as good but equally was not dreadful last night. My back is less painful, although I don’t know if that’s due to the patch or if it’s just going back to normal, the way it was before Friday. I suppose I need to start paying proper attention to the level of pain I’m experiencing now I’ve started on an attempt at managing it. 

Becky came round this morning because I haven’t seen her for ages and they are off for a week down south. We had a catch up about family stuff, school, and times when we have both nearly burst into tears at people recently. Thankfully we were both able to keep the tears in while it was necessary. 

She stayed for about an hour, chatting and meeting the kitty, then she had to go home and eat lunch before they went off on their way. 

Mommy went to Grandma’s, and I sat with the laptop to do some Cats Protection admin, as there have been several adoptions done. I haven’t facilitated them, obviously, but I still have to put the details from the forms on Catalog. 

Last night, I caught myself almost getting bitter about why, out of all the people I knew, it had to be me who had their whole life taken away, who didn’t get to do what they always dreamed of. I had to stop that train of thought. I can’t let myself go there because I will become embittered by my experience, when what I need is to become encouraged. 

The 7th of April. 

Oh man, it has not been a good day. I barely slept, had to keep turning over, but every time I did, my back was agonising. It has been horrific all day. If I move in even slightly the wrong way, I make involuntary noises out of pain. I have not been able to go and pet Spike because I cannot get on the floor.

First thing to filter through from the Today programme was that Trump had suddenly decided to send a load of missiles to Syria. Oh, good. World War 3 probably imminent. 

When I managed to get downstairs, I wrote up a blog post, and rang up the spa I’m going to tomorrow. I’m having a “body polish” and I just wanted to talk to them about my current condition before I turn up tomorrow. The lady I spoke to thought it should be fine, but she would check with her boss and call me back. She said it was fine, so I shall go a bit early tomorrow so I have time to talk to them and climb the stairs. 

After lunch, I was at the GP to get the pain patches prescribed (finally). I have to cut them in half to start off with and apply them weekly, so I’ll start them on Sunday. Really hoping they don’t make my breathing even worse. 

The 8th of April. 

So tired. Had Zopiclone last night to override the pain, but it didn’t really work so instead I had a bad sleep and I’ve been desperate to curl up in a ball and nap all day. Stupid brain and pain. 

This morning I had my appointment at the spa for my body scrub. I climbed the stairs (with help from the oxygen) and got taken into a little side room. Fran (the therapist) left me in there to get changed into the paper pants and underneath the towel on the heated bed. She came back in, and I lay face down with my face in the hole, and she systematically exfoliated all of my limbs and my back. Then I turned over, and she did the other side. I could tell she was wondering why my knees are so wrinkly or how I got the scar on my stomach but I didn’t feel like launching into the whole story. She did compliment me on the flatness of my tummy but it really only looks that way when I’m lying down and the scar is deceptive. 

When it was finished, she left so I could get dressed, but when I tried to sit up, my back screamed and I really thought I might be stuck. I had to fight through it, because I had to get off the bed and put clothes on. I’d just got my pants back on when she knocked to come back in so I had to put a stop to that. Then I just had to contend with getting my dress back on. When I was finally clothed, I opened the door, and she helped me back out. 

I am still tired. Bed soon. Please.