Archives For may

The 31st of May.

I don’t think Dolly is going to be anybody’s friend. I’m doing my best, but I don’t know.

This morning, I had a phone call with Gaby from Anthony Nolan to talk about Young Ambassador-ing. Or it might now become just Ambassador-ing. I hope not immediately, or I’ll have to get more business cards and I’ve only just got the last lot! Anyway, I basically said I’d like more things to do, and I told her about Jeremy volunteering now too, and it turns out she did his interview! And I am to wait an invitation to the APPG Summer Reception at Parliament. Let’s hope the weather is good again.

After lunch, I have been doing some crochet and some cat-bribery. I finished one sleeve of the new cardigan while watching The Blacklist (phew!), and I took a lot of pictures of the jumper that I made most recently and have finally worn. Then I watched the season finale of iZombie (v. dramatic) and I tried to give Dolly some treats while stroking her, but the kittens were not being helpful. She tolerates my petting and occasionally acts like she likes it when I get round her ear, but maybe she’s just pretending for more treats. She isn’t really affectionate to the kittens which is what makes me think she’ll never love a person. Maybe she just wants somewhere to live.

The 1st of June.

My back can get in the bin. Fucking pain.

This morning, I put up a blog post that I meant to do yesterday, then I sewed up the seams of the sleeves of my cardigan. Then I gave the kittens a quick squidge (they were sleepy and didn’t really want to play) before going upstairs to get dressed for the gym and listen to the new Flatshare Slamdown.

This afternoon I went to the gym, taking my sunglasses and my umbrella because who knows what the fuck the weather’s going to do? It seems sunshine also keeps the youths away because it was pleasantly quiet again! I was having a pretty good session, but I had to cut it short on my penultimate machine because my back was horrific. I am seriously considering cannabis oil. I have heard only good things about it, and I’ve got nothing else left to try. I should get a call from the pain team around the 18th to talk about the steroid injections, and as they haven’t worked, I don’t know if they’ll offer me some more or not. It would probably be sensible to wait until after that before I start taking anything else. Sigh.

The 28th of May.

Today did not go entirely as planned but nevermind.

I got up and dressed for the gym, because I planned on going there this afternoon, after the chiro this morning. My neck was not as bad as last time, and my back needed a few crunches, but overall not terrible. On the way back, we were going to drive through the Wyndley car park to check there wasn’t any standing water that might affect my wheelchair (their crèche is out of action so I’m assuming they had some water problems). Anyway, we realised there was no point, because my chair is still in Daddy’s car.

So! My afternoon has been based around the cats. I rang Lydon’s to book the kittens in for their first jabs, then I spent some time giving Dolly Dreamies and stroking her. Then I gave them a break and went to watch Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and crochet more of the cardigan. Nearly at the end of the body rectangle. Back to the cats, I watched a couple of episodes of Bates Motel (getting more annoyed at CF girl but trying to ignore her), then more Dreamies and petting. I think I might have got a tiny, tiny purr. I’m counting it as a victory.

The 29th of May.

The two halves of my day could not have been more different.

Started off quiet, after a bit of a lie in because my back was hurting in bed last night, so it took longer than usual to get to sleep. Not in the usual place, higher up, in between my shoulder blades. I hope that’s not a new thing I’m going to have to deal with.

Went to the gym straight after lunch, because I had to be back in time to get the kittens to the vet at half past four. My session didn’t begin brilliantly, with me discovering upon going to pair my phone with my headphones that my phone was no longer in my pocket. It must have slid out of my hoodie as I drove from the car to the door, and because I was concentrating on my umbrella protecting me, I didn’t notice. Idiot. As soon as I realised, I was back out of the gym, and on my way back outside when I saw a girl coming in, holding what looked like my phone. I sped towards her, calling out “DIDYOUJUSTFINDTHATOUTSIDE?” and she had. I almost grabbed it from her, checked it actually was mine, then thanked her profusely before going back to start my workout, my heart rate already high from stress.

The weather seemed to be keeping the youths that are on half term at home, or at least not in the gym, so I was able to do what I wanted without them getting in my way as I thought they might. Actually, the worst person in the gym today was the old guy leaving his sweat on all the machines. That was pleasant. And I did much better than last time, when everything was a struggle. I think it was the weather. Too warm to breathe.

I got home about half three, in plenty of time to sort the kittens out. In the period between getting home and going out again, I found out that a writer I really like, Yrsa Daley-Ward, was coming to Birmingham tonight to do a reading from her new book and talk about her work. There were still tickets available, so I got myself one and made sure somebody could take me and pick me up. Suddenly my evening was looking up!

Getting the kittens into the carrier was incredibly easy – just grabbed them and chucked them in. They didn’t enjoy the trip – lots of tiny mews and arms through the holes in the door. But they were very good, no scratching and they didn’t even flinch when the vet injected them!

When we got home, I gave all of them Dreamies, and did a bit more stroking of Dolly, although I think she is getting wise to my tactics. Then I got changed, ate an omelette, and was back out, on my way to Impact Hub.

Not only was Yrsa extraordinary and lovely, I also made friends with a woman called Israel, who works in the same place as Daddy and she somehow guessed, out of all the men that work there, which one he is, despite having no clues and me looking nothing like him. Amazing.

I need to find more things like this to go to, to meet new people. When I saw it was happening, I hummed and hawed and nearly made an excuse not to bother, but I’m really glad I went.

The 27th of May.

This morning I found myself with my legs out of the duvet but covered by a blanket, part of that duvet over my middle, and my top thurd uncovered. Didn’t notice the thunderstorms at all but obviously I couldn’t sort out my body temperature.

While I watched Sunday Brunch, I wrote up a blog post, then I spent some time having a staring contest with Dolly. She has smelled my hand, but when I moved to touch her, she backed off. I don’t know how to make further progress with her. Maybe I’ll chuck a small pile of Dreamies on the floor and stealth-stroke her.

After lunch, I took a bunch of photos of my big, colourful cardigan, then I started on the next one, although that will only be one colour. It’s funny, I think the one I’m wearing could either be considered hideous, or be something you pay £90 for in some sort of boutique.

It has been stormy since mid-afternoon, and I am getting concerned about my bedroom ceiling. The man isn’t coming to fix it until Tuesday.

The 28th of May.

I am the best. I gave stroked the mommy cat! Very pleased with myself.

This morning, I was supposed to have a phone call with Gabby from Anthony Nolan to catch up, but I think when we scheduled it, neither of us realised it was Bank Holiday so of course she wasn’t in work to call me. Maybe she’ll try tomorrow. So, instead of talking to her, I sat and worked on the new cardigan while watching the news channel and the tennis. Cool.

After lunch, I went to see the kitties, and this is when we had our breakthrough. I got the Dreamies box out, and Dolly recognises the noise, so she came out from behind the chair. I started putting them on the floor for her, occasionally chucking away a kitten, and at one point she had her back to me so I just started stroking her back.

She flinched, but then she accepted it. I even scratched round her ear! There wasn’t any purring, but I feel like a champion. I gave her lots more Dreamies and told her what a good girl she was.

Today was World Blood Cancer Day. Soon it will be eleven years since I was diagnosed and every day is a gift. Although honestly, lately it feels like I’m just a day closer to dying.

The 25th of May.

Double Zopiclone meant I actually had a good sleep last night, and I feel like tonight will be decent too. Let’s hope I’m not wrong.

Today has been sad and lovely simultaneously. It was the funeral of Mr. Padden, one of my teachers from Hallfield. He was a great man, and I wanted to pay my respects, as did Fiona, so we went along to say goodbye and thank you.

I got there first, and found myself transported back to sixteen years ago, surrounded by the adults who were so important in my formative years. Mr. Cook, my Year 6 form teacher, who had left by the time I went back to do work experience, had to be reminded who I was, then I had to relay the past ten years to him. He gripped my hand so tightly, bless him. I was overjoyed to see Mrs. Thomas and Mrs. Norton aka Matron (who reads this! Hello!), Mrs. Villiers-Cundy, Mrs. Hore, Mr. Tobin and Mr. Florance. The affection I hold for these people is really beyond measure.

The service was beautiful. He wasn’t religious, so there were tributes from his daughters, friends and colleagues, plus his favourite songs, including a performance of Bring Him Home which absolutely broke me. It closed with us all singing the last two stanzas of Jerusalem, because he loved the last night of the proms and we left feeling uplifted, instead of depressed.

Fiona found me afterwards, and we followed other cars to the wake. We both had a glass of wine and started reminiscing with our old teachers about the old days. I kind of understand why so many people want to hark back to days gone by, but life has changed and we can’t have those times back. I wish we could have stayed for even longer, but we had to go and pick up Fiona’s children from their respective childcare. I got to meet baby Jack! He is a gorgeous ginger squidge. I did not cuddle him because he was a bit snotty, and he is not a massive fan of new people. Then Daddy picked me up and we drove home, enjoying all the chive flowers on the way.

The 26th of May.

It is warm and I am confused. And tonight it will be muggy and wet and we have to make sure my ceiling doesn’t fall down during the deluge.

For once, I got the sleep I expected, and my alarm woke me up! An unusual occurrence, but one I welcome.

The morning seemed to disappear while I wrote about yesterday, and I only got round to getting dressed at about twelve. Poof, gone.

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Solo. It was fine. On the whole I enjoyed it, I’m just not really invested in any of the characters so I didn’t care that much. Chewbacca and Lando are the best, and everyone else is a bit of a dick.

When we came out, we had to fill in a survey about the film for a girl from Universal. I was honest about my levels of enthusiasm. I’m only here for the Leia film, let’s be honest.

The 23rd of May.
Knackered again. I would really like a coffee, but it’s too late now. And I have finished the bag of Jelly Babies that normally reside beside me so I can’t even get a sugar hit.
I spent my morning having my hair coloured at Black Sheep. Well, technically, the morning was just bleaching, while I read The Cutting Edge (the new Lincoln Rhyme book), then it was after noon when the colour was applied. I showed Sophie some pictures of the new kittens, and she loves Daphne. I don’t blame her; she is the most photogenic. The colours we have gone for this time are a slate base, then stripes in purple, green, slate and a pinky red.
When finished, we made a quick trip to Boots because I needed a new toothbrush. Showbiz. By the time we got home, it was gone 2pm and I was very hungry. I watched the penultimate episode of The Blacklist and if Samar doesn’t wake up I will be furious. Then I listened to The Naughty Step while I took a lot of selfies to document the new hair.
Finally, I sat with the kitties and watched some of Bates Motel. I’m ignoring the unrealistic depiction of the girl on oxygen. Dolly came out for a bit and we did some more looking at each other. I’ll make her like me.

The 24th of May.
Really looking forward to sleep tonight. I’ve had three coffees today but still, bedtime is going to be great. Might even have two Zopiclones. Fuck it, I want a big nap.
This morning, Selina and I finally had this coffee that we have been planning and postponing for months. It was very lovely! Really, we didn’t have long enough – we spent an hour recapping our past ten years, interspersed with odd Handsworth recollections, including the realisation that actually, Miss Mold and Miss Jackson had a beautiful, enduring friendship. So we’re going to do it again, and next time we can talk about current things.
Back at home, I had some lunch, then Mommy went to Grandma’s and I had to twiddle my thumbs until the Amazon man arrived with my hair paste – didn’t want to be in the middle of befriending a cat only to chuck them away when the doorbell rang. He appeared just after I had made a coffee which was excellent timing. Had that, then I got Daphne to sit on my lap for about five minutes of Bates Motel. I’m happy with that.

 

The 21st of May.

Had a Zopiclone last night because it took me so long to fall asleep the night before. Did it work? Absolutely the fuck not. Bleah.

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, then I finished the collar and bottom edge of my cardigan before listening to the last Riverdale Register of the series. I think I’ll miss the podcast more than the show.

After lunch (pretzels! They were good) I was supposed to be having coffee with Selina, but she got stuck helping a friend with a visa application, so we’ve had to take a raincheck. Instead, I made one sleeve of the cardigan, which I have now decided I don’t like and I’m going to unravel it and change it.

I also put some work in with the kittens, and today all three of them got stroked and they purred, even though they seemed confused as to why they were doing it. As a bonus, I got to see Dolly! I put out lots of Dreamies near the back of the chair, and crouched down to show her my face. Then I went to sit on the bed and was doing something on my phone when I heard crunching. Turned around and there she was! We sat and looked at each other, then she went back under her chair but I feel like that’s progress.

The 22nd of May.

I touched the mommy cat! For about a second.

This morning, I finally sorted out the right sleeve of my cardigan, after several attempts last night. I didn’t like the pattern, and ended up writing my own. I suppose it’s never going to look like the picture when I’m using all of the colours I have at my disposal but still.

I found out the pretzels are not so good on the third day. Next experiment is to see how they defrost. I had decided to return to the gym today after my week off, and smh straight after lunch because I needed to be done early so Mommy could take Alison somewhere at four o’clock.

Everything seemed harder than usual, but I think that was due to the warmth rather than my week off. It meant I burnt more calories doing less work than usual and I got out before the deluge of youths.

When I got home, I did the left sleeve, then I went to see the kitties, which is when the almost-petting happened! I basically lured Dolly out from under the chair with Dreamies. She would get so far, then stop and sit and look at me, so I sat and looked at her, telling her how I am nice and we will be friends. She inched slowly forward, and she smelled my hand without running away. When she finally got close enough, I reached out to touch her, but once contact was made, she retreated to safety. However, only behind the chair, not underneath!

The 19th of May.

For all my talk of not caring about the wedding, I watched the whole damn thing.

I think mainly out of FOMO. I maintain that I do not particularly care about any of the people involved, but I wanted to know what was going on, and to be able to be part of the conversation. I like seeing what everyone is wearing. I think Lady Kitty Spencer, Sofia Wellesley and Carey Mulligan looked the best. I want to know why everyone is so obsessed with Victoria Beckham smiling; let the woman have her face.

Weddings always make me a little bit sad because of course, I will never have one. I am not under any delusion that I will ever even have a significant other again, let alone a wedding. I will not walk down an aisle to someone looking back at me, thinking how lucky they are.

But enough of my pity party! Once it was over, I took myself off to the back room where I watched the final four episodes of Scandal and began my next crochet project, a big multi-coloured cardigan thing. Now I have completed season 7 and I am annoyed about one aspect of the finale but oh well, can’t change that.

Back to things I definitely don’t care about: the football.

The 20th of May.

This evening I am full. We had pork stuffed with black pudding for dinner and I feel immense. I don’t think I can move.

It’s been a pretty sedentary day anyway. I’ve been working on this giant cardigan, with an eye on Sunday Brunch, every so often popping my head in on the kittens (mainly sleeping under the chair). I persuaded Mommy to make pretzels, but they weren’t ready in time for lunch.

After not-pretzels, I was really tired because it took me hours to fall asleep last night, so I went upstairs to lie down and listen to Gardener’s Question Time. Might not quite be a nap, but it’s the next best thing. Then I came back downstairs and made myself a terrible iced coffee. I made it with two shots, so the milk I put in didn’t cool it down very much. I chucked in some ice and put it in the fridge, but it still didn’t get very cold, so I put in nearly an entire ice cube tray’s worth in and that finally made it refreshing.

I spent the rest of my afternoon watching The Hostile Hospital and The Carnivorous Carnival while making the collar of my cardigan. I got to the end, and realised I’d done it along the wrong side, so I pulled out all out and I’ve just started over again. Sigh!