Archives For kittens

The 8th of June.

All the kittens are gone!

Had a slightly stressful but then great start to the day. Janelle Monae is playing The Roundhouse in September and tickets went on sale at 9am. Christine and I both wanted to go, so she was going to book, but was having trouble. I immediately got on the phone and remarkably got through to someone very quickly. I asked about booking an accessible seat with a companion, and it seemed like she couldn’t sell me one, as if they weren’t available. I was not on board with this, so got her to inquire further. She went to talk to the ticketing people, and when she returned, a seat was miraculously available! So now Christine and I are going to scream our lungs out to Americans in September. So excited!

Rest of the day has been kitty paperwork and adoptions. Dot went first, about half two, amazingly without too much fuss. I have been sent photos of her on the sofa of her new home already. Then Dusty and Daphne have just left, off to an enormous cat tree, such I am sure they will absolutely love.

I just hope Dolly isn’t too sad now.

The 9th of June.

Today just seemed to get away from me.

This morning, I got up and dressed for the gym, because nothing was particularly painful. Well, no more than usual. I ended up having my breakfast a little late, and then by the time I’d finished my coffee it was eleven o’clock and I don’t know how that happened.

I did a little bit of crochet before lunch, which we ate while watching Trooping the Colour. It always reminds me of “Be Prepared” from The Lion King, when all the hyenas march past Scar and salute.

The gym was hard today. I had a really scary moment after my second set of squats, which is the first thing I do. I normally do sets of eight, which take my heart rate up to about 158. Two minutes of recovery, start again. I thought I’d try to do nine, and it was just one squat too many. I wouldn’t say I had a panic attack, but I think briefly I knew how one feels. I was frighteningly breathless, and my mind started racing with bad possibilities. My breath not coming back, or having to move, or what if I need oxygen I don’t have any oxygen. I don’t think I can put into words the terror that spreads through me when I am shaking, doubled over, squeezing whatever is in my hands, trying to concentrate only on breathing, not hyperventilating. I started to think I was going to have to text someone to come and get me, because I couldn’t see myself carrying on today, definitely not climbing the stairs. But the breathing came back, and I talked myself down, giving myself time before starting the next set and I got to the end of my routine. Climbed the stairs. Just have to breathe.


The 6th of June.

My right shoulder is the problem today. Honestly, my body just feels like a disaster zone lately.

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, then I listened to the new episode of The Naughty Step and gave the kittens a pet before a trip to Black Sheep for Michaela to cut my hair. She was away when I went for my colour, so I had to wait. It was getting far too long and tufty. Had a good chop and chat about life, gave kitten updates, and had barely finished my coffee by the time we were done. Daddy picked me up on his way back from that dump and we came home.

Had to eat some lunch very quickly, remove my eye make up, and go back out to the QE to see Mr. Kolli. Had a blast from the past while waiting for my name to appear on the screen when a girl called Rosie who I met at BCH came over. She works at a care home so was with a patient, but it was nice to see that she is fine. My eyelashes are behaving themselves for now, so I don’t need to have any more removed yet, my pressures have come down a bit (after several attempts to measure them), and my GvHD is inactive. Plan now is to do steroid drops every day for two months, then stop, and do the pressure drops every day until a week before my next appointment with him in three months. Let’s hope my eyes continue to cooperate.

The 7th of June.

Well, Dolly has been a right old pretender. Not in her disdain for us, but the kittens. All this time she has acted like she doesn’t care about them, completely ignoring them, but we had to separate them last night so they wouldn’t feed from her while they were meant to be nil by mouth, and she has made the most forlorn sounds all day. Constantly mournful yowls, so I spent my morning replying to every mew and giving her Dreamies. She only really quietened down when she fell asleep. I don’t know how she’s going to cope tomorrow night when they’re gone and not coming back.

I stayed with her until lunchtime, came out to eat, then I went back in until it was time for us to go and collect the kittens. I really don’t know if me sitting with her helped at all, but I couldn’t bear to be out of the room and hear the sadness.

Had the bonus of meeting some good dogs at the vet, and the kittens had all been fine, they just screamed all the way home. Must warn the people tomorrow.

The 4th of June.

Well, today has been pretty garbage. I had thought I would go to the gym, but I woke up and my back was immediately terrible. Literally, I got out of bed and there was pain. So I wrote up a blog post, but photos aren’t syncing between phone and iPad, and I left that. Hoping I’m not going to have another iCloud saga. Moved on to my crochet and I’ve discovered that having finished the collar, it looks weird, and I subsequently found it is the wrong size! So I have sat for the whole morning, unravelling the entire thing and spooling it into neat balls of wool. And Mommy scraped the side of the car swinging it into the drive because idiots made it extra difficult today. So it’s been bad!

This afternoon, I started the cardigan again multiple times, so it now ought to end up being the right size. Bit of tennis, bit of crochet, then I sat with the sleepy cats and watched Bates Motel. They at least got something right with the CF girl today because she jumped in some water without her oxygen which I knew would be bad and her reaction was appropriate. For once.

The 5th of June.

I suppose today has been an improvement, in that it was not dreadful. Slightly less pain, so I went to the gym.

What happened this morning? Not a huge amount. I stayed in my pyjamas to begin with, because I wasn’t sure what activity I might be doing, dependent upon my back. After coffee, and putting up the blog post from yesterday, I went upstairs to get dressed in my gym clothes and listen to a Friends with Friends. Back downstairs, I returned to crocheting the cardigan until lunch.

Obviously, the afternoon was spent at the gym. I had a reasonable time, nothing excessively difficult. I found myself getting emotional while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack and thinking about death (specifically, mine) so had to stop myself from crying during my tricep dips. Then later, I was recovering on the leg curl and I think the staff have had a meeting about me because I looked up and there was a woman there asking if I was alright. Believe me, if I’m having a problem, you’ll know. I also had to make a child move because he was just sitting on the last machine I wanted and passive-aggressive staring wasn’t working. So I was polite but pissed off in my tone and he moved. Victory.


The 2nd of June.

Bleugh. I am tired and we are going out tonight and my back fucking kills today.

It took me ages to get to sleep for no apparent reason, then I couldn’t lie in because a lady was coming to see Dot at half ten and I couldn’t appear to have just rolled out of bed. I had breakfast and typed up a blog post, before Pauline arrived very promptly and we went to see the floofs.

She has met them before, as her daughter-in-law works at the cattery where they were born, so she actually know their history better than we do! It seems Dolly was a stray and got a boyfriend, this absolute unit of a tom called Billy, and he started bringing her to the cattery to show her where she could get food. How precious?! Pauline knew she wanted Dot from day one, and she understands how nervous she is and what she needs in a home, so we’re happy for Dot to go and live with her.

She was here about an hour and a half, so there wasn’t really any morning left then. I’ve spent my afternoon watching some tennis while crocheting, listening to Friends with Friends, and shuffling around the floor, following Dolly, trying to get her to settle down for a stroking session. She is my Everest.

The 3rd of June.

My body is fighting with me today. It is exhausted and it hurts.

I forgot to say yesterday that it was Bill Bailey we were out seeing last night. He finished late, and my back was already awful, so those things compounded mean today has been pretty dire.

All morning, I was sleepy. Not a normal amount of sleepiness, an excessive amount, so much so that even during my coffee I was thinking about having a nap this afternoon. My activity has been limited to crochet, just going back and forth doing the collar of this cardigan. I now have three rows left, then I have to attach the sleeves and weave in the ends and it will be done! Probably tomorrow.

After lunch, I went upstairs for Gardener’s Question Time, a lie down to rest my back, and an attempt at a nap. I know I was awake for the first twenty minutes, but once I’d turned on to my side, I’m fairly certain I was only semi-conscious. It made me feel slightly better.

I got Dolly to purr! I’m sure it was her this time. We were having Dreamies and the kittens were trying to get in the way, but I was stroking her and scratching her ears and she definitely purred. Maybe when the kittens are gone, things will get better.

The 31st of May.

I don’t think Dolly is going to be anybody’s friend. I’m doing my best, but I don’t know.

This morning, I had a phone call with Gaby from Anthony Nolan to talk about Young Ambassador-ing. Or it might now become just Ambassador-ing. I hope not immediately, or I’ll have to get more business cards and I’ve only just got the last lot! Anyway, I basically said I’d like more things to do, and I told her about Jeremy volunteering now too, and it turns out she did his interview! And I am to wait an invitation to the APPG Summer Reception at Parliament. Let’s hope the weather is good again.

After lunch, I have been doing some crochet and some cat-bribery. I finished one sleeve of the new cardigan while watching The Blacklist (phew!), and I took a lot of pictures of the jumper that I made most recently and have finally worn. Then I watched the season finale of iZombie (v. dramatic) and I tried to give Dolly some treats while stroking her, but the kittens were not being helpful. She tolerates my petting and occasionally acts like she likes it when I get round her ear, but maybe she’s just pretending for more treats. She isn’t really affectionate to the kittens which is what makes me think she’ll never love a person. Maybe she just wants somewhere to live.

The 1st of June.

My back can get in the bin. Fucking pain.

This morning, I put up a blog post that I meant to do yesterday, then I sewed up the seams of the sleeves of my cardigan. Then I gave the kittens a quick squidge (they were sleepy and didn’t really want to play) before going upstairs to get dressed for the gym and listen to the new Flatshare Slamdown.

This afternoon I went to the gym, taking my sunglasses and my umbrella because who knows what the fuck the weather’s going to do? It seems sunshine also keeps the youths away because it was pleasantly quiet again! I was having a pretty good session, but I had to cut it short on my penultimate machine because my back was horrific. I am seriously considering cannabis oil. I have heard only good things about it, and I’ve got nothing else left to try. I should get a call from the pain team around the 18th to talk about the steroid injections, and as they haven’t worked, I don’t know if they’ll offer me some more or not. It would probably be sensible to wait until after that before I start taking anything else. Sigh.

The 28th of May.

Today did not go entirely as planned but nevermind.

I got up and dressed for the gym, because I planned on going there this afternoon, after the chiro this morning. My neck was not as bad as last time, and my back needed a few crunches, but overall not terrible. On the way back, we were going to drive through the Wyndley car park to check there wasn’t any standing water that might affect my wheelchair (their crèche is out of action so I’m assuming they had some water problems). Anyway, we realised there was no point, because my chair is still in Daddy’s car.

So! My afternoon has been based around the cats. I rang Lydon’s to book the kittens in for their first jabs, then I spent some time giving Dolly Dreamies and stroking her. Then I gave them a break and went to watch Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and crochet more of the cardigan. Nearly at the end of the body rectangle. Back to the cats, I watched a couple of episodes of Bates Motel (getting more annoyed at CF girl but trying to ignore her), then more Dreamies and petting. I think I might have got a tiny, tiny purr. I’m counting it as a victory.

The 29th of May.

The two halves of my day could not have been more different.

Started off quiet, after a bit of a lie in because my back was hurting in bed last night, so it took longer than usual to get to sleep. Not in the usual place, higher up, in between my shoulder blades. I hope that’s not a new thing I’m going to have to deal with.

Went to the gym straight after lunch, because I had to be back in time to get the kittens to the vet at half past four. My session didn’t begin brilliantly, with me discovering upon going to pair my phone with my headphones that my phone was no longer in my pocket. It must have slid out of my hoodie as I drove from the car to the door, and because I was concentrating on my umbrella protecting me, I didn’t notice. Idiot. As soon as I realised, I was back out of the gym, and on my way back outside when I saw a girl coming in, holding what looked like my phone. I sped towards her, calling out “DIDYOUJUSTFINDTHATOUTSIDE?” and she had. I almost grabbed it from her, checked it actually was mine, then thanked her profusely before going back to start my workout, my heart rate already high from stress.

The weather seemed to be keeping the youths that are on half term at home, or at least not in the gym, so I was able to do what I wanted without them getting in my way as I thought they might. Actually, the worst person in the gym today was the old guy leaving his sweat on all the machines. That was pleasant. And I did much better than last time, when everything was a struggle. I think it was the weather. Too warm to breathe.

I got home about half three, in plenty of time to sort the kittens out. In the period between getting home and going out again, I found out that a writer I really like, Yrsa Daley-Ward, was coming to Birmingham tonight to do a reading from her new book and talk about her work. There were still tickets available, so I got myself one and made sure somebody could take me and pick me up. Suddenly my evening was looking up!

Getting the kittens into the carrier was incredibly easy – just grabbed them and chucked them in. They didn’t enjoy the trip – lots of tiny mews and arms through the holes in the door. But they were very good, no scratching and they didn’t even flinch when the vet injected them!

When we got home, I gave all of them Dreamies, and did a bit more stroking of Dolly, although I think she is getting wise to my tactics. Then I got changed, ate an omelette, and was back out, on my way to Impact Hub.

Not only was Yrsa extraordinary and lovely, I also made friends with a woman called Israel, who works in the same place as Daddy and she somehow guessed, out of all the men that work there, which one he is, despite having no clues and me looking nothing like him. Amazing.

I need to find more things like this to go to, to meet new people. When I saw it was happening, I hummed and hawed and nearly made an excuse not to bother, but I’m really glad I went.

The 27th of May.

This morning I found myself with my legs out of the duvet but covered by a blanket, part of that duvet over my middle, and my top thurd uncovered. Didn’t notice the thunderstorms at all but obviously I couldn’t sort out my body temperature.

While I watched Sunday Brunch, I wrote up a blog post, then I spent some time having a staring contest with Dolly. She has smelled my hand, but when I moved to touch her, she backed off. I don’t know how to make further progress with her. Maybe I’ll chuck a small pile of Dreamies on the floor and stealth-stroke her.

After lunch, I took a bunch of photos of my big, colourful cardigan, then I started on the next one, although that will only be one colour. It’s funny, I think the one I’m wearing could either be considered hideous, or be something you pay £90 for in some sort of boutique.

It has been stormy since mid-afternoon, and I am getting concerned about my bedroom ceiling. The man isn’t coming to fix it until Tuesday.

The 28th of May.

I am the best. I gave stroked the mommy cat! Very pleased with myself.

This morning, I was supposed to have a phone call with Gabby from Anthony Nolan to catch up, but I think when we scheduled it, neither of us realised it was Bank Holiday so of course she wasn’t in work to call me. Maybe she’ll try tomorrow. So, instead of talking to her, I sat and worked on the new cardigan while watching the news channel and the tennis. Cool.

After lunch, I went to see the kitties, and this is when we had our breakthrough. I got the Dreamies box out, and Dolly recognises the noise, so she came out from behind the chair. I started putting them on the floor for her, occasionally chucking away a kitten, and at one point she had her back to me so I just started stroking her back.

She flinched, but then she accepted it. I even scratched round her ear! There wasn’t any purring, but I feel like a champion. I gave her lots more Dreamies and told her what a good girl she was.

Today was World Blood Cancer Day. Soon it will be eleven years since I was diagnosed and every day is a gift. Although honestly, lately it feels like I’m just a day closer to dying.