Archives For pain

The 8th of October. 

I have had a really unproductive day. I think it’s allowed, considering how shit I feel. 

Another bad night, etc etc. I just cough and cough my body is so exhausted that sleep overrides the virus. Then the cough seems to stay dormant until morning, then it all starts again. 

I had one of my rainbow bagels for breakfast to cheer myself up, then while watching Sunday Brunch, I put up a blog post. Mercifully, they’re all quite short at the moment. Then I had to go and say goodbye to the kittens end get their paperwork so I could fill it in before Amanda came to pick them up at one. We had lots of pets and nose boops, and when they were distracted by food, I got the forms I needed from the drawer. 

Everything was ready when she arrived, so I just had her finish them off, then we had to wrestle the little monkeys into her carrier. Gave them both a quick squeeze, then shut the door before they could escape. 

Ate lunch while fast-forwarding through last night’s X Factor, then I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon on the floor. Completely flat on my front, that is the only way I get a break from coughing. Otherwise it is incessant.

The 9th of October. 

Honestly, most of my day has been spent lying flat on the floor. 

I didn’t have a great night (again), so as soon as I’d had my breakfast and my compression garment was on, my face was on the carpet. Well, not technically on the carpet, because that is unpleasant – I have been using a blanket as a barrier. 

It suppresses the cough, but causes pain in my back, neck, knees, ribcage and elbows. I’ve also developed an interesting condition in that when I blow my nose, it squeaks, almost as if I have inhaled some kind of device from a toy or something. Mommy keeps laughing at me. The pain is worth it though, not to cough. I emailed Dr. Thompson, just to keep him abreast of the situation, and he’s writing me a prescription for co-amoxiclav which I can pick up on Wednesday. 

Keep thinking about going to pet kittens then remembering we don’t have any! I haven’t heard anything, which I’m taking to mean everything’s fine. 

Right, back to the floor. 

The 2nd of October. 

It is just relentless. Doesn’t stop. Don’t know what time I fell asleep. It was after Daddy got home, past one. 

Everything hurts. Both shoulders, all of my back, my ribcage. The only way I can suppress it is to lean forward, but that makes my back pain even worse. Thank god I’m seeing the pain doctor tomorrow. 

I went to St. Giles today to get a new compression garment. I met Jane, who is the one that works with Anne Dancey. She looked at a few different sizes, but actually the first one fitted. I’m not loving it – I forgot how squeezy they are. I’ve got to ring them in a few days if it’s okay and they’ll get the GP to organise a spare one for me. 

Henrietta is going today. She is not getting any happier here, so Shaki is going to take her back to the colony from whence she came. She’s well now, and has been spayed so can’t get pregnant again, so this is the best thing for her. She is not destined to be a pet.

The 3rd of October. 

My chest quietly rumbles on. If I’m not coughing, I’m burbling away. 

I think I had a slightly better night – I don’t think it took me quite so long to fall asleep. Not that it’s helped much. Still just coughing up phlegm all day long. It’s funny, the cough is so loudly phlegmy, yet people still offer me water like lack of moisture is the problem. It is quite blatantly not a dry cough. It happened while I was waiting to be called through in pain clinic this afternoon. Like I will drink the water and be like HALLELUJAH YOU HAVE CURED ME!

Speaking of pain clinic, Dr. Blaney does agree that steroid injections are the next step, as any stronger drugs are all opiates that will probably affect my breathing. However, he doesn’t want to do those until we know why my white cell count is consistently high. I get it – if we introduced infection into my spinal fluid, that would be a problem. So now we have to badger the secretary of the immunology doctor, and she’s not back until Thursday. 

The 12th of September.

Today has been fairly acceptable, pain-wise. I had to bend over this morning which my back didn’t like, and I’ve had the occasional twinge, but moving has been much easier. I had a longer sleep, which I think helped too. 

Quiet day for me; this morning, I wrote up a blog post, and tried on two dresses that I had ordered. Keeping one, sending the other back. Chatted with the kittens. I think bribery is working on Hugo, as he’s not running away from me quite so much. 

After lunch, I perused some crochet patterns and did some experimenting with different sized hooks, eventually deciding to just make a scarf/snood with some wool I bought to get free delivery on an order. I watched some Bones, then went to sit and give Hugo treats while I stroked him. He’s getting better at it. Even Harvey wanted to come and join us watching Buffy, although he doesn’t care about Dreamies. 

The 13th of September. 

Well it’s been a rather productive day. I saw Anne Dancey this morning about my arm. I explained my situation, and my history, and she examined me. She was pleased to hear that Andrew is organising this nuclear medicine test, as she would do something similar, and would like to see the results when they come through. Let’s hope the appointment materialises soon. She thinks it is probably vascular, but that a proper compression garment and seeing specialist nurses will help me, so it’s handy that I’ve got St. Giles (who are the same team she uses anyway) next week. If I do need lipo, she will provide it, but I have several other avenues to try first. 

We popped into town before going home, to take back two of the three coats I’d ordered from Zara, then had to get straight back home so Mommy could get to Grandma’s for 12. 

This afternoon is used up a second ball of wool on the scarf, so that’ll be done by the weekend, and I had a bit more Hugo petting time while listening to PM. I think we’re making progress. Henrietta, not so much. 

The 10th of September. 

Today has not been so terrible, in terms of pain, but I have still felt pretty shit all day. 

I’m still tired, from not sleeping properly due to pain, so I got up just before the start of Sunday Brunch and got dressed in a cosy jumper and leggings, because the weather demanded it. 

I have, again, not moved a great deal, but also have not crocheted at all because I just can’t concentrate. I thought, after lunch, that I might need a nap, so I went upstairs to lie down. I put on a podcast, curled up and closed my eyes, but I did not fall asleep. This is good; it means I am not ill! Just feel shit because I’m tired and in pain. Preferable. 

After coming downstairs from my rest, I watched three episodes of Bones that had appeared overnight, and tried some Hugo petting. I forced him on to my lap and stroked until my arm was tired. He must learn to enjoy it. 

The 11th of September. 

Another early start, but for a good reason. I met up with Adam this morning, because he’d come up to the QE to talk to some of the nurses about stuff Dean wanted to do. It was really good to see him and give him a big hug in person, as opposed to verbally via direct messages on Twitter. We talked about how it had been in the last couple of weeks, and at the end, and his incredible appearance on Victoria Derbyshire. How he’s coping, how I am. There are things that are being planned in his name that I am looking forward to seeing. His legacy will live on. 

He had to get going up to YPU, and I had to go home for lunch before my chiro appointment. Trine has managed to make me feel some relief – it appears one of the muscles on the right side of my back had gone into spasm and travelled all the way up (or down, I’m not sure which end it started) which meant all of that side was contracting. No wonder I was in pain. She managed to work some of it out, while I gritted my teeth. Thankfully it hadn’t transferred into my neck, so I just needed some ice pack treatment when I got home. 

Since then, I have crocheted some mice for the kittens to play with. Henrietta has appropriated an old one which is incredibly tatty, so now they have some more that aren’t falling apart. 

The 8th & 9th; So much pain.

September 11, 2017 — 9 Comments

The 8th of September. 

Ooh it has been a long day! I was up super early to be at the dental hospital for my half nine appointment, which I was called in for only half an hour late, so I got a bit of book read. It was a student clinic, so I was examined by one girl, while one typed and the other one observed. There’s not much to see in my mouth at the moment, so it was a pretty quick examination, then the longest part of the appointment was waiting for the consultant to come. To pass the time, we talked about what we’ve all been binge-watching on Netflix. He eventually appeared, had a look and agreed that my mouth is in excellent shape (take that, Amy the hygienist) so don’t need to go back for six months! Let’s hope I actually get a letter. 

We got home about eleven, and I had time to write up a blog post before it was lunchtime. I was in the middle of eating my grapes when the doorbell rang, and it was Carol! We were expecting her, she was just a little early. No matter! We then had a lovely afternoon catching up, eating cake and discussing our various crafty projects. We hadn’t even noticed when it got to six o’clock, but she really had to make her way home then, so that is all that has happened! Much, much chat. Exhausted now. 

The 9th of September. 

Oh god today has been horrific. So much pain. No reason. At some point in the night, something happened, and I became unable to turn over or lie flat on my back. Well, I could turn over, but it was agony. I couldn’t get my back flat without bending my knees. So it wasn’t a good night. 

I’ve spent most of the day unable to move, so I’ve been able to finish the doily I’ve been making. Only left my chair to go to the bathroom, to eat dinner, and when Shaki came to impart kitten wisdom. When I have got up, I made such an awful cacophony of noises. Absolutely dreadful. I am so grateful I have a chiro appointment on Monday. Trine will have things to crunch. 

Nicole and Richard came round to drop off some cat paperwork, and they met the floofs. Shaki came at about five and spent nearly two hours coaxing Hugo into being petted. It involves lots of playing, treats, and basically stroking him until he relaxes. We also have to feed him inside the cage again. And we have to try stroking Henrietta when she’s eating but I’m going to leave that to Mommy because I’m pretty sure I’ll get shredded. 

By teatime, I was ready to cry. Fuck this body. 

The 31st of August. 

Mild improvement today? My eyes don’t hurt quite as much, and my sleep wasn’t as terrible. I suppose you can call that progress. 

This morning I had an appointment with Andrew, post-venoplasty. I showed him my still fat arm and he was very disappointed. I was surprised that he had expected it to work, frankly. The next option for him would be to put a stent in, but it would be pretty massive and made of metal, and it would stop any central venous access from my left side, which could be problematic. He has a multi-disciplinary team meeting on Tuesday with other interventional radiologists, surgeons and haematologists, and he is going to present my case to them, and see me again in six weeks. In the meantime, I’ll see Anne Dancey and the lymphoedema clinic, then we’ll see where we are. 

Popped into town afterwards where I bought some hand cream, moisturiser, and some drawers from Muji to tidy my make up area. Back home, I spent forty five minutes sitting on the floor sorting it out, which was very satisfying but very painful for my back. 

Had a breakthrough with young Hugo! I went to give the kittens some more food, and he came up to me with his brother and lay down near me, even allowing me to stroke him! I have no idea why or how, or even if it’ll happen again. I hope it wasn’t a fluke. 

The 1st of September. 

Another trip to London! This time, it was Daddy’s belated birthday present: the Pink Floyd exhibition at The V&A. Half ten train, arrived at Euston just after twelve. Train manager got the ramp for me because, quelle surprise, nobody there. We got a cab to the museum, when we met up with Christine and went to get some lunch in the café. I got a ham and Emmental baguette because everything else had spice and stuff in, then there were secret herbs in the butter that nearly made it intolerable. You think you’ll be safe!

Our tickets were for 2.30, and we had to get headphones for the exhibition (very clever, they could pick up where you were and play the appropriate audio), so we joined the queue of other organised people. We got in promptly, as did many others, so it was quite slow to get around – especially for me, as I can only move at the speed of those around me, and only see stuff when people aren’t in the way. I liked what I knew of them already, and there’s some stuff I heard that I’m going to look into more. I took a lot of photos. 

I bought two books on the way out (not Pink Floyd related) and waited for the others. They were watching the film at the end, which I had to leave because of blinding light. When they eventually emerged, we went to get coffee and cake. We decided to sit outside, which was a mistake because the wind was freezing. 

I wanted to see the Rachel Kneebone sculptures, and so Christine and I went to find those. The first one was fairly obvious, a giant column by the entrance hall, and there was a sign saying the rest were in room 21. However, once there, we could not see them. A volunteer saw that we were confused, and she went off to find out where the other sculptures were. It turns out that one of them got a bit broken, and they got taken away. She could see I was disappointed, and asked if we were interested in the Balenciaga exhibition. I said yes, but we hadn’t bought tickets. However, she said that was fine, and she’d get us in. Okay! So then we got to look around there at all the beautiful dresses. I discovered that Cristóbal and I share a birthday, and found a dress by Oscar de la Renta that I would gladly get married in. So stunning. 

We met back up with Mommy and Daddy, and it was time for us to return to our respective homes. Christine poddled off back to Twickenham, and the rest of us back to Euston. I bought some Pom Bears and a green juice for dinner, and a New Scientist to read on the way home. Pooped. 

img_8932

img_9439

img_9440

img_9437

The 29th of August. 

Another bad night! I really don’t know what’s happening, if it’s my body or my mind that is the problem. I just want it to stop. 

This morning, I did a blog post, and had started watching The Mist yesterday, so I put that back on. I got a couple of episodes watched (Mommy had taken Grandma for an appointment with her consultant) and painted my nails, which was fun when I dropped my phone down the side of the chair. I was able to retrieve it without getting nail varnish everywhere, thankfully. 

Mommy got back around lunchtime, so we ate some food, then I went to let the kittens run around while I watched the final few episodes of The Mist. I think I am getting somewhere with Henrietta – I keep giving her treat sticks and the occasional Dreamie and I am getting hissed at less. The Mist has a very unsatisfactory ending – no questions answered, harmful stereotypes reinforced, cliffhanger finale. Do I want another season? Just answers would be preferable, I think. Bah. 

New Bake Off tonight. I have a lot of conflicting feelings. 

The 30th of August. 

Jesus, my eyes have been really sore for the past two days. No reason, and not much I can really do to alleviate the pain. More eye drops don’t really help. Blargh. I at least had a marginally better sleep, but the dreams weren’t great. 

I’ve done too much crocheting again, so my fingers are tired. The doily is so big, it now takes over an hour to do a round and it only grows. Really hoping I manage to get to the end without running out of wool. 

This afternoon, we watched the Horizon programme about psychopaths, then I finished off a round of crochet before going upstairs to listen to some podcasts and give my eyes a rest. Back downstairs, I let the kittens out and watched an episode of Sense8. Henrietta is coming a bit closer to me now, although we thought we might have a setback last night after she got her claws stuck in a blanket and completely freaked out. We couldn’t help her without getting injured, so I had to get an oven glove so we could remove her paw from its trap. She was not happy. Thankfully, today she does not seem too traumatised. Hugo is still ridiculous, climbing up my leg, but if I look at him, he legs it. More bribery required.