Archives For poorly

The 12th of October. 

I had my first reasonable sleep in weeks last night. As in, it didn’t take me hours to fall asleep. That might be because of how exhausted I was – I was too tired to eat even half of my tea. 

I woke up with a suddenly very tickly throat that wouldn’t abate unless I drank continuously. It cleared up once I brushed my teeth, but I couldn’t go back to bed. I had an appointment at the GP anyway – they wanted to talk to me about my latest letter from ophthalmology. Turns out they were confused about my prescription. He was actually very reasonable, and we did a bit of a prescription audit so it’s up to date now. 

This afternoon, I watched the new episode of Riverdale (yay!), and felt up to doing a bit more crochet. Another assembly job next. I never know how the cough is going to be the next day so we’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I’ve got a ticket to see Jayde at The Glee tomorrow night but I can’t see that happening with the way I am. It’s probably not a good idea even if I am feeling better. I’ve coughed enough today for my ribs to hurt and me to get paranoid that I’m going to pop my lung again. 

The 13th of October. 

Bleugh. I had another decent night, but I’m still knackered this evening. I’ll have had this for three weeks on Sunday. 

The cough has changed again today – it was really dry overnight and first thing, and as the day has progressed, it’s been constant phlegm. Wish it had been like this on Wednesday and I could’ve given the hospital a better sputum sample. We have another pot so if I’m still going on Monday we can take that in. 

This morning, I put together the doll I’m making, although I had to reattach the right leg three times because I just couldn’t get the angle to match the left one. 

Then, after lunch, I started on the clothes. It’s pretty straightforward so far, just long. It needs details though, and they will be tricky.  

Oh god I am so tired. Obviously no Glee tonight. I just want to sleep until I am better. 

The 10th of October. 

I live on the floor now. 

Nights are the same, coughing until I fall asleep, then in the morning I’m okay until it starts again. Today, I got a blog post written up, but not posted before it was necessary to lie down. 

Rosemary came for lunch and she arrived to find me on the ground, which is always fun to explain. I got up to eat, but the rest of the afternoon has been face down. I watched an episode of How to Get Away with Murder on my phone, and listened to James Arthur speak very eloquently about mental health on Radio 5. 

It is something I have long struggled with, having been diagnosed with depression at fourteen, and it has varied in severity over time. I have been medicated since I was eighteen, which helps for the most part. I still have days under the heavy cloud, sometimes they stretch into weeks, months, but they end. I know they end. And I’m forever going to deal with the demon that is anorexia which really took hold when I got “better” from cancer. I was in treatment for over a year before I decided I wanted to change. You can have all the support in the world but if you’re not ready to stop self-destructing, you won’t. I still deal with its voice, I worry about my body, how I look. But I know that is not who I am. I am the sky.

The 11th of October. 

I am so tired. I had about three hours of sleep because I was just constantly coughing, and I had to get up at seven because I had to be at hospital at nine. 

It was for my lymphoscintigram in nuclear medicine so we could finally find out if my lymphatic system is the problem in my right arm. I got called through about half nine, having alienated everyone in the waiting room with my cough. I had two injections of radioactive dye in the webbed spaces of each hand, then I had a series of x-rays to see how quickly the lymphatic system would dispose of it. Each scan took five minutes in which I had to be completely still, with my arms stretched out in front of me on the bed. I had six in total, twenty minutes after the first, forty minutes after that, an hour after that, and an hour and ten minutes after that. The final one was me standing up with the machine moved to scan my body. We were able to discern that the right side is not functioning properly, because the dye was long gone from my left arm, but had got stuck in the lymph nodes near the elbow on the right. So now I’ll see Andrew again, and we’ll make another new plan. 

We finally got home at two, had lunch, and now I’m on oxygen because I’m so drained, my sats are dipping. 

What is this rib doing? It digs into the floor and it HURTS.

The 8th of October. 

I have had a really unproductive day. I think it’s allowed, considering how shit I feel. 

Another bad night, etc etc. I just cough and cough my body is so exhausted that sleep overrides the virus. Then the cough seems to stay dormant until morning, then it all starts again. 

I had one of my rainbow bagels for breakfast to cheer myself up, then while watching Sunday Brunch, I put up a blog post. Mercifully, they’re all quite short at the moment. Then I had to go and say goodbye to the kittens end get their paperwork so I could fill it in before Amanda came to pick them up at one. We had lots of pets and nose boops, and when they were distracted by food, I got the forms I needed from the drawer. 

Everything was ready when she arrived, so I just had her finish them off, then we had to wrestle the little monkeys into her carrier. Gave them both a quick squeeze, then shut the door before they could escape. 

Ate lunch while fast-forwarding through last night’s X Factor, then I’ve spent the majority of the afternoon on the floor. Completely flat on my front, that is the only way I get a break from coughing. Otherwise it is incessant.

The 9th of October. 

Honestly, most of my day has been spent lying flat on the floor. 

I didn’t have a great night (again), so as soon as I’d had my breakfast and my compression garment was on, my face was on the carpet. Well, not technically on the carpet, because that is unpleasant – I have been using a blanket as a barrier. 

It suppresses the cough, but causes pain in my back, neck, knees, ribcage and elbows. I’ve also developed an interesting condition in that when I blow my nose, it squeaks, almost as if I have inhaled some kind of device from a toy or something. Mommy keeps laughing at me. The pain is worth it though, not to cough. I emailed Dr. Thompson, just to keep him abreast of the situation, and he’s writing me a prescription for co-amoxiclav which I can pick up on Wednesday. 

Keep thinking about going to pet kittens then remembering we don’t have any! I haven’t heard anything, which I’m taking to mean everything’s fine. 

Right, back to the floor. 

The 2nd of October. 

It is just relentless. Doesn’t stop. Don’t know what time I fell asleep. It was after Daddy got home, past one. 

Everything hurts. Both shoulders, all of my back, my ribcage. The only way I can suppress it is to lean forward, but that makes my back pain even worse. Thank god I’m seeing the pain doctor tomorrow. 

I went to St. Giles today to get a new compression garment. I met Jane, who is the one that works with Anne Dancey. She looked at a few different sizes, but actually the first one fitted. I’m not loving it – I forgot how squeezy they are. I’ve got to ring them in a few days if it’s okay and they’ll get the GP to organise a spare one for me. 

Henrietta is going today. She is not getting any happier here, so Shaki is going to take her back to the colony from whence she came. She’s well now, and has been spayed so can’t get pregnant again, so this is the best thing for her. She is not destined to be a pet.

The 3rd of October. 

My chest quietly rumbles on. If I’m not coughing, I’m burbling away. 

I think I had a slightly better night – I don’t think it took me quite so long to fall asleep. Not that it’s helped much. Still just coughing up phlegm all day long. It’s funny, the cough is so loudly phlegmy, yet people still offer me water like lack of moisture is the problem. It is quite blatantly not a dry cough. It happened while I was waiting to be called through in pain clinic this afternoon. Like I will drink the water and be like HALLELUJAH YOU HAVE CURED ME!

Speaking of pain clinic, Dr. Blaney does agree that steroid injections are the next step, as any stronger drugs are all opiates that will probably affect my breathing. However, he doesn’t want to do those until we know why my white cell count is consistently high. I get it – if we introduced infection into my spinal fluid, that would be a problem. So now we have to badger the secretary of the immunology doctor, and she’s not back until Thursday. 

The 28th of September. 

Nobody has more phlegm than me. My throat seems okay now, not really needing the Strepsils. I just cough a lot, and it is my signature cough that I have to do continously until the junk moves. Sometimes it takes a while, and I get a bit lightheaded. The ribs are coping today, I am just really tired. Praying it calms down by Sunday. 

This morning, I woke up early, and did a blog post, and coughed. Just coughed, up until about half eleven, when I finally seemed to get some rest, so then I got Simon’s hat out and started work on that again. 

After lunch, a couple came to view the kittens. I don’t think we’d been in the room even five minutes when Amanda said she was smitten. Not surprising – Harvey just wants to be pals with everyone immediately and Hugo is gorgeous, if less forthcoming. He became a bit more interested once we started playing and they were able to see what he’s like when he’s relaxed. 

They stayed about an hour, and left definitely wanting them. They can’t pick them up until next weekend but that’s fine because it means I get another week of petting. 

The rest of my afternoon was spent finishing Simon. I’ve still got Heinz the Stag to do, but I must do Chloe’s seal first. 

The 29th of September. 

I have a headache, I suspect from lack of oxygen during all the coughing – I checked my sats while I was having a fit and they went down to 92, and my heart rate went up to 140. It’s not great. 

I had a more reasonable sleep – my alarm actually woke me up today which is the first time in a while. We’ll see if that happens again or if it was a fluke. 

This morning, once I’d got through all the morning phlegm, I started crocheting Chloe’s seal. So far, he has a face. It’s going well. 

After lunch, Mommy and I went into town for toy stuffing, returning of Zara jumpers, and to purchase some baked goods from this place called Medicine Bakery which is only open on Fridays and Saturdays. Sadie went when she was home the other week and she approved. I bought a Nutella and s’mores kruffin, plus a cinnamon bun and a blondie. 

OH GOD SO PHLEGMY. 

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The 24th of September. 

Poorly. I had a massive sleep, aided by Zopiclone, which was good, but I’m not well. My sinuses are full of crap on my left side – my head is so heavy. Most of my day, I have sat and crocheted. I need to write up a bunch of blog posts but I have just not got the energy. Sunday Brunch, porridge, coffee. Curled up in leggings and another enormous jumper. 

Grandma came for lunch, and we had my favourite, venison. But then I spent a couple of hours upstairs on my bed, resting my back, trying not to feel like shit. I didn’t fall asleep, like I have been known to when ill. Oh, I just want to go to bed. Stay in bed. I’m so glad this week is empty. I need to regain energy for Sunday. Harry Potter!

The 25th of September. 

Bleugh. Definitely poorly. I woke up with a sore throat again, and my head is full of cold. I think I might have what Daddy had the other week – streaming nose, going through tissues by the dozen, feeling like garbage. 

I spent my morning putting together all the blog posts I have missed since the start of my busy week. The house phone rang while I was working, and Mommy was out, stocking up on decongestants etc for me, so I thought I’d better answer. Luckily for me, it was Christine, calling to update us on her chiro appointment for her dodgy wrist, and I had a little sneezing fit at her down the phone. 

When Mommy returned, she has also got some chicken and vegetable soup for me, so I had that with my Fudgepacker brownie for lunch, which did make me feel slightly better. 

Rest of the day, I have been sat in front of the TiVo box, finishing off one crochet project and starting another, some little wintery dudes. 

Rellik is on tonight so I can’t go to bed early again. I’ll try to lie in in the morning but if my throat is as sore as it was today, that will be tough. 

The 1st of January. 

Happy New Year! Not feeling my best – not hungover (obviously, my tongue can’t cope with alcohol), but all the rest of my body is still misbehaving. My feet have been quite calm today, but other things are not so good: my hands and fingers are still sore, my right arm is still massive, and I woke up with really sensitive eyes again. Think I might have to go see someone at the eye hospital. Not to mention my ulcerated tongue. Oh and I’m still coughing, so yeah, not a great start to the year. 

Most of today has been crocheting. This morning I sat with the kittens while blogging and watching New Year Brunch. Grandma came for the afternoon, and we had game casserole for New Year’s Day lunch, followed by sticky toffee pudding with extra chopped up fudge. 

I then spent two and a half hours crocheting the green stripe of my blanket and watching Mirror Mirror, occasionally massaging the base of my right thumb to stop it cramping up. 

She shuffles around,

Turning the lights out,

Closes the window,

Checks on the locks. 

Folds up the blanket,

Empties the bottle 

And leaves it in the hallway, dark. 

She’s just glad she gets to be around

To see another Spring to come to this town. 

Happy New Year, Happy New Year 

To you.

The 2nd of January. 

Bleah, I feel like garbage. My eye is sore again today, and everything else is still the same, maybe my hands and feet are marginally better? Plus now I’m sporting multiple scratches from the kittens because they hate the worming medicine. Thankfully today was the last day they need to have it. 

Daddy drove Christine home today, so they left at about 11 after she got a bit sad saying goodbye to the kittens. Speaking of whom, they will be disappearing to an adoption centre on Wednesday or Thursday. Then I will be sad. 

This afternoon I did mainly crocheting and watching Nashville (I have eight episodes on the box to watch, and I got through two). Shaki came round just after half three to show me this Cats Protection database system called Catalog (see what they did there?) and ended up staying for two hours talking about all sorts of branch stuff. Lots of change afoot and streamlining of some areas which will hopefully make life easier. 

I need a really big sleep. Tomorrow we need to ring the QE because I need to see someone about the mess that is my body, and I need to start ringing potential adopters again.