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The 4th of July.

The blanket is finished! It needs a bit of ironing because the edges are slightly puckered but I am very pleased with it.

I was on my own again today, as I wished. Family went to visit some sort of castle which is really not my vibe. I did the last bits of tidying up of the blanket, then for the rest of the day, I sat and read The Rabbit Hunter. It is another excellent piece of work by Lars Kepler, except for the excessive amount of focus on Saga’s black leather bodysuit and the gratuitous sex scene that had no bearing on the story whatsoever.

I feel slightly better today. We went out for dinner. I met a nice cat.

The 5th of July.

Another day, another book read.

I was woken up by men doing things with scaffolding exceptionally loudly at 8am. Thankfully that won’t be a problem tomorrow because I’ll be up before they arrive.

Not really sure where the morning went; I watched Victoria Derbyshire, got dressed, and started reading Stuart’s book, Don’t Be A Dick, Pete. Considering I’m going to visit the Wilder-Heritages next week, I thought I should have read it.

So this afternoon, the family went on a long walk to Thorpeness, and I stayed here and read. I was very happy with my decision because I was visited by another nice kitty! A different one to yesterday; this one was black with some grey hairs. I opened the door and he enjoyed lots of stroking, then he came in to have a look around (I had already closed the doors to anywhere else) and we had a lovely time. It was nice to pet a kitty who actually appreciated it.

Home tomorrow. Then liposuction day. I’m trying to quash the idea that it might not work.

The 26th of June.

Oh god it is too hot for existing. No gym this week – it’s hard enough to breathe doing normal activity in this heat, really don’t think exerting myself is wise.

This morning, I typed up a blog post, although I have just realised that I didn’t actually post it, so I’ll do that once I’ve finished this.

Daddy took me to The Spire for twelve, for my appointment with the lymphoedema nurse. She measured my arm for my sleeve, and apparently I will be wearing it for quite a bit longer than six to eight weeks. I will see her six weeks after the surgery, which is when all the swelling will have calmed down a bit.

On the way home, we went to Tesco to buy ice lollies. Ended up with Calippos, Mini Milks and Fruit Splits, so we have loads of choice. Calippos give me flashbacks to Ward 8 after my liver transplant, became I could gnaw on them and not throw up, because flavoured ice was one of the only things I could actually digest. Eating them now, in the sunshine, is highly preferable.

This afternoon, I have been making my extra hexagons. Three colours left to do.

The 27th of June.

Pre-op day! Had to be there at ten thirty, and Daddy had to go to work but thankfully Alison was able to take us. It was pretty straightforward – we went through my history, albeit briefly, because they don’t need to know everything, talked through what I’m having done, had some bloods done, blood pressure, urine sample. That was entertaining because they gave me a she-wee-like device to get the pee into the bottle. I’m not sure how helpful it was. I’ll need to pick up a prescription for some pre/post-op antibiotics, and I might have to go back the day before for a group and save if they think I might need blood. Unlikely.

This afternoon, I have finished all of the hexagons, for definite this time, and been vaguely aware of the Germany/South Korea match. I also had a somewhat infuriating chat with the mechanic who’s fixing Mommy’s car. I told him multiple times that I wasn’t her, but he refused to hear it and just kept talking so I had to pretend it was my car and tell him I’d get back to him about picking it up. Thankfully not long after that, Daddy got home so he went down there to deal with it. I now understand Mommy’s reaction to that guy.

The 27th of August. 

Slightly better night. I definitely slept more, and my dreams weren’t upsetting. Improvement all round. 

Sunday Brunch this morning, although the only person I really immediately recognised was Tori Amos. None of the comedy pals were on this week. Wrote up a blog post, and exchanged messages with Sophie about her and Pete’s twins, which I can now talk about because they have been officially announced. They were born a week ago, both still in hospital until they get a bit bigger. 

Grandma came for lunch, after an appalling lunch yesterday – wanted to make sure she had a decent meal this weekend. She was given “lasagna” but it looks like sloppy leftovers you wouldn’t even give to a dog. Absolutely fucking atrocious.

After lunch, I went upstairs and watched the last episode of Doctor Foster, then Penny came to visit! She has come home for the weekend so came to see the kittens and had a lovely time talking to Harvey in a ridiculous voice. We had to leave when a poo happened, so we went and ate chocolate and toffee cookie cake in the kitchen. I haven’t seen her properly for years so it was really nice to hang out. She is a babe. 

The 28th of August. 

I had sleep, but the dreams were not good. I am not happy with my brain right now – so many bad dreams, this is not normal. 

It is hot. Even I am actually too warm; I have had to take my cardigan off. Very unusual. Most of my day has been spent with the curtains drawn, crocheting. I think I may have actually crocheted too much, because my left hand is very achy now. No more today. 

This afternoon, I made myself an iced coffee, and it was so painful. The standing up to do so, I mean. My appointment with Dr. Blaney isn’t until the third of October, so until then, I just have to suffer. When I do have to stand, or sit in an unsupportive chair, all I can think about is being able to rest, such is the agony. Penny asked me yesterday what it was like and it is so hard to describe – it’s like there is a knife plunged into my spine and if just stays there, never abating. 

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The 20th of June. 

It has been slightly less hot today. It didn’t feel like it this morning – I had to get changed after going upstairs to put on minimal make up because I was so sweaty. It was very unpleasant. 

I was meeting Sadie for waffles at one, so Mommy dropped me off in the Bullring car park and I went up in the lift to Selfridges so I didn’t have to deal with any blinding sunlight. I was early, as always, so I got a table and waited for her while perusing the menu. We decided we would have just waffles, no room for milkshakes too. I went for the Seriously Cinnamon, but without all the whipped cream and stuff they normally put on top. Just cinnamon and syrup for me please. 

I got to hear all about the debacle of her stolen phone, her dealings with the book eater (Matthew Goodwin, her PhD supervisor), and she got to squeeze my fat fluidy arm. A fair trade. Still no venoplasty date, by the way. Once we’d eaten and paid (neither of us could finish our plates), we moved to Starbucks for cold beverages and comfier chairs. Amazingly, sofas became available just as we ordered our drinks! How fortuitous. While there, we saw two children riding around the toy section of Selfridges on these houses that move around like real ones. They’re incredible and I want one. 

Back home, I managed to get the kittens to play a little bit. They will play with me, as long as I don’t make any sudden movements. Sigh. 

The 21st of June. 

Today has been the hottest. And I had to go outside. Bleah. Oxygen clinic at ten, where we saw Ben, who was very happy to see me without tubing on my face and looking much brighter. He also wanted to know what was going on with my venoplasty/PICC, and when we told him that nothing has happened, he said he would email Andrew to try to speed things up. 

Had a slightly longer appointment with the oxygen nurse, just because I had to explain everything about the pneumonia and my stays in during the past six months. She stabbed me in the ear and my oxygen levels were a bit lower than last year but that is only to be expected and they weren’t terrible.

Went into town before going home, where I bought three books (Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge, The Power by Naomi Alderman and We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie), an eyeliner and mascara from Boots, and a fan brush from The Body Shop. The lady who served me had to go and find one from the stock room, and came back with several which she put on the counter. I paid, and she brought my receipt and change round the counter to give to me, but not the brush. I assumed she had just forgotten to pick it up so asked for one and she thought she’d given it to me but I didn’t, so she handed it over. Then we went to Starbucks so I could get an espresso frappuccino. While I was waiting, I happened to look in my bag and saw a brush, which confused me because I was sure I’d put it in the Foyles bag with the books. I checked, and there was a brush in there too! I had no idea how the one in my handbag got there, so I got my drink and we went back to The Body Shop. I went up to the counter, where the lady was, and handed her the extra brush, apologising for my accidental thievery. She was very surprised me but congratulated me on my honesty. Sure I could have kept it, but what would I do with two? Seriously no clue what happened. 

This afternoon, I think I made some progress with Betsy and Brodie – we played games with my fingers. They don’t immediately run away from me now. 

I had an appointment with Trine at the chiro at half four, and it was much better than last time. No hospital bed makes such a difference!

The 18th of June. 

Too much warmth. Sleeping was not good. I have a sheet on my bed now so hopefully tonight it will be easier. I am not built for this weather. I prefer about eight degrees less than this. Low to mid-twenties is a good temperature. 

This morning was blog post and Sunday Brunch. Coffee, curtains closed. This afternoon, I’ve been counting down until kitty o’clock but now it’s here and they’re going to be late because another fosterer is delayed. Bahhh. After lunch, I started some new crochet (finished the doily last night but it needs ironing), then at 2 I went upstairs to lie in the dark and listen to Gardener’s Question Time because I’m very old. 

Back downstairs an hour later, crocheted until five, then found out about the hold up. Now writing, twiddling my thumbs. Dinner between six and seven so they can’t come then. I just hate it when people are unreliable. It’s not Shaki’s fault, but still it is frustrating. I want my floofs!

The 19th of June. 

Kitties arrived after dinner. They are super fluffy and gorgeous. The mum (Betty) is very friendly, she is very happy to be petted. The kittens (Brodie, Bree, Bailey and Betsy) are less forthcoming – will have to make them enjoy it. 

Obviously it is too hot to do much of anything. Last night was gross – my room is the hottest, even with the curtains closed and windows open. Bleah. 

For most of the day, I have been sat with the kittens, trying to get them used to me. Tennis on in the background, glasses of iced water. The kittens are bouncing around, exploring their new abode, having lots of pretend fights. I can tell which one is Brodie because he’s the only one with short fur. Betsy is the biggest, fluffiest girl, and she’s grey, so I think I can identify her. Bree and Bailey are both brown and look basically the same, but one is lighter. Which one that is, I am not sure. 

Wilting. Really not looking forward to bedtime. 

The 16th of June. 

I have a tiny bit of good news. I gave the ciclosporine eye drops another go last night, fully prepared for it to be awful again. But it was fine. It stung a bit, and first thing this morning was a bit tricky, but it was so much better than last time. So now that extra line of treatment for my eyes is up, let’s hope that helps. 

So it’s been a quiet day. I wrote up a blog post this morning and this afternoon I did some podcast listening and redid all the crochet I’d had to unravel. Now back to where I was, I can try to finish. Will have to do most of it tomorrow because on Sunday, new kitties come, so I will be super distracted. I need some tiny floofs. 

The more that comes out about Grenfell, the worse if gets. The Queen and Prince William visited victims today, Theresa May only went to the hospital where she could control the narrative. Then she goes to a church but nobody sees her and she sneaks out of a side door. No council-lead support; everything is being done by the volunteers. Everybody in power is doing the bare minimum, sometimes not even that. It’s inhumane. 

The 17th of June. 

So hot. So bright. Being on Voriconazole means I’m not really allowed to go in the sun (it majorly increases the risk of getting skin cancer and since we know someone who did get it because they didn’t know, I’m not taking any chances), so I can’t go outside and enjoy it, but even if I could, I’d be so photosensitive, I’d be blind. I miss being able to see without pain. 

It’s been mainly a day of crocheting. Want to finish the doily. And I’m doing very well – I’ve got one round left. Although focusing on tiny crochet hasn’t been great for the eyes. Finish a round, have a rest. Lots of drops. 

Very little to say. I iced some cakes and put sugar elephants and ducks on them. I climbed the stairs and it was fine. That was a really good feeling. It’s been so long since I didn’t need an immediate rest when I got to the top. 

The 19th of July. 

It is too hot for anything other than basic respiration. I have been outside a couple of times just to see what it was like. Thirty seconds was enough. I can barely breathe. 

I was up early because I was at Black Sheep at half nine. I started having a worry that I’d got my appointment wrong because I hadn’t had a text message, but there was no point in ringing because I was the first appointment, so we just went and if I was wrong then I’d just come back to the car. However, I was right, and I just hadn’t had a text because their computer system is throwing a wobbly. 

James and I had a chat and we went much more vibrant because I want it to last longer, but we don’t know quite what will happen because my base is so light. We shall see! Mainly purple with pink fringe and pink back. It is not subtle. 

Went to the gym on the way home so I could take in my letter from Andy Toogood so my membership can be paused for free. Vlad tried to be funny about my hair change and asked if I’d had my glasses painted to match. I flatly shut those down. Do not make jokes about my appearance. I will not laugh. 

This afternoon I have stayed inside, drinking water from the fridge and updating my blog. Tomorrow I can have a day off!

The 20th of July. 

I really don’t want to complain about the weather, especially when I am so often freezing, but it is literally difficult to breathe and it appears that nowhere in our house is cool. 

I managed to get to sleep last night without too much trouble, surprisingly. I swear, the last time I was this hot was in Majorca, when I had leukaemia and didn’t know. Not great memories. At least when we were there, we had a pool I could cool off in. 

This morning I got to have a break from writing. I, like the kittens, have flooped. We have all wilted. I have been pouring extra water on their food to make sure they’re not getting dehydrated. 

I got a lovely card in the post today from Anthony Nolan to thank me for last week. Bless them. Tomorrow they deliver the letter about 2nd transplants to the Department of Health, and I so wish I was going too! Then again, if I were to speak to anyone, I would have to work really hard to not get too angry. Probably best I am not there.