Archives For ill

The 18th of October. 

I think I am getting better? Very slowly. Like, I am definitely coughing less. I haven’t been quite as phlegmy today? Ohh progress is glacial. 

This morning I did a blog post, and did some more phoning to find out what’s going on with my Andrew appointment. Turns out Christine hasn’t had anything about me, but because I’ve made contact with her, she’s going to find me-related paperwork and wave it in his face so he tells her what he wants. 

After lunch, back on the crochet. Starting a Christmas present (eee!) – have to start thinking about that. Mommy and I have booked our train tickets for our annual London Christmas shopping trip. I hope I can wear more of my festive jumpers this year. 

My left eye has been protesting all day. So looking forward to going to bed and closing them. 

The 19th of October. 

I am just exhausted this evening. It’s not like I’ve been out much, or had a bad night, I’m just tired. Bleah. 

I spent my morning sewing beads to the thing I’m making for Heidi. Mommy had taken Alison to her physio appointment, and must have done something to the door, because when the veg man arrived, I couldn’t open it. It shouldn’t have been locked, but I got my keys and tried anyway. Couldn’t open it. I tried everything but it wouldn’t budge. He put the box in the porch and I yelled out the window “Sorry, I’m locked in!” When Mommy returned, she couldn’t open it from her side, so I ended up having to open the garage and let her in that way. I didn’t have to walk much, but I could barely breathe. I know I’m not well at the moment but still…I think the pneumonia has probably damaged them permanently. I suppose I’ll have to ask Dr. Thompson in November.

We had trip to St. Giles again today to try some more sleeves – not going for made-to-measure just yet. I’ve got two – one that stops at the wrist so I’ve got a glove to go with it, and one that’s the same style as my other one, both in different materials. I’m not enjoying the glove; it’s so squeezy on my fingers. 

And my eye is bad again today. Can I rest, please? Let me rest. 

The 12th of October. 

I had my first reasonable sleep in weeks last night. As in, it didn’t take me hours to fall asleep. That might be because of how exhausted I was – I was too tired to eat even half of my tea. 

I woke up with a suddenly very tickly throat that wouldn’t abate unless I drank continuously. It cleared up once I brushed my teeth, but I couldn’t go back to bed. I had an appointment at the GP anyway – they wanted to talk to me about my latest letter from ophthalmology. Turns out they were confused about my prescription. He was actually very reasonable, and we did a bit of a prescription audit so it’s up to date now. 

This afternoon, I watched the new episode of Riverdale (yay!), and felt up to doing a bit more crochet. Another assembly job next. I never know how the cough is going to be the next day so we’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I’ve got a ticket to see Jayde at The Glee tomorrow night but I can’t see that happening with the way I am. It’s probably not a good idea even if I am feeling better. I’ve coughed enough today for my ribs to hurt and me to get paranoid that I’m going to pop my lung again. 

The 13th of October. 

Bleugh. I had another decent night, but I’m still knackered this evening. I’ll have had this for three weeks on Sunday. 

The cough has changed again today – it was really dry overnight and first thing, and as the day has progressed, it’s been constant phlegm. Wish it had been like this on Wednesday and I could’ve given the hospital a better sputum sample. We have another pot so if I’m still going on Monday we can take that in. 

This morning, I put together the doll I’m making, although I had to reattach the right leg three times because I just couldn’t get the angle to match the left one. 

Then, after lunch, I started on the clothes. It’s pretty straightforward so far, just long. It needs details though, and they will be tricky.  

Oh god I am so tired. Obviously no Glee tonight. I just want to sleep until I am better. 

The 10th of October. 

I live on the floor now. 

Nights are the same, coughing until I fall asleep, then in the morning I’m okay until it starts again. Today, I got a blog post written up, but not posted before it was necessary to lie down. 

Rosemary came for lunch and she arrived to find me on the ground, which is always fun to explain. I got up to eat, but the rest of the afternoon has been face down. I watched an episode of How to Get Away with Murder on my phone, and listened to James Arthur speak very eloquently about mental health on Radio 5. 

It is something I have long struggled with, having been diagnosed with depression at fourteen, and it has varied in severity over time. I have been medicated since I was eighteen, which helps for the most part. I still have days under the heavy cloud, sometimes they stretch into weeks, months, but they end. I know they end. And I’m forever going to deal with the demon that is anorexia which really took hold when I got “better” from cancer. I was in treatment for over a year before I decided I wanted to change. You can have all the support in the world but if you’re not ready to stop self-destructing, you won’t. I still deal with its voice, I worry about my body, how I look. But I know that is not who I am. I am the sky.

The 11th of October. 

I am so tired. I had about three hours of sleep because I was just constantly coughing, and I had to get up at seven because I had to be at hospital at nine. 

It was for my lymphoscintigram in nuclear medicine so we could finally find out if my lymphatic system is the problem in my right arm. I got called through about half nine, having alienated everyone in the waiting room with my cough. I had two injections of radioactive dye in the webbed spaces of each hand, then I had a series of x-rays to see how quickly the lymphatic system would dispose of it. Each scan took five minutes in which I had to be completely still, with my arms stretched out in front of me on the bed. I had six in total, twenty minutes after the first, forty minutes after that, an hour after that, and an hour and ten minutes after that. The final one was me standing up with the machine moved to scan my body. We were able to discern that the right side is not functioning properly, because the dye was long gone from my left arm, but had got stuck in the lymph nodes near the elbow on the right. So now I’ll see Andrew again, and we’ll make another new plan. 

We finally got home at two, had lunch, and now I’m on oxygen because I’m so drained, my sats are dipping. 

What is this rib doing? It digs into the floor and it HURTS.

The 8th of October. 

I have had a really unproductive day. I think it’s allowed, considering how shit I feel. 

Another bad night, etc etc. I just cough and cough my body is so exhausted that sleep overrides the virus. Then the cough seems to stay dormant until morning, then it all starts again. 

I had one of my rainbow bagels for breakfast to cheer myself up, then while watching Sunday Brunch, I put up a blog post. Mercifully, they’re all quite short at the moment. Then I had to go and say goodbye to the kittens end get their paperwork so I could fill it in before Amanda came to pick them up at one. We had lots of pets and nose boops, and when they were distracted by food, I got the forms I needed from the drawer. 

Everything was ready when she arrived, so I just had her finish them off, then we had to wrestle the little monkeys into her carrier. Gave them both a quick squeeze, then shut the door before they could escape. 

Ate lunch while fast-forwarding through last night’s X Factor, then I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon on the floor. Completely flat on my front, that is the only way I get a break from coughing. Otherwise it is incessant.

The 9th of October. 

Honestly, most of my day has been spent lying flat on the floor. 

I didn’t have a great night (again), so as soon as I’d had my breakfast and my compression garment was on, my face was on the carpet. Well, not technically on the carpet, because that is unpleasant – I have been using a blanket as a barrier. 

It suppresses the cough, but causes pain in my back, neck, knees, ribcage and elbows. I’ve also developed an interesting condition in that when I blow my nose, it squeaks, almost as if I have inhaled some kind of device from a toy or something. Mommy keeps laughing at me. The pain is worth it though, not to cough. I emailed Dr. Thompson, just to keep him abreast of the situation, and he’s writing me a prescription for co-amoxiclav which I can pick up on Wednesday. 

Keep thinking about going to pet kittens then remembering we don’t have any! I haven’t heard anything, which I’m taking to mean everything’s fine. 

Right, back to the floor. 

The 4th of October. 

Last night was dreadful. The coughing would not cease, and I think the best chunk of sleep I had was between six and seven this morning. It hasn’t got better as the day’s gone on, and I just want it to be bedtime.

This morning I did a blog post, then I finished putting Heinz the Stag together, so all the little winter chaps are finished. The wool has arrived for some of the Christmas presents I’m going to make, although for some reason I ordered double of some of it so I’ve got to send a lot back. I blame illness. 

After lunch, Amanda came to see the kittens again, but she didn’t stay very long, I think because she felt bad because I was coughing so much. She suggested I see a doctor but I explained why that would be pointless. 

At half past three, Mommy and I went to the GP for our flu jabs. I stayed in the corridor, to keep my coughs to myself. I know I’m not infectious, but I don’t want to unnecessarily concern everyone else being jabbed. 

Oh, I hope tonight is better. I need a rest. 

The 5th of October. 

I just feel terrible. I had a better night but ugh, the coughing is still exactly the same. I move one bit of phlegm, and some more comes to take its place. 

My only triple out today was to the Women’s, where I was seeing Miss Byrom and Sue. While waiting, no less than four people asked if I needed water. Sigh. It was particularly bad – I feel like I need to wear a sign that says I AM NOT CONTAGIOUS. Thankfully it wasn’t busy enough for anyone to need to sit very close to me. 

The upshot of the appointment is that nothing can really go ahead until the anaesthetist is happy, so I need to see the immunology doctor about my white cells. She is away until next week, but her secretary is aware of the multiple people need her to see me. Hopefully that means I will see her sooner rather than later. 

I just want to stop coughing. I want to stop being in pain all the time. I’m so tired.

The 2nd of October. 

It is just relentless. Doesn’t stop. Don’t know what time I fell asleep. It was after Daddy got home, past one. 

Everything hurts. Both shoulders, all of my back, my ribcage. The only way I can suppress it is to lean forward, but that makes my back pain even worse. Thank god I’m seeing the pain doctor tomorrow. 

I went to St. Giles today to get a new compression garment. I met Jane, who is the one that works with Anne Dancey. She looked at a few different sizes, but actually the first one fitted. I’m not loving it – I forgot how squeezy they are. I’ve got to ring them in a few days if it’s okay and they’ll get the GP to organise a spare one for me. 

Henrietta is going today. She is not getting any happier here, so Shaki is going to take her back to the colony from whence she came. She’s well now, and has been spayed so can’t get pregnant again, so this is the best thing for her. She is not destined to be a pet.

The 3rd of October. 

My chest quietly rumbles on. If I’m not coughing, I’m burbling away. 

I think I had a slightly better night – I don’t think it took me quite so long to fall asleep. Not that it’s helped much. Still just coughing up phlegm all day long. It’s funny, the cough is so loudly phlegmy, yet people still offer me water like lack of moisture is the problem. It is quite blatantly not a dry cough. It happened while I was waiting to be called through in pain clinic this afternoon. Like I will drink the water and be like HALLELUJAH YOU HAVE CURED ME!

Speaking of pain clinic, Dr. Blaney does agree that steroid injections are the next step, as any stronger drugs are all opiates that will probably affect my breathing. However, he doesn’t want to do those until we know why my white cell count is consistently high. I get it – if we introduced infection into my spinal fluid, that would be a problem. So now we have to badger the secretary of the immunology doctor, and she’s not back until Thursday. 

The 30th of September. 

I had a lovely morning and a horrible afternoon. 

Another okay night, woken up by my alarm. I managed to get a lot of my morning coughs out of the way, then my favourite homeboy, Dan Alani came round! I took him in to the kitty room, where he greatly enjoyed meeting two new little mates. It is a novelty that does not wear off. 

We had a really nice hour and a half, catching up on each other’s lives. He is doing so well; I am very proud. We’re growing up! Where did the years go? Yet we can fall back into old habits like no time has passed at all. He gives the best hugs. 

He left to go to Aston Villa with Warren, and I had lunch. The cinnamon bun I bought yesterday was very disappointing – not much cinnamon and there were cranberries? Not okay. So I ate the blondie instead. 

Since then, the coughing has been non-stop. I feel wretched. I am so sweaty from the constant effort. And it is this that has lead me to the decision that I can’t go to Harry Potter tomorrow. I will ruin the day for everyone concerned, the day will be too long, and I will just make myself more ill. What’s worst is that it is my own fault for doing too much. My body is able to ruin anything. The lesson here: don’t make plans. 

The 1st of October. 

Ugh. I feel grim. I don’t know what time I fell asleep, but I woke up at half past ten when Mommy came in because I had slept through my alarm. Whoops. 

It has been made evident by the amount of tissues in the bin that staying at home was the correct decision. I did not know it was possible for the human body to produce this much phlegm. I’ve been able to spend most of my day in just a t-shirt because the amount of coughing I’ve done has kept me so warm. Sweating away. 

I’ve actually injured my left shoulder this afternoon while I was hurling my body forward. Oh, god. I at least managed to finish Chloe’s seal, so I can get that sent off to her as soon as I find an appropriate way to package him. 

Right, I think I’m going to curl up on the floor. Sometimes that helps. 

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