Archives For sleep

The 10th of February.

Woke up at 6. Let’s be honest, I’m probably not going to have a good sleep until maybe Tuesday night at the earliest? My mind might not be feeling nervous but my body obviously is. I know this because this morning we were talking about nothing in particular yet I nearly burst into tears. Clearly I am not as relaxed as I think I am.

Progress on the photo library bollocks is minimal. It has taken almost the entire day for it to repair, then I tried to be clever to sort them more efficiently but that backfired, so I’ve left it doing something the very slow and tedious way. Be back to it tomorrow.

I have, however, planned what I’m going to say. I’ve decided to keep it short, because nobody wants to hear me wang on for ages and get emotional. After that, I crocheted the monster scarf and watched The Blacklist. Now rugby, dinner, bed.

The 11th of February.

We have sold out.

I couldn’t belive my eyes when I saw the email this morning. I would have screamed, but I was in the bathroom and didn’t want to cause concern. I settled for not being able to stop smiling for a good hour. Unbelievable.

It’s been rather a calm day, to contrast the hectic stress-fest that will be tomorrow. I finally set the computer to do its photo exporting task and have been checking it periodically. I think it will be done by bedtime.

I tried on a dress I’m taking with me in case the thing with Jen falls through, just to check it still fitted, and got out everything I can pack before the morning. Got a list for before we go out. Convinced I will forget something crucial.

I finished the giant chunky scarf, and it will certainly keep me warm when I require it. It’s really heavy! Then I watched some more of The Blacklist, just trying not to think about everything. I don’t think I’ll sleep much tonight. 

The 27th of January.

Ugh. Another bad night, and I am drained. Going to try Zopiclone again tonight – maybe two.

I dressed for the cold, in my knitted trousers and thermal poloneck jumper. Not going anywhere. This morning, I did not spill any water or coffee, and I wrote up a blog post. Then I had to finish Claus – he can’t be a candle without a flame. It’s over a year since I made these the first time and I have learned a lot since then, so these will probably be better than ours.

After lunch, I made a start on Xaver the tree, while watching another recorded film. This time, it was Shutter Island. I think I saw it in the cinema with Sophie, and not again since, so I’d completely forgotten how it goes.

I had planned on reading some more of Gnomon, but I feel so crappy I couldn’t concentrate. Bedtime soon please.

The 28th of January.

Stupid drugs. The Zopiclone kind of worked? It still took me hours to fall asleep, but then I stayed asleep until Mommy came in at ten to wake me up. I had set my alarm but apparently I slept through it. It does, however, mean I have been sleepy all day.

I came downstairs in my pyjamas because I was hungry, so after I’d eaten and had coffee, I went back to my bedroom to get dressed. By the time I was actually ready for the day, it was pretty much lunchtime.

There was no point doing any reading today because I don’t trust my Zopiclone brain to remember any of it. Instead, while I finished and assembled Xaver, I watched three of the Electric Dreams series Channel 4 did a while ago. Turns out, they were quite shit. They’re not long enough for any of the ideas to be really fleshed out so they’re like a weak Black Mirror. Maybe what they’re based on are better? I’ll look into the written works.

Maybe tonight I’ll have a normal sleep? I’m tired enough.

The 25th of January.

I have had to take lots of deep breaths today, which means I am tired. I’m taking a Zopiclone tonight so I get a good sleep. I woke myself up whispering angrily in my sleep because I was dreaming that I was having an argument with someone from The Biggest Loser.

So I have spent pretty much the entire day sat in the same position, doing the same thing. First, I was doing a blog post, then I carried on with the doily and my hand aches. I’m on the penultimate round, so I’ve at least been very productive. Hopefully I get it finished tonight.

Mommy was out with Grandma for ages this afternoon, so I had a long tv binge – Riverdale, then Black Lightning (I’m going to give it a couple more episodes before I pass judgement) and Carrie, which I recorded at Christmas. To be honest, I fast-forwarded the first half, because I just wanted to watch the bit where she gets her revenge. No need to see the bit where she gets tormented.

Ugh god I want it to be bedtime.

The 26th of January.

Zopiclone didn’t work. Sometimes that happens. No reason, but it means I’ve had little sleep and a drug hangover that’s made me feel like shit all day. Bleah.

It’s Mommy and Daddy’s wedding anniversary today (38 years!) so the first thing I did was give them their card. Then breakfast, coffee, hairwash. I tidied up the back of the doily I finished last night, then wrote the notes on the patterns for the Christmas dudes I am starting.

I spilled water all over the table again because I apparently have no muscle control, and it went much further this time, so Daddy and I had to spread everything out and dry it with paper towels. I’m going to stop being allowed beverages without lids.

After lunch, Mommy and Daddy went to see Darkest Hour (I know, so romantic) then they were having dinner, so I have had the house to myself for the afternoon. I have pretty much made the first Christmas chap, Claus the candle, while watching films. The Host, which I recorded ages ago and was meh, then Captain America: Civil War because Black Panther comes out soon and I needed to remind myself of the “previously on”.

Domino’s for dinner. What else?

The 3rd of January.

My ribcage is still sore today. I’ve been sleeping on my back, which should help but doesn’t seem to have.

This morning, I wrote up a blog post, and Mommy and I had an early lunch because I had a chiro appointment at half past one. Trine could feel that my entire right side was different, sensitive. Everything was really tight and knotted – I felt a lot of little releases when she leaned on me. Mommy had gone into Sutton, so when I was done I sat in the waiting room where I bumped into Becky! She’d been for a regular appointment, after taking her Grandma to Sutton for new mobile phone and to the vet about her cat, who is stressed because he’s had to move house.

Speaking of cats, I spent the afternoon with ours. Everybody came to sit on me at various points during my Netflix viewing, but mainly it was Amber. I watched three more episodes of How to Get Away with Murder, and during the last one, she fell asleep in my arms. It was very cute, but it meant that I was stuck. In the end, I had to move her because I had to pee. She was not thrilled.

The 4th of January.

Bleugh. I am tired. I woke up at six, fell back to sleep until seven, then I put the Today programme on in which John Humphrys was being a dick about the NHS so then I was angry and awake.

I used my extra morning time to crochet. Until lunchtime I watched Bones and made all the parts of a small bear.

This afternoon, I went to sit with the kittens some more. Today Ava and Autumn wanted to be my friends, so they got comfortable in various positions on or around my lap, snoozing and purring while I watched more How to Get Away with Murder. I have just reached a pivotal moment in the season and I had to make sure I continued to breathe. Very stressful!

That’s all I’ve got today. I’m so cold, I just want to curl up back in bed.

The 26th of December.

Bleah, bad sleeping again so I’m having Zopiclone tonight. Therefore, I have only had one glass of champagne today – sleeping tablets and alcohol are not the best mix. I still felt kind of wibbly this morning so thought it wise not to drink too much again.

I put my twosie on (I am so warm) and spent my morning writing about yesterday, watching the rubbish on tv and it has been mainly rubbish today, unfortunately. The Shaun the Sheep film was on, and I remember seeing that with Daddy – such a mistake. Wouldn’t put myself through that again.

Lunch was about half one; Boxing Day ham, then chocolate mousse for everyone (except Taid, too much sugar). Then for the rest of the afternoon I have been reading How to Stop Time, and have finished it. I had started it before, but when I knew I was getting the illustrated version, I stopped. So I picked up where I’d left off, and read the last 125 pages. Next will be one of the enormous books I got yesterday.

Tonight we are having cheese for dinner. Awesome.

The 27th of December.

Welcome to the Merrineum – the period between Christmas and New Year when all the cosy clothes come out, the television options before rather desperate and there isn’t much to do but eat.

So today I have watched Turbo, The Princess and the Frog, Moana and Big Hero 6. It’s been very animation-heavy. While I sat on my arse, Mommy and Christine returned Taid’s room to a state ready for kittens, and Daddy has been driving Taid back to Wales and should be back in about an hour and a half.

I’ve been crocheting a shawl, so worked on that. I think I’ll finish it this evening, then my next projects are things for people’s babies. I need to look and what wool I already have so I don’t waste money on more – I bought rather an expensive jumper in the Farfetch sale yesterday so going to have to be a bit frugal for a while (except on my birthday).

The Zopiclone I had last night worked, thank god, so I had a much better sleep. Let’s hope that’s a return to usual form. Podcasts all night is not what I want to become my norm.

The 25th of December.

Merry Christmas!

I had a dreadful night, didn’t fall asleep until past two, then woke up multiple times in the night before getting up about half past eight when I could hear people moving around. Christine came into my bedroom, and we opened our stockings – I got some socks with reindeers on, Snowman shower jelly from Lush, Jelly Snowbabies, Lindt bears and reindeers, and little dog page markers. So cute.

Downstairs for Christmas breakfast in pyjamas! Game pie, breads, meats, cheeses, eggs – I leaned on my egg to break the shell and ended up sort of crushing it. Thankfully it was hard boiled enough to not make a mess. Then I made my final coffee of my advent calendar, and returned upstairs to get dressed. My dress this year was a very pain one, a green chenille midi dress from Zara, so I embellished with my Tatty Devine glittery holly and Christmas tree shoes. Still a very snazzy bitch.

Mommy and Daddy picked up Grandma, I positioned myself on the floor, the champagne was poured, and the present distribution could begin! I try to go around the room, one per person, until we run out. I got four books (Gnomon by Nick Harkaway, Sleeping Beauties by Stephen and Owen King, The Invisible Child and the Fir Tree by Tove Jansson, and the illustrated version of How to Stop Time by Matt Haig), and Alice in Wonderland moleskine diary for next year (they’ve stopped doing The Little Prince ones, rage), a small pouch to put all my medical stuff in for my handbag, a festive mug from Anthropologie, a fleecey cat twosie (SO SOFT AND COSY), a jar of Seville marmalade, the holiday wreath Pandora charm, an umbrella with dogs on, a Hasbean voucher, the StylPro brush cleaner, and a Christmas dogs garland which I will definitely have up in my room next year.

Lunch was ready about two o’clock. If I could have just parsnips, pigs in blankets and tiny carrots with bread sauce, I totally would. Then a small rest while the pudding finished cooking, and I had some chocolate mousse because I hate Christmas pudding.

We decamped into the living room while Daddy and Christine did the washing up, and put on the obligatory BBC animation made for the day to relax and pass the time before the Easts descended upon us for Doctor Who. Auntie Hilary called on Facetime, and she got passed around the room so Merry Christmases could be exchanged. Becky, James and Jonathan appeared just after five, with the rest following shortly after, and gift swapping commenced. Becky gave me some lightning bolt earrings, and Alison gave me a crochet set to make a little donkey and a book of patterns to make animals wearing clothes. Many projects for the future!

Daddy sorted out beverages, and those of us who wanted to watch settled down in front of the tv for Doctor Who. I was happy to see Bill for a final time, but I’m still annoyed that we only got her for one series. I don’t want Bradley Walsh. But I suppose Jodie Whittaker makes up for it.

They returned to their respective homes for Strictly, and Mommy and Daddy took Grandma home too, as time was getting on. When they got back, we had Christmas cake while watching Christmas Bake Off. Oh Selasi, how I have missed you. I would like him on all the Bake Off series forever, just saying things and making faces in the background.

I have had much wine, and am hoping the cosy glow will help me sleep. I got everything I wanted, but the best part is being at home, healthy as possible, surrounded by warmth and people I love. Nothing is as important to me as that.

The 19th of December.

Oh lord I am so tired. I got home about half eleven last night (the gig was much fun), and it took me hours to fall asleep, then I woke up several times so the sleep I did have was not of good quality. I am going to have Zopiclone tonight. Stupid lack of sleep.

So I have been really sleepy all day. I did a blog post this morning, and rummaged through my back up hard drives to find the original photos that were taken during my first stem cell transplant. Ten years ago today, I had my first cells from Christine. All the versions of the photos on my phone were rubbish quality, and I knew there had to be a better one somewhere.

Once I’d found it, I spent a lot of my afternoon trying to compose a tweet to send out to promote Still Standing. It took a stupidly long time for something so insignificant. I’ll probably do the same again on Thursday. Maybe I’ll be better at it then because my brain won’t be mush from not sleeping.

I can’t wait to go to bed.

The 20th of December.

Zopiclone worked. Nice big sleep, thankfully. I could not have coped with the wrapping pain if I was exhausted.

This morning I brought all the presents downstairs and wrote all my Christmas cards. Tidied up the living room table so we can fit food on there. Not much else for me to do until after lunch, really!

Mommy went out to Grandma’s then to pick up Christine from the station. I took everything into the dining room, made myself a peppermint chocolate drinking fudge, put The Polar Express on and it was wrapping time! I thought it would be best if I wrapped everything in the paper first, then did the ribbon on them all after, otherwise I might not have been done by the time Mommy and Christine got back. My paper was stupid and didn’t want to stick together, so I was glad I’d bought string as well as ribbon. Maybe next year I will not do glitter paper.

When The Polar Express finished, I watched a funny little film on Netflix called Pottersville. It was quite amusing, kept me entertained while I covered everything in glitter.

Now I am finished and my back is excruciating but I am done. It was worth it.