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The 21st of January. 

Happy Birthday to me!

It’s also a year since I stopped steroids today and the difference in my face is insane.

I had some Nutella on toast for breakfast before I started opening my presents and cards. Carol had sent me the book about A Streetcat Named Bob, Auntie Hilary had sent a Lars Kepler book, and an Amazon voucher to buy the 5th book in the series when it comes out in May. Mommy and Daddy had bought me a necklace and the “perishables” was some macarons from Macarons & More, super tasty!

We went out late morning to do some shopping, and I got some cashmere socks, merino wool and silk socks, and a pair of leather trousers all half price! Daddy and Christine both phoned to wish me a Happy Birthday, and we came home for about half an hour before going out to pick up Grandma to go to Harvey Nichols for afternoon tea. 

We met Daddy in the car park, and were a little bit early so had a little bimble around the shop before going into the champagne bar/restaurant for our tea. I had an egg sandwich and a cream cheese and cucumber sandwich, one and a half scones (which were incredibly good, even if I did throw half of one on the floor) and a chocolate delice. I was also presented with a glass of champagne, Grandma gave me the Happy Birthday charm from Pandora, and Mommy and Daddy gave me a pair of diamond earrings and I was floored, not expecting that at all. 

Tonight, we’re having birthday cake and more champagne with Becky and James. Happy girl. I am so lucky. 

The 22nd of January. 

Happy Birthday pt. 2!

Early start for our trip to London! Arrived at New Street at 10, bought coffee and paper, then barely had time to get settled in the assistance area before the chap came to take us to the train! On the journey, I had to cope with a girl having to vomit in the toilet near me several times, and I saw two girls with four blue WKDs who I was glad not to be seated near. 

Got a cab very quickly and he took us to The Savoy. The doorman did something to the door so we could get through the rotating panels with the wheelchair, then we sat on some large pouffes while waiting for Christine. She emerged somewhat weather-worn and relieved to sit down, then regaled us with tales of her stressful morning. She’d had plans to go to all sorts of cake shops, then arrange them in a box for me. There hadn’t quite been time, so I got them in there own bags/boxes. She got me a vanilla bean and a chocolate truffle doughnut from Crosstown, an Oreo cheesecake crodough from Timberyard, a zebra crodough from Harrods, and a s’more from Cutter & Squidge! All that PLUS a Moomin make up bag and notebook. She is the best. 

Onto foods! Started with champagne (again). Mommy and Christine had the same four course Escoffier menu, which meant a came to explain each dish they were having. We all had the same starter, the glazed omelette Arnold Bennett, and I can totally understand why he ate it every day – it’s fucking delicious. Then Mommy and Christine got a ravioli while Daddy and I munched on bad. The main courses arrived soon after, and I had an excellent steak on the rare side of medium-rare, and I was very pleased that they left the peppercorn sauce on the side, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to eat it. 

I knew I wouldn’t fit in a pudding, so after watching Mommy and Christine’s sour cherries get flambéed, I went to investigate the toilets. They were incredibly fancy – I love a place where you dry your hands on a flannel then chuck it in a bin. I also had no qualms about taking a selfie or two in the big mirror. Upon my return, our coffee was being served, so we drank that while we ate the tiny extra desserts, paid, and said goodbye. 

Our plan was to go to Picturehouse Central, because Christine is a member, so we went to see The Big Short with 3 discounted tickets and one free for me! We sat on the back row of sofas and wrapped up in blankets because the heating was on the blink. The film is so good, so important, but entertaining as well. It made me hate everyone including myself (because at one point I was rooting for the guys who wanted the economy to fail). It also made me want to squirrel all my money away in suitcases  

We still had an hour before we needed to get back to Euston, so we sat in the café downstairs where I was refreshed with an orange juice and we saw Adrian Chiles from football. We were lucky and grabbed a cab very promptly, from a cabbie whose daughter is at Birmingham Uni. At Euston, the others bought some food (I was still full from lunch), then we saw Paddy McGuinness as we were heading to assistance. Daddy had been complaining about not having seen any famous people while we were at The Savoy and now we’d seen two!

The train home was packed. I listened to St. Paul and the Broken Bones and was very chilled out. 

The 24th of December. 

Merry Christmas Eve! Ooh I am so festive. I just finished watching The Muppets Christmas Carol so I floating on a tide of joy and a thankful heart. A year ago I didn’t even expect to be alive right now, so I’m just super grateful and happy to be here, having a Christmas Eve fire with my Daddy while my sister wraps presents and Mommy cooks smoked fish aka the best kind of fish. 

Today I have watched all the Christmas Eve TV – WALL-E, The Lego Movie, The Muppets…currently on Despicable Me 2. I got a Christmas card from Penny and I have done much crocheting. I also painted my nails green to match my Christmas dress. 

Oh my god I’m so excited. 

The 25th of December. 

Merry Christmas! Oh I am so happy and warm. I woke up, went to the bathroom and on the way back, I saw Mommy and Daddy were awake so I went and sat with them for a little Christmas morning chat, then Christine came in and we went to my room to open our stockings on my bed. There were chocolates, tissues, a stylefile, a little nail polish, lip balm and chewing gum. 

Downstairs in pyjamas for Christmas breakfast! All of the meats, cheeses, breads, pie, yum. I tried some of the custard cream spread on a breadbun but it is too sweet for much more than that. 

Then we got dressed, Mommy and Daddy went to get Grandma and it was time for presents! I love my role as present-giver. I try to give them out equally but always somehow leave mine ’til last. My haul this year included: a Moomin calendar, More Fool Me by Stephen Fry, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, Offshore by Penelope Fitzgerald (Uncle Jeremy’s book of the year!), The Unofficial Guide to Radio 4, Bread, Cake, Doughnut, Pudding by Justin Gellatly, Pugs in Costumes, two Pandora charms (elves and snowman), a personalised crochet bag with wool and hooks, thermal socks, touchscreen gloves, a necklaces of a coffee tin and spoon, a pug coffee dance mug, a Nutella knife, a Lindt reindeer, a Little Prince moleskin diary, Fortnum & Mason’s Buck’s Fizz marmalade and hot chocolate discs. Mommy was very surprised by her kMix and is looking forward to baking all of the things! I think I did well with my present-buying this year. 

After presents, Mommy and Christine did things with the food and I put Frozen on until it was time to eat! We do our dinner self-service so I had many parsnips and pigs in blankets as they are my favourite bits. Everybody had Christmas pudding with brandy and crème fraîche for dessert, but I had nothing as I was too full and I do not like Christmas pudding. 

Once satiated, we decamped to the living room to watch Strictly and nap. I was very sleepy. After Strictly was finished and I’d had as much Bruce Forsyth as I can handle for the year, the East came over! Jonathan was in a baboon onesie which meant he got rather overheated by the fire. They gave me some chocolates, a cupcake display stand and a Pandora voucher. Got to choose another charm now!

We watched Doctor Who which was suitably ridiculous and terrible. I’m really quite glad I didn’t bother watching this series. 

Now it is time for Christmas cake and Wensleydale, watching Alan Carr and crawling upstairs while I still can. 

I will never tire of this feeling. I am so happy and so lucky to even be here. Sometimes things are more difficult than I would like, but things could be so much worse and right now I have more than most people could ever ask for. Merry Christmas. 



























The 21st of January.

It’s been a weird birthday. Good, but a bit strange. It started with me having literally no sleep at all. At first, I was too cold, even with my electric blanket, dressing gown and hoodie on – I was so worried that I might be spiking (which would be utterly typical of my body) that I started taking my temperature every half hour, but it was normal and I did eventually warm up. Then I was really hungry, but didn’t want to disturb everyone. To occupy myself, I listened to podcasts. I happened to put on the Richard Bacon podcast from the 16th, which was dedicated to Steve Evans. I knew nothing of him until then, and suddenly the night before what was potentially my last birthday because a lot more poignant. He seems to have been a lot like I am in his attitude – it is what it is, and it’s going to be over sooner than planned, but until then, we carry on. Everyone says how much he loved people, and I like to think that I’m similar in that way – when I think about the people closest to me, I cannot even put into words the love I feel for them, and the guilt I feel in having to leave them behind when I go. It’s funny – in a way, I almost feel privileged to be in this position. I know that death is coming, so I hope that I can maybe unravel some of the mystery of what dying is like. If I can help people feel more comfortable talking about death, or to cope with their own cancer in the way that Steve evidently did, then I am happy. I want my family to be proud.

Mommy came in at about seven, to say happy birthday because she saw my light was on, and gave me a big hug when she found I’d had no sleep. She went downstairs and I went to the bathroom, then downstairs to have some breakfast (I was still starving, remember?) and open cards and presents! I had lots of pretty cards, and I got a nail varnish/trinket rack from Christine, a new dressing gown from Grandma, the Les Mis dvd and a lovely copy of the book from the Hudsons, £50 from Taid, and a new Pandora bracelet with my birthstone charm on, the Grumpy Cat book, socks with squirrels on, little dog earrings, and a cute tin with a kitty on from my parents.

Daddy went to work, and I got dressed and ready to go out as Mommy and I were having brunch at Selfridges at eleven. The Balcony is really nice, and it was completely empty. I had a bellini, then Mommy had eggs benedict and I had a massive waffle with gallons of maple syrup because I decided I needed the sugar to keep me awake. That took a little while, then I had a surprisingly good latter and we went to see Chanel Mary, who gave us lots of goodies, and we’re to go back next week to see the new colours and show her the bag I get. Then we went to Nationwide so I could put in the cheque from Taid, then Hotel Chocolat where I bought myself some white chocolate coffee truffles. We went over to American Apparel, but I couldn’t find anything I wanted, so then we went to Paperchase to get a card to RSVP to Joely’s wedding invitation. The last place we went was Pandora, where I bought myself the mouse in the teacup charm (I felt it was appropriate, thinking of the dormouse in the teapot in Alice in Wonderland, and I have felt dormouse-y all day).

When we got home, I ate some grapes (I felt the need to have something green before I put even more sugar and carbs into my body), then Becky came over and we went round the corner to get pic’n’mix, then watched Harry Potter 7 pt. 2. I ate all my sweets, then felt very full and didn’t have room for cake and dinner, so cake had to be postponed.

Becky left around six, and we got ready to go out to La Tour. The menu was not as good as usual – I think it’s been reduced for January as they have a 50% off offer on all month, but it was fine. I had trout gravlax with a citrus and chicory salad, then chicken supreme with smoked mash and seasonal veg. It was all very well cooked; my only regret is that I forgot to photograph my main course! Then they brought me a plate saying Happy Birthday with some truffles on, and we came home!

Mommy made me a white hot chocolate, I blew out the candles on my cake, then we all had a slice and went to bed.gifBox cards champagne


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