Archives For Mr. Titley

The 22nd of October. 

Inside my elbow hurts so much. I didn’t have the compression garment on yesterday because Mommy wasn’t in and I wasn’t going to teach Daddy how to put it on. So today it’s been back on again and oh god it is so tight. I just need to keep it on; I’ll get used to it again.

Similar day to yesterday. Good night. Mostly crochet, in my chair. Watched Sunday Brunch, did a blog post. Won’t be watching next week, not unless I’m desperately bored. Just nobody of interest on at all. 

Crocheting something for a different project – can’t carry on with Heidi’s until the extra wool arrives. What I’ve worked on today might have to be done again, depending on the size of the next part I make. It’s a complicated equation involving different wools and hook sizes. 

Last night we ate the ciabatta and focaccia. The brioche got baked today but sort of got accidentally cremated so they haven’t been so good. Have to try that again and watch the oven a bit more closely. 

The 23rd of October. 

Well, tomorrow is off. It’s so frustrating. 

I spent my morning waiting for Michelle, Mr. Titley’s secretary, to phone me to tell me what exactly need to do tomorrow. I was going to give her until eleven, then ring her, but at 10.55 my phone rang. It was Stella, Dr. Richter, the immunologist’s, secretary. She was calling to offer me a cancellation appointment tomorrow afternoon, which I had to pass on because I didn’t expect to feel up to it. I then rang Michelle, and she told me that actually, they weren’t sure if tomorrow could go ahead, because I haven’t seen Dr. Richter yet. How fucking ironic. She said she needed to talk to Mr. Titley to know for sure, and she’d ring me back.

When she did, it was with bad news. No surgery. They booked me in with the hope that they’d know what was happening with my white cells by now. But we don’t. So she’s going to book me in for his next pre-screening clinic on the 22nd of November, when he comes back from holiday. 

I rang Stella back in the vain hope she hadn’t found someone else for the appointment. Of course, she had, and then I got a bit upset and explained how nothing I need doing can move forward until I see Dr. Richter. She agreed to try and squeeze me in it she could, and I left it with her, not feeling hopeful. But sometimes I can be surprised. I think a slot has been made for me at the start of the clinic, because I’m booked in for 2pm. Small victories.

The 7th of May.

The eyes are less sleepy today, and that is welcome, but what is less so is that it has been painful to have my left eye open since I woke up, no matter how many eye drops I put in.

It’s been a day of mainly blog admin, so a short entry today. This morning, I wrote about yesterday while watching Sunday Brunch, occasionally muting it when Pixie Lott was on (I’m sorry but I just can’t stand her).

After lunch, I finished typing up the six blog posts, and they are scheduled to be published over the next several hours. While I did this, I watched four more episodes of 13 Reasons Why. Now I have four left, and I don’t know if I can be arsed to watch them or if I’ll just read what happens. I want to know, but the show is kind of a drag.

I have been thinking more about my arm. Of course I have, I think about it all the time. I wonder if we are being somewhat narrow-minded about the cause? Is there anything else that could be the reason behind the swelling? The only thing I can come up with is lymphedema, but if it is that, surely the compression garment would be having some kind of effect? None of it makes any sense.

The 8th of May.

I am desperate to have a nap again and my level of pain is still the same. Probably going to have to double the pregablin I think, so I will get even sleepier. But maybe that will wear off and the pain will get better.

The only interesting thing that happened today was that I had my appointment with Mr. Titley, the plastic surgeon that Miss Byrom had written to about me. First of all, I had to tell him my entire history, and there’s so many things to remember now. I’m going to have to write down exactly what I have been through and when in a relatively concise format. I almost forgot about the venoplasties, despite my arm being literally right in front of me.

Anyway. We then moved on to why I was actually there. I ran through my history with the Women’s and Miss Byrom and what we have been through so far. He talked to me about what he has done for Miss Byrom before, which is not like what I will probably need, so I may well need some kind of bespoke procedure. Typical of me. However, he can’t offer me any particular treatment until he knows exactly what he is dealing with, so I will need to be examined under general anaesthetic. He needs to talk to his anaesthetist who will need to talk to Dr. Thompson, then I’ll probably get a date for another ambulatory care day.

He asked what I’d like to get out of this, and frankly I just want one part of my body to do its fucking job like it used to. If someone were mad enough to want to date me, I don’t want yet another reason to put them off. Considering the fact that most men ask if I can still have sex when they find out about my disability, I’d like saying yes to not become a lie.