Archives For becky

The 28th of August. 

No vomit sounds this morning and that’s the way I like it. I had a slow start, bimbling about in my pyjamas, and had just gone upstairs to get dressed when Becky texted to see if it was alright to come round. I asked for fifteen minutes, then put some clothes on sharpish. Ready with moments to spare!

She’d brought us a lovely cake stand to say thanks for looking after their kittens, and we caught up on life. I haven’t seen her for ages because she was poorly before they went away, so there was much to discuss. My pain and painkillers, their bathroom (it’s nearly finished and soon they will be able to shower at home!), Nadia’s reluctance to leave, and their holiday which was slightly marred by the noisy neighbours. 

This afternoon, Rachel (the lady I spoke to yesterday about Nola) came with her mother and daughters to see the kittens. I think had they not already decide on Nola, they would’ve gone for Nova because she was showing off. Nola was a bit shy at first, but she soon came out of her shell and let them stroke and play with her. They actually wanted to take her today, but that’s not allowed so they’re coming back for her on Friday. 

Rest of the day has been taken up by crocheting. I have finished the sheep and now I’m working on the cat. I’ve done the head and ears already, so I don’t think it’ll take long. 

The 29th of August. 

Bank holidays mean nothing to me; they are no different to most days of my life apart from sometimes there is a good film on. Tonight, Thor: The Dark World is on and it doesn’t seem two minutes since I saw it in the cinema. I remember looking at Asgard and thinking that if there was a heaven, I would like it to be like that. Or Rivendell. It hadn’t been long since the doctors had said I couldn’t have another transplant and I’d probably die soon, so you can understand why it was on my mind. Yet here I am, nearly three years later, hanging on by the skin of my teeth. 

The most exciting thing to happen today was that a man from down the road came to borrow some sand because Daddy had offered him some for his drive. When I answered the door he said something about my husband and I very quickly said “Oh you’re the sand man, I’ll just go and ask my DAD where it is!” because seriously what the fuck was he thinking? Shut that shit down. 

I just finished crocheting all the parts of the cat; now it just needs assembling. 

The 31st of July.

I actually slept until the time I wanted to wake up this morning because I had two Zopiclone. It has made me a bit sleepy all day but I would feel like that anyway if I hadn’t slept so it’s swings and roundabouts. 

I was finishing my coffee this morning when Becky and James came round to say hi and receive Becky’s birthday presents that we couldn’t give her on the day itself because they were on camp. James is so tanned! Amazing. Whereas Becky just has burnt knees, bless her. She said hello to the kittens, and then they had to go so James could install their new cat flap, and we had to go out to collect my copy of the new Harry Potter book from Waterstones. 

After lunch, I watched the first episode of season four of Fringe, then I went up to my bedroom to read Harry Potter without any distractions. I started at about twenty past three and finished it by twenty to six. Yeah, I read fast. I was so glad Christine’s seen the play so I could text her with each revelation. It’s really good (if you’re a fan) and the fact that it’s a script didn’t really matter because all the imagery is already there in my brain, so I could just envision it all with just the speech and stage directions. I tweeted about reading it and was contacted by someone from Radio WM who wants me to go on the breakfast show between seven and seven thirty tomorrow morning. That’s fine; without Zopiclone I’ll probably be awake anyway. I have to review it without any spoilers. Difficult. There are a lot of twists, and I have many questions about a major part of the plot but maybe an explanation for that will emerge. I hope so. 

The 1st of August. 

Five am. Not surprised, the day after Zopiclone is never good. It didn’t really matter as I was supposed to be talking on WM about Cursed Child, but then someone phoned to ask if we could push it back to 8.30. I said that was fine and got up to have my breakfast as I was starving. I then got another call at about quarter to nine saying sorry and it would now be on drivetime between four and seven, and her news editor would call me to let me know what time. Nobody has; methinks they killed the item. Whatever. 

Once they’d phoned for the second time this morning, I knew I could get in the shower and washed my hair without any staining of my neck this time. When I came down, Oscar was in the garden climbing a tree to investigate a nest so I went to take lots of pictures, but when I got back to the house, I was so out of breath, it surprised me. Going up to three gabapentin must have started to affect my breathing (we’ve checked the leaflet and it does do that).

I spent my afternoon watching Mr. Robot and crocheting the flowerpot kitty. I wanted to watch it before, but didn’t want to pay for Amazon Prime just for that, but now it’s on the Universal channel (didn’t know that was a thing) so I saw the first two episodes and finished the little cat.

I’ve also been doing a lot of deleting stuff from my phone to free up space – I’ve gone from 6GB to 9.2 free. Progress. I suspect I may have to delete some podcasts which I really don’t want to do. 

Gabapentin seems to be giving me the trembles too. Agh.

The 9th of June. 

I was wrong about thunderstorms meaning it would cool down. Still kind of disgustingly warm most of the day, but right now it’s bearable. The kittens are too sleepy to do anything but loll around, yawning. 

This morning, I wrote up a blog post and wrapped Daddy’s birthday presents. I have been sensible this year and got him box-shaped gifts which make for much easier wrapping. 

I was at Black Sheep this afternoon, getting my hair re-purpled. Started at 1.45, finished at 4.30. Still, there are much worse ways to spend an afternoon – chatting with lovely people, reading Animal by Sara Pascoe and getting my head massaged. That part always makes me want to just close my eyes and have a nap. 

Once I was successfully mauve, we were done as I didn’t need a chop just yet. Daddy and I had been considering a cinema trip but decided against it as today was going to be the only good day for gardening. This turned out to be the right move because we would’ve booked for the 3.40 screening which we would not have made. 

Becky and James have just been round, saying hi to the fat kitties and collecting the tv that we’ve bequeathed to them. We mainly discussed that joys of kitten poo, especially in this heat. Splendid.

The 10th of June. 

The weather is as bleak as my mood. Dark, grey and rainy. The scan at the Women’s was an ordeal. Again. 

I had a horrible night, dreaming of a fictional serial killer. Lots of podcasts were required to distract my brain so I could go back to sleep. This morning I made the last orang-utan leg, which was one small victory – I no longer have to do any more fur stitch!

The ultrasound appointment was twenty past three, and I was supposed to finish drinking a litre of fluid an hour before that, which I dutifully did. We arrived extra early because it was visiting time, but parking wasn’t a problem. This turned out to be fortuitous because the lid hadn’t been on my water bottle properly and it became apparent that I had a very damp leg. This meant we spent a good ten minutes emptying my bag and spreading its contents all over the back of the car. 

I didn’t have to wait long to be seen, and the first part of the scan, with the full bladder, was done pretty easily and quickly. Then I was allowed to pee, and had to return for a transvaginal scan which I had not been warned about. I had to strip from the waist down and lie back with my knees up while the technician tried to insert the wand. Obviously, it was agonising, and she persisted for what felt like forever without success. A consultant had to be fetched, who deemed the first pictures “too blurry”, so I had to refill my bladder and be scanned again. 1800mls of freezing cold water later, I was feeling incredibly full and uncomfortable. Better pictures were obtained, once she located my elusive right ovary, and we left with me resenting my stupid body for not being able to accommodate medical implements. It’s like my body’s saying “Even if you could have children, you couldn’t get them out this way!”

The 28th of May.

I am coming down from a sugar high. I might be ready to eat again relatively soon. More about that later. 

Woke up this morning to find that Mommy has also got some sort of cold. It’s not great in our house right now. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I’m okay on Wednesday for my Anthony Nolan talk. Let’s not be ill please. I wrote up a blog post, read the paper and let the kittens out for a run. They having a growth spurt so every time I feed them, it disappears pretty much instantaneously. Gabe screams his miaows at me when he’s hungry. I texted Elliot, potential adopter of Gracie, and he’s coming to see her on Thursday. He’s 21, but I am going to have to do my best not to treat him like a child. 

After lunch, Becky and I went to this place in Small Heath called Eis Café where they do insane desserts and milkshakes. Becky had a massive warm cookie in a pan with ice cream and whipped cream, and I had a Fudge Brownie Locoshake. It was enormous and delicious and very, very sugary. By the time we’d finished, we were both eager for a lie down. I am in need of vegetables. Since getting home, I finished the orang-utan body I’m doing, and soon we’re off to see Romesh!

The 29th of May. 

Lovely sunny day so I put on a dress and the kittens went OOH FLESH MUST STAB WITH CLAWS. I am sporting a plaster plus several tiny puncture wounds. Also jeans. Obviously kittens and bare legs are a bad combination. 

This morning I was still in pyjamas, watching Sunday Brunch, and working on the orang-utan’s head. I seem to have got the hang of the fur stitch now, although I don’t think it’s ever going to be my favourite. 

After lunch, I went upstairs to get dressed and finish going through all my notes. I’ve got to the end now, even of the second disc (that one is mainly genetics reports and charts, not much of interest or use). There was a lot in what I read today about the pain I was in post-liver transplant. It was really, truly horrific and I’m not sure if we ever found the definite cause. I think it was to do with my gut GvHD that the accidental stem cell transplant caused. I eventually got off the PCA (patient controlled analgesia aka huge syringe of ketamine), fentanyl lozenges, oxycontin and oxynorm, but that wasn’t until I’d been transferred to the QE so it was at least a year. I really ought to be grateful that I’m not in that kind of agony every day now, but I still have pain, just elsewhere. 

And I still haven’t come up with an ending for my talk! Really going to have to work this out because Wednesday is very soon. 

The 24th of May. 

The shoulders are protesting. This morning I really couldn’t see how I was going to manage a gym session. My back, elbow and shoulders were all sore, and I generally felt somewhat delicate. Had I not been going to see Vlad, I wouldn’t have gone in. 

I wrote up a blog post, then went back upstairs to try and have a rest and get in the right frame of mind. When I went to make my lunch, I also looked for some co-codamol but the box in my drug bag was empty and I didn’t have the impetus to search the cupboard for more. I just made myself a sandwich and got a brownie, but by the time I’d got to the living room to sit down, my back was excruciating. We rang the clinical nurse specialists to see if they could find out the results of my x-rays, but none were available so have to ring back in the morning. 

My session with Vlad was booked in for 2, but I was early and his previous client was slightly late, so I did 15 minutes of weights before we got started. I explained more about my lungs and all my diseases, then we did some stuff on the mat. Calf raises, some yoga, squats (ugh), press ups, sit ups, leg raises, all sorts of business. By the end I was pooped – he made me sweat. Nobody makes me sweat. I am to practise being mindful of my breathing and some meditation. I think he can teach me some things, so I will give him a go. 

Becky came round to meet the kittens briefly, and confirm our plans for dessert café on Saturday. It’s going to result in a sugar coma. 

The 25th of May. 

Today everything hurts, so I can’t differentiate between vaccination and PT pain. I am very stiff. 

It has been a rather uneventful day. This morning I spoke to Nicola, a CNS, about the results of the x-rays, but the reports haven’t been done yet so she was going to chase them up but I don’t know when we’ll hear back. I spent a couple of hours letting the kittens run around which they used to chase each other and fight. They refuse to be lap cats yet. I shall have to train them. 

After lunch (and the surprise series finale of Criminal Minds, argh), I went upstairs to work on what I’m going to say to the students at Anthony Nolan next week. However, I got really engrossed in my notes because I’d got to the admission in Halloween 2008 and that’s when it all got interesting. It was very difficult – at times I had to stop reading because it was a horrific period in my life. I only kept going because I knew it got better. I found out that when my DNA was confusing, the doctors were actually really concerned about the cancer coming back again, but I wasn’t informed because I was so depressed, it was decided I couldn’t handle it. Thankfully, because I am excellent, my body refused to succumb to what was expected, and instead I am “exceptional…in medical literature”, as written by Mark Velangi when I was denied funding for photopheresis. 

So instead of practising my talk, I was absorbed by the story of the impossible girl. 

The 22nd of April. 

I had a really terrifying dream last night that the Grim Reaper was following me around and I was trying to hide from him on the sofa. I woke up very scared and had to listen to a podcast to distract myself from what was going on in my brain. 

Today has been recuperation from yesterday’s business. I did a blog post this morning while drinking a poorly-made coffee, then I returned upstairs to get dressed and I spent a good ten minutes taking selfies because I was feeling myself. 

This afternoon I crocheted a smaller mouse (I did one yesterday with a slightly larger hook). I think I need to give them noses because right now they look a little bit Voldemort-esque. Christine has come home for the weekend again and we’re trying to decide what film we might go and see tomorrow. 

Ugh I am so sleepy. I might have a Zopiclone tonight, I really would like a break from all my scary and stressful dreams. I don’t know why my brain is being so unfair to me while I’m unconscious.

The 23rd of April. 

Okay so I think my breathing is definitely worse. Maybe I have been in denial about it. If it is, I’m going to have to work out a way to make things as easy as possible, because if I continue to go downhill, I’m not sure how long life will be tolerable for. If I get to a point where I feel like I’m gasping all the time…well I don’t know. 

Sorry about that. On a cheerier note, I didn’t have any scary dreams last night, and I had a nice, chilled morning just reading the paper and actually doing the sudoku with no assistance from an app. 

A slightly earlier cinema trip than usual, as Daddy wanted to be back in time to watch the football. We decided on Bastille Day, and upon our arrival at StarCity, none of the click and collect screens were working, which was most frustrating. We had to go and queue behind all the people buying food which takes forever because they all seem rather inept. Once we finally had the tickets, we had to get the radar key to get up to our screen in the lift, and we got to our seats just in time to see the trailers. 

Film was fun. Idris Elba playing a kind of rogue CIA agent who plays fast and loose with the rules and has to stop the corrupted French police stealing the national reserves. It’s all a bit silly but we enjoyed it. 

Came out to a text from Becky to say they had adopted some kittens! I immediately went round as soon as we got home. They’re super small and adorable, just nine weeks!

Aaaaand tonight I’m off out to Tiff Stevenson. Busy girl. 

The 26th of February. 

Another bad sleep! Well, it took me ages to fall asleep, but then I did at least stay that way. I got up and went downstairs in my pyjamas so I could give Mommy her card and presents before she had to go and take Grandma to coffee morning. She loves the earrings and is very intrigued by all the different recipes in The Little Book of Scones. When she came back, she opened the rest of her stuff which was mini loaf tins and recipes to go with them, and lots of teas from Hilary and Jeremy so she’s basically got an afternoon tea kit!

We went out to Miller & Carter for lunch. I decided to only have a main course because they’re quite large and my stomach would not cope with a starter too. I was right because I didn’t finish my meal anyway! I ate my steak and sweet potato fries but I couldn’t fit the rest in. 

When we were finished, we took Grandma home, then had a quick trip to M&S to get a birthday cake because for the first time in living memory, we have not had time to make one! We’ve had a phone call from Christine to say Happy Birthday, and I’m still feeling like I need to lie down. 

The 27th of February. 

I have been sleepy all day because I had two Zopiclone last night so when my alarm went off, I did not want to get out of bed. I had to though, because I needed coffee and that was downstairs. 

I made it and spent the morning reading the interesting bits of the paper like the story about Ginger Nuts returning to circulation which is obviously the most important one. 

The rest of the day has been TiVo/Netflix. I finished the baby blanket I was doing for Sheila so I can give that to her at an opportune moment, and I might start on the next outfit for the doll soon. Schoolgirl or pyjamas?

Becky and James have been over, although James only very briefly, and now Becky’s school has some chambers underground which are being leaked into and may or may not have asbestos? Fun times. I also lent her my Harry Potter wand and Gryffindor scarf so she can be Hermione for World Book Day at school. Obviously.