The 24th of December.
I am quite the walking disaster zone. When I do walk, anyway, that is to say my feet feel like they’re covered in blisters, so putting any pressure on them is horrific. For a while this afternoon, I put them in a basin of cold water and briefly, they were soothed. The skin on my back and chest has been so itchy, I’ve been rubbing up against things like a bear, and my tongue is developing ulcers like nobody’s business. I’m doing mouthwash and spraying them with steroid but I’m not sure it’s having the desired effect. The torso rash could be explained by the antibiotics, and i finished them this afternoon, so by tomorrow evening it should have calmed down if it’s going to. If things continue though, I’ll be going back on steroids. 5mg to start with, and I’ll have to go back to hospital so we can come up with a proper plan. Just what I wanted for Christmas, the return of the desire to commit suicide.
So I’ve done fuck all, just trying not to think about all the different forms of pain I’m feeling and focus on having a happy Christmas. Even if we all feel like shit (except Mommy, pray it stays that way), we will have a nice day. We are having the first fire and it doesn’t seem to be making my cough worse, not sure about anyone else, but hopefully we can keep them going this year.
The 25th of December.
Merry Christmas! Mine started with being woken up by Mommy because everyone else was awake and Christine was starving. I got up as quickly as possible and padded down the stairs, wincing at every step. My feet are agonising all of the time – I think the last time they hurt this much, I was on cyclosporine.
We had our traditional Christmas breakfast of bread, eggs, cheeses, meats, game pie, plus all of the condiments. I had a breadbun so floury, I had to be vacuumed. Covered, I was.
Back upstairs, Christine and I opened our stockings. Mine contained some touchscreen gloves, tissues, a little Lindt bear, a Hotel Chocolat star containing chocolate snowflakes, a maze puzzle/game, Lulu Guinness vaseline and a Christmas tree brooch that should flash but doesn’t. Never mind. I put my Self-Portrait dress on with leggings, my cashmere socks and massive cardigan (to accommodate my arm) so I was working a very glam/cosy look.
Mommy went to pick up Grandma, and when they returned, it was present time! I did not partake in the champagne drinking because that would only make my mouth worse, so everyone else had some while I distributed the presents. I hadn’t realised quite how securely I’d wrapped my presents so it took people a little while to get into them. Then again, that just made it last longer. I was given the Mrs. Christmas Pandora charm, a voucher for Wool Warehouse, a bag of Jelly Babies, some coffee beans, more Bucks Fizz marmalade, all the books I asked for (The Girls by Emma Cline, Where Am I Now? by Mara Wilson, Playthings by Alex Phelby and Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami), a book about the art of The Little Price film, a Moomins calendar, two Essie nail varnishes, The Little Prince Moleskine diary for 2017, some thermal tops and socks, some very soft and cosy festive lounge trousers, and a mug and bowl with kitties on. Then Mommy and Christine went to finish the cooking of the dinner, and I looked at my book about The Little Prince.
I ate my lunch rather slowly, having to chew on only one side of my mouth, but I did not finish last because I tend to have less than other people. We had a little rest, then pudding. Mommy had made me a chocolate mousse, and that was much easier to eat.
After lunch, we decamped back into the living room, where we started the fire and I put my feet into a bowl of cold water again. I cannot describe how painful it is – like knives in my feet, all of the time. The steroid cream on its own is not working, so I’ve started back on 5mg of pred today. I’m going to get a moon face and become incredibly depressed again, but we don’t have a choice.
We watched Christmas Bake Off, then the Easts came round for Doctor Who present swap. Becky was very pleased with her “Go away, I’m marking” mug and Toft teddy bear, and I got a ten pack of Paintbox wool, so I can make many colourful things.
We had Doctor Who on pause for nearly an hour before getting it started, so when it was finished, they returned home to do their final lot of presents, and we settled in to watch Strictly with Christmas cake.
It may not have been the perfect Christmas, with 3 of the 5 of us being ill (4, if you include Grandma’s general difficulties), but we are all at home and together, and that is what is most important.