Archives For black sheep

The 11th of December.

My toes are really bloody cold tonight. Normally they’re cold but I can’t tell – now I can feel that they are freezing and it is not fun at all.

This morning I was up a bit earlier than normal, so I got a blog post done and was on the crochet quick sharp. Thankfully my coffee was nice today so I only had to make it once.

My entire day has been crocheting – Daddy’s present today. Couldn’t do anything over the weekend because he was around but I can work on it in the week. It is a frustrating thing – I’ve had to do some bits more than one because the pattern is translated from Dutch and some of it doesn’t make sense. Bah.

I had The Sinner on for the whole afternoon, got two episodes left. No wonder Cora is so fucked up; her childhood/young adulthood is seriously disturbing. So much not okay there.

I got the insurance for the gig sorted out too, and am getting sales reports now. I don’t know if they’ll make me more or less stressed.

The 12th of December.

Still so cold. I have had my knee-high thermal socks on but they have not helped my toes. Never ever warm.

I didn’t get up to take the kittens to the vet as I would have been no help. It took Mommy half an hour to get the car warm enough to drive.

She made the brave decision to take Grandma out for lunch in Sutton, but that was okay because the roads and pavements there were all clear. While she was out, I worked on her crochet, and realised I had to redo the whole previous section because I’d messed up the start of it. Nitwit.

I had an appointment at Black Sheep for re-toning and cut at quarter past two, so she came to pick me up with Grandma still in the car. We parked in the car park round the corner, and she took me to the salon in Grandma’s chair because mine can’t cope with snow. Then it turned out I was early, so I got to hold baby Lulu for half an hour which was great. She’s so squidgy.

We are very ginger for Christmas, I mean really quite orange, and have taken off some of the length and pushed it all forward. While I was toning, I was getting texts because Mommy’s car had got stuck in the snow. The RAC wouldn’t come because she’s not the policy holder which is bollocks, but thankfully there were several good samaritans and helpful physios around.

She escaped, took Grandma home, picked up the kittens and then came back for me, parking on the road. I had to walk to the car so she brought the oxygen, which I needed. I had to rest twice in a 20 metre walk. Fuck my lungs.

The 29th of November.

It has been a productive day but not a very interesting one. Started off with a blog post, then some Cats Protection admin so Amanda could come to pick up paperwork and fees from me. I also made part of Daddy’s Christmas present before lunch.

Amanda came about half past one, and wanted to meet our current kittens, so we spent some time with them and she told me how Hugo and Harvey are getting on.

When she left, I went upstairs to work on the computer for a few hours. Making a promotional image for this Anthony Nolan event I’m going to be doing (more details coming soon) while I listened to a Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre podcast. I was forced to stop by eye and back pain, and I have the base of it done, just need a bit more information.

That is all, really. In happy news, I got a Christmas jumper on today that I didn’t expect to fit. The compression garment does at least squeeze my arm down while it’s on.

The 30th of November.

I feel like today has been one of those days where I’ve spent lots of time on things for not a huge amount of reward.

This morning, I washed my hair, then rang Lydon’s to book the kittens in for neutering and chipping next week, and Black Sheep to see if Michaela could squeeze me in for a fringe trim this afternoon, which she could. Had a long chat with Mommy and wrote another email about this Anthony Nolan thing, now waiting on a reply on that as well as the one I wrote yesterday.

After lunch, I was back upstairs on the computer, working on the same thing while I half-watched Riverdale and listened out for the DPD man bringing a delivery for Mommy. Then I had a phone call from Irregular Choice because they got my Christmas shoes in! Thankfully, I had already had an email from them so they are on their way! Festive feet.
On the way to Black Sheep, I talked to Christine on the phone, mainly about how cold it is and how young people don’t wear enough clothes.

I will be wearing many clothes this evening, as I will be out seeing No Such Thing As A Fish Live!

The 1st of November. 

I am living in a limbo state and I hate it. Just waiting for it to be next Thursday when I see Andrew. I’m just trying to find ways to fill each day so they don’t feel so wasted. The thing is, I don’t think I’m going to be able to mentally move out of this state until my arm is fixed. And I’m beginning to absorb the thought that most of my Christmas jumpers will be staying in the wardrobe because they just won’t fit. 

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, after saying good morning to the kittens. We’ve finally been able to flea-spray them today so I have mainly stroked them through the bars. 

After lunch, it was binge-watching The Blacklist and crochet. I finished and assembled my first gnome, the smallest one. I have now started the middle one, and I am very much looking forward to seeing them together when they’re all done. 

I hate all this waiting. Fuuuuck.

The 2nd of November. 

Today has not gone entirely as planned, but not in a bad way. 

I called Black Sheep yesterday to arrange a hair change, and Saskia had a cancellation at one o’clock today, which I said no to because the boiler man was coming and we weren’t sure what time he would be done. However, he’d been and gone by the time I got up, so I called to see if the appointment was still available. It was, so that was my afternoon sorted. 

I bade the kittens a good morning, getting them all out for individual cuddles – we can actually let them run around tomorrow which will be interesting. Might have to construct a small fence. Thursday is Riverdale day, so I watched that while I worked on the second gnome’s body. 

Had lunch a bit early (so I am starving now) and got down to Black Sheep for one. Annoyingly, I had just missed seeing baby Lulu, but I’m sure I’ll get another chance!

I thought we were just going to do the bleach before doing my Christmas hair in a separate appointment. But we did the whole thing today! So, I am now a coppery-gingery tone all over. There are panels that were meant to be gold but in a toning error they’ve come out dark, so I’m going back to get those corrected next week. 

The 22nd of September. 

Hallo darling, 

It has been three weeks now, since you left us. I am recovering from my most hectic few days in a long time, which culminated in saying goodbye to you. It was a lengthy drive, and you would have told me not to come, that you didn’t warrant that kind of effort. You never could fathom how much you were loved. But I had to be there. I couldn’t let the last time I saw you be the last time we were together. 

This was never a place we were supposed to be. Everyone knows I’ve been to a lot of funerals. However, they are not the funerals of friends. I have said goodbye to many people, but they have most often been children, which is not to say I didn’t love them and was not devastated, but I did not connect with them the way I did with you. I am not only grieving over losing you, but all the years I saw ahead with you too. We have not just had a friend ripped away, but a lifetime. We were supposed to drink coffee and eat cinnamon buns together. I wanted you to see the end of the saga of my swollen arm. I wanted to see you with the hair I know you were so desperate to grow back.

Adam said it most succinctly, with his string of expletives during his speech. Fuck cancer. There is a part of me that has to slightly contradict him though. It’s the worst, most selfish part of me, but I think you would understand. It’s saying thank you, cancer. I wish to infinity and back that it had ended differently, but if I hadn’t been ill ten years ago, there might not have been any reason for us to develop the bond we did. I know that we shared things that you could not speak to anyone else about, and I hope you were able to find comfort in me. 

You were, quite honestly, one of the best people I have ever known. I have no other way to put it. Only someone quite so phenomenal could inspire the love that has poured out since your departure, and it was an honour to call myself your friend. I am so proud of everything you achieved, and what will be done in your name. Only you could have appeared in such flamboyant form, a rainbow on a clear day. Thank you for being here. For all of it. I love you. 

The 23rd of September. 

Oh god I am so tired. All I want is my bed. I had to be awake at seven to be at hospital for my nine o’clock eye appointment and finally the past week has caught up with me. 

I saw Carmel, the lovely nurse, and she checked my vision and my pressures, and I could read more letters than last time. Then Dr. Barry called me in, and checked out my eyes. He has changed some of the eye drops, and whipped out some of the lashes in my left lower lid. I made some comment about how there’s not much we can do about them, and he said actually there is! So I’m going to have electrolysis, which involves having local anaesthetic in the eyelid, then a hot probe put in the root and it kills the troublesome lashes. 

Back at home, we were just about to have lunch, when Jill from Black Sheep called, because Michaela’s half one client had cancelled or moved, so could I come in early? That was fine, so I ate my lunch (including my chocolate crodough, which was still good even after two days) and we went into Sutton. Just a bit of a chop, so I was only there about an hour, swapping baby photos and stories. 

Since getting back, I have just flooped. Had some hugs from the kittens, who have clearly missed me. Henrietta less so. I have tried stroking her with the roller a bit but she continually flinched and I felt bad so I stopped. Now bed please. When Strictly finishes I am off. 

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The 15th of August. 

Quiet day in the Cartwright household – I’m on my own because Mommy and Daddy took Grandma up north to see Aunty Audrey, so it’s been a day of carbs, crochet and crime drama. Well, only a little bit of crime drama but I enjoyed the alliteration. 

This morning I did a blog post and watched the last three episodes of Glow. I finished off the little teddy, but because the wool is mainly pink, it looks more like a pig than a bear. 

I sorted myself out some lunch, and had got engrossed in trying to de-pig the bear when the doorbell rang. I had a chap coming to view Betty and had completely lost track of time. I let him in and took him to see her – very much your average viewing, as she is an excellent kitty and showed herself off to the best of her ability. They’ve had a cat for twenty years so I know they can look after one. Just got to confirm, but I’m pretty sure we’ve found Betty a home!

Since then, I have been trying to write a blog post for tomorrow. It will be ten years to the day since I was diagnosed with leukaemia, since this all started. What a decade it has been. 

The 16th of August. 

Happy 10 year anniversary to me!

It has been a lovely day. I had a good sleep, woke up at an acceptable time, and had my breakfast and coffee while I put together a blog post about the day. I put my new charm on my Pandora bracelet, which I think we can now say is full. Convenient – ten years is a nice round time to stop. 

I wanted to make cinnamon buns, so when Mommy got back from Grandma’s, I printed out a recipe I’d found to make them in 45 minutes and we gave it a go! To be fair, Mommy did most of the work, and I did the easy bits, like sprinkling the cinnamon sugar all over the dough. When they came out of the oven, I poured the icing over the top, and let them cool while we ate our lunch. We tore them apart for pudding and have to say, they have been a success!

This afternoon, I went to Black Sheep to get my hair dyed. I had taken inspiration from Love Symbol #2, the colour Pantone released to honour Prince, and mixed it with a dark teal. I have unintentionally matched my glasses and sunglasses. No bleach today, so it didn’t take very long, so there was time to come home and get changed before going out for dinner. 

We went to Water’s at Resorts World, because we’ve known Andy for a long time and know he doesn’t do weird food. I ordered a peach and passionfruit bellini, and set about perusing the menu. I decided to go for a saffron risotto with chorizo and deep-fried squid to start, and a marinated duck breast with spring onions, creamed potato and pak choi to follow. While we waited, we were given tiny tomato soups as an amuse bouche which was delicious. I love bonus food. My risotto was really good, although quite filling, so I had to leave more than I would have liked because I had more food to fit in. I was very glad I did, because my duck was excellent, soft and pink, and I’d been worried that it might have been spicy but I had no trouble. At this point, I had to stop – there was no more room in my belly. I think if we go back I’ll skip the starter and have a dessert instead because Mommy and Daddy were both delighted with theirs. 

I’m very tired and very full and very grateful to be alive.

The 1st of August. 

I am very tired because I woke up at ten past six for no reason, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I’ve had three coffees, but the caffeine has worn off and now I am weary again. 

I didn’t get up upon waking; I stayed in bed, listening to the radio for a while. When I did get out of bed, I did a blog post, and I phoned around for an appointment with somebody about my arm. I’m going to see a surgeon who does various procedures for lymphoedema, and she’s obviously very busy because the earliest I could see her is mid-September! Still, it’s before the clinic, and I need this fixing. 

I was at Black Sheep at 11.45 to get my hair cut. I saw June, as Michaela’s off until October, and now my back and sides are super short, with the top long. The last time the clippers were used so much on my hair was when we shaved it pre-chemo on my kitchen floor. Ah, memories!

After lunch, I went into town with Mommy who was giving blood. While she did that, I went shopping – I bought a skirt from Oasis, some wool from John Lewis, and I had a brow consultation at Benefit. I really had no idea what to do or use, and now I do! Then I got a text from Mommy who was finished, and we came home to find the towels that had been drying were wet again. British summer. 

The 2nd of August. 

I was woken up today by Daddy phoning me to find out where Mommy was. I didn’t know, because I had been asleep (she was here, just not near her phone), but I was glad he’d woken me because I’d been having a horrible dream in which Christine had got drunk and had sex in my bed, then she’d drawn all over my bedroom walls and I was trying to erase it, but everyone thought I was overreacting and her behaviour was fine which was really frustrating! Stupid brain. 

My day has been spent crocheting and assembling the panda. I finished off the body this morning, then we had lunch and watched last night’s Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. Then this afternoon, I made the arms, ears, tail and scarf, then I put him all together! He is very cute but might look a bit terrifying to a new baby. I hope not. 

I have been needing lots of Rennies recently because my tummy is full of wind and I suddenly realised it might be to do with pregablin. Looked at the side effects and yep. Also it’s why I’m so much hungrier. Still not helping the pain. 

Had a lady come and see Bree with her daughter and grandson. They fell in love, and the little boy started crying when he realised they couldn’t take her home today! Bless.

The 22nd of June. 

19 degrees. Much more comfortable weather. From the clouds I can see, it looks like the rain is coming. Good. I love a good storm. 

I’ve had a relatively busy day? This morning, I got the new episode of iZombie watched (and almost shouted SHIT and grabbed my face at the ending), then Shaki came over. She had the vet histories of the kittens which didn’t correspond to the names she’d given them so had to rewrite all their forms, and it meant we could now identify which is which. So the one we were calling Betsy is actually Bree, Brodie is still Brodie, the lighter brown tabby is Bailey, and the darker one is Betsy. Once I knew that, I could book them in to Lydon’s for their first set of vaccinations. 

This afternoon I was back at Black Sheep for my colour change with Danyl. We had a chat and I told him about my ice cream kind of inspiration. First we bleached it all, then pink around the sides and at the roots, then added in a coral colour on some of the tips. I’m now a raspberry sorbet/fruit salad/drumstick lolly. 

That was my afternoon gone! Got home just before six, checked on the kittens, and have just heard news that my friends Vicky and Laura have got engaged and I am so happy!

The 23rd of June. 

Well we didn’t really have a storm, but we have the post-storm colder weather. I’ve had to put socks and a cardigan on. 

We were out at the vet at 9.20 for everybody to be jabbed. Although they were running rather late, so we amused ourselves watching the bunnies and baby and dog that were also in the waiting room. Our kittens just went to sleep. Even when we got called in, they stayed pretty relaxed. We did Betty first, then popped her into a separate carrier so I could get at the kittens. They were all fine, nobody struggled, just Bailey needs to eat a bit more. Get her up to a kilo, then they can all be neutered.

Since we got back, they’ve all been totally wiped. Just slept all day, flooped on the floor. I have written up a blog post, had some lunch, done some crochet. Listened to some podcasts, from a whole bunch of selfies to get a good photo of my new hair and iced some cupcakes. 

Daddy’s labyrinthitis has kicked off again, so he was throwing up from late morning until mid-afternoon. He’s only just come downstairs. 

Last night, Bree scratched my right arm, and water came out. Teeny tiny amount of blood, but mainly water. So I suppose if the venoplasty doesn’t work, we stick a load of needles in my arm and squeeze. We’re ringing on Monday. I don’t give a fuck, I have been like this for half a year and it is unacceptable.