Archives For dreams

The 1st of August. 

I am very tired because I woke up at ten past six for no reason, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I’ve had three coffees, but the caffeine has worn off and now I am weary again. 

I didn’t get up upon waking; I stayed in bed, listening to the radio for a while. When I did get out of bed, I did a blog post, and I phoned around for an appointment with somebody about my arm. I’m going to see a surgeon who does various procedures for lymphoedema, and she’s obviously very busy because the earliest I could see her is mid-September! Still, it’s before the clinic, and I need this fixing. 

I was at Black Sheep at 11.45 to get my hair cut. I saw June, as Michaela’s off until October, and now my back and sides are super short, with the top long. The last time the clippers were used so much on my hair was when we shaved it pre-chemo on my kitchen floor. Ah, memories!

After lunch, I went into town with Mommy who was giving blood. While she did that, I went shopping – I bought a skirt from Oasis, some wool from John Lewis, and I had a brow consultation at Benefit. I really had no idea what to do or use, and now I do! Then I got a text from Mommy who was finished, and we came home to find the towels that had been drying were wet again. British summer. 

The 2nd of August. 

I was woken up today by Daddy phoning me to find out where Mommy was. I didn’t know, because I had been asleep (she was here, just not near her phone), but I was glad he’d woken me because I’d been having a horrible dream in which Christine had got drunk and had sex in my bed, then she’d drawn all over my bedroom walls and I was trying to erase it, but everyone thought I was overreacting and her behaviour was fine which was really frustrating! Stupid brain. 

My day has been spent crocheting and assembling the panda. I finished off the body this morning, then we had lunch and watched last night’s Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. Then this afternoon, I made the arms, ears, tail and scarf, then I put him all together! He is very cute but might look a bit terrifying to a new baby. I hope not. 

I have been needing lots of Rennies recently because my tummy is full of wind and I suddenly realised it might be to do with pregablin. Looked at the side effects and yep. Also it’s why I’m so much hungrier. Still not helping the pain. 

Had a lady come and see Bree with her daughter and grandson. They fell in love, and the little boy started crying when he realised they couldn’t take her home today! Bless.

The 25th of October. 

Another very strange dream last night in which I was trying to decide whether or not to shoot myself in the head. It wasn’t going to kill me, just “reset” me in some way, but I had to get it right or it wouldn’t work and I’d just end up brain damaged. Why am I like this?

This morning, I finished off all the parts of the thing I’ve been making and put it all together. It looks so good! I just have to wait until Christmas to show it to anybody. Oh, the pains of being organised. I still have to come up with and make two more presents though so I do need the time. 

After lunch I started on a hat using the Christmassy wool I bought which I will be able to let people see, although admittedly I won’t be able to wear it until at least November. Frankly I’m just waiting for an excuse to make my Christmas playlist. The festive food magazines have already started arriving but I have yet to peruse them for recipes. 

At 3, Shari came round again to see Alfie and Angelica. They were not particularly into the idea of sitting on her lap, but that’s normal – they’ll get there. Both of them sit still with me very happily, so it’s just going to take time. She stayed for about an hour, and we had a good chat. She’s very excited, having been wanting kittens since she was a kid, and now she’s living in her own place, she can have them! I bet she can’t wait for the weekend to come. 

The 26th of October. 

Today has not gone as planned but maybe that’s in my favour. 

This morning, I mostly sat in front of the tv, working on my Christmas hat. That is actually how I spent my afternoon too, although it wasn’t supposed to be. The lady who’s adopting Ava and Amira was supposed to be coming to see them with her daughter and grandchildren, but she never turned up.  I realised that she didn’t know what number I live at, and I rang her but she didn’t answer, so I left a message. They have my phone number, so I thought her daughter might ring but that didn’t happen, and I’ve still heard nothing. She goes on holiday tomorrow, so I might see if Sheila has the daughter’s number and try to find out what happened. 

Them not coming meant that I could finish off the hat (it’s very cute) and we made a special cake for the final episode of Bake Off. I don’t want it to start because then it’ll be over! But we will be having cinnamon chocolate chip cake which will be amazing. I did hurt my hand chopping all the chocolate but I think it will be worth it. 

The 25th of September.

Last night’s bad dream was that I got shot, then I was having to have another transplant but I’m not sure which organ. I would like this to stop now. Nice dreams please, brain. 

I had a nice morning in the soft pyjamas (honestly I hate taking them off; regular clothes suck), writing my blog and crocheting the last square. It turns out that I need one more to complete the blanket but I don’t have enough wool, so I’ll have to wait for another sale, then get some more to finish it. I also changed the battery in the heart rate monitor strap to see if that would fix it, but it still wouldn’t transmit. Had it worked, I would have gone to the gym this afternoon, but now that’s going to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on when my new one gets delivered. 

After lunch, I iced some cakes for Daddy to take into work tomorrow when they’re having their Macmillan coffee morning, and started working on one of my Christmas presents. I’m so organised. I am having to do it with a 2mm hook though, and boy, do my eyes hurt. I think I am going to need to do this with lots of breaks. 

I’ve had a text about collecting Rufus and he’ll be going on Thursday. A couple of days more to try to make him less skittish!

The 26th of September. 

Finally a night with no bad dreams! Not that I remember, anyway. I only recall one in which Christine was in her bedroom and the bathroom at the same time. 

I am tired because I’ve been back to the gym. My new heart rate monitor came this morning so I made sure it all worked before I went – didn’t want another surprise. Mommy had to go and pick Daddy up from work because he was feeling ill again, even though he’d taken his tablets and everything. Really hope he’s okay this weekend. I also did a bit more work on the Christmas present. 

So, the gym! On the way, I got a text from Vlad asking when I might go and do this core plan. I said I was actually nearly there, but he wasn’t around, so we agreed on Thursday. I saw Neil and paid for the rest of September, which was a whole £4.17, then went to put my stuff in a locker, where I had a panic because I thought I’d lost the lightning to headphone adapter. Thankfully I found it under the seat, which was most pleasing because a) I really didn’t want to have to buy another because I was careless and b) I didn’t want to have to listen to gym music. I did a bit more than last time and it all seemed okay – we shall see tomorrow!

The 24th of August. 

No poo-watch today. Instead, it’s Bake Off day! I am ridiculously excited. Love Bake Off so much. What insane things does Mary Berry have in store for us this year? I already have my favourites: Andrew, Rav, Selasi and Benjamina. Watch them. 

Not so much crocheting today either. This morning I had a phone call with Ben from Anthony Nolan about the event I’m going to at the BMA in September; he wants me to speak a little bit so we were mainly just talking about what I might say and what is going to happen. Mainly networking. 

After lunch and the new episode of Pretty Little Liars, I had a trip to the dentist and hygienist. Liam (the dentist) and I had a lovely chat about flossing, then the hygienist poked all my gums and gave me a score of zero which is the best! Still can’t cope very well with the abrasive floss/polishing strips though. Bleah. 

Since getting home, I have only had time to crochet the neckline of my jumper and a sleeve. Just the other sleeve to go and it’ll be finished! Having tried it on a couple of times, it’s definitely going to keep me warm. 

The 25th of August. 

I woke up from the most horrific dream in which I had squished an enormous spider (its body was the size of a two pound coin) with my hands and it screamed, and when I awoke I was in the position I’d been in in the dream and I really didn’t want to move. 

This morning I was at the chiro. I told Trine about the MRI and asked if she might be able to pull a string or two with Mr. Harland, then she crunched my upper back and my neck a lot. When I came out, the most ghastly duet was playing on Radio 2. I got dressed so fast. I have never heard it before and I never want to hear it again. 

After lunch, I crocheted the other sleeve of the jumper, and now it is finished! It doesn’t look great in a photo because it’s oversized and slouchy. When it’s cold enough, I’ll wear it and it’ll look better. 

Not long after I’d finished, Nadia’s adopters came round to take her home. They’re back from holiday so couldn’t wait to have her. We got all the paperwork done pretty quickly, then it just took us about forty five minutes to get her into the carrier. In the end, there was some tricking and we had to grab her a little bit. The other two were only too happy to get inside but she was not getting involved. I was so of of breath. Still, we got her there in the end and it was a very short trip to her new home. I am sure she’ll be fine. The other two don’t appear to have noticed. 

The 6th of August. 

Day 1 of oxycontin. No side effects but no relief yet either. I’ve started on 10mg twice a day with scope to adjust it as I see fit. I have oxynorm too, and I’m just hoping between them, I might start feeling better.

I had a much, much better night. All sleep, no vomiting. This morning I watched the Olympic opening ceremony while I blogged and read the paper. I got suddenly, surprisingly emotional at the part with the Olympic Laurel, and the lone girl running down the aisle with her dove kite. I don’t know why; I’ll blame tiredness. I think the games will probably take over our lives again. I loved London; 2012 was a really excellent year and it was so different to how I saw Beijing, which was being trapped in an HDU cubicle, having just had my second transplant. I remember very little. 

This week’s Saturday cinema trip was Jason Bourne. I enjoyed it for what it was – mainly fighting. Fighting and running. And car chases. There is one in Vegas which is too long – you could easily have a nap in the middle. I very much enjoyed Alicia Vikander’s fashion; she has a grey jumper and a grey coat that I am coveting. I live for good knitwear, even when it’s boiling hot. Roasting outside, yet in the house I need a cardigan. 

The kittens are being mental tonight. The heat has sent them bananas. 

The 7th of August. 

I’m really hoping that the upsetting dreams I had last night were just my brain being weird and nothing to do with the new painkillers. One involved our garden being full of cats but not in a fun way, in an ominous, scary way and the other one was about a man in our house who was made of bags of skin. We’ll soon find out. 

I have had a very quiet day. Sunday Brunch this morning, painting my nails and sorting out the care package that will be posted tomorrow (well, that’s the plan). I just need to choose a book to put in, then pack it with tissue paper before it is all taped up. 

After lunch, I finished season 4 of Fringe while I weaved in the ends of the small blanket I made weeks ago. It’s meant to be for a kitten but I like it so much, it’s going to have to be a very special one. I have been deleting more photos from my phone and coming across lots of Nick and Neve. They were so cute and funny. I wonder how they are now. Hopefully they have learned how to behave with water; they were forever splashing it everywhere, making loads of mess. 

Mommy was in with ours this afternoon, trying to get them used to her because they’re still not big fans. I’m not sure how well that went when she spent a lot of time shouting at the women’s rugby sevens team – Christine does training with two of them so we’re rather invested in their victory. Nothing quite riles my mum up like sport.

The 22nd of April. 

I had a really terrifying dream last night that the Grim Reaper was following me around and I was trying to hide from him on the sofa. I woke up very scared and had to listen to a podcast to distract myself from what was going on in my brain. 

Today has been recuperation from yesterday’s business. I did a blog post this morning while drinking a poorly-made coffee, then I returned upstairs to get dressed and I spent a good ten minutes taking selfies because I was feeling myself. 

This afternoon I crocheted a smaller mouse (I did one yesterday with a slightly larger hook). I think I need to give them noses because right now they look a little bit Voldemort-esque. Christine has come home for the weekend again and we’re trying to decide what film we might go and see tomorrow. 

Ugh I am so sleepy. I might have a Zopiclone tonight, I really would like a break from all my scary and stressful dreams. I don’t know why my brain is being so unfair to me while I’m unconscious.

The 23rd of April. 

Okay so I think my breathing is definitely worse. Maybe I have been in denial about it. If it is, I’m going to have to work out a way to make things as easy as possible, because if I continue to go downhill, I’m not sure how long life will be tolerable for. If I get to a point where I feel like I’m gasping all the time…well I don’t know. 

Sorry about that. On a cheerier note, I didn’t have any scary dreams last night, and I had a nice, chilled morning just reading the paper and actually doing the sudoku with no assistance from an app. 

A slightly earlier cinema trip than usual, as Daddy wanted to be back in time to watch the football. We decided on Bastille Day, and upon our arrival at StarCity, none of the click and collect screens were working, which was most frustrating. We had to go and queue behind all the people buying food which takes forever because they all seem rather inept. Once we finally had the tickets, we had to get the radar key to get up to our screen in the lift, and we got to our seats just in time to see the trailers. 

Film was fun. Idris Elba playing a kind of rogue CIA agent who plays fast and loose with the rules and has to stop the corrupted French police stealing the national reserves. It’s all a bit silly but we enjoyed it. 

Came out to a text from Becky to say they had adopted some kittens! I immediately went round as soon as we got home. They’re super small and adorable, just nine weeks!

Aaaaand tonight I’m off out to Tiff Stevenson. Busy girl. 

The 25th of January. 

Well, the oxygen idea didn’t work, so tonight’s plan is to add my third pillow back in because that’s also changed. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with a tongue that doesn’t feel like sandpaper. 

Finally got Suzi’s parcel sent off this morning, First Class, so that should arrive tomorrow. I also did a blog post and wrapped myself in a blanket because it has been freezing in my house and I cannot cope with it. 

I had an email from Superdry saying my jumper was in so after Mommy had taken Grandma to the doctor (she’s got antibiotics) and we’d had lunch, we went into town to pick it up. 

The chap in the shop actually offered to open it up for me to check the contents and it was the correct thing in the right size, so that was all very pleasing. Last week, they gave me a card that said if I spent £75, I’d get £25 off, but I couldn’t find anything else I wanted. There wasn’t anything else we needed to do in the area so we came home again! Probably one of the shortest town trips ever. 

I called Piccadilly Opticians today to book an eye test. I’m really quite concerned about what seems to be a sudden deterioration of my vision. Thursday afternoon. 

The 26th of January. 

The extra pillow worked. How weird. Sleeping propped up I breathe better? Might ask Dr. Thompson about this. 

I didn’t have a good sleep – I woke in the middle of the night having had a dream about getting a spoon stuck in my oesophagus horizontally (impossible I know but dreams aren’t logical). I had to work very hard to distract myself from thinking about it to go back to sleep. 

Today is my parents’ wedding anniversary – 36 years. I came downstairs this morning and saw Daddy’s card, which he’d only seen of when he went to write it and found it said Happy Birthday! I can understand his thinking because from the front, it could be an anniversary card. Never mind. I am waiting until he comes home to give them their card. 

I got on the scales this morning for the first time in a fortnight. I still weigh myself regularly, I can’t let go of it. I was exactly the same as two weeks ago, so my days of birthday excess have had absolutely no effect. That’s a good thing, because I’m nowhere near ready to be getting back in the gym yet – I made my own lunch today and was becoming breathless by the time I was plating up. Everything is still such an effort.