Archives For crochet

The 19th & 20th; So small.

August 21, 2017 — 1 Comment

The 19th of August. 

I can’t see this being a long entry. I woke up from a particularly horrific dream in which I was having some kind of scan, which I could see on a screen, and inside my belly was a catacombs made of my own teeth. It was very disturbing. 

This morning, I did a blog post while watching Saturday Kitchen. Then, the rest of my day was spent watching the other seven episodes of The Defenders, while I crocheted. Doing another doily. Mindless busy work. There was a brief, surreal interlude, in which a brass band marched down my street, playing a jazzy tune. I know it definitely happened because I filmed them as they walked away. 

The Defenders is very easy to binge watch. Sigourney Weaver goes full-on Theresa May in episode 6. Jessica Jones is still my favourite – I’m glad she’s getting a second season. 

Now, waiting on a kitten delivery. New floofs please.

The 20th of August. 

Oh lord the kittens are so small and cute. Harvey and Hugo are the babies, and Henrietta is the mum. She is very hissy and sighs with an alarming regularity, like she is utterly fed up. Must make her happier. Hugo is a scaredy cat, likes to cuddle up to his mum. I have petted him once. Harvey is my favourite because he is the smallest and he loves being stroked and played with. We have had a great time today. 

This morning was the usual, Sunday Brunch, watching Katherine school Tim and Simon on their casually sexist line of questioning. Plus popping in to see the kitties every so often. My cat whispering skills are going to be required with the two reticent ones. 

After lunch, I split my time between cat petting and crocheting. I have to be careful, going in to sit with them, because I lose time – I can just sit and stare at them for ages. So small. I wish they could stay this tiny forever. 

The 13th of August. 

I love Zopiclone. I had some last night and for once it actually worked; it wasn’t hours before I fell asleep, and I stayed asleep all night long. Curiously, I remember one of my dreams, which I don’t normally when I have drugs – we smeared Grandma’s head in jelly to make her warm. 

So I slept in, which was delightful, and after breakfast, I wrote up a blog post. And now we know we saw the last race Usain Bolt won. Even if it was a heat. And Mommy is extra glad she’s got tickets to see Mo next weekend at the Alexander Stadium. 

This afternoon, I needed to get away from the horrors of life (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not paying enough attention), so I went upstairs, and I listened to James Acaster being interviewed by Richard Herring at Edinburgh which made me laugh so much, I can’t wait to see him again this autumn. Then I went to watch the final episode of Orphan Black with Betty, which made me do a small cry, but it was for happy reasons, not sad. 

I have felt much less terrible today. Less tired, less pain, less burping. All round improvement. 

The 14th of August. 

Normal sleep service has resumed, it seems. No drugs last night. Suddenly realised this morning that Becky and James’ wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we hadn’t got them cards. So, after Mommy had been to do the food shop that didn’t happen at the weekend, we went into Sutton to get some. While there, I bought some lip balms because mine is about to run out, and some nail varnish remover, then we got cards. 

Back home, we had lunch, then Becky and Jamie appeared with gifts to say thank you for feeding their cats while they’ve been away. Jamie should have been on his way back to Strasbourg, but he missed all his trains. He should be on his plane now, if everything this afternoon went to plan. We can but hope. 

Since then I have been crocheting a tiny teddy with the remaining pretty baby wool. I’ve actually finally had a good idea for what to give Pete and Sophie for their twins, and after talking to her this morning, I have a very up to date idea for when they’re likely to be born, so I don’t need to rush. 

The 9th of August. 

Well, I had a terrible night. It took me hours to fall asleep, then I woke up multiple times, too cold, couldn’t get comfortable. It is ridiculous that in August I am having to use my electric blanket. 

This morning, after a breakfast of porridge (weather appropriate), I wrote up a blog post, then I made the last two squares of the blanket. I think twenty is enough, once it has a border as well. 

I managed to spend almost all of my afternoon looking at the squares, at books and magazines, then back at the squares, trying to figure out how to join them. Tried various ways and eventually chose one, so I’ve joined six of them so far. This part will be tedious. 

Hope I have a better sleep tonight – up early for hospital tomorrow. 

The 10th of August. 

Another weird night – ages to go to sleep, then I woke at six with a horrific headache on the right side of my head, but it seemed to abate when I lay on my left. I had to get up at seven anyway and I was still getting pangs of pain, very reminiscent of the pressure headaches I used to get when I had the arm/face swelling and high blood pressure. I’m taking some co-codamol upstairs tonight in case it strikes again. 

Dr. Thompson was running pretty much to time this morning, so I didn’t have much chance to read my book. I really must try harder, because whenever I do pick it up, I want to advance the story. I really ought to just try reading it when I know I’ll have time. Anyway, I let him know how things had been since the venoplasty (arm the same, breathing slightly better) and he thinks next time I come I should do some tests so I’ll look forward to that. 

Nothing to do but come home, so I got busy assembling the blanket. I have sat in the armchair all afternoon, sewing squares together, then columns, then across the rows, then one border, and finally a second border. Now I just have to close up the gaps between the corners and weave in some ends and it’ll be done!

Oh and I have an appointment at the lymphoedema clinic, a week after I see the liposuction lady. I have to fill in a survey about my “quality of life”. Ha. 

The 7th of August. 

Still some pain today, but not quite as much. I had a decent enough sleep, but I’m still tired too. Too much activity for me for one day; my body is taking its time to recover. I’ve got very little on this week, just respiratory clinic and we’re back down to London this Saturday to do it all again. I will, at least, not have a gig to go to, so I can just rest when we get home. 

I spent most of my day working on blog posts, typing up the 3rd to the 6th, then uploading all the photos and culling the shit ones. Got to decide if I take my camera again this week, or if I take a different lens. We’re sitting in a different place so I need to work out what we’ll be able to see. 

I think I finished about half two, then I made two more squares of blanket while watching some more Glow. I’ll have to lay them out to work out how many I’m going to have to do. 

Tomorrow, I think I’ll stop the pregablin. A week of the double dose has done nothing but make me sleepy, burpy and hungry. The hunger is fucking me up because part of anorexia recovery is learning to feed yourself when you’re hungry, but now I’m having to ignore the hunger, tell myself it’s just the drug, and it’s so confusing. 

The 8th of August. 

Back to pretty much normal levels of pain today. I’ve binned off the pregablin because it has done fuck all for two weeks. I’ll be going back to see Dr. Blaney and we’ll discuss steroid injections. Stupid spine. 

Today has just been crocheting squares for the blanket. I did two or three this morning, in between visits to the kitchen to check on baking progress, because we made chocolate, ginger and sesame cookies and chocolate cupcakes with coffee frosting filling. 

After lunch, had a quick hairwash (very little colour is left in my hair now), then Mommy went to Grandma’s and I got back to crocheting. I’ve now got sixteen squares and I watched all the daytime crime dramas Sky Living has to offer. I think I’ll do four more and see how it looks. I don’t want the baby to grow out of it straight away!

The 5th of August.

Oh god such a long day. I am in so much pain. I got up at ten to five because we had to be at New Street for twenty to seven, and that is too early for a Saturday. When we got there, we bought coffee and breakfast pastries, then sat in the assistance office until it was train time.

Arriving at Euston, we did not have time to wait for even five minutes for the ramp, so we just sorted ourselves out. Bought lunch from Pret, and a coffee to put in the thermos for later (Olympic Park coffee is vile). Then we bombed down the road to St. Pancras and got on the javelin to Stratford. I got the last seat, by sheer dumb luck. Thankful, because I can’t stand for six minutes. Upon arrival, we had to join the queue of wheelchairs for the lift, then had to navigate Westfield, trying to find a way to get to the corner of John Lewis where we were meeting Christine. The first lift was broken, and marshals didn’t know where we should go, so we ended up going all the way to the other end of the mall to find a working lift, then doubled back so we could finally get on the correct route and meet Christine. Found her, then joined the crowds heading for the Olympic Stadium. Got settled in our seats, in the disabled position just above the start line, so we had a great view of that, plus some of the heptathlon events that were going on.

For most of the morning, my eyes were killing me, and there was a freezing cold wind which I couldn’t seem to find respite from from, despite even putting up an umbrella to use as a windbreak, so I couldn’t enjoy myself as fully as I might have. I saw a lot through my camera lens, between drowning my eyes in drops and screwing them up tight. At one point, I wanted to drink the coffee we’d brought in, so I poured some out only to find it tasted really weird. I drank a bit more, then remembered that the woman behind us at Pret had ordered a soy milk cappuccino. We must have got that. No wonder it tasted so disgusting.

We saw lots of events – no finals, just heats, but it’s always fun to shout at people to run faster, and groan with everybody in the crowd when someone knocks the high jump bar down. It was so sad when KJT hit the bar on her final attempt, and we all watched her curl up in a ball on the mat, poor thing. We all felt it.

The weather made things interesting; we had several showers, and as we left, some huge rumbles of thunder. I’d been covered in the giant wheelchair poncho, so didn’t get wet when the rain came. We weren’t herded the way we were after the Anniversary Games, so we got back to Stratford much quicker than we expected. Started talking to a couple on the platform who also had a wheelchair, to find that their son is having a stem cell transplant this week! Tried to share the successes of my life to give them hope. No liver failure chat for first-timers.

We arrived at St. Pancras just after two, so had just over an hour before we needed to be at Euston. I suggested we go to Origin to have an actual nice coffee, so that took up a good half an hour, then we scooted down the rest of the round.

We picked up some reading material for the train, plus some Pom Bears, then off to the assistance office again! We’d barely sat down before we were sent to the platform, despite our train not departing for nearly thirty five minutes. We were told the chap would meet us with the ramp, so we waited out in the freezing wind for him to appear. After ten minutes, there was no one, so I rang to check the situation, and she said he was coming. We waited another ten minutes, and still nothing, so we hauled the chair on to the train, only to find the wheelchair position floor was covered in food and some other crap. I didn’t really feel like covering my wheels in that, so we folded up the chair and I sat next to Mommy. This turned out to be a smart move, because a couple got on the train with an old Westie who sat under the chair in front of me so I had a dog friend for the journey home! Then we picked up some pizzas for dinner and have about an hour in the house before I have to go out again for Regina Spektor tonight. Busy busy busy.

The 6th of August.

So. Tired. So. Much. Pain.

Regina Spektor was beautiful last night. She was, frustratingly, half an hour late on, but was so charming and brilliant, I forgave her. I never thought I’d hear Us live and it was so gorgeous. She is one of few singers who are just as good as their record if not better in person. And I was spotted by Hayley from school so we caught up afterwards which was delightful.

I am very tired now though. I got to bed after midnight, and slept until ten. I’ll still be having an early night tonight I think. Plus my back hurts all over, and my neck, and my bum. Having zero fat on there means sitting on non-padded seats all day leaves me in much, much pain.

This morning, once I was actually up, I wrote about yesterday, which was a long one. I’ll have lots of blog work to do tomorrow – got to get the photos off my camera before I do a post as well.

After lunch, I crocheted. Just crocheted squares for Michaela’s baby blanket and watched the new Orphan Black, which made me do a small cry.

We wear our scarves just like a noose
But not ’cause we want eternal sleep
And though our parts are slightly used
New ones are slave labour you can keep

We’re living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We’re living in a den of thieves
And it’s contagious

The 3rd of August.

I didn’t get a huge amount of sleep last night. At least, not good quality sleep. I got some bad news just before I went to bed, so that was rolling around in my head all night.

This morning, I did a blog post, then I had a chiro appointment at half past eleven. Time for Trine to stretch out my back, try to get some relief because the pregablin is still not helping. I’m not sure if the double dose is also making me sleepy or if that’s because of the bad night. Ugh. We went into Sutton briefly so I could get some spray-in colour for my hair, because a lot of the dyed bits have been chopped off. I’m not seeing Saskia until mid-August, so I needed something very temporary to tide me over, stop me feeling boring.

After lunch, Mommy helped me with the hair spraying, then she went to Grandma’s and I started work on a blanket for Michaela’s baby while I watched Glow. Living up to the twenty-something grandma stereotype. Testing out different kinds of granny square because I’m that cool.

I’m tired. I want to go back to bed.

The 4th of August.

Bree is gone! Belle now; her new owner is a fan of Beauty and the Beast. They arrived shortly after ten, with the grandson in a much better mood, and a cardboard cat carrier for temporary use. Bree did not want to go – she kept leaping out of the top before I could get it closed; I had to chase her round the room and shove her in which was awful and I hated it but she was okay afterwards – she had some of her toys and a blanket that Betty has been sleeping on. Fingers crossed.

I did the Catalog admin that comes post-adoption, and went to do other kittens that have been done, to find them not on the list where they should have been. I subsequently found them in the system, with the adoption bit already having been done. I found out Nicole has been doing them which she is not supposed to, because she doesn’t have all the information. I have asked her to stop doing that please, so hopefully that sorts it out.

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Valerian. It’s quite a fun film – Cara Delevingne pretty much carries the plot. I like that her character is cool and badass, but Valerian is still her boss despite being an asshole and pretty stupid, which pissed me off. I also didn’t like their flirty relationship because I think they look like siblings. The film did not need to end with them banging against a window.

The 1st of August. 

I am very tired because I woke up at ten past six for no reason, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I’ve had three coffees, but the caffeine has worn off and now I am weary again. 

I didn’t get up upon waking; I stayed in bed, listening to the radio for a while. When I did get out of bed, I did a blog post, and I phoned around for an appointment with somebody about my arm. I’m going to see a surgeon who does various procedures for lymphoedema, and she’s obviously very busy because the earliest I could see her is mid-September! Still, it’s before the clinic, and I need this fixing. 

I was at Black Sheep at 11.45 to get my hair cut. I saw June, as Michaela’s off until October, and now my back and sides are super short, with the top long. The last time the clippers were used so much on my hair was when we shaved it pre-chemo on my kitchen floor. Ah, memories!

After lunch, I went into town with Mommy who was giving blood. While she did that, I went shopping – I bought a skirt from Oasis, some wool from John Lewis, and I had a brow consultation at Benefit. I really had no idea what to do or use, and now I do! Then I got a text from Mommy who was finished, and we came home to find the towels that had been drying were wet again. British summer. 

The 2nd of August. 

I was woken up today by Daddy phoning me to find out where Mommy was. I didn’t know, because I had been asleep (she was here, just not near her phone), but I was glad he’d woken me because I’d been having a horrible dream in which Christine had got drunk and had sex in my bed, then she’d drawn all over my bedroom walls and I was trying to erase it, but everyone thought I was overreacting and her behaviour was fine which was really frustrating! Stupid brain. 

My day has been spent crocheting and assembling the panda. I finished off the body this morning, then we had lunch and watched last night’s Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. Then this afternoon, I made the arms, ears, tail and scarf, then I put him all together! He is very cute but might look a bit terrifying to a new baby. I hope not. 

I have been needing lots of Rennies recently because my tummy is full of wind and I suddenly realised it might be to do with pregablin. Looked at the side effects and yep. Also it’s why I’m so much hungrier. Still not helping the pain. 

Had a lady come and see Bree with her daughter and grandson. They fell in love, and the little boy started crying when he realised they couldn’t take her home today! Bless.