Archives For tramadol

The 27th of July. 

Woke up at stupid time AGAIN. I am sure it is the fault of the Tramadol even though it is supposed Fri have the opposite effect if anything. I would mind less if it was actually doing anything for the pain but I am in just as much misery as before, even more so today because the tops of my legs hurt. For crying out loud. 

This morning I had an appointment at the Women’s to see a nurse about the problems I have being examined. Apparently, radiotherapy can cause a condition called vaginismus. Yeah, I’m going to talk about my vagina, if you are upset about that then skip to the next paragraph. People don’t talk about this enough, there is no information, so I’m doing it. It’s very painful and annoying but it can be treated, hooray! I have been prescribed these things called vaginal dilators. There are five sizes, the largest of which is apparently terrifying and I will never have to use it. I start with the smallest, obviously, and I have to use it every day until it is easy to insert, then move on to the next size up. I will require lots and lots of pillows, a distraction and a lock on my bedroom door. It’s going to be interesting. 

While I was seeing her, Mommy went to see the pharmacist in haematology clinic (they’re on the same site) to ask how long we should wait before deciding the Tramadol isn’t working, as the doctor had said it would take a few days. It turns out she didn’t know what she was talking about because I should have felt relief within 30-60 minutes of taking the first dose. Obviously, that has not happened. My consultant was not around to prescribe more or something stronger, so we are ringing the GP at 8am to get an appointment and make them write something up for me. I can’t carry on like this. 

Before going home, we went into town again to get my Pandora charm for Saturday because we won’t get another chance before then. We got the diagnosis anniversary one too, because it’s only a few weeks away anyway. They just have to stay in the boxes until the days themselves. 

After lunch, Mommy went to see Grandma, and I set about watching more episodes of Stranger Things (only three left!) and writing up a monster blog post from Saturday and Sunday. It took all afternoon with the uploading of the photos too, then when I’d finally got it posted, something malfunctioned and the entire thing got deleted. Many obscenities were uttered. 

I went to give the kittens a stroke to lower my blood pressure, then did it all over again. I have a problem with the cats now, because they are all my friends, it means that they all want to be petted simultaneously and I do not have enough hands! Nettie is the worst – if anyone is getting attention, she has to get involved. So jealous. 

The 28th of July. 

Yep, I am no longer sleeping past six am it seems. That’s fine, it just means I’ll get through more coffee and Netflix will definitely be value for money for a while. This morning, I finished off Stranger Things. It was so good

I got a GP appointment today for 11.40, because we rang up at 8. I had the chiro first, and obviously we talked about what’s going on with my back. It seems that they know Mr. Harland very well; they refer patients to each other. Trine said that if she were having spinal surgery, she would want him to do it. She also explained what actual surgery he might do, which is really good to know. One of the receptionists is training to be a doctor, and she was in surgery with him just the other week! I am feeling very confident about seeing him now. 

Straight to the GP who was on time, astonishingly. It was a lady I don’t know, and it didn’t go well. She hadn’t bothered to even look at my notes before seeing me. I got her to sort out the vaginal dilators, then we talked pain relief. She wouldn’t give me opiates. I have to take gabapentin in combination with the tramadol and regular paracetamol. I am not expecting it to work. I will try it and if/when it doesn’t work, I’m going back to hospital and getting Ram to write me up oxycontin or morphine. When we left I was so angry, I could just feel the tears in my face and couldn’t speak for rage. 

I calmed down after an hour at home, had lunch, and this afternoon my friend Anna came round. We had coffee and cake and lots of chat. Memories from school, of Miss Jackson, the deaths of our respective pets (R.I.P. Polo and Oscar), all the crap that’s going on with my body. She is a teacher, so we discussed that a lot. Secondary school, which I think is probably harder than primary. All those hormones. She said some very disturbing things about the way girls talk to each other, it sounds dreadful. They have no problem calling each other slags, they are of the opinion that if you are drunk or in a short skirt, you are asking to be raped. It is horrifying. They need Anna because they are not learning about feminism from anyone else. 

She left just after half four, and shortly after, a lady called Tracy arrived with her mother to view Nettie. Sheila rang me about it while I was in the changing room at the chiro, so I had to cut her off, but she emailed me the details and I set up the meeting. They are lovely people, very knowledgeable about cats and dogs – she has a boxer but she’s very timid and obviously wants something to mother. Nettie will absolutely fine with that; she is will be the alpha. Everyone was very well-behaved actually, But Nettie is who she wanted and Nettie wanted her. Perfect match. She’ll be picking her up in the morning!

Keep sharing and ask your friends to! Jeremy Hunt needs to see this.

The 25th of July. 

Well, I have some drugs. Not the ones I hoped for, but I have to try these first before I can get anything stronger. 

We rang up first thing this morning, and when Jo, the clinical nurse specialist we spoke to, rang back, she said to come in at 1pm to see a doctor. I then kept writing about Saturday until 11, when we went into town before going to hospital. 

I desperately needed to replace the ballet pumps I’ve been wearing – they are nearly ten years old and literally falling to bits. Topshop didn’t have a pair in my size, so I went to New Look, where I ended up getting the same ones in three different colours. Sorry Phillip Green, none of my cash for you. I also picked up some trivial stuff like moisturiser and birthday cards, then lunch from Pret which we ate in the QE car park. 

Up on 621, I waited over an hour for the doctor to appear. That was fine because I’d taken my diary so I could finish my writing. I got that done, then twiddled my thumbs and listened to music until I was called.

We had a chat, and she did some poking although to be honest that doesn’t really make it any more obvious where the pain is; it’s not muscular so it’s not tender. Just constant ache, made worse when I move at all. The strongest drugs she could prescribe were slow release double strength Tramadol, so I have to take that twice a day for a few days and see if it makes a difference. I’m honestly not expecting it to, but we’ll see. 

We had to wait in pharmacy for ages because there was a palaver over the fact that it’s a controlled drug, but we were able to leave at about half three. When we got home, the kittens were ravenous, practically chewing my arm off. I did apologise profusely but they don’t care. They got food; they’re happy. 

Tonight, I’m trying to get the video I made yesterday seen. It’s on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and instagram, and I am begging everyone to share it with their followers. I want Jeremy Hunt to explain why he’s arbitrarily chosen this group of people who apparently deserve to die. Why he’s basing this decision on research that is 20 years old and has no plans to use current data or get any more, despite us constantly improving the science behind the transplants. Why he feels prosthetic penises are more important than the lives of people with cancer. What gives him the right to extinguish the last remaining hopes of people already going through more than he ever has. It is a privilege to be the health secretary yet he treats it like a game, and he gets to play God. 

The 26th of July. 

Terrible night. I barely slept at all for no discernible reason. The pain wasn’t unbearable for once, I wasn’t too hot, my brain just wouldn’t go to sleep. In the end, I started watching Stranger Things on Netflix and I am gripped. Loving it so far. 

I got up just before nine, and washed my hair for the first time since it was dyed. I wouldn’t mention it, but it had a slightly alarming effect. Because the colour is so vibrant, the water and shampoo made the dye run, and when I had dried my hair, Mommy noticed that most of the back of my neck had been stained pink. I was really glad James had let me in on the tip of milk being a great stain remover. Worked like a charm!

My day has been talking and writing. I got an email from a journalist from the Birmingham Mail wanting to talk about my video, excellent! Before I got back to her, I spoke to Simon at Anthony Nolan to make sure I had all the points I needed to cover. The writer, Anuja, rang me as soon as I replied to her, so then I talked to her and that should be in the paper very soon!

After lunch, I spent most of my afternoon uploading photos from the games on Saturday and writing because I am behind again. I’m not quite finished because I then got another interview request but it was email questions, so I stopped the blog-writing to answer them all in probably far too many words. I suspect I will be edited considerably. 

I am so tired. Sleep tonight please. 

The video is here, please watch it and share it with your friends.

The 21st of July. 

Today has been so much nicer. It is warm enough to not have to wear a cardigan but not so warm that I’m incapable of breathing. This is what I would like all the time please. 

I woke up when my alarm went off, but then went back to sleep for half an hour. The kittens are super hungry when I got their breakfast to them. This morning I did a blog post (I should stop putting that in. You know when I do a blog post. They’re here.) and had some more wool delivered. It was on sale, and I have plans for it – some green, glittery wool will make a Christmas hat, and some pink baby wool is for a baby blanket. 

This afternoon, I have done much crocheting, not on the projects mentioned above though. Poppy the flowerpot cat, from the same pattern as the teacup cat I posted. Speaking of cats, we had a visit from Oscar! He actually came into the house and was very interested in smelling the doors the kittens are behind, so I had to move him on from there. We had a lovely time in the garden though. He’s so big now! Just a huge ball of foofiness. 

Following him around with my phone was really painful. I swear my back is getting worse. I can’t wait for these appointments to come through because I can barely stand without support. 

The 22nd of July. 

I am super sleepy. I took 100mg of Tramadol earlier because the pain in my back was off the charts. I have been in agony for most of the day. Moving around this morning was ghastly. Anyway, the Tramadol did not help, not even in a happy-making way, but now it is leaving my system and I’m drowsy. 

Another quiet day. Trying more to move too much because it hurts, and I can’t even crochet because my hand keeps cramping up. Not helpful! Only real activity today has been taking the kittens to the vet for their second vaccinations. We managed to get four in pretty easily, but then Nadia was under the chair. We were able to tempt her out with Dreamies, but she was still not in a position for us to pick her up. She slowly got through the trail we had laid out and we were able to sneak up on her. She was not thrilled but we got her in. 

At the vet, a lady came out with two dogs, one of whom was very sleepy, obviously after an anaesthetic. Then it was our turn, and they were all fairly well-behaved, except for Nadia who held onto the carrier for dear life, daft thing. No concerns about anyone, they’ve all put on weight, although it would be good if Nova could put on some more. She’s only 50g more than Nettie, who is 5 weeks younger than her, so that shows how small she is. The rest are 400-500g heavier. 

I am thinking of my followers and friends in Germany tonight. It is so sad and nonsensical. You are loved. 

The 19th of April.

I started my day feeling pretty great, but this evening I am grumbly. Zopiclone finally did its job, so I had a full night of excellent sleep, waking up just an hour before I planned to get up so the Tramadol had time to kick in.

Sunday Brunch and blog post, then we had Grandma round for lunch, which was duck in port and orange sauce, then special chocolate mousse with Cointreau which is the best pudding ever.

When we were finished, I started working on the first part of my special crochet project (I can’t say what it is as it’s a secret surprise). James came round with the pressure washer and he and Mommy had rather a long chat about his new job and the university, but I wasn’t paying a great deal of attention because the pattern I was following was fairly complicated.

I completed that part, then I started on the pig that’s next on my list, and now here I am. The reasons I am grumbly are twofold – a) I think we need to ring the dental hospital in the morning as the ulcers on my tongue aren’t improving, so steroid injections are going to be the next step, and b) my right foot is still swollen, despite the furosemide. I think I had to take it for at least six days last time, so I’ll carry on and keep my fingers crossed, but if it continues or happens again, I’m going to have to start harassing doctors again, and I really don’t want to do that. I just want my body to behave completely, no extra problems, just for a little while. Is that so much to ask for?

The 20th of April.

My mouth is becoming a real problem, which seems to ring bells from a year ago. I have three ulcers on the right side of my tongue, and one on the top/left. Up until today, they’ve not really been sore, but today it is much worse. We rang the dental hospital and I have an appointment for Wednesday, and we did hope they might ring with a cancellation, but unfortunately no such luck, so I’ll have top keep quiet, spraying difflam and flixonase and drinking lots.

I had a chiro appointment at 12:15 which I was slightly concerned about, but my back’s been okay today. So much so, that I actually haven’t had any Tramadol yet. Trine felt around, and it seems that my lower left back/bumcheek just went into spasm on Sunday night for no particular reason. She did a lot of massaging which I had to grit my teeth and deal with, but afterwards, I did feel better. I popped into Black Sheep as there seems to be a weird hiccup about my next appointment.

This afternoon, I have been crocheting the pig snout and ears, and some of the special project too. Little tricky bits! I’m just trying not to move my tongue too much. Grandma has an operation tomorrow, so if the dental hospital ring, I have to just hope it doesn’t clash with her in any way.

The 17th of April.

Awake at half past five. Why? Stupid brain. I tossed and turned for a llittle bit, started listening to the Today programme, then got bored and watched an episode of Dexter. Mommy day my light was on so she came in to say hello, and I asked her to bring up my Tramadol so I could take it and give it a chance to start working before I started moving around.

I spent my morning frantically finishing Michaela’s black sheep, working right up until quarter to one when Daddy and I had to go to hospital for more bloods. Clinic was totally empty as it hadn’t started yet which was lovely, and Igor appeared promptly. All my cultures came back negative, but my CRP (infection marker) was 200 (it should be less than 5) so he wanted to make sure it was going in the right direction. We looked at my x-ray which showed no fractures, but the spaces between my vertebrae are smaller than they ought to be. If the pain doesn’t go away then I’ll need an MRI. Got some antihistamines from pharmacy as Tramadol makes me itchy, then Daddy took me to Black Sheep!

I got to see baby Blossom (so small!), and it was so nice to see Michaela back! I told her and James that I wanted short and vibrant, so now I’m a pink and blue pixie and I love it.

The 18th of April.

Three episodes of Dexter this morning. Plus several podcasts before I actually fell asleep. I’m so mad at my body because I’m not even on steroids – I ought to be able to sleep! I had my Tramadol upstairs already so I had it about forty minutes before I actually got up. After breakfast, I went through the weekend Guardian which took up until lunchtime.

This afternoon, I have finished Anna’s elephant and taken a frankly absurd amount of selfies because I am obsessed with my new hair. I feel pretty great about the way I look right now. Super fly. Yesterday, Michaela couldn’t get over the change in my face, which Ram also noticed, and I’m just like “Yes! This is what I’m supposed to look like! Do you now understand why I get upset about looking different “?

My right foot is swelling again a little so I’m taking furosemide but it’s still quite uncomfortable inside my slipper, so I might have to lie on my back with my legs in the air for a while. I’d also really like to go back to the gym but the pain hasn’t improved enough yet. And I have ulcers in my mouth that are not cooperating with the treatment I am doing, so tongue injections are a possibility this week.

The 15th of April.

Sweet baby Jesus my back has never hurt this much. I spiked yesterday evening and again at 1am, so I’ve had barely any sleep. My back now just hurts constantly at a fairly high level, then I get breakthrough pain when I move and sometimes when I do nothing.

I had clinic today, so we arrived at about ten, waited for three hours and was finally seen by Ram at one. I was almost in tears by this point, and nearly broke down when trying to describe the pain. I’ve got loads of Tramadol, starting on 200mg a day and if that doesn’t work, I can double it. We had to get a massive order from pharmacy, three huge bags, so I gave them my prescription and we went for lunch while we waited for an hour. I was starving.

Oh and no results from any of my tests were back yet, so we have to ring up tomorrow. Ram said depending on what the x-ray shows, I’ll probably need an MRI which I can’t currently imagine as lying flat is incredibly painful.

Getting out of the chair after five hours was no fun at all, I was incredibly stiff, and since getting home, I have just stayed in the armchair. This is just awful.

The 16th of April.

Things are better today. I had two lorazepam last night which did help – I didn’t get up until about ten. I was a bit stiff, but once I’d got the Tramadol on board, it started building up inside my system and I can walk around a bit better now. The constant ache I had its basically gone, which is a huge relief. I also haven’t spiked since 1am yesterday, so I’m hoping that continues.

Today I’ve just watched tv that I don’t need to remember (Lorazepam makes me forget what’s happened in the day after I’ve taken it) and made the last two legs for Anna’s elephant. I’ve put that on pause for the night as I’m going to make a black sheep to give to Michaela tomorrow. I’ve also been through the new Hummingbird Bakery book which arrived in the post today, and there seem to be many tasty things I want to make, like the birthday cake cookies and chocolate doberge cake.

Igor just rang to see how I am (bless him), so I told him, but none of the results are back yet and there’s no record of the urine sample being at the lab, so he wants me to go in tomorrow at half one to have more bloods done and do another urine sample. He knows I need to leave by half two.

Right, back to the black sheep!