Archives For Luna

The 7th of April.

It’s been a day of marathons – crochet and Scandal. Although, I did start off with a blog post. Then, the crochet began. Had to create a pattern for the bunny’s ears, basically by trial and error, then made the second one. Once they were done, it was time for bunny assemblage. Assemblage, then lunch. However, I then realised I hadn’t made a tail, then I had to make it twice because the first one was disproportionately large. Attached that, and bunny was done!

Took a break to go upstairs and sort out my gym/leggings shelf in my wardrobe, because it is a mess. I really need to go through all my clothes, but at the moment it is just too painful. Once I am pain-free, I can chuck out many things.

Back downstairs, I started on a cinnabon I am making for Adam. It has been a palaver because the pattern has mistakes in, plus it is written by someone who likes to go off on tangents and tell stories that I have absolutely zero interest in. I’ve had to make the top four times! I am happy to have put it down.

The 8th of April.

I have had such a lovely and wholesome day. I went to see Elle, Ben and Luna at their house that I’ve been meaning to visit for over a year, but it has been repeatedly postponed for various reasons. Anyway! I finally got there, had to remind Luna who I was, then I introduced her to the bunny I had made her, who she has named Michelle. We’re not sure where that name came from but hey.

We started playing a game of Frozen snakes and ladders, but after about two and a half turns, Luna got hungry so we put that away. Lunch was a mezze, which Ben has to have for lunch tomorrow too. Baked cheese and bread, prawns, vegetables, fruit, crisps, all sorts of business. I coped with all the food okay, then when I took my Aciclovir, I choked on it and scared everyone (well, Luna didn’t notice). I thought I was okay, then the tablet popped out. It went into a tissue, then in the bin. Haven’t choked in ages! The rest of our time was very pleasant though – lots of talking and playing. I have to try not to laugh when they are doing active parenting – not because of anything they’re doing, just that it still feels odd to see my friends transition into grown-up mode.

Mommy and Daddy came to pick me up at about half three, and came in for some tea and to say hello. They’d gone to see some National Trust-type place with a house and garden, which it sounds like the Winnington-Coes will be visiting too!

The 8th of August. 

I have had the most fun afternoon. Elle came round with Luna, and later on we were joined by Ben who I haven’t seen for aeons, so it was just lovely. 

We’re nearly there on the pain management I think. 30mg of oxycontin plus some top-ups of the oxynorm seems to be taking care of 90% of it, and I think I can cope with the remaining twinges. 

At least on this regime I am sleeping – I think I am feeling the extra drowsiness from the oxynorm, but I don’t mind, it just means more coffee and I get to have sleep! As long as I’m not dropping off mid-conversation (as I have been known to do), I’m happy. So this morning I got up early-ish so I could get my blog done before going shopping to buy food for me, Elle and Luna. Got some picnic-type bits from M&S, then I spent the rest of my morning crocheting until their arrival. 

They got here shortly after two, and I was struck by how chatty Luna is now! I am “Kaffoon”, which I will take, and she was so good and polite, saying all her pleases and thank-yous. We had our lunch of meat and cheese and bread, then decamped into the living room. We played with some toys and she met Graham the hamster while Elle and I tried to converse. After a while, she started getting a bit wriggly and restless, and we resorted to Peppa Pig on Netflix. It’s amazing how she just goes into a trance, almost. No more chat, just pigs. It did mean we could talk properly, so that was nice. Swapping latest medical stories; there’s always something new! For a Peppa break, we went for a wander round the garden so Luna saw the pond (from a distance), smelled the flowers and played with the windchimes. 

Back in the house, we had a small snack, then more Peppa. She did say please every time and I couldn’t say no! Ben appeared, having finished work, and he and I got depressed about the state of the world. It’s hard being so left-wing. By twenty to seven, they needed to get moving because Luna needed dinner and soon it would be her bedtime, and they live on the other side of Birmingham. We packed up all their stuff, and I carried Luna to the car (which was surprising because she is heavy and I haven’t lifted anything for ages). Elle has just texted me at ten to nine and they’ve only just got home! Awful traffic. We’re watching the men diving and there are some beautiful specimens, which is cheering me up after our loss at the rugby. Bloody New Zealand.

The 9th of August. 

I have just had a very worrying hour and a half, wondering if I was going to be sick. We’ve been at the QE this afternoon (just for visiting; I’ll elaborate later) and in the lift down to the car park, I thought I needed some Rennies, but they didn’t seem to do much good. In the car, it seemed to be turning into nausea, so I covered my skirt with a waterproof, moved my bag and shoes out of the way, just in case, and I got one of Mommy’s handy carrier bags to use as a receptacle. I was also really sleepy from the oxynorm, and I always find closing my eyes makes me feel more sick, so I was fighting that too. I clenched my jaw all the way home. 

Thankfully when we got here, we had ondansetron (anti-sickness) so I took one of those, put my pyjamas on, and sat over a washing-up bowl while Mommy rubbed my back. I am very pleased to say it seems to have worked and I do not think I am going to throw up. Still, I’m just going to have a very simple tea.

Had a very quiet morning, just a phone call to the nurse at the Women’s about the lubricant I got with my dilators, but then I got a call from the GP saying my prescription for the dilators (which I’ve already had) was ready to pick up. I’m going to collect it because I might get the right lubricant this time which would be helpful.

This afternoon, as I mentioned, we had a trip to the QE. Our friend Keith is up on the liver ward, being kept well while waiting for a transplant, so Mommy went up to see him and I went to YPU to see a guy called Dean who I met via BuzzFeed/Twitter. He’s got Ewing’s Sarcoma and is in for a week of chemo so I thought I would go say hello. 

We had a delightful time. Two of my favourite nurses, Tina and Laura were on so I got to say hi to them – apparently they had been talking just the other day about how they hadn’t seen me in ages, which is good! Don’t want to be seeing them really, because that would mean I’m poorly. I was passing on some handy hints for surviving hospital – things to pass the time, which he will need a lot of because he’s got eleven more cycles of chemo left. I was recommending My Dad Wrote A Porno and Like Minded Friends to keep him amused/sane; podcasts can be an excellent distraction from all the shittiness that is a cancer ward. 

His boyfriend arrived and was very sweet too, and we were also joined by a lady from The Little Princess Trust who provide wigs. It was interesting to chat about wigs for men because I never met a guy in treatment who had or wanted a wig, so I learned that actually, synthetic wigs are better for men because they can be cut shorter into styles that are more like what most men would have. We also talked a lot about scalp care (coconut oil) and how slow or fast things grow back, like eyelashes are much quicker to come back than hair. There’s so much stuff that you don’t really hear about if you don’t talk to other cancer patients; he’s going to have to have surgery that will put him in ITU for a couple of days where he’ll be ventilated and will have to have physio afterwards to move the crap that will settle on his lungs, so I was enlightening him as to what that’s like. All the phlegm. 

I left with the wig lady, and went up to the seventh floor to meet Mommy and Keith. Also in his rroom were his husband Gareth, a lady I didn’t know, and her partner/husband who is actually a doctor at the hospital in the thrombosis clinic who works with Gill who looks after me! We only stayed about half an hour longer, mainly discussing wedding hats and holidays. We really had to go at half five, and it was just as well because then I started feeling ill. 

I seem to be fine now. I had a boiled egg and soldiers for tea which has stayed with me, so I think I’m alright. It’s never simple!

The 10th of February. 

It has been a most boring day, unfortunately. None of us had a good sleep, we’re blaming the pancakes. Not that that’ll stop us having them again. 

I was correct about the pain I expected – everything is very stiff and sore, so every time it bend, stretch, extend, tense a muscle, I’m wincing. Standing up and sitting down results in involuntary noises, and I walk at the speed of a lame tortoise. 

The wheelchair engineer was booked to come and fix the opening and closing mechanism between twelve and four, so I spent the afternoon in the armchair, crocheting and watching the window/tv. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Agent Carter, Pretty Little Liars. I’m nearly at the end of season 3. The chap’s only just arrived now, at six o’clock. It sounds like he’s had a dreadful day. Thankfully, it also sounds like he’s in the process of fixing it. 

I was supposed to have renal clinic this afternoon, but the engineer appointment kind of took precedence. I’m glad I rescheduled it, because I couldn’t have crossed a picket line. A solution to the contract problem was put on the table that everyone was happy with, but Jeremy Hunt vetoed it, the insufferable bastard. 

Wheelchair is done! All fixed, I am mobile again!

The 11th of February. 

I have had the most fun day. Well, the morning was not so fun – I’m still very creaky from the gym so moving was tough. I had the chiro at 11:15, but had to spend the moments before we left trying to chase the nasty black and white cat away from the fence where it was attacking Oscar. 

The chiro was good, slightly painful, some serious neck manipulation and squeezing but I gritted my teeth and dealt with it. We went straight from there to Ellie’s which is about five minutes away. Her flat is up two flights of stairs, but thankfully Mommy wanted to meet baby Esmé too, so she climbed up to her front door while I waited in the vestibule. 

Ellie popped Elle’s postcode into her SatNav and off we went! Esmé was very good, slept for almost the whole journey, but when we arrived, Elle wasn’t home! Luna had had a bad night so she’d only just been able to go to tbf shop to get our lunch, bless her. Luna wanted a hug from me straight away which made me very happy, she remembers her Aunty Kathryn, bringer of crocheted goods and farm ladies. 

We then spent about four hours just sitting, chatting, eating, trying to keep Luna amused. Esmé is a lot easier to entertain at just ten weeks, whereas Luna needs a little bit more attention. I got a lovely hug from Esmé when she just fell asleep on me for about an hour which was bliss. I obviously have magic powers. We decided at about five we really had to make our move, and Luna got very sad! Poor poppet. Although I am sure she got over it very quickly. 

I love babies. All the babies. Just none for me.

2015 has been pretty fucking fantastic, overall. The beginning and past few days have not been ideal, but other than that, so many great memories! The crazy Valentine’s Day, when Josie, Josh, Joe, Tom, Romesh and Mat all came to visit, coming off steroids, Lyme Regis, the Comedy Gala with Aisling, Katherine, Sara etc, meeting Dawn O’Porter by chance, going to see Heidi, The Hand and Flowers and meeting Tom Kerridge, getting my electric wheelchair, going to The News Quiz and meeting Sandi, hanging out with Elle, Ben and Luna, Hallfield Day with Thor the raccoon, Padstow, Becky and James’ wedding, meeting Yaser Martini at Tom’s Kitchen, getting kittens, visiting Naomi and seeing Curious Incident, Duck and Waffle, my autumn of comedy and hanging out with Suzi, Josh, Joe and Nish, Death Cab, Christmas, now here we are!

I couldn’t be more grateful for such a wonderful twelve months and I am indebted to all those who made it possible. 2016 is going to have to be really incredibly astounding to beat it but let’s give it a go! I hope it’s just as good to all of you. Be kind to one another and yourselves.

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The 29th of November. 

I was thinking I might have a Zopiclone tonight having had bad sleeps recently, but after a visit from Elle, Ben and Luna, I don’t think I’ll need it. She is a tiny whirlwind human. 

This morning I busied myself with a blog post and the assembling of a crocheted thing. I am being vague about it in case someone finds out what their presents are. It took a good couple of hours because it’s quite a stressful process, making sure everything goes in the right place and is adequately stuffed. Got that finished, then lunch. The Winnington-Coes were supposed to arrive at half one but they were a tad late so I started sewing up another thing but didn’t quite finish it. 

Once they arrived, it was mild chaos. She will march off in any direction. Many things came out of the bags to entertain her, mainly musical books. We also spent a long time trying to get her to make a duck noise, and were suitably delighted when she did. The only word she can really say is “car”. Ben dearly wishes he understood her ramblings and one day they’ll make sense but for now it’s just noises and pointing. 

I didn’t get any smashy hugs this time, just a little headbutt. They headed off at about half four, when she got grizzly and sleepy, and took her new hat and mittens with them. She refuses to wear hats right now, but that’s fine because it’s a bit big so she can grow into it. 

I love watching her grow. I hope I get to for as long as possible. 

The 30th of November. 

It was a normal day. Daddy forgot his glasses again so we were taking them to him, then doing a couple of jobs in town. I took back one of the purses I’d bought for Mommy to House of Fraser, then went to John Lewis to get my wrapping paper. Doing a red and white theme. 

They didn’t have the sort of ribbon I wanted, so we went to Paperchase because I knew they would. We were moving through Selfridges, and there was a man dawdling in front of me so I swerved and overtook him. The next thing I knew, I felt this man’s full weight on top of me, one elbow in my head, his other hand on my bag. He used me to push himself up, and I asked him if he was alright. He didn’t extend the same courtesy to me, and walked away. I buried my face in my scarf, breathed deep, willed the tears back into my eyes. I know I make jokes about being invisible, but I’ve never been fallen on before. I was in front of him and he claimed he didn’t see me. It really hurt, physically and emotionally. It made me feel like nothing, no one. It’s like I live on the cusp of a normal life. I know that when I’m in the chair, all people see is the chair, but today they didn’t even see that. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. Nobody I know could understand.

The 14th of October. 

Wargh so cold. I had a great dream about tiny bunnies wearing top hats and tails while people were playing croquet, and was very reluctant to wake up and get out of bed. 

This morning I wrote up a blog post and was very conscious about my higher than-usual heart rate. It did eventually settle, but it took a couple of hours. Nothing I can attribute it to, just got to watch out for it. 

After lunch, I went with Mommy to pick up Grandma from church lunch, and after taking her back home, she took me to the gym. It was starting to rain when we arrived, and I didn’t want to wait in the cold for someone to let me in. Spurred on by my reasonable experience with the stairs at the Glee, I thought I’d try to climb the two flights to that gym. And I didn’t feel like dying at the top! I haven’t tried the stairs since I first joined, and it was awful then – couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak.

I didn’t get everything I wanted done because there was always a particular man on the machines I wanted, he was everywhere, like a plague. So I ended up skipping some bits and leaving about half an hour earlier than I normally would, which was good timing as the boy who likes to look at his belly had appeared. 

Trying to decide where I want to go to eat for my birthday. I’ll be 25, an age no one expected me to reach. Where do I go?

The 15th of October. 

Today is two years since I wrote a blog post about my imminent death. Apparently not so imminent. It’s weird, sometimes I almost feel bad for not having died yet, like I somehow misled people, but it is all what was told to me at the time, and I’m just really lucky that the superbug hasn’t been reactivated, and that I am still here. I don’t know how, I’m just happy that I am. Most of the time. 

I didn’t exactly spend the day celebrating though. I have been crocheting and tidying. I have made three mini-mittens, trying to work out the right size for a one year old. I have come to the conclusion that I need Elle to measure Luna’s hands, then I can be sure. 

My tidying was to deal with all the shoes/books/crap in front of my bedroom window that were making it hard to close the curtains. Ninety minutes of sitting on the floor, sorting stuff out, putting things away. I’ve realised I have way too many shoes that I don’t wear and need to go to a charity shop or on eBay or something. So many books too! I am awful. When I was finished, my lungs were full of dust, meaning I should probably do it more often. 

I got a phone call from Lynn, current fosterer of the N kitties, and the plan is that she will be bringing the four (FOUR!) of them on Saturday evening or Sunday, depending on what time she gets home from a course she’s doing. 

The 21st of August.

Argh I hate blood tests at unsociable times. I had to get up at seven to leave at half past eight for a test to check if I have hyperkalemia (high potassium). It’s because I started this new blood pressure drug which can elevate potassium, and as mine tends to run on the high side, Dr. Hewins wanted to check that it wasn’t being tipped over the edge. Hopefully it’s fine (I haven’t heard to the contrary) because it’s working. 

I was supposed to meet Vicky in town for lunch but she had to postpone last minute, but we went there anyway to collect train tickets for a trip to London in early September, when I’m going to meet Margot Martini’s parents. 

For the rest of the day, I’ve been rather lazy, watching things on the TiVo box, but in the past couple of hours I’ve been attempting to crochet a hat. We’ll see how it goes. 

The 22nd of August. 

It’s always a good day when babies are involved. This morning I only had time to read about half the paper before it was time to go to Elle’s. Mommy was going to take me but then Daddy offered so she she could watch athletics. After car-swapping and grabbing blue badges, we did eventually set off. 

When I arrived, Luna was just sitting on the floor, being ever so good, then she crawled to me! Last time, she refused to crawl. She even sort of stands now! We had some fun floor time while Elle packed up all of the things, then we went off in the car to get lunch because there was no food. We went to a little café near her house where I had a mozzarella and basil panini with secret tomato in which I had to remove. We just talked and swatted wasps away from Luna until a man sprayed them all (thankfully, not near us). While Elle paid, Luna and I played with my bottle of water (great toy) and at one point she just rested her head on my chest and we had a little hug. It was so lovely. 

When we got back, there was more floor play, and Luna tried to climb me a lot. Leggings are good for that. So she stood on my lap a lot and chewed on my necklace, and did her version of a cuddle which is just to kind of smash you with her body and face. She’d worn herself out a bit as she’d been awake since half five, and she was sitting on my lap while I scratched her belly, and she just dropped off! Just a little snooze, about half an hour, then it was teatime! Mommy came to get me just after, and I got more smashy hugs. I didn’t want to leave, I could squish her all day long.

Once we’d had our dinner, Becky and James came over post-honeymoon to tell us about it and catch up on what had happened while they were gone. Can’t believe it’s already a week since they got married.