Archives For Nish Kumar

The 29th of April.

Today has been so exhausting and so good.

I slept less well – super cold last night and no lung capacity to get more layers so I froze until I was too tired to care. This morning, I decided not to climb the stairs so as not to waste oxygen, so I just hung out in my bedroom until it was time for us to go out to see Tez Ilyas. He was great, as expected, i mean that’s going to be the case for every act I mention. I had to help him out at one point because the members of the audience he picked were not answering the question he asked correctly. Not paying enough attention!

He ran over slightly, so afterwards I literally just had time to grab a coffee before heading over to The Youth Wing to see Phil Wang. That was problematic, because the way I went meant I got stuck at a flight of stairs, but thankfully some very kind strangers offered to carry my chair down the steps (without me in it) and then I was back on my way. I got in and parked on the end of a row, and ended up with various members of sketch groups Pappy’s and Daphne to my right, with Tom Parry sprawled across the floor, snorting with laughter. For a work in progress, it was pretty slick, and I’ll be keeping a lookout for the finished product on tour.

I had Lolly Adefope straight after in The Canteen, so I left The Youth Wing the way I should have gone in, so I could get myself some more coffee before making my way back round to the other side of the school. On the way, I bumped into one of the women I hung out with last night, and she was going to Lolly too.

Coffee in hand, I drove down to The Canteen to join the queue. Being in the chair, I got moved to the front, which turned out to be a blessing and a curse. She was due to start at 4, but there were technical issues – there were cables that were needed and I watched people running back and forth trying to get hold of the right ones. This went on for just over an hour, and every time somebody came back, the hearts of the queue lifted, only to fall again when the doors didn’t open. I felt really bad for the guy who was checking the tickets – he knew nothing more than we did, and there wasn’t really anything he could do, I could hear people behind me getting (understandably) frustrated because this was going to impact upon their attendance of their next show, so they were having to decide who they wanted to see more. I was okay to wait, because my next show wasn’t until 7.15, and I was glad I did.

Her show is a reply to her reviews from her last show at the Fringe, in which she was criticised for not referring to her race enough and for talking about it too much. It would be like me doing a show and discussing or not discussing my disability. I have to applaud her too for her excellent singing, and for dealing with groups of people leaving towards the end of the show. Super impressed.

It ended just before six, and I was starving, having only had coffee since my crumpet at breakfast time. I got myself a smoky sausage in a bun (relatively easy to eat and no danger of spice) and ate it while watching all the fun dogs around. I even met a famous dog, Rosie, who is regularly heard on Rhod Gilbert’s Saturday morning show. She is a very good dog.

My next show, The Griefcast with Cariad Lloyd, was up stairs, but when checking the venues yesterday I’d been informed that there was a lift I could use. Today there was a worry because they had put an Out of Order sign on the door, but that was just to put able-bodied people off using it. Sneaky.

It was a small room and VERY HOT. Lots of people crammed in. The guests were Phil Wang, Kiri Pr’chard-McLean and Nish. Usually, the show is Cariad interviewing a comedian about a particular death, but today the topic was just death in general. In an amusing fashion. The last topic was “last words”, and Cariad asked them all what theirs would be. Phil missed a trick with his answer, and Cariad asked if there were any questions. I put my hand up and Nish pointed me out. I could have asked something poignant, but I had to say that surely, Phil’s last words should be “Wang out.” I saw the pun and had to say it. I don’t know if it’ll be on the podcast but I hope so. The only time I think my brain has worked that fast.

My next show wasn’t until 11.30 and also included Nish in the line up, so he met me back downstairs and the rest of the evening is a blur of faces and saying “Nice to meet you.” I did mean it each time, I just met a lot of people! We went to the bar in Y Plas where pretty much every comic at the show was.

Honestly I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, I just remember that for once, I wasn’t telling the story of my life ten thousand times, people just treated me like I as part of the gang and that pretty much never happens with people who don’t know me. It was just the most fun.

My oxygen ran out in the middle of Beat This, so I had to text Mommy and get her and Daddy to come and swap it over for a new one. I thought that might be enough to tide me over, but thinking about getting the taxi back on my own, having to deal with the chair, I just knew that it was going to be horrific. I cancelled the car, and sneaked out the side door. Knackered, but elated.

The 30th of April.

Going home early. It’s fine, we just don’t have enough oxygen for me to do another night.

We had to get into Mach earlier today, because there was a massive cycling race that started in the town and was going to close the road that we use to come in on. We got in at about eleven, and I sat in the car while Mommy and Daddy went to get coffee and some sort of breakfast pastries. I ate my co-op cinnamon swirl, then set off to Y Tabernacl for Pappy’s Flatshare Slamdown. Matthew and Ben said hi on their way in, and when the queue started to move, I went over to the lift to go up half a floor so I could enter the hall. There was a step down to the pews, so I just parked my chair at the best vantage point. Josh was a guest, and he saw me so he came over. Kiri was meant to be on the show but had yet to arrive, so other comedians were being texted en masse. Who turned up but ol’ Nishy Kumar? Kiri appeared shortly after, so we just got an extra person’s-worth of funny for free. I had a joyous time, particularly enjoying the quickfire round jingle that Tom and Ben recorded with Nish and Josie last night at Y Plas when Josie was full of Pinot Noir. I can’t wait to hear it when it goes out.

They ran over, as one has to expect, so then I had to bomb it down a rather steep hill to The Mach Arena for Josh and Friends. The wheelchair view in there was less good, but enough that I could just about see. We had stand-up from Josh, Matthew Crosby, Nish and James Acaster, then he read out some classic scrapes from his book which are all hysterical.

Upon coming out, I bumped into Amy, and we talked while Mommy and Daddy went to get food. I informed her of the racist attack Nish had just endured (Josh threw a massive ball at him but he was not injured), then they went to get lunch and we went to eat ours. We discussed oxygen levels, and we only had one full bottle left, so came to the conclusion that I only really had one more show left in me. Mommy and Daddy went back to the house to pack up, and I went to get more coffee and see who I could see before it was time for Sara Pascoe.

Happily, a lot of my lovely pals were still around, so there was Nish, Josh, Fin, Tom, a whole host of people. We whiled away the time together until everyone had to beetle off to our respective shows, and I left loving my wonderful gang.

Sara was fantastic as always, and I look forward to seeing the finished piece when she takes it on tour. I didn’t have time to hang around to see her afterwards because Daddy was coming to pick me up. We returned to the house, packed everything into the car, and we set off on the long drive home. I am so happy and I’ve had such an incredible weekend – definitely going again next year. Hopefully without any extra oxygen.

The 27th of April.

It’s been a very peculiar sort of day. Started with respiratory clinic, where I had to talk to Dr. Thompson about the bronchoscopy. Curiously, from his perspective, it went quite well. I couldn’t have more sedation because I might have stopped breathing. Apparently when I got down there I was very uptight, anxious and in control. As soon as I had the sedation, all the emotion I’d been holding back came out and actually made everything worse. He also thinks it has been made worse in my brain because I have some sort of PTSD from NG tubes. So would you if you spent six months of your life having them shoved up your nose and down your throat, then vomiting them up along with chunks of your own dead stomach tissue several times a week. Basically, my brain has fucked me up for these sorts of things.

After this chat, we moved on to how I am now. He is not majorly concerned about my cough or CRP, we just need to keep an eye on it. He did send me for a chest x-ray to see if my right lung has inflated any more and it has, so that is pleasing.

 We left the hospital and had a quick trip into town so I could get another jumper, seeing as my fat arm isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Got home about two, so we ate lunch, then packed up all the stuff we were taking to Mach. Daddy got home from his hearing aid appointment, had his lunch, and we finally left the house about four.

We drove straight here, so it took us only two and a half hours. The house is nice, the only downside is that it has no wifi. We also have the slight issue of the fact that Mommy forgot to put the breakfast foods in the car so she and Daddy have had to go shopping. She is poorly, it’s not her fault.

The 28th of April.

I slept surprisingly well, for not being in my own bed. It’s a novelty to sleep in a single bed that isn’t a hospital one. This morning was pretty quiet, just breakfast and writing about yesterday. I think that’s how this weekend will be done, considering I’ll be out at my normal writing time.

We went into Mach at lunchtime to a) buy me some toothpaste (forgot mine; had to use Mommy’s and it was so minty and painful), b) do some recon on gig venues and c) have some lunch. Well, the only toothpaste they had at the co-op was all minty, so I got one for children that is only mild. We checked out all the venues I’m going to and they should all be fine with the wheelchair. Then lunch! There are many cafés, and we went to one called The Quarry where I had some much needed coffee and some spinach, squash and sweet potato pie. It came with an enormous salad which I was incapable of finishing but didn’t want to waste, so we got a box to take it away in.

We then returned to the house for a little bit before Daddy took me back into town for my first show, Stuart Goldsmith, at 7. I went a bit early so I could get some food (a cookie), then I wanted some wine, but the bar did not seem accessible, so I had to ask a nearby stranger. She was very obliging and came back with a large Grig in a pint mug which I think I was supposed to give back. Oh well, it’s mine now. We had a nice time chatting while we waiting for our respective gigs – she and her friend were going to see Mat Ewins and Fin Taylor, so I wonder if they managed to enjoy both shows. Unfortunately, next to where we were waiting were several fire pits, and once they were lit, my breathing was fucked, and I had to put the oxygen on for the rest of the evening.

I really enjoyed Stuart’s show, very very funny. Could not recommend him more. My next show, Marcel Lucont, was at the school, where Nish had just been doing a show, so I went down there and met up with him and his girlfriend, Amy. Together, we went down to Y Plas because I had 40 minutes to kill and on the way we bumped into many of their friends, all the names of whom I have forgotten, They were all very lovely though. At quarter to nine, I needed to get going, so Nish and Amy walked with me back there, and we said goodbye until tomorrow when I’m seeing him (unintentionally) in two different shows. 

I was one of the last people in, so I was at the back with my oxygen. I didn’t enjoy it as much as the first show, but I think that’s partially because I felt like total garbage. He was good, I just wasn’t up to it.

Mommy and Daddy were seeing Ivo Graham at the same time, so we all went home together. Hope my oxygen levels return to normal tomorrow.

The 12th of November. 

So the adoption didn’t go ahead last night because the lady’s daughter (who was driving her) got stuck at work so they’re coming this evening. 

I ended up arriving at the mac before Nish, but I had a nice time with a kitty who was sitting outside courting attention. A very big pretty floofer. 

We met up and went to the theatre, but then had to shout down to someone to let us in. The tech guy materialised and opened the doors, then Nish ran through the music and lighting cues with him before we went to his dressing room. We had tea and talked (inevitably) about Trump, still unable to really comprehend it, then quickly moved onto lighter subjects like Joel going to the jungle, other reality TV shows, the shows of other comics, his mum’s appearance on It’s Not What You Know, The Outcast Comic, all sorts of junk. I love him, we have such a good time. 

Obviously the show was excellent, and even improved by an appearance from an audience member who called himself “The General” looked like an Asian version of Angelos. He started interjecting in a rather nonsensical manner and ended up closing the first half with an utterly dreadful freestyle rap which rendered us all helpless. Amazing. 

Today has not been as fun. Amy got adopted this morning, which was not easy – she had to be pushed into the carrier. I did chuck a lot of treats in to make it better. I think she’ll be fine – happy to get away from the kittens!

I then had the rest of the day to myself, as Mommy and Daddy got invited by Uncle Peter (who is not technically my uncle) to go and see Kiss Me Kate by the WNO so they’ve been there since lunchtime. I have filled my time crocheting my Christmas scarf, watching Rise of the Guardians and eating chocolate buttons. I also went to give all the kittens a good stroke and a fuss to make sure they were okay, but they don’t seem to have noticed Amy’s gone. Which is good, to be honest. 

Now just waiting for Ava and Amira’s adopter to arrive. I hope someone in the family has an email address. 

The 13th of November. 

Today certainly ended unexpectedly. I sat with Archie this morning because he was making lots of sad noises after his sisters were adopted. We took the cage down, he has been having lots of fun (in between the sad mews) rampaging around the room. 

My back has been terrible since Friday night – I think the seats at the mac are to blame – so I spent my afternoon in a comfortable chair, crocheting things which I then unravelled. I eventually started working on some Christmas baubles, when my phone rang. It was the adopter from last night, and she told me I had to have Ava back because she’d gone mental and taken a chunk out of her finger. I was very taken aback by this, and said I’d have to speak to one of my colleagues and get back to her. I rang Shaki, and we decided she’d come to my house and we’d go and assess the situation together. 

When we arrived, we ascertained what had happened, and made the decision that we would refund their money and take both of the kittens back. (Obviously a lot more than this happened but I can’t put it on here. Sorry, I wish I could share!)

Now I have three kittens again, Archie is thrilled to have his pals back, and everything is fine. 

The 27th of November. 

I had so much fun with Nish last night. We arrived at the same time so climbed the stairs together to his dressing room to hang out. He had to do a quick tech thing, but then we just talked about stuff, not much about Jon Ronson which was the original plan, more about Louis Theroux, Meryl Streep and Harry Shearer. I ducked into the studio just before he was supposed to start, sitting in the nearest seat which was at the end of the front row. At the other end were several members of his family, and between us there were three young women who were pretty drunk. They were quite lively during the first half but moved in the interval which I think we wise. I loved the show, as I expected to, and we will definitely get together again when we can.

Today I have been totally wiped. A long day yesterday with a bad sleep before, I am really looking forward to my bed tonight. Mommy and I finally watched The Bridge from Saturday and it was just as good as ever. I love Saga. I do not love Lise, although I think she is kind of right in the way she’s dealing with her daughter’s school. 

I have had to wear a shawl over my jumper when in with Nick today because he kept trying to eat the bells on it. Such a daft kitty. 

The 28th of November. 

Having been so exhausted yesterday, it took me hours to fall asleep which was incredibly frustrating. I heaved myself out of bed at half past nine and had a not massively productive morning, just a blog post before going to watch I’m A Celebrity with Nick. He was being suitably mental, attacking my jumper and chasing the newspapers. 

After lunch, I read the paper, was excellent at the sudoku. The rest of my afternoon has been crocheting and I’ve now made all the bits of Christmas presents, now they just need assembling. One part was particularly tricky, but I found a video to help me so now it’s all done!I think I just need to get one more present for Mommy, then it will be done. 

I haven’t even really looked at wrapping paper yet, and that is very important. Always got to come up with a new theme!

The 25th of November. 

Been out all day! I was up at eight, had breakfast, coffee, did a blog post and crocheted a bit of present before going out to Black Sheep to get my hair cut and coloured. I presented Michaela with the hat I’d made for Blossom, so I’m now awaiting a picture of her in it. We went a bit more red and copper in my hair today, less gold, and I’m going to get it brightened up again just before Christmas. Michaela trimmed all my ends but that was all that was needed, and by half twelve I was free again. 

Home for lunch, then we were out again to town to return the last Oasis dress. A girl in the shop was actually wearing it so I definitely couldn’t wear it for Christmas now. We also went to John Lewis to buy crackers, and on our way back bumped into Kate Warnaby, an old friend from the Hippodrome, and we had a good natter in the middle of Grand Central. 

On our way home, we stopped to get some hamster bedding and we also picked up some “poultry paté” to try Nick with because he appears to like the wet food until he’s licked all the jelly off, then he doesn’t want it anymore.

Christine called and she is a poorly panda. Coughs and sniffles, she needs lots of rest. No sport for her. 

The 26th of November. 

It’s been a good day. Admittedly, it didn’t start off brilliantly with the boiler man arriving at five to eight but he got the heating working again without all the noise so we were able to be on our way to pick up Grandma and go to the Good Food Show by just after ten. 

We didn’t have to pay £12 for parking this time because the shed was full so we just parked near the shed and saved some money! We arrived just in time to see Michel Roux Jr in the supertheatre. Perk of being disabled is that we all get sat together near the front so always have a good view. He made a duck dish which looked delicious. 

Once I’d got out (I got stuck behind a woman taking up a lot of space in her chair, going very slow, and she wouldn’t move slightly to the left so I couldn’t get round her), I got myself some caffeine in the shape of The Shack Revolution, then find a quiet corner to go through the show guide and find the places I wanted to visit. It basically involved the places I could buy brownies, and somewhere for lunch. I had a kangaroo burger which was adequate, but nothing to write home about. I got another Christmas present for Daddy and had a long chat with the lady on the stall because she asked why I was in a wheelchair. I told her, so then I got to hear about how inspirational I am, and how well I look. That’s always nice. 

Got five brownies (Gower Cottage, and triple chocolate, Oreo, Nutella and vanilla and white chocolate from The Brownie Bar) and a sticky toffee flapjack for Daddy, then met up with Mommy and Grandma who were also done so home we went  

Ate one of my brownies when we got back, then spent the rest of my afternoon with Nick and Netflix. Tonight is Nish at the Glee so I’m very much looking forward to that – we’re going to have a pre-show hang, Widdicombe style.