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The 14th of October. 

Well, at least now both sides of my ribcage hurt so I’m less concerned that I’ll get another pneumothorax. 

Last night was bad. Back to bad. Just coughed all night long. Today has been all about the phlegm again – surprisingly, the same as yesterday. 

This morning, I got a blog post written up, in between coughs and changing position to try to be comfortable. Thought about washing my hair because it’s been three weeks since I last did but I just don’t have the energy. 

After lunch, I went upstairs to lie down and try to rest my sore bones while I watched the finale of season 2 of How to Get Away with Murder. When I came back downstairs, I finished off the base of the clothes I was making for the doll, then tried to put them on. Turns out, they wouldn’t fit over the head. Adjustments will have to be made. Potentially decapitation. 

The 15th of October. 

Honestly I don’t know if last night was bad or good. I think I slept but there were many small coughs. Today it isn’t rumbly, just still very phlegmy. Occasionally I inhale and hear it all move which is rather disconcerting. 

I spent most of my morning unsuccessfully trying to crochet stuff, and gave up at lunchtime when Mommy came back from M&S with a pretzel. 

This afternoon, we fast forwarded through the Six Chair Challenge on X Factor (it makes it so much easier to watch). Then I decided it was finally time to watch The Little Prince film on Netflix. I kept putting it off because “it wasn’t the right time” or I didn’t feel like crying. But I didn’t want it to disappear without having seen it, so I braced myself. 

It is so lovely. So beautiful. I knew it would be but it still took my breath away. I wish I’d been able to see it on a big screen – I bet it looks incredible. And of course I wept like a child in the past where The Little Prince is bitten by the snake. And although the ending was obviously different to the book, it is entirely appropriate. If you can, you must watch it. 

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

The 29th of August. 

Another bad night! I really don’t know what’s happening, if it’s my body or my mind that is the problem. I just want it to stop. 

This morning, I did a blog post, and had started watching The Mist yesterday, so I put that back on. I got a couple of episodes watched (Mommy had taken Grandma for an appointment with her consultant) and painted my nails, which was fun when I dropped my phone down the side of the chair. I was able to retrieve it without getting nail varnish everywhere, thankfully. 

Mommy got back around lunchtime, so we ate some food, then I went to let the kittens run around while I watched the final few episodes of The Mist. I think I am getting somewhere with Henrietta – I keep giving her treat sticks and the occasional Dreamie and I am getting hissed at less. The Mist has a very unsatisfactory ending – no questions answered, harmful stereotypes reinforced, cliffhanger finale. Do I want another season? Just answers would be preferable, I think. Bah. 

New Bake Off tonight. I have a lot of conflicting feelings. 

The 30th of August. 

Jesus, my eyes have been really sore for the past two days. No reason, and not much I can really do to alleviate the pain. More eye drops don’t really help. Blargh. I at least had a marginally better sleep, but the dreams weren’t great. 

I’ve done too much crocheting again, so my fingers are tired. The doily is so big, it now takes over an hour to do a round and it only grows. Really hoping I manage to get to the end without running out of wool. 

This afternoon, we watched the Horizon programme about psychopaths, then I finished off a round of crochet before going upstairs to listen to some podcasts and give my eyes a rest. Back downstairs, I let the kittens out and watched an episode of Sense8. Henrietta is coming a bit closer to me now, although we thought we might have a setback last night after she got her claws stuck in a blanket and completely freaked out. We couldn’t help her without getting injured, so I had to get an oven glove so we could remove her paw from its trap. She was not happy. Thankfully, today she does not seem too traumatised. Hugo is still ridiculous, climbing up my leg, but if I look at him, he legs it. More bribery required. 

The 27th of August. 

Slightly better night. I definitely slept more, and my dreams weren’t upsetting. Improvement all round. 

Sunday Brunch this morning, although the only person I really immediately recognised was Tori Amos. None of the comedy pals were on this week. Wrote up a blog post, and exchanged messages with Sophie about her and Pete’s twins, which I can now talk about because they have been officially announced. They were born a week ago, both still in hospital until they get a bit bigger. 

Grandma came for lunch, after an appalling lunch yesterday – wanted to make sure she had a decent meal this weekend. She was given “lasagna” but it looks like sloppy leftovers you wouldn’t even give to a dog. Absolutely fucking atrocious.

After lunch, I went upstairs and watched the last episode of Doctor Foster, then Penny came to visit! She has come home for the weekend so came to see the kittens and had a lovely time talking to Harvey in a ridiculous voice. We had to leave when a poo happened, so we went and ate chocolate and toffee cookie cake in the kitchen. I haven’t seen her properly for years so it was really nice to hang out. She is a babe. 

The 28th of August. 

I had sleep, but the dreams were not good. I am not happy with my brain right now – so many bad dreams, this is not normal. 

It is hot. Even I am actually too warm; I have had to take my cardigan off. Very unusual. Most of my day has been spent with the curtains drawn, crocheting. I think I may have actually crocheted too much, because my left hand is very achy now. No more today. 

This afternoon, I made myself an iced coffee, and it was so painful. The standing up to do so, I mean. My appointment with Dr. Blaney isn’t until the third of October, so until then, I just have to suffer. When I do have to stand, or sit in an unsupportive chair, all I can think about is being able to rest, such is the agony. Penny asked me yesterday what it was like and it is so hard to describe – it’s like there is a knife plunged into my spine and if just stays there, never abating. 

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The 25th of August. 

Ugh I had a horrible night. First, I had a dream that the muscles in my thighs had atrophied, and I was trying to walk around a supermarket with a trolley, but I couldn’t lift my legs. Then, I had another dream that I ate some sort of bud that would kill me, then I was crawling around repeating “Mommy, I ate a flower” when Gollum from Lord of the Rings started coming toward me, scrambling in a bridge position, and I woke myself up trying to kick it away. I had to listen to a lot of podcast to stop myself falling back into the same dream. 

I was glad to see daylight. Hopefully tonight will be better. This morning, I did a blog post, and went to see the kitties. I let Harvey out briefly, but then Hugo wanted to come out too and I can’t have them both running around while on my own. They can do that this evening when there are two of us there. 

I have been crocheting all afternoon – another doily. Going to be a big one. I decided I would start watching Doctor Foster on Netflix, as I want to see the second series and I only saw bits of the first, so I saw the first two episodes of that. I’m enjoying it – I cannot wait for the dinner party. 

The 26th of August. 

What a fucking garbage night. Again. It felt like I barely slept at all, although I must have done. I think I will go to bed early tonight, but that rarely works. I must have looked exhausted, because the chap at the cinema gave me a large coffee without me asking for it. 

This morning, once I had got myself feeling vaguely half-human, I said hi to the cats and then sat down with the crochet. I managed a couple of rounds, occasionally looking up at Saturday Kitchen, then stopped so I could concentrate on Only Connect. Can’t do missing vowels if I’m not paying attention. 

After lunch, Daddy and I went to see Logan Lucky. It’s a huge amount of fun – I was thrilled from the moment Parks and Rec’s Jerry appeared as Channing Tatum’s boss. I was in. Daniel Craig is having a lovely time being a bomb-making prisoner, and Hillary Swank turns up for a jolly. If you want a good, ridiculous heist movie, it’s for you. 

The 19th & 20th; So small.

August 21, 2017 — 1 Comment

The 19th of August. 

I can’t see this being a long entry. I woke up from a particularly horrific dream in which I was having some kind of scan, which I could see on a screen, and inside my belly was a catacombs made of my own teeth. It was very disturbing. 

This morning, I did a blog post while watching Saturday Kitchen. Then, the rest of my day was spent watching the other seven episodes of The Defenders, while I crocheted. Doing another doily. Mindless busy work. There was a brief, surreal interlude, in which a brass band marched down my street, playing a jazzy tune. I know it definitely happened because I filmed them as they walked away. 

The Defenders is very easy to binge watch. Sigourney Weaver goes full-on Theresa May in episode 6. Jessica Jones is still my favourite – I’m glad she’s getting a second season. 

Now, waiting on a kitten delivery. New floofs please.

The 20th of August. 

Oh lord the kittens are so small and cute. Harvey and Hugo are the babies, and Henrietta is the mum. She is very hissy and sighs with an alarming regularity, like she is utterly fed up. Must make her happier. Hugo is a scaredy cat, likes to cuddle up to his mum. I have petted him once. Harvey is my favourite because he is the smallest and he loves being stroked and played with. We have had a great time today. 

This morning was the usual, Sunday Brunch, watching Katherine school Tim and Simon on their casually sexist line of questioning. Plus popping in to see the kitties every so often. My cat whispering skills are going to be required with the two reticent ones. 

After lunch, I split my time between cat petting and crocheting. I have to be careful, going in to sit with them, because I lose time – I can just sit and stare at them for ages. So small. I wish they could stay this tiny forever. 

The 17th of August. 

I needed to smell the sea. 

It’s now a tradition that we go on a coastal holiday each year, but this year it didn’t really happen. Our time in Shaldon wasn’t blessed with great weather or health on my part so there were no seaside excursions. I feel like it does me good to be near the ocean, to smell the salt in the air and feel the sun, so while Daddy has been off this week, I proposed we have a trip to a beach. Today was our only available day, so off we went to Weston-super-Mare. 

We arrived about half twelve and joined the queue of people searching for a car park. Thankfully the parking fairy was with us, and we found a space on the street where we could park for free with the blue badges. Mommy had done some research into good fish and chip places, and had seen one called Winston’s which appeared to be pretty reputable. It was an excellent choice; the batter on the fish was really crispy and the chips weren’t too greasy, so if you ever do a trip, I recommend it. 

We them walked/drove all the way to the top of the beach, enjoying all the fun dogs that people had brought with them – always a bonus of the seaside. Once there was no more beach, we turned around and went back to the car, stopping for ice cream on the way. That was all I needed. 

We drove home via the Gloucester services, stopping for coffee and a small amount of shopping. Lots of traffic. My back hurts. Worth it though.

The 18th of August. 

Oof I am tired. Two busy days, now I need a proper lie-in. It would be good if I could fall asleep before one am. Bah. 

This morning, I wrote up the blog post of my anniversary day, and wrote about yesterday. Then I went to get that PetPlan forms from the cat room so I could fill in the paperwork for Betty’s adoption this afternoon. 

We had lunch while catching up on Wednesday’s Celebrity Masterchef, and shortly after it finished, Michael, Betty’s new owner, arrived. 

We ticked the various boxes and signed in appropriate places, then went to get Betty into the carrier. She was not keen, so we had to chuck a lot of Dreamies in so she could have the door shut behind her. Get some more tomorrow!

This afternoon, I watched the first episode of The Defenders, then some Buffy while using up wool crocheting a mandala from my new book. I keep getting pain in my fat arm, like my vessels are being squeezed. I see Andrew on the 31st. We’ll chat about it all then. 

The 13th of August. 

I love Zopiclone. I had some last night and for once it actually worked; it wasn’t hours before I fell asleep, and I stayed asleep all night long. Curiously, I remember one of my dreams, which I don’t normally when I have drugs – we smeared Grandma’s head in jelly to make her warm. 

So I slept in, which was delightful, and after breakfast, I wrote up a blog post. And now we know we saw the last race Usain Bolt won. Even if it was a heat. And Mommy is extra glad she’s got tickets to see Mo next weekend at the Alexander Stadium. 

This afternoon, I needed to get away from the horrors of life (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not paying enough attention), so I went upstairs, and I listened to James Acaster being interviewed by Richard Herring at Edinburgh which made me laugh so much, I can’t wait to see him again this autumn. Then I went to watch the final episode of Orphan Black with Betty, which made me do a small cry, but it was for happy reasons, not sad. 

I have felt much less terrible today. Less tired, less pain, less burping. All round improvement. 

The 14th of August. 

Normal sleep service has resumed, it seems. No drugs last night. Suddenly realised this morning that Becky and James’ wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we hadn’t got them cards. So, after Mommy had been to do the food shop that didn’t happen at the weekend, we went into Sutton to get some. While there, I bought some lip balms because mine is about to run out, and some nail varnish remover, then we got cards. 

Back home, we had lunch, then Becky and Jamie appeared with gifts to say thank you for feeding their cats while they’ve been away. Jamie should have been on his way back to Strasbourg, but he missed all his trains. He should be on his plane now, if everything this afternoon went to plan. We can but hope. 

Since then I have been crocheting a tiny teddy with the remaining pretty baby wool. I’ve actually finally had a good idea for what to give Pete and Sophie for their twins, and after talking to her this morning, I have a very up to date idea for when they’re likely to be born, so I don’t need to rush.