Archives For becky

The 4th of March. 

Another day of waiting. But I am finally on the respiratory ward. 

Crappy night. I managed to fall asleep at some point, got the pillows arranged in a way that was vaguely comfortable. Somebody took some blood, although I wasn’t entirely sure that had happened until I found the gauze stuck to my arm. I missed breakfast again and I didn’t really want to buzz someone just to ask for some bread, so I ate the Pom Bears that Mommy brought yesterday instead. 

By the time Mommy arrived, I had curled up in a ball and was having a micronap (which I suppose just shows that I’m definitely poorly because I can’t do that when I’m fine), so I sat up and we had some lunch. Sam, my nurse, came to tell me that I would definitely be going down to 516 today, but we had to wait for a man to go a nursing home so another man could take his bedspace and I could have his room. If I got down there in time, the suctioning would happen today. Hm. 

Becky came to visit, so that was a nice distraction from everything else being so rubbish, and she had bought me a great book full of pictures of pugs in clothes and making silly faces. I can look at that when I feel like I might burst into tears. 

She unfortunately did have to go home, as she and James were going up to see his parents, so after that, Mommy and I just sat and tried to kill time until it was time to move. Another doctor who I hadn’t yet met came in, asking how I felt, and I said apart from the obvious, I feel fine. Turns out that my CRP has gone up to 163 from being 58 on Thursday, so that’s quite a leap, and now I’ve been started on IV antibiotics three times a day through the cannula that’s been shoved in my left elbow, meaning that now neither of my arms are able to function. Putting my pyjamas on will be interesting. 

I was finally summoned to the new ward about half six, and now I am sitting on my bed, on a mattress that is constantly inflating and deflating different bits because it’s designed for people who are susceptible to pressure sores, but I’m just finding it irritating. Honestly I am on the edge of tears every time somebody talks to me because I am so frustrated by everything – the spontaneous pneumothorax, how stretched the system is, my stupid veins being difficult to cannulate, my right arm being off limits because it’s full of fluid (and nothing can happen with that right now), the fact that I have to take a little bucket of chest fluid and a cylinder of oxygen with me whenever I have to pee, I can’t bend my left arm because of the cannula and can’t do much with the right because it hurts the muscles around the drain…I just want my normal life back. It wasn’t ideal, but this is intolerable. 

The 5th of March. 

I am much less weepy tonight. It has been a very typical hospital Sunday in that not a great deal has happened. I was woken by the suction being attached to the drain bucket (it’s actually just a tube that attaches from the bucket to a system on the wall that continuously sucks, but if I need the bathroom I just pull it off the wall and put it back when I return), but I don’t know who did it because I kept my eye mask on the whole time. If I hadn’t, I would’ve been blinded by the light being switched on above my head so I’m so glad I have it. 

I watched Sunday Brunch, much like any other week, I was just deprived of coffee until Mommy came with lunch. She had also baked some cupcakes, which had fallen over in her bag so they are a little bit squished but still very tasty. Now I have a box of cupcakes so I’m going to have to start giving them to the staff because there’s no way I can eat them all. Plus, Gareth came to see me and brought a box of French Fancies and a bag of Maltesers! So I am overwhelmed with tasty foods. He stayed for a good few hours and we had nice distracting conversations about what’s going on in his life (incredible gossip from his sleepy Spanish town where the vet murdered his wife 😱), which was much nicer than just watching dreary Sunday afternoon tv which is what we would have probably been doing. 

The cannula in my left arm is doing surprising well. I thought the vein would have blown by now but it’s still going, which is a relief. I’ve got no idea where they’ll put another one in when it’s time to change. Not sure how long they’ll keep me on antibiotics as it’s not like I have any symptoms, they’re just going off inflammation markers. I shall talk to the doctors tomorrow – thank god we get back to weekdays and normal service can resume. 

Coughing makes the drain site hurt. Ack. 

The 26th of February. 

Happy Birthday Mommy!

I had a rather dodgy sleep, I think because of eating rich food much later than usual. Fucks up my system. 

Mommy opened her presents while I ate my toast. I gave her a teeny pot for putting herbs or a tiny plant in, and an enormous book of pictures of dogs. It’s got nowhere to live, but it amused her, which is what’s important. Besides, Tuesday is her proper present. 

She and Daddy went to pick up Grandma, while Christine finished cooking all the food and I wrote up a blog post, then twiddled my thumbs until it was time for lunch. As soon as we saw the Easts/Reames materialise with cake, we were up and opening the door. So hungry!

The afternoon has been rugby, drinking and eating. Christine, Becky, James, Jonathan and I decamped into the living room, where there was much bickering and teasing, but all in loving intent. We are essentially family.

Christine had to leave at twenty to four, so we cut the cake, but mine is still beside me, waiting for my tummy to have room for it. I’ll get there.

The 27th of February. 

Oh dear, I had another terrible night. It took me hours to fall asleep – I think on Tuesday night I might have a Zopiclone if things don’t improve. I would do it tonight, but I’d like to remember tomorrow. 

No excitement today. I rang the GP about getting some more stuff added to my repeat prescription, and left a message for Imelda, Andrew’s secretary, but she hasn’t called me back. Will try again in the morning. 

Otherwise, I have been crocheting, and Mommy and I watched the final three episodes of Case. It was not completely satisfying – I don’t see why the murderer had to get killed, instead of being put in prison, especially as they were on their way to arrest him. They’ve left it open for a second series (on a different thread) but I don’t know if we will bother.

I am very excited for Mommy’s birthday surprise tomorrow. I hope she enjoys it.

The 10th of February. 

The news is so depressing, I have put Phineas and Ferb on instead. It is a nice distraction, and there are amusing bits for grown-ups. 

I had planned on being productive today, but somehow it did not really happen. I wrote up a blog post this morning, although in writing that, I’ve just remembered that I didn’t publish it yet. Will do that when I’m finished here. 

Mommy went food shopping, so I was twiddling my thumbs while waiting for her to come back so we could have lunch, but it took somewhat longer than I anticipated, so that was time wasted. Then after we had eaten, we decided to watch some more Case, and I can’t crochet while that’s on because I need to pay attention to the subtitles. 

So, two hours were gone on that, and now I have half a doily. One positive of the day is that I found another jumper that can accommodate my ginormous arm. The parka is not going to cope anymore, nor will it keep me warm, so when I go to the QE in the morning, I am going to have to wear Joan’s enormous fur that she gave me. Knew it would come in handy one day.

The 11th of February. 

One can never call a day when one is up at quarter to seven (particularly when that day is a Saturday) unproductive. I had another hospital appointment, this time with the eye department because of the ridiculous sensitivity that I’ve had for the past eight months. First, the chap could see that I had several lower lashes in my left eye growing inwards so he numbed it, then whipped them out with some tiny tweezers. There is also some mild GvHD acting up, not cool, so I’ve got some dexamethasone eye drops and hopefully they will do the trick. 

Went into town afterwards to get some toy stuffing, and got some more of my favourite chocolate from Selfridges as it was half price (slightly worrying – I hope it doesn’t mean they’re going to stop stocking it), alongside some triple double chocolate Oreos which we are going to put into brownies. 

Popped into Tesco on the way home, where I felt very overdressed, driving around in the fur. It’s not for supermarkets. Then I was starving by the time we got home, so we had lunch, and since then I’ve been crocheting Carol’s birthday present. Becky came round because I’d bought her some Malteaster bunnies, and she updated us on the local news, which is that the WHSmith has had its cash point ripped out. Plus school news was swapped for health news, and now I’m watching us probably lose to Wales at rugby. 

The 24th of December. 

I am quite the walking disaster zone. When I do walk, anyway, that is to say my feet feel like they’re covered in blisters, so putting any pressure on them is horrific. For a while this afternoon, I put them in a basin of cold water and briefly, they were soothed. The skin on my back and chest has been so itchy, I’ve been rubbing up against things like a bear, and my tongue is developing ulcers like nobody’s business. I’m doing mouthwash and spraying them with steroid but I’m not sure it’s having the desired effect. The torso rash could be explained by the antibiotics, and i finished them this afternoon, so by tomorrow evening it should have calmed down if it’s going to. If things continue though, I’ll be going back on steroids. 5mg to start with, and I’ll have to go back to hospital so we can come up with a proper plan. Just what I wanted for Christmas, the return of the desire to commit suicide. 

So I’ve done fuck all, just trying not to think about all the different forms of pain I’m feeling and focus on having a happy Christmas. Even if we all feel like shit (except Mommy, pray it stays that way), we will have a nice day. We are having the first fire and it doesn’t seem to be making my cough worse, not sure about anyone else, but hopefully we can keep them going this year. 

The 25th of December.

Merry Christmas! Mine started with being woken up by Mommy because everyone else was awake and Christine was starving. I got up as quickly as possible and padded down the stairs, wincing at every step. My feet are agonising all of the time – I think the last time they hurt this much, I was on cyclosporine. 

We had our traditional Christmas breakfast of bread, eggs, cheeses, meats, game pie, plus all of the condiments. I had a breadbun so floury, I had to be vacuumed. Covered, I was. 

Back upstairs, Christine and I opened our stockings. Mine contained some touchscreen gloves, tissues, a little Lindt bear, a Hotel Chocolat star containing chocolate snowflakes, a maze puzzle/game, Lulu Guinness vaseline and a Christmas tree brooch that should flash but doesn’t. Never mind. I put my Self-Portrait dress on with leggings, my cashmere socks and massive cardigan (to accommodate my arm) so I was working a very glam/cosy look. 

Mommy went to pick up Grandma, and when they returned, it was present time! I did not partake in the champagne drinking because that would only make my mouth worse, so everyone else had some while I distributed the presents. I hadn’t realised quite how securely I’d wrapped my presents so it took people a little while to get into them. Then again, that just made it last longer. I was given the Mrs. Christmas Pandora charm, a voucher for Wool Warehouse, a bag of Jelly Babies, some coffee beans, more Bucks Fizz marmalade, all the books I asked for (The Girls by Emma Cline, Where Am I Now? by Mara Wilson, Playthings by Alex Phelby and Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami), a book about the art of The Little Price film, a Moomins calendar, two Essie nail varnishes, The Little Prince Moleskine diary for 2017, some thermal tops and socks, some very soft and cosy festive lounge trousers, and a mug and bowl with kitties on. Then Mommy and Christine went to finish the cooking of the dinner, and I looked at my book about The Little Prince. 

I ate my lunch rather slowly, having to chew on only one side of my mouth, but I did not finish last because I tend to have less than other people. We had a little rest, then pudding. Mommy had made me a chocolate mousse, and that was much easier to eat. 

After lunch, we decamped back into the living room, where we started the fire and I put my feet into a bowl of cold water again. I cannot describe how painful it is – like knives in my feet, all of the time. The steroid cream on its own is not working, so I’ve started back on 5mg of pred today. I’m going to get a moon face and become incredibly depressed again, but we don’t have a choice. 

We watched Christmas Bake Off, then the Easts came round for Doctor Who present swap. Becky was very pleased with her “Go away, I’m marking” mug and Toft teddy bear, and I got a ten pack of Paintbox wool, so I can make many colourful things. 

We had Doctor Who on pause for nearly an hour before getting it started, so when it was finished, they returned home to do their final lot of presents, and we settled in to watch Strictly with Christmas cake. 

It may not have been the perfect Christmas, with 3 of the 5 of us being ill (4, if you include Grandma’s general difficulties), but we are all at home and together, and that is what is most important. 

The 16th of December.

It lifted, thank god. The wrapping day was not ruined. I woke up in time to say bye to Mommy and Daddy before they set off for Wales, then had my breakfast and wrote up a blog post. After fighting for a long time with the lock on the front door (I was being inept), I went round the corner to get some double sided tape and cotton wool pads (not for wrapping, I had just run out). 

After lunch, I set myself up at the dining table with my peppermint drinking fudge, The Polar Express, and all my wrapping paraphernalia. I spent the subsequent three hours indulging in festive spirit, and I have nearly finished, I just need to get some gift bags for a few things that even I am incapable of wrapping. Will pop into Paperchase after The Muppets tomorrow. 

Just after half four, I jumped in a taxi to go back to Black Sheep to have the toner cleansed our of my hair – washing did not give the desired effect. James was lovely and has fixed it, and I’m much happier now. 

I have just finished my dinner of a Domino’s personal pizza and two of four cookies, awaiting the arrival of my parents back home. They are mere moments away. 

The 17th of December. 

Today would have been 100% excellent if not for one (hopefully) minor inconvenience. But I will get to that. 

Woke up stupidly early for a Saturday, but for a good reason – Becky and I were going to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol at The Electric! She came to pick me up at quarter to nine, and off we went. We parked round the back of the cinema, then got some tea before taking our seats. I actually ordered a coffee, but it tasted awful so I went back and got a tea as well. The screening was not as busy as I expected, but some people still managed to be irritating by having brought their poorly-behaved, germ-riddled children. Not acceptable. Still, they could not ruin the magic for me. After all, it is the summer of the soul in December. 

Afterwards, we went to the Cereal Killer Café because I wanted to try one of their “cocktails”. I had a bowloccino, which is Nesquik, Coco Pops, a chocolate curl and espresso milk. So tasty! I would never go there for something like Special K, but combinations or ridiculous cereals, I am all for. 

Before coming home, we went into Paperchase so I could get some gift bags and more ribbon and tissue paper. Now I can finish my wrapping. 

Now to the inconvenience: I happened to push up my sleeves and thought “Ooh, my right arm looks a bit fat. Let’s give it a squish. Ooh, that’s a bit boggy for my liking. Actually, my right foot has felt puffier than usual for the past couple of days. And my breathing has been terrible of late.”

So I don’t know what’s going on, because I don’t have a line anymore, so that can’t be causing it, and it’s only one side, so I’m confused and unhappy. I have started diuretics to try to get rid of some of the fluid, but on Monday morning I might be ringing Gill Lowe to freak out. I don’t want to spend Christmas looking like the Stay Puft marshmallow man. 

This afternoon, Sadie came round! Mainly to see the kittens. She did not steal any (I checked). She was greatly amused by their interest in her feet. They love feet. We stayed with them until they fell asleep, then we watched the end of Mr. Magorium and ate the two remaining Domino’s cookies. 

She had to go about four to make sure her dad had done the pile of sorting she’d left him. Sometimes I wonder who the parent is in that relationship. 

Hoping to god my body deflates with peeing. Don’t make me have another venoplasty. 

The 4th of December. 

It is really easy to forget about how shitty the world is when you have got a pile of sleepy kittens to look at. 

A very weird start to the day, when trying to find out why Tim Lovejoy wasn’t on Sunday Brunch, I discovered that he has blocked me on Twitter. I’m not entirely sure what I have done to merit that, considering I don’t think I’ve ever tweeted him or even about him. Strange. 

Had both Becky and Alison round to see the kittens. One of Becky’s cats has eaten almost an entire two week supply of Penicillin, which is not ideal. High shelves are not a safe enough place to hide things. Our house is a haven of tiny kitties and Christmas spirit – I think Becky and I are probably the most festive people in the world. 

This afternoon, I finally made it back to the gym. I only did a ninety minute session, not too taxing because I haven’t been for at least two weeks so I’m definitely going to hurt tomorrow. Still, only place I have to go is to the hygienist, so it’ll be fine. 

I am now back home, having petted the kittens some more, and now Miracle on 34th Street is on. Normally I would consider it too early to be watching Christmas films but the world and his wife have got their tree up so it can’t hurt. 

The 5th of December. 

I don’t hurt as much as I expected to, which is a nice surprise. 

The kittens were absolutely ravenous this morning, but have subsequently done some tiny sicks. Well, two of them have. I have spoken to Jen to check on what they were eating and it’s the same, so obviously the move has just upskittled their stomachs. Still, that hasn’t made them any less cute; I put Pretty Kitty in my Christmas hat like a sleeping bag (I wanted to put one in a mitten but they won’t fit, ugh) and I took some super adorable photos. 

I did a couple of Cats Protection calls, trying to speak to one woman who has so far evaded me and got a call back from someone else. Right now there is only one fosterer with any cats that are available so I have to send all the forms to her. 

I only ventured out to the hygienist today. She was very taken with my festive scarf, jumper, earrings and necklace (I’m unbearable) and was very impressed with my dental health – gum score of zero again, well done me!

The 4th of November. 

I have taken to watching It Takes Two instead of the news because the real world is so depressing and awful. I would rather escape into the glitter. I cannot wait for the 9th of November. I just hope America don’t sentence the world to nuclear war. 

I spent my morning being invisible in the living room as Ed the financial advisor was here. I don’t know why, I was not listening, I just nod along when these things are explained to me. I just sat and crocheted Xaver and wrote up a blog post (which I nearly forgot about again). 

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Nocturnal Animals. It is really an excellent piece of work. The opening is shocking and brilliant, I loved it. Jake Gyllenhaal still as splendid (and handsome) as always, Amy Adams is fantastic, especially when she’s not speaking. That sounds bad, but I just mean that she can express so much in her face, she doesn’t need to talk. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is absolutely horrible (in his character) and just yes, one of the best films I have seen in a long time. 

The 5th of November. 

Up way too early for a Saturday morning, but it was necessary if we wanted to be at the NEC for half past nine. Mommy, Becky, Alison and I went to the Crafts for Christmas/Cake International Show. When we arrived, people were queueing to get in, so I took my ticket and went to get a festive caffeinated beverage before braving the crowds. 

To be honest, the craft bit was not all that inspiring. I bought a couple of balls of wool, and a unicorn kit from Toft, where I had a very nice conversation with the girl who was working there. That was it, really. I spent the majority of my time in the cake show. The Brownie Bar were there, so I bought four from them (Rich Chocolate, Triple Chocolate, Nutella and Oreo), and later on I saw another place selling all sorts of things I would’ve happily feasted upon, but I settled on just a gingerbread man and a cookie (which are enormous). 

The best thing was the cake competition – frankly unbelievable. There was a Dobby made of cake, a life-size ballerina, loads of owls, a huge BFG holding Sophie, lots of animals and people, and the most amazing sugar flowers. 

Finally, I met back up with the others, and we came home to have lunch because it had been many hours since breakfast. This afternoon I had a lovely crafty time finishing Xaver (minus his baubles) and I finally got round to watching The Outcast Comic, the documentary about Andrew Lawrencce which was really interesting. Waiting to see what he does now.