Archives For Christmas Eve

The 23rd of December.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

I woke up just after six which was frustrating but what can you do? I just listened to the radio until the heating kicked in.

My day has been very monotonous, but enjoyable. I have sat in the glow of the tree lights, watching films on the tv, crocheting a shawl. This morning was The Boxtrolls (which Christine had not seen before), and Daddy left foot Wales to bring Taid here for Christmas. Mommy went to Grandma’s for their Christmas fayre, and was gone for most of the day.

Christine and I had our lunch (fucking hell, standing up just for the time it takes to make a sandwich was torturous – have to chase Dr. Blaney in January), then she went for a walk. When she returned, we watched Hidden Figures, which has not long finished.

I’m writing early because this evening I’m going to The Electric with Becky to sing along to the Muppets Christmas Carol, as is tradition. I’m very excited. It is the summer of the soul in December.

The 24th of December.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Everything is right. I had a proper sleep – actually woke up at a normal time so I have not needed extra coffee today.

It has been a very similar day to yesterday, for me. Sat in armchair, watched tv, crocheted. I did have a break early afternoon because I had to wrap Grandma’s final present (it only got bought after I’d done all my other wrapping) and that was the only time the table was available.

I just cherish every moment at home this time of year. After three Christmases in a row as an inpatient, and nearly being back in last year, I am always so grateful to be here. To wake up in my own bed, sit in front of the fire, be with people I love for the whole day, not just the hours allowed. I remember in 2007 all presents had to be sterile, and in 2008 I remember being woken for an ultrasound on my new liver, Becky and Alison arriving with a bag of satsumas for me to suck the juice from (I couldn’t digest the flesh) and feeling so sick at the smell of Mommy’s dinner, I had to send her to the bathroom to eat it. In 2009, I was itching like crazy from the shingles, and so breathless I couldn’t walk across my cubicle.

Those should not be Christmas memories. This is why I appreciate home.

The 24th of December. 

I am quite the walking disaster zone. When I do walk, anyway, that is to say my feet feel like they’re covered in blisters, so putting any pressure on them is horrific. For a while this afternoon, I put them in a basin of cold water and briefly, they were soothed. The skin on my back and chest has been so itchy, I’ve been rubbing up against things like a bear, and my tongue is developing ulcers like nobody’s business. I’m doing mouthwash and spraying them with steroid but I’m not sure it’s having the desired effect. The torso rash could be explained by the antibiotics, and i finished them this afternoon, so by tomorrow evening it should have calmed down if it’s going to. If things continue though, I’ll be going back on steroids. 5mg to start with, and I’ll have to go back to hospital so we can come up with a proper plan. Just what I wanted for Christmas, the return of the desire to commit suicide. 

So I’ve done fuck all, just trying not to think about all the different forms of pain I’m feeling and focus on having a happy Christmas. Even if we all feel like shit (except Mommy, pray it stays that way), we will have a nice day. We are having the first fire and it doesn’t seem to be making my cough worse, not sure about anyone else, but hopefully we can keep them going this year. 

The 25th of December.

Merry Christmas! Mine started with being woken up by Mommy because everyone else was awake and Christine was starving. I got up as quickly as possible and padded down the stairs, wincing at every step. My feet are agonising all of the time – I think the last time they hurt this much, I was on cyclosporine. 

We had our traditional Christmas breakfast of bread, eggs, cheeses, meats, game pie, plus all of the condiments. I had a breadbun so floury, I had to be vacuumed. Covered, I was. 

Back upstairs, Christine and I opened our stockings. Mine contained some touchscreen gloves, tissues, a little Lindt bear, a Hotel Chocolat star containing chocolate snowflakes, a maze puzzle/game, Lulu Guinness vaseline and a Christmas tree brooch that should flash but doesn’t. Never mind. I put my Self-Portrait dress on with leggings, my cashmere socks and massive cardigan (to accommodate my arm) so I was working a very glam/cosy look. 

Mommy went to pick up Grandma, and when they returned, it was present time! I did not partake in the champagne drinking because that would only make my mouth worse, so everyone else had some while I distributed the presents. I hadn’t realised quite how securely I’d wrapped my presents so it took people a little while to get into them. Then again, that just made it last longer. I was given the Mrs. Christmas Pandora charm, a voucher for Wool Warehouse, a bag of Jelly Babies, some coffee beans, more Bucks Fizz marmalade, all the books I asked for (The Girls by Emma Cline, Where Am I Now? by Mara Wilson, Playthings by Alex Phelby and Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami), a book about the art of The Little Price film, a Moomins calendar, two Essie nail varnishes, The Little Prince Moleskine diary for 2017, some thermal tops and socks, some very soft and cosy festive lounge trousers, and a mug and bowl with kitties on. Then Mommy and Christine went to finish the cooking of the dinner, and I looked at my book about The Little Prince. 

I ate my lunch rather slowly, having to chew on only one side of my mouth, but I did not finish last because I tend to have less than other people. We had a little rest, then pudding. Mommy had made me a chocolate mousse, and that was much easier to eat. 

After lunch, we decamped back into the living room, where we started the fire and I put my feet into a bowl of cold water again. I cannot describe how painful it is – like knives in my feet, all of the time. The steroid cream on its own is not working, so I’ve started back on 5mg of pred today. I’m going to get a moon face and become incredibly depressed again, but we don’t have a choice. 

We watched Christmas Bake Off, then the Easts came round for Doctor Who present swap. Becky was very pleased with her “Go away, I’m marking” mug and Toft teddy bear, and I got a ten pack of Paintbox wool, so I can make many colourful things. 

We had Doctor Who on pause for nearly an hour before getting it started, so when it was finished, they returned home to do their final lot of presents, and we settled in to watch Strictly with Christmas cake. 

It may not have been the perfect Christmas, with 3 of the 5 of us being ill (4, if you include Grandma’s general difficulties), but we are all at home and together, and that is what is most important. 

The 23rd of December. 

I have checked my potassium today and it’s down to 5 (we like it to be 5.5 or less and it had gone up to 6) so I’m going to stop taking the diuretic. I woke up to pee at quarter to six and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I am very glad to not have to deal with that anymore. To pass the time, I listened to the second episode of Serial and had a go at crocheting a snowflake. 

I hadn’t planned on having any breakfast until Lauren arrived because we were making waffles for brunch, but I was up so early, I had some toast (which I ate alone in the house, a very dangerous thing, but I didn’t choke) and did a blog post. I made some coffee using the spiced blend I bought from Harrods, but with milk, it tastes awful. Thankfully, I had more beans in the window seat so I got the caffeine I needed. 

Lauren arrived just before eleven and we exchanged gifts. She got me fancy hair stuff, eye primer, nail varnish (a very festive green) and tiddly chocolate penguins. She liked her badges and crocheted gingerbread man a lot. Then we made waffles and watched the Bill Murray Christmas show on Netflix which was disappointing. Nevermind, the waffles were tasty. 

She left at half one, and Penny was supposed to be coming over this afternoon but she never showed up. I’m sure she has a perfectly good reason but it is a mystery. I have filled my time watching all the films on tv, and I iced some cupcakes. Went slightly overboard on the glitter but that can’t be helped now. They are just very sparkly!

The 24th of December. 

The fire is roaring, Carols from King’s is on and I am full of Christmas spirit. 

I woke up at a reasonable time this morning and put on a glittery jumper and penguin earrings that I was given for the liver transplant Christmas. Not going anywhere, but it’s nice to dress for an occasion. 

I have had no jobs to do today, unlike everyone else – Daddy had to go to Wales to pick up Taid, Mommy and Christine had wrapping to do, plus other bits of pieces like moving the hamster and finding temporary homes for things that were in the way. I have just stayed in the armchair, watching the films that have been on tv all day. To begin why, I was doing nothing but sitting and this felt rather unproductive (not to mention boring), so I went upstairs and got the wool that Sheila gave me to make baby blankets with, and have been working on one of those all day. I’ve done twenty two rows of a 115 stitch blanket which will be roughly thirty square inches. 

My viewing has been Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Horton Hears A Who!, Sister Act 2, A Christmas Carol, then we fitted in a sneaky episode of The Bridge, then the end of Finding Nemo, now Carols. My brain is sufficiently mushy. 

We lit the fire at five, and moments later, Daddy returned with Taid. He’s now sat in the other armchair and he’s eating the nuts from the table. That’s fine, I don’t eat them so I will not be picking up his germs.

The 24th of December. 

Merry Christmas Eve! Ooh I am so festive. I just finished watching The Muppets Christmas Carol so I floating on a tide of joy and a thankful heart. A year ago I didn’t even expect to be alive right now, so I’m just super grateful and happy to be here, having a Christmas Eve fire with my Daddy while my sister wraps presents and Mommy cooks smoked fish aka the best kind of fish. 

Today I have watched all the Christmas Eve TV – WALL-E, The Lego Movie, The Muppets…currently on Despicable Me 2. I got a Christmas card from Penny and I have done much crocheting. I also painted my nails green to match my Christmas dress. 

Oh my god I’m so excited. 

The 25th of December. 

Merry Christmas! Oh I am so happy and warm. I woke up, went to the bathroom and on the way back, I saw Mommy and Daddy were awake so I went and sat with them for a little Christmas morning chat, then Christine came in and we went to my room to open our stockings on my bed. There were chocolates, tissues, a stylefile, a little nail polish, lip balm and chewing gum. 

Downstairs in pyjamas for Christmas breakfast! All of the meats, cheeses, breads, pie, yum. I tried some of the custard cream spread on a breadbun but it is too sweet for much more than that. 

Then we got dressed, Mommy and Daddy went to get Grandma and it was time for presents! I love my role as present-giver. I try to give them out equally but always somehow leave mine ’til last. My haul this year included: a Moomin calendar, More Fool Me by Stephen Fry, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, Offshore by Penelope Fitzgerald (Uncle Jeremy’s book of the year!), The Unofficial Guide to Radio 4, Bread, Cake, Doughnut, Pudding by Justin Gellatly, Pugs in Costumes, two Pandora charms (elves and snowman), a personalised crochet bag with wool and hooks, thermal socks, touchscreen gloves, a necklaces of a coffee tin and spoon, a pug coffee dance mug, a Nutella knife, a Lindt reindeer, a Little Prince moleskin diary, Fortnum & Mason’s Buck’s Fizz marmalade and hot chocolate discs. Mommy was very surprised by her kMix and is looking forward to baking all of the things! I think I did well with my present-buying this year. 

After presents, Mommy and Christine did things with the food and I put Frozen on until it was time to eat! We do our dinner self-service so I had many parsnips and pigs in blankets as they are my favourite bits. Everybody had Christmas pudding with brandy and crème fraîche for dessert, but I had nothing as I was too full and I do not like Christmas pudding. 

Once satiated, we decamped to the living room to watch Strictly and nap. I was very sleepy. After Strictly was finished and I’d had as much Bruce Forsyth as I can handle for the year, the East came over! Jonathan was in a baboon onesie which meant he got rather overheated by the fire. They gave me some chocolates, a cupcake display stand and a Pandora voucher. Got to choose another charm now!

We watched Doctor Who which was suitably ridiculous and terrible. I’m really quite glad I didn’t bother watching this series. 

Now it is time for Christmas cake and Wensleydale, watching Alan Carr and crawling upstairs while I still can. 

I will never tire of this feeling. I am so happy and so lucky to even be here. Sometimes things are more difficult than I would like, but things could be so much worse and right now I have more than most people could ever ask for. Merry Christmas. 



























The 23rd of December.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve! I had a good five hours of sleep, I woke up at quarter past three and that was it for me. I got up at eight-ish, got dressed and had my breakfast and coffee while watching White Christmas. I also decluttered the round table in the living room, as we need space for chocolates! I had to decant a couple of emptying boxes into one.

This afternoon, Daddy, Christine and I went to see Frozen. It was really good! Surprisingly funny and the original songs are so bouncy and catchy, I find myself wanting to buy the soundtrack. It’s not very Christmassy though. I need a bit more holly and sleigh bells in my festive films.

But it was nice to watch a film about sisterly love with my own. She is my best. I give her big squidges.

Tonight I will have an early-ish night. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Muppets Christmas Carol and yay!

The 24th of December.

It’s Christmas Eve! I had about five and a half hours of sleep, got up at about eight. I had breakfast and coffee in my pyjamas, then I got dressed in my favourite Christmas jumper, and I put on my Santa socks, reindeer necklace and penguin earrings, so I was fully Christmasified.

This morning, I watched The Muppets Christmas Carol with Christine and sang along while I wrapped the Easts’ presents. I took a break for lunch, then we watched It’s A Wonderful Life for the first time while I finished. If I’m honest, I was expecting it to be better; it is not as heartwarming as Elf. Maybe I’m biased.

Mommy has a cold which is incredibly shit – why is it choosing her now? Stupid cold. I want to be able to give her hugs but she won’t let me. Bastard germs.

We just put all the presents under the tree, and the first fire of the season is ablaze, and everything is right (apart from Mommy being poorly).

I don’t want any sadness tomorrow. Just our usual Christmas, for everyone to get things they like. If that’s all that happens, and that’s my last Christmas, I will die happy.