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The 7th of August.

Today seems to be the last really hot day. I hope so – last night I slept terribly. I should have had a second coffee at some point but I just never got round to it so now I’m very sleepy.

This morning, I got my blog post done before we went to The Spire. My appointment was meant to be at 11.45, but I ended up swapping with another lady who had another appointment elsewhere and wouldn’t make it. That was fine; I had nowhere else to be.

When I got called in, Julie was amazed at the size difference. She had a look at the sleeve I’m currently wearing and decided I need to go a size and class down, so I’ve got a prescription for that and hopefully Boots have ordered the right one. She also showed Mommy how to do the massage to deal with the remaining fat.

I have spent my afternoon being really cool, playing Rayman. Well, until four o’clock. I did the stupid next level, then a couple more, got The Elixir of Life (after a very frustrating bit) and thought it best to stop there.

Then, back to my dress. Now it’s a lot of back and forth, and I want to go to bed.

The 8th of August.

It is less warm for sure, but when it’s sunny oh boy it’s too much. I’m fairly sure I’m so sensitive because of photopheresis – I always had to wear sunglasses for 48 hours afterwards to try to prevent photophobia. I must admit I was not very diligent so it’s probably my fault that I can’t cope with brightness.

I kind of frittered the morning away doing a whole lot of nothing, apart from a bit of crochet. Keep plugging away at this dress, no matter how tedious this part is.

This afternoon was gym-time. Quiet again – maybe everyone has gone on holiday? I think the very committed girl must have because I now haven’t seen her for two visits on the trot. I had a weird sort of session – I did what I normally do and everything felt the way it normally does but my heart rate wasn’t going as high as usual. I think my heart rate monitor might have been having a wobble because I don’t think I’ve suddenly got better at everything.

The Janelle Monáe tickets came today and I could not be more excited.



The 5th of August.

I am tired again. It’s like I run out of energy by the end of the week. Not every week, but often enough for me to have noticed.

This morning, I did my blog post during Sunday Brunch, then crocheted the dress. I have tried it on and it fits so far – the most important part was where the armholes are and that’s fine, so I can carry on. If I had tried to carry on with the 2mm hooked yoke it wouldn’t have fitted so I’m glad I binned that one off.

After lunch, I sat with Dolly, watching House and continuing to crochet. She actually stayed under the chair for the whole time, sleeping, no matter who was in the room. Louise, the lady who’s going to adopt her, brought a carrier and some stuff that smells like them so Dolly can learn their smell and hopefully acclimatise a bit more quickly when she moves. We’ve spread the blankets and jumpers about and now I’m just hoping they’re not the reason she’s staying hidden.

My sleeve is really pissing me off – it’s either falling down, or if I pull it up it digs into my hand between the thumb and my forefinger. Can’t wait to get my new one that will fit.

The 6th of August.

Ugh my sleeve is so irritating! Just the place on my hand is really sore – it has rubbed the top layer of skin off so any time I remove it, I am covering it in handcream, although it’s hard to rub in because the skin is so sensitive. Bah.

Quiet morning – just crocheting the dress. Unravelled a round, only to realise I hadn’t actually made a mistake so I was annoyed at myself. It’s coming along nicely, I just need to pay attention to my counting.

This afternoon, I have been to the gym. The hot weather must have put everyone else off going because it was really empty! Barely any youths, and only one whose body spray caught in my throat. Still, I will be glad when the holidays are over and the amount of children returns to a minimum. When I came out, it was so sunny, it hurt me to see. I had my sunglasses on and my hand-visor but it was awful. I can deal with it being hot but when it physically hurts my eyes, I struggle.

The 3rd of August.

It is warm again, but not too warm. Hooray!

This morning, not very much happened – did a blog post, Christine came home. Little bit of crochet – I’m redoing the yoke of the dress because the one I did with the 2mm hook seems too small. We shall see!

Had lunch, then I went to the gym. Third time this week! I’m not their most committed member though – there is a teenage girl who is there every day, I’m pretty sure. I am slightly concerned about her because she is already super slim. I kind of want to ask her what she is hoping to achieve over the holiday (it is since schools broke up that she has started appearing) but obviously I can’t. It was busier than Wednesday, but thankfully nobody smelled today so I coped with it.

Back home, I booked my train tickets for Janelle Monáe and an Anthony Nolan thing I have a few days later. September is going to be good!

The 4th of August.

My back is bad this evening. Maybe the CBD capsules were doing *something*? I’ll see if this persists and if it does, that means I’m going to have to spend more money and experiment again. Or maybe I’ll finally get another appointment with Dr. Blaney. It could happen. Today is two years and I tried oramorph for my pain and all it did was make me vomit copiously.

This morning, I finished the yoke of my dress while watching Saturday Kitchen, which featured a woman who can’t have been of sound mind because her food heaven was aniseed. Wrong.

Then I spent the afternoon on a nicely air-conditioned cinema with Daddy and Christine watching Ant-man and the Wasp. It is pleasantly entertaining – nothing spectacular, but lots of action and lots of jokes. I swear Paul Rudd ages backwards. The message I took away was that if people asked for help instead of deciding to be enemies, lots of damage could be avoided. Or certain people need to deal with their existential death bullshit. If you see it, stay for the first post-credits scene.

Now home, I’ve realised I have to undo the last round of the dress. It’s okay. I can fix it.

The 26th of July.

Oh boy it is so hot. The wind is getting up now, so it looks like the predicted rain is on the way.

I had a pretty quiet morning – did a blog post, then more wool research. Still having trouble finding something appropriate, so I messaged the writer of the pattern for some suggestions.

After lunch, I went back to the gym because I could move quite freely again. The difference between the oppressive heat outside and the air conditioned gym was extreme. I would have gladly stayed all day for the air-con. So glad the only time I have ventured outside was the journey to and from Wyndley. Loads of teenage boys in today. Including the one that smells bad.

When I got back, my blocking mats and pins had arrived so I pinned out the doily from the other day, then Becky came over to receive birthday cards and presents. She told us about the wedding she and James had been to this week, and some of the children in her class next year and we are looking forward to hearing more about them. It doesn’t sound like it will be as bad as this year. Hopefully.

The 27th of July.

I think today is the worst it has been. I have drunk so much iced water, I’ve had to refill two ice cube trays.

I was woken by the carpet fitters next door, although I thought it was the window cleaner so I didn’t open my curtains until after I’d got dressed. I did very little this morning, apart from completely unravel the skirt I had made and paint my nails. It’s really too warm for any proper activity.

This afternoon, I have sat with Dolly, although I’m not sure how much good it’s done because she stayed asleep on the windowsill for the whole time. I watched some more of Zoo, so now I only have four episodes left. Get that finished this weekend. While I watched, I started work on a cardigan, using the wool from this morning. Hopefully I can turn it into something I will actually wear. Then I did some writing, finishing a piece that I’ve been thinking about for weeks, ready to go up on my transplant anniversary on Monday. 

The 22nd of July.

My bed was so great. I had a beautiful sleep, although I did have a dream that we forgot to put the sleeve on. Not that it would be the end of the world, but in the dream it was very stressful.

This morning, I watched Sunday Brunch while writing about yesterday, then I finished reading The Intrusions. It’s very good – not as clever as a Jeffery Deaver, but I think I’d read another one by this guy. His name is Stav Sherez. Maybe I’ll look at some of the ones that precede this in the series.

After lunch, the couple I spoke to earlier in the week came to see Dolly. She was out on the wind when the doorbell rang, but as soon as she heard new voices, she was straight under the chair. She stayed there the whole time, so the only way they saw her was by crouching down to look. Still, I told them everything about her, and despite her best efforts, they still want her! Only trouble is, they can’t take her for five weeks, so we need to decide how that’s going to work.

Then I spent the rest of the afternoon watching series 3 of Zoo on Netflix. So much exposition. Still, I smashed through the first four episodes so it can’t have bothered me that much. Dolly came out as soon as the people had gone. She’ll have to get used to them!

The 23rd of July.

Hottest day of the year and I choose to go back to the gym for the first time in a month.

This morning, it felt like I had nothing to do. Once I’d had my breakfast and coffee, I rang Fiona (nurse from The Spire) about getting the problematic stitch removed. Most of them have sorted themselves out now, there are just two left that are being reluctant. Anyway, I’m going to see her tomorrow morning. I also spoke to Sarah about Dolly going back to the cattery briefly, but they have no space whatsoever, so she will be staying here for the next five weeks. That does give us the opportunity to build trust before we have to get her in the carrier again. Maybe she’ll have forgotten what it’s like.

After lunch, to the gym! They have air con, so I was not caused any problems by the heat. I didn’t do any arm stuff, although I am allowed to do a little. For today I just did legs and abs, so I was only there for about an hour and a half. Unfortunately, school holidays mean there were loads of youths, and one of them smelled so bad, I had to breathe in the opposite direction.

Tomorrow I think I will be very stiff.

The 22nd of June.

I have stroked Dolly! Finally back to where I was a month ago. Christ. Maybe now it’ll speed up a bit? I can but hope.

This morning, I was going to meet Selina, but she wasn’t feeling well, so we rescheduled. Instead, I wrote up a blog post, tried to rearrange one of my upcoming hospital appointments only to find the person engaged, and made my first of the third set of hexagons.

After lunch, Daddy took me to the gym, and I had a fairly reasonable session. No scary breathing, no excessive pain. When I arrived, the manager told me I should always swipe my pass in case I need to prove I was there. I don’t know about him but I don’t often need to provide people with an alibi. And when I left, a little girl was very excited to press the button which would open the gate for me. I’m glad I could bring some joy.

My cannabis oil capsules arrived today. I have to start with one a day and slowly work up, maximum nine. Hoping it doesn’t get that far or this is going to be really bloody expensive. They have an interesting aftertaste – not unpleasant, just a bit curious. I think it might be the coconut oil.

The 23rd of June.

Two important things happened today:

1. I got Dolly to purr, and I mean a proper, prolonged purr.

2. I watched Hannah Gadsby’s show Nanette on Netflix.

I had to do my own breakfast and I can say that the CBD capsules aren’t having any effect yet, but I wasn’t expecting them to immediately. In a few weeks, maybe. Then I spent most of my morning filling in a form for my pre-op assessment which wanted me to list all the drugs I take, all the conditions I have and every admission I’ve ever had. I’ve chosen to tell them what’s important, and if they need to know more we can go through it in person.

After lunch, I went to feed Dolly. She came out of hiding, ate the food, and wandered off, so I left her. But then she started making sad noises so I went back and got out the Dreamies. At first, she was really jumpy, but eventually she calmed down enough to be stroked and scratched round the ear, and she was really purring for the first time. Then, back to jumpy. But it’s a step.

Buoyed by that, I went to watch Nanette. I’d heard it is brilliant, and not just that but important too, and those were accurate sentiments. It is fantastically constructed and balanced, incredibly poignant and smart, using tension in such a masterful way. It will teach you something; make it your business to watch it.


The 18th of June.

I am pleasantly not knackered today. Had a fairly boring morning, typing up two blog posts on the past four days. I couldn’t be arsed to sort out the pictures so that’s a job for tomorrow. I also rang Anne Dancey’s secretary, Gayle, but she wasn’t there so I’ll have to try again tomorrow.

This afternoon, I gymmed. Did a few different things to try to keep myself from getting bored. Binned off the bicep curl machine because I don’t feel like it’s effective, did it with free weights instead and now my arms are a bit trembly so it definitely did something. When I got home, I had a phone call from Lynn, Dolly’s previous fosterer (sort of) to see how she is getting on. I had to give her the bad news that she has gone rather backwards. She is coming out for food and the litter tray, just like when she first arrived. Obviously had something incredibly traumatic happen in her first home and finds it very difficult to trust humans. Poor floof.

The 19th of June.

I hurt today. My bum and arms are protesting after the gym yesterday, and Trine had to do a lot of work on my neck because it had a terrible weekend. Ergo, much pain this afternoon.

Before the chiro, I rang Gayle again to see when we could schedule my liposuction. She said she had to move some people around, and would call me back, so we left it at that. Post-neck-kneading, we went to see if we could find a soft brush for Dolly, and got a few bits from Tesco. We have procured a baby brush from Boots, so we’ll see if she hates that one too.

Wool for my blanket arrived while we were out, so after lunch (and The Bridge), I started crocheting hexagons. I’ve done twelve, got ninety one left. I’m going to have to be somewhat industrious. But I’m excited to see how it comes out!

I rang Gayle back at about half two because she hadn’t got back to me, and the upshot is that provided the nurses can fit my pre-op in in time, I’ll be having it done on the 7th of July! And shortly after that, the pain nurse rang to talk about my injections. I told her that they’d had no effect, and she’s going to get me another appointment with Dr. Blaney, although god knows when that’ll be. Cannabis oil it is!