Archives For cats protection

The 20th of March. 

Feeling slightly better today – I’m going to try going to sleep earlier and getting up a little bit later than I would otherwise. I think I’m going to need as much as reasonably possible for the next several weeks. 

This morning I put up a blog post, and remembered to print off the tickets for Jon Ronson tonight. We’re going to see him talk about psychopaths at The REP. It’s been a long time since I read The Psychopath Test so it’ll probably feel all brand new to me again. 

After lunch, Mommy went to see Grandma, and I had a mini Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D marathon while crocheting Lauren the angora bunny. Finished the head now and snipped all the loops so she’s going to look very furry. I’m not sure where I’ll place the eyes and nose amongst that fur.

When she returned, we watched the second and third episodes of The Replacement. That was bloody unsatisfactory. Not sure why they had to rush the ending so much and fill the last fifteen minutes with nonsense. Frustrating. 

Speaking of which, we tried ringing Tracy from interventional radiology today, but no answer. 

The 21st of March. 

An in-between sort of day. Went to bed late because of Jon Ronson, so I’m tired, but not to the point of needing oxygen. Just enough to not really be able to get a deep breath. 

This morning, we caught up on the episode of Broadchurch we missed last night (just throw a red-herring rapist into the mix) and saw a lot of news about Martin McGuiness. He is still the main news this evening, so nothing else can have happened today. 

Just after lunch, Jen came round with a bunch of flowers from Cats Protection which are very pretty. She couldn’t stay long, but she had time to show me the “physio” I should be doing, which involves putting my feet up, a hand on my forehead, and the other one clicking at people to bring me things. 

This afternoon, I’ve been catching up on more tv and crocheting all four bunny legs. Ears and tail left, and I think I’ll have just about enough wool. 

We finally managed to talk to Tracy this morning and she’s looking at early April for my second venoplasty. I know there isn’t much of March left but that still seems an eternity away. I’m wearing the compression garment but all it does is squeeze me down by a centimeter and hurt.

The 12th of March. 

I had a minor breakdown last night. I got very sad and scared about my current state, and had to be careful not to let the tears start flowing because that would have made everything worse. Infections can cause permanent damage, and I am really, really worried that I will not return to the way I was in November, which is the last time I remember feeling relatively good. If I continue to struggle so much every time I move, my life as I know it will change forever, again. I want to still be able to walk around my house feeling okay, able to go into The Glee and climb the stairs without being so scarily out of breath that I am frozen in my seat because even thinking about anything else seems to make it harder. If I have to keep using oxygen at home then we are going to have to stop fostering kittens, because they will play with and chew up the tubing. Then, if I can’t foster, I certainly don’t want to be in charge of homing anymore because it would be torture. 

Basically, if I do not recover to a satisfactory degree, I do not want to live like that. But I don’t want to die. And I don’t know where that leaves me. I will talk to the doctors tomorrow morning, find out if we’ve grown anything specific yet, and if they think there will be any long-term effects from this. I suspect it will take a lung function test in a couple of months to know for definite, because it could take a good 6-8 weeks to really get over this. And I hate waiting. 

I had a nice break today. My only mero dose was at 2, and the doctors had said that if I wanted to go out between doses that was fine, so I asked Daddy to come and pick me up, then we went home where I had a boiled egg and soldiers for lunch, and Mommy washed my hair. It has needed doing for at least a week, so it is nice for it to feel soft and fluffy again. 

Mommy and I came back at two, when I had my mero, and the nurse was very keen to start weaning me off the oxygen again, despite the test the other day. I agreed to swap to the low flow meter, so we can bring it down in smaller increments. Started at 0.8 litres and that was okay, then at six I came down to 0.5. I don’t feel very comfortable, but my sats are 99/100, so I’m okay, and I’m going to persevere. When I started on one litre, I felt like this, and it got better, so I’ll try. I’ll still have the small cylinder on 1 litre when I move because I will definitely need the extra then. 

While I was at home, Mommy made cinnamon swirls! We are so basic – she happened to see cinnamon swirl dough in a tin, which is literally a can of dough that is about five inches long? You open the can, and slice up the length of dough, then bake and add some icing! I haven’t had one yet though – we have brought them to hospital and I am going to have one with Dean tomorrow as he’s coming in for some chemo and is going to come see me beforehand. He is also an enormous cinnamon bun fan so it is only right that I share. 

The 13th of March. 

I had a very quiet but productive morning, and a very busy and fun afternoon. It’s been pretty nice. 

I decided I should really update my blog, because I’d been putting it off until I could be bothered to type up what I wrote for Mommy’s birthday surprise day, but it had really been too long of a hiatus for me to carry on procrastinating. There wasn’t actually as much to write up as I thought, so it wasn’t too intensive. Uploading the photos took a little while because of the WiFi, but one can’t expect miracles. I have been writing my journal updates in the Notes on my phone since I was admitted, because it hurt my arm too much to physically write when I first had the chest drain, so I have just carried on since then. Plus it made it quicker when I came to actually do the blog posts. I still have to write them into my diary but that can wait. 

With six posts to do, that took pretty much my entire morning. A different doctor is on the ward this week, Dr. Khan, but he hadn’t got much news – still nothing specific has grown, the pneumonia test that they sent off to Heartlands hasn’t come back yet but apparently it sounds like it could be that from my symptoms (I really don’t know anymore), and they would take some more bloods today to see what my CRP is doing. I’ve checked but they’re not back yet. 

Dean was planning to come and see me at midday after he’d been admitted for chemo, but things were hectic on YPU so he was delayed. That was fine, I just sat and did some crocheting until Vicky arrived at half past two with coffee and hugs. I spent a lot of time explaining what has been going on because she only had my instagram to go on, and we were amused by the doctor coming to take my blood and being surprised by us both knowing so much medical language and being so aware of how this all works. It happens when it’s been your life for so long!

Dean appeared at my window just after half past three and couldn’t stay very long as he had to go back to start his chemo, but I gave him a swirl and he gave us both copies of the magazine he has just launched (it’s called Hiskind and yes he has launched a magazine while having treatment for cancer he’s fucking amazing). We had a little bit of chat but he’s going to come back tomorrow because he’s only on fluids during the day. 

Vicky left about five, and Mommy had arrived by then. Oh I forgot, I was also dropped in on by Philippa and Kirsty while both Dean and Vicky were here, so I have been quite the social butterfly! 

I am doing this as University Challenge has started and hearing the voice of Monkman made me sit up with excitement. I think he is even better than the guy who wore the leather vest. 

The 8th of February. 

I am so tired of spending every morning coughing, over and over, having to bring up crap from my lungs repeatedly. It takes hours to subside. I haven’t got an appointment for Andrew’s clinic next week yet, so tomorrow I’ll have to ring the lady I spoke to last week again. 

It’s been another rather nothing day. I have crocheted two coaster-type things, although they’re a bit big so are more like doilies. I am a grandma. 

We watched another episode of Case – it’s only on All 4 so we have to be proactive in watching it, otherwise we’ll forget and I do want to know what happens. I find it difficult to tell all the blonde Icelandic girls apart; they all look so similar. There’s another, similar drama starting soon called The Team so hopefully they’re different enough for us to keep them separate in our minds. 

Nothing else. Just want to be back to normal size. I’m doing a talk for some Marrow volunteers next week and it would be so nice if I didn’t have to wear an enormous jumper but I suspect I will. 

The 9th of February. 

So it seems 2017 is the year I become a pensioner, as I’ve made about five doilies in the past two days. They’re my new scarf – when I’m bored and have no larger project, make a coaster/doily. 

This morning, I made a purple coaster, and this afternoon, I did a larger, doily-type one while listening to 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields. They have such a wealth of material, I wish I’d known about them back when they might have toured. 

I had several phone calls to the hospital, trying to make sure I was going to get an appointment for Andrew’s clinic next week. I talked to the lady from last week, but she had no paperwork about me, so then I spoke to his secretary who was able to sort it out very efficiently and I’ll be seeing him next week. Apparently the compression garment people have me on their list as needing one urgently but still no idea when that might progress. 

This evening I had another Cats Protection meeting, although this week’s was not as long and I have no jobs to do. I am good at being the host, providing biscuits and doing admin. 

The 4th of February. 

I do not like diuretics one bit. So much peeing. If this makes no difference to my arm in a couple of days I will be rather annoyed. More annoyed, I should say. I’d really like to wear jumpers that aren’t massive and coats that are actually warm. Sigh. 

Blog post this morning during Saturday Kitchen, then I had to be at Lyn’s house at twelve for another Cats Protection meeting. Part of it involved going down her garden, so I stayed in the house and made friends with her big black kitty. Very soft and floofy but also moulty, like Oscar was. 

It wasn’t a long one, but I was still quite hungry for my lunch when we got back. Then this afternoon, we have made Nigella’s quadruple chocolate loaf cake. It is a behemoth. 

Today is World Cancer Day, and I’ve been wearing my Anthony Nolan Unity Band. I can’t quite believe this year is ten years since I was diagnosed. I don’t know what I expected my life to be at this point – I suppose I thought I’d be fine, or dead. Certainly not this weird, in-between state, constantly breaking down in ever more creative ways. Sure, I’d like to be fine, but I don’t want to give up the good things in my life for that and I think I’d have to. I’m willing to pay this price. 

The 5th of February. 

If it’s not one thing it’s another. The arm is still exactly the same, and my back is really bad – the right side of my lower ribcage is super stiff, so deep breaths are a problem, standing and walking are even worse than usual. God I wish the bloody pain team would just give me an appointment so I could get a drug that works and doesn’t make me sick, unbearably itchy or incapable of breathing. 

Day largely spent in front of the television – Sunday Brunch and rugby, while I crocheted a sock. It’s just a practise, not going to be wearable, but if it works then I can do it again properly. 

This evening, I’ve been out at The Glee to see David O’Doherty. I planned on using the lift as my breathing is still worse than usual, but then I was told to ask inside the venue and they’d take me to it. Unfortunately, that kind of defeats the purpose because to get to the lift, I’d have to leave again to walk to the back door where the lift is, which makes me breathless anyway. So I climbed the stairs, and was taken to my seat which of course was as far from the door as possible. At this point, I was out of breath to the point where it scares me. I just have to sit and wait for it to get back to normal. 

The show was great, just what was required. Denise from Cats Protection was there with her husband and we were saying that we really needed some relief from the awful world. He definitely was that.

The 29th of January. 

My arm has not gone down at all. I think we’ll be phoning the booking co-ordinator in the morning, not to actually arrange something, but she might be able to help us work out how to proceed. What’s ridiculous is that I will probably be able to get this surgery relatively easily, but if I had an aneurysm or something, it would be a lot harder to pin down. 

This morning, I stayed in my pyjamas and blogged. I had Shreddies for breakfast for the first time since my mouth flared up, and they’re not as good as I remember. Might have to rethink my choice of morning meal. 

Most of the day, I’ve wanted to just retreat from the world because what Trump has started is so bad already, and I am sickened that there are people who think he is right. Disgusted by the actions of our unelected Prime Minister. The only heartening thing is the amount of people protesting, who refuse to submit. I hope he does come for a state visit, so he has to come to a city to a Muslim is the mayor and see the thousands of people who will not stand for his new brand of fascism. 

The 30th of January. 

No arm progress. I made some phone calls but by the time I got the number of the woman I need to speak to, she had gone home, so I have left her a message. I’m having a minor panic because my jeans feel tighter around my right leg today and I can’t tell if I’ve gained weight or if my leg has swollen up. I can’t use the scales to check because they can’t be relied upon while my arm is the way it is. Ugh.

I had a mini Cats Protection meeting with the homing team this morning to discuss some creases that need to be ironed out. It was meant to be just a brief chat, but turned into an hour and a half discussion. We did at least make some decisions and I’ve got one job to do but it’s not urgent. 

This afternoon, I did some CP adoption admin, and Mommy and I watched the first episode of Case, a new Scandi-Noir on Channel 4 that has already drawn us in. My copy of The Good Immigrant arrived, which I bought with my Amazon voucher that I got for participating in the Anthony Nolan group on Thursday. Really looking forward to getting into it. Also I am greatly enjoying the photos from the Birmingham anti-Trump protest – wish I could be there but it’s not advisable. I cannot afford to get sick.

The 17th of January. 

I have a venogram appointment! I checked on myhealth this morning, and I am booked in for the 25th at 9am. No letter yet, that will probably be tomorrow, and will include more detail. Looking back at previous venograms, there have been occasions when the venoplasty’s been done immediately, and when I’ve had to go back and have it another day. Fingers crossed it’s the former but I have no clue. 

This morning, I wrote up a post and painted my nails while watching Theresa May’s Brexit speech. It was not particularly illuminating, apart from making it obvious that if we don’t get what she wants, we are quite screwed. People keep saying “We haven’t had the Brexit crash that was predicted” like it’s fine but they don’t seem to have realised that we haven’t left yet.

Mommy has been out most of the day, taking Grandma to a funeral, coming home, reading a letter, and having to go back to Grandma’s to tell her that this letter said that her cousin has died. Not a great day for her. 

I watched the final three episodes of A Series of Unfortunate Events and crocheted. I had started some pyjamas for the doll I made ages ago, so now she has the trousers and I’m working on the shirt. 

Phoned up several potential adopters to have the standard conversation, had to explain that we actually have practically no cats/kittens at the moment, but they are willing to wait. 

The 18th of January.

Today has seemed to go by ever so quickly. I looked at the clock and suddenly it was half past three. Where did the time go?

This morning, I was able to have orange juice with my breakfast for the first time since before Christmas. Think my mouth might be okay to eat fun things on my birthday, maybe even have some champagne! Such excitement. I have ordered a mini Curly Wurly cake for us to pick up on Saturday and I’ve been trying to decide what I’m going to wear. Thankfully we’re not going anywhere fancy so I don’t have to worry about a dress code, but I’d like to look reasonable and that’s tricky when one of your arms is massive. I’m not sure whether my leather jacket will fit so we’ll take the furry lining out of my park and then I think it will be big enough to accommodate the enormo-arm. 

After lunch (during which I had an apple, another thing I haven’t had for ages because it was too pointy), I had a Cats Protection call, then I made the pyjama top to go with the bottoms. I now remember why I’d stopped doing stuff from that book – it has mistakes as it’s a translation. Bah. I also started a new series on Netflix called Glitch. It’s like The Returned, but Australian, and they all crawled out of their graves at the same time not knowing they were dead. I’ll see how it goes. 

Hair change tomorrow. What colour to go?

The 9th of January. 

No joy from the postman, nor is there anything on myhealth to show any upcoming appointments. Maybe on Wednesday morning we’ll ring a clinical nurse specialist, or try Andrew Willis’ secretary. 

I’ve had a very quiet day. I did a blog post, then iced three lots of cupcakes for Mommy to take to Grandma’s for her birthday. I got very chocolatey, sticky fingers. 

We had lunch, then Mommy went to Grandma’s and I went upstairs to do some extra moisturising because my skin has become really dry with this flare. Discovered that I could peel all of the skin off my left big toe, which was the worst affected area. Classic GvHD. 

For the rest of the afternoon, I watched two episodes of The OA while crocheting my jumper, but I’ve had to stop because the skin between my thumb and forefinger is so dry and painful. I need some seriously heavy-duty hand cream. 

This evening I have to prepare answers to some questions I’m going to be asked tomorrow. I’m taking part in a radio programme for BBC World Service about death. It will be more uplifting than it sounds. 

The 10th of January. 

Definitely going to ring someone in the morning about my arm – the upper arm has grown to 29.5cm in circumference (compared to 24cm on the left). This morning I did some Cats Protection admin and had a look through the questions for the interview this evening. I don’t need to prepare much, it’s all stuff I can answer off the cuff. 

I had a follow-up appointment at the dental hospital at 1.40pm, so we went out straight after lunch. I saw one of Mrs. Richards’ registrars who I’ve not met before. I explained what I was doing with the steroid paste and my concerns about it not staying where it should. She said that I’m doing it right, but it probably won’t stick because it is on the tongue. She went to confer with Mrs. Richards, who came in to have a look and decided we should put a little bit of steroid in the two sites that are being problematic. More painful this time, right in the raw tip of my tongue and on the top. Thankfully the swelling has gone down enough for me to be able to speak. 

Afterwards, we went into town so I could stock up on facewipes and toothpaste, and we went to Lush in search of hand cream. Ended up talking to the perfect sales assistant who has a similar problem so knew exactly what to recommend. Got a tub of Helping Hands. Let’s hope it does the job!

I’ve had the pre-interview for tonight’s 9pm one (another one cropped up for BBC WM randomly), and at half six the chap is coming to record me for the one about death. In between then and now, I’ll eat dinner.