Archives For cinema

The 25th of August. 

Ugh I had a horrible night. First, I had a dream that the muscles in my thighs had atrophied, and I was trying to walk around a supermarket with a trolley, but I couldn’t lift my legs. Then, I had another dream that I ate some sort of bud that would kill me, then I was crawling around repeating “Mommy, I ate a flower” when Gollum from Lord of the Rings started coming toward me, scrambling in a bridge position, and I woke myself up trying to kick it away. I had to listen to a lot of podcast to stop myself falling back into the same dream. 

I was glad to see daylight. Hopefully tonight will be better. This morning, I did a blog post, and went to see the kitties. I let Harvey out briefly, but then Hugo wanted to come out too and I can’t have them both running around while on my own. They can do that this evening when there are two of us there. 

I have been crocheting all afternoon – another doily. Going to be a big one. I decided I would start watching Doctor Foster on Netflix, as I want to see the second series and I only saw bits of the first, so I saw the first two episodes of that. I’m enjoying it – I cannot wait for the dinner party. 

The 26th of August. 

What a fucking garbage night. Again. It felt like I barely slept at all, although I must have done. I think I will go to bed early tonight, but that rarely works. I must have looked exhausted, because the chap at the cinema gave me a large coffee without me asking for it. 

This morning, once I had got myself feeling vaguely half-human, I said hi to the cats and then sat down with the crochet. I managed a couple of rounds, occasionally looking up at Saturday Kitchen, then stopped so I could concentrate on Only Connect. Can’t do missing vowels if I’m not paying attention. 

After lunch, Daddy and I went to see Logan Lucky. It’s a huge amount of fun – I was thrilled from the moment Parks and Rec’s Jerry appeared as Channing Tatum’s boss. I was in. Daniel Craig is having a lovely time being a bomb-making prisoner, and Hillary Swank turns up for a jolly. If you want a good, ridiculous heist movie, it’s for you. 

The 30th of June. 

Busy busy day. I had an appointment at the Women’s Hospital with Sue, the specialist nurse, at ten. I was early and she called me in straight away. It was pretty brief – I told her about my appointment with Mr. Titley, and she’s going to chase up what’s going on with that because he wrote to Miss Byrom at the start of May, so maybe I’ll hear something relatively soon. She also asked what things were like on the relationship front and I laughed. Apparently there are lots of understanding people out there. I need to find the most understanding person in the world

Went into town before going home, where I got some make up from NYX, some pants from John Lewis, and a jacket from the French Connection sale that I fell in love with and can wear with many things, with or without my fat arm!

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Despicable Me 3. Despite it being 2.40pm on a Friday, there were loads of children there? I don’t understand why they weren’t at school – they were of age. Grr. The film was great fun; it is exactly what you would hope for and expect from it. Lucky the unicorn-goat is adorable. 

Back at home, I tried to play with the kittens, but it didn’t really work because Bree is really lazy and Bailey and Betsy cheat. 

The 1st of July. 

Oooh I am crashing. This morning, I went to the Custard Factory for the Birmingham Coffee Festival. I can’t remember the last time I was in Digbeth. Anyway. I was glad I got there relatively early, because I was able to do a lap of the stands before it became so busy that I was ramming ankles. My first purchase was a box of five bags of beans plus some offers for £12. Then I went over to the Java Lounge stand where they were teaching latte art. I have tried so many times at home and it never works. But today the chap showed me and I actually did a half-passable rosetta! They were also giving out free flat whites, bonus! Next, I went to look at 200° where I had a very nice chat with the manager. She gave me a nitro which which was really good, so sweet and creamy without any milk. She also gave me some vouchers for free coffee and I need to book myself in for a class. 

Time for lunch, so I got myself a cheese and spinach crêpe, then back to coffee. I bought beans from Quarter Horse, Urban Social and Urban Espresso, and two doughnuts from Donut Day Dream. Deep-fried brioche, mmm. That was me pretty much done, then I found out my chair couldn’t mount the ridge to leave, so people had to help me. 

Back home, I ate one of my doughnuts while watching the latest Nashville (no crying today), then I went to sit with the floofs. Bree is going to get fat if her adopter is not careful because she just can’t be arsed to do anything. 

The 10th of June.

Is been a weird sort of day. Back home, back in my own bed (which was beautiful), but outside of our lives, the world is imploding. Part of me wants to avoid the news until it is all sorted but part wants to get up and fight for what is right because five more years of what we have been enduring is a death sentence , and that is not an exaggeration.

I might be feeling buoyed because I have just watched Wonder Woman. I am ready to kick the asses of a thousand men. We went to a 2.20 screening, and about five minutes before we were due to leave, Mommy got a phone call from Grandma’s home because she had fallen (her dining chair broke), she’d hit her head and was refusing medical treatment, so she had to go down there to convince her otherwise.

There was nothing Daddy and I could do, so we went to the film. There were some pretty terrible people in the screen (who takes a seven year old to a 12A?) so I had to ignore them but that wasn’t too difficult. It is a decent film – there are some holes and I had major issues with continuity and Ares just doing the whole “villain explaining his plan” – but I still enjoyed Gal Gadot being super badass. I liked the beginning part the best though. All the women being strong and awesome. More of this all the time! Show little girls we can fight.

Grandma has gone to hospital and is having a CT. I think she is going to be okay.

The 11th of June.

My bed is so great. I won’t mention it again (until my next admission). I have just missed it a lot.

This morning was Sunday Brunch and apparently the finale of season 2 of Scream, although there is another one left on Netflix? I don’t really understand. However, I feel quite smug as I had thought that Kieran might be the killer since he showed up at the funfair (sorry if that’s a spoiler but oh well). He was too quick.

Grandma came to join us for lunch – she is fine, just a bit bruised. I say “lunch”, but it wasn’t until five. She sat in the back room and watched the tennis (good thing we have no kitties at the moment), and I did much crocheting. I’m making another bear, this time for Jodie who was in the year below me at school and is expecting her first child.

Got my hair washed, and I had a really nice lie down with traditional Sunday afternoon radio. I also achieved quite a milestone – I climbed the stairs without oxygen and didn’t feel like I was going to die! Well done me. Maybe there is some hope for the rest of this year.

The 30th of March. 

Fairly acceptable breathing today. I’m on 0.5 litres of oxygen. Normal air is not quite oxygenated enough for me. 

I at least had a better sleep, and this morning I got a blog post done and not much else. I had another appointment (which I had entirely forgotten about) at the Women’s at half past one, so we ate our lunches and got on our way. Thankfully no hellish traffic jams today, but there was nowhere to park so Mommy pulled over, I drove off in my chair with the oxygen on the back and she found somewhere to put the car. 

I was seeing Miss Byrom for a follow-up after the procedure I had in November, and Sue, the sexual health nurse, was there too. I said that I thought it had been successful, but only up to a point. She examined me, using a very small speculum and a very long swab, and it turns out part of me has sealed up again. JOY. It’s to do with a thing I have called lichen planus and it’s just another stupid thing that I have that has no cause. I have to carry on with the dilators, and she’s going to talk to a plastic surgeon about me to see if he has any ideas. 

Too many things wrong with me right now. I feel like a collection of conditions rather than a human woman. 

The 31st of March. 

Today was the most normal I have felt in a while. My sats were good enough for me to not need extra oxygen for most of the day. I’m on it now, but still, it’s been a good day. 

This morning, I didn’t fancy watching Eamonn and Ruth be unbearable, so I caught up on The Magicians and did some mindless crocheting. After this project, I really need to make something for nurse Jenny’s baby and for James. I also had issues with Vue and their stupid website trying to book tickets for Ghost in the Shell. 

It’s an odd sort of film. I kind of get the premise and I found it interesting, but I didn’t really see the point. Having done some research, I think it’s too large a story and world to cram into a 100 minute film. One thing I did like was the choice Scarlett Johansson made to lead her walk with her head. It was curious because the company in the film go to so much effort to make Major appear human, but her walk was so unwomanly. Hm. 

Tonight I am going out to The Glee to see Fin Taylor and Mat Ewins, but there is no way I am climbing the stairs, so I’m going in the chair and have arranged for someone to let me up in the lift. Then tomorrow I will feel terrible, I suspect. 

The 18th of March. 

I have an oxygen-induced headache because I’ve had to use it much more today. I don’t know why, it’s not like I slept badly or took any lorazepam, just the breathing has been worse today. I could tell when I was getting dressed that I was struggling, and I’ve had to have it on for most of the day, even when Daddy and I went to see Beauty and the Beast. 

It was the first time I have been in a public place that is not a hospital while wearing specs. It was a moment I have been dreading – being in a wheelchair and wearing oxygen is, in my mind, the image of a visibly sick person and I never saw myself as that. Even when my breathing has been bad, I’ve never been able to cope with the idea of myself going out with oxygen. I suppose it is the immediate sense of pity it inspires that I can’t bear. In my wheelchair it is not quite so bad, I am able to retain some sense of independence, but needing extra oxygen just to exist, people’s first thought is “Oh that poor young woman.” I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. 

The film is magical. I didn’t know if they could match Be Our Guest from 1991 but they did and more, and I was delighted to see the line “I use antlers in all of my decorating” get the prominence it deserves. I nearly cried several times, for more reasons than I care to put down, but for as long as I could forget myself, I had fun. 

The 19th of March. 

My eyes hurt and I am tired. I don’t understand why they’re sore – they’ve been getting much better since I started the steroid eye drops but today they are not good. Blah. I think I’m knackered just from being poorly. Stupid pneumonia, this is going to take weeks to get better. At least I have not needed the extra oxygen today (except to go upstairs/eat a main meal). 

This morning, I watched Sunday Brunch and finished off another doily. Actually, I finished it just after lunch, and with impeccable timing, that was when Becky and Alison rang the doorbell. They went to the knitting and stitching show at the NEC yesterday and had bought us presents! Mommy has a very cute set off Christmas decorations to make (there will be no room left on our tree this year for any decorations that were shop-bought) and I have Lauren the angora bunny from Toft to make! It will be a welcome change from table decorations. 

When they left, I went upstairs to try to nap, or at least lie down and rest. I put on Gardeners Question Time and closed my eyes for 90 minutes (I listened to a podcast too) but I didn’t do any sleeping. I don’t know if it helped, but I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. 

The 20th of February. 

I so want to be able to breathe normally again. Or at least, normally for me. To walk from the living room to the kitchen without needing to recover, to not need to spend the first hour of every day coughing up endless amounts of crap. I suspect Andrew won’t be able to get me in next week because he’ll be only just back from half term, so I have to be patient. I am just so tired. 

I spoke to the orthotics team this morning and I’m going in tomorrow at 9.30, presumably to be measured for a sleeve that goes over the hand. 

The rest of the day, I have been waiting around for Mommy to be available so we could bake brownies with the triple double chocolate Oreos in. At one point, we almost got started, then there was decorating chat, then Alison came over, so an hour after going to the kitchen, we began. I made sure we cooked them for the full amount of time, so hopefully they won’t be underbaked like usual. 

Good news! NHS England have announced they “are confident” that funding for second transplants will become available, but this is not yet confirmed. It also begs the question of what the hell has the anguish of the past six months been for? The pressure is not off. 

The 21st of February. 

I think the steroid eye drops are working – I had to wake up at quarter to seven, and it took much less time for my eyes to adjust to the light. Hooray!

Up early to see the orthotics team – Chris is on annual leave this week so I saw Pete, the clinical lead. I explained what had happened and showed him the pictures. He took some more measurements (and was pleased I had worn a jumper with easy arm access), and with any luck, I’ll be able to pick up the new sleeve tomorrow after haematology clinic. 

Before going home, we went into town so I could return the jumper I bought the other day, and I got a birthday card for Mommy. Her present is on its way, so if it arrives in time, I’ll wrap it on Thursday while the dining room is being painted and the fumes will force me to retreat to upstairs  

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Hidden Figures. It is really superb. I adored all of the costume, especially Janelle Monáe’s dress at the beginning. Loooove. I read an article about the three women (Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson) in New Scientist a few weeks ago, and have been really looking forward to seeing it since then. I can’t believe I did not hear about these women until now. And I am worried that we are going back to the time they came from.

 

The 2nd of February. 

It’s been a very busy day. As soon as we arrived at the QE, we bumped into John Higham from the dental hospital (there with a family member, not ill himself), and then Janet, who adopted Monica from us ages ago. She’s doing really well, climbing up onto their garage roof, yet when she was with us, she couldn’t even jump onto the windowsill. 

Andrew saw me super promptly, which was excellent. He showed me the pictures from the venogram, and it’s quite obvious that what he did should have worked. He doesn’t want to go back in immediately, which is understandable, and having looked at my arm, our first port of call is going to be a compression garment which he is trying to get organised as an emergency (it normally takes two weeks to get an appointment). I have to keep it elevated, and squeeze a stress ball a lot to encourage blood flow, and see him again in a couple of weeks, when we’ll talk about next steps if necessary. 

We were meeting Naomi for lunch, and there wasn’t time to go home and back again, so we went into town. I bought a new jumper with large sleeves to add to my current rotation and spent the book token I got for my birthday on Negroland by Margo Jefferson. 

We got to Strada first, and it was full of elderly people obviously going to something at Symphony Hall. When Naomi arrived, I gave her the bunny I made, and she was delighted. She was very interested to hear about my most recent Anthony Nolan trip and to talk about the charity – she’s learning more about how they work because she’s choreographing the new show being created about Kids Company that’ll be on at the Donmar in the Spring. Must go see it, it sounds like it’s going to be fascinating. 

I had pizza and a chocolate fondant, neither really worthy of photos but very tasty. She had to go at half two because she was seeing Love at the REP, and we came home where I have done very little except squeezed a stress ball. 

The 3rd of February.

Bleah, my cough is extra rubbish today. I can feel the gristle in my lower ribcage as the bones grind together. It’s really not very pleasant. 

This morning, I did the blog post I should have done yesterday, and I started taking some diuretics. We thought it was worth a try to get some of this fluid shifted, so today has also involved more peeing than is normal. Maybe they, along with the stress ball squeezing and arm elevation, will help the fluid. Heard nothing about the compression garment.

After lunch, Daddy and I went to see Sing. It was that or Hacksaw Ridge, and I thought I needed the light relief of singing animals. I was not prepared for the ten or so children who were there – at a two o’ clock screening on a weekday, there should not be loads of kids, no matter what the film. If they’re ill, they should be at home, if not, they should be at school. I had to shush them several times because their parents were not doing anything. 

Apart from the children, I did enjoy the film. Rosita is my favourite – I love her and her piggy power.