Archives For Vicky

The 8th of July.

Oh I have had such a nice day. This morning was kind of soft and quiet; pootled about in my pyjamas, had my coffee, petted the floofs (Bree is getting better at tolerating it), then went back upstairs to get dressed for coffee and cake with Vicky this afternoon. 

She was actually early (really she had no excuse to be late because 200° is pretty much next door to where she lives) so when I got there, she had already got a cosy table. I had vouchers for free coffees so I got us both nitros and a slice of chocolate and banana loaf, then she purchased a sandwich which had peaches in but was apparently enjoyable!

We just had a lovely couple of hours, eating and talking about all the things – the saga of my arm, Glastonbury, HER ENGAGEMENT 😍, my lack of love life (she is going to do some matchmaking), Pride, politics. I do love her. If cancer has given me anything, it is some really fucking great friends. 

Since getting home, I have done much writing about yesterday and today. Tomorrow morning will involve lots of typing. 

The 9th of July. 

Just counting down the days until Wednesday. Please, please work. 

I slept really badly, for no apparent reason. Spent my morning doing the blog posts that were due with Sunday Brunch on in the background. Had lunch late because Mommy and Daddy were emptying Sadie’s garage of all of Christine’s crap, then spent an hour in my bedroom with a  podcast, checking my new jumper fit (it does). 

Back downstairs, we had to shut the cats in the bathroom while a mattress got added to their setup, and they did not like that, so then I sat with them (once they had been set free) and watched some Orphan Black. Halfway through season 3 now. No Wimbledon today; Anniversary games instead. Mommy has been shouting at the tv. 

Got to ring a CNS in the morning because not all the bloods that needed to be done haven’t been, so I suspect I’ll need to go back to clinic so they have all the information on Wednesday. I remember Neil saying what tests I needed and they had all the forms so I suspect the labs have fucked up.

 

The 12th of March. 

I had a minor breakdown last night. I got very sad and scared about my current state, and had to be careful not to let the tears start flowing because that would have made everything worse. Infections can cause permanent damage, and I am really, really worried that I will not return to the way I was in November, which is the last time I remember feeling relatively good. If I continue to struggle so much every time I move, my life as I know it will change forever, again. I want to still be able to walk around my house feeling okay, able to go into The Glee and climb the stairs without being so scarily out of breath that I am frozen in my seat because even thinking about anything else seems to make it harder. If I have to keep using oxygen at home then we are going to have to stop fostering kittens, because they will play with and chew up the tubing. Then, if I can’t foster, I certainly don’t want to be in charge of homing anymore because it would be torture. 

Basically, if I do not recover to a satisfactory degree, I do not want to live like that. But I don’t want to die. And I don’t know where that leaves me. I will talk to the doctors tomorrow morning, find out if we’ve grown anything specific yet, and if they think there will be any long-term effects from this. I suspect it will take a lung function test in a couple of months to know for definite, because it could take a good 6-8 weeks to really get over this. And I hate waiting. 

I had a nice break today. My only mero dose was at 2, and the doctors had said that if I wanted to go out between doses that was fine, so I asked Daddy to come and pick me up, then we went home where I had a boiled egg and soldiers for lunch, and Mommy washed my hair. It has needed doing for at least a week, so it is nice for it to feel soft and fluffy again. 

Mommy and I came back at two, when I had my mero, and the nurse was very keen to start weaning me off the oxygen again, despite the test the other day. I agreed to swap to the low flow meter, so we can bring it down in smaller increments. Started at 0.8 litres and that was okay, then at six I came down to 0.5. I don’t feel very comfortable, but my sats are 99/100, so I’m okay, and I’m going to persevere. When I started on one litre, I felt like this, and it got better, so I’ll try. I’ll still have the small cylinder on 1 litre when I move because I will definitely need the extra then. 

While I was at home, Mommy made cinnamon swirls! We are so basic – she happened to see cinnamon swirl dough in a tin, which is literally a can of dough that is about five inches long? You open the can, and slice up the length of dough, then bake and add some icing! I haven’t had one yet though – we have brought them to hospital and I am going to have one with Dean tomorrow as he’s coming in for some chemo and is going to come see me beforehand. He is also an enormous cinnamon bun fan so it is only right that I share. 

The 13th of March. 

I had a very quiet but productive morning, and a very busy and fun afternoon. It’s been pretty nice. 

I decided I should really update my blog, because I’d been putting it off until I could be bothered to type up what I wrote for Mommy’s birthday surprise day, but it had really been too long of a hiatus for me to carry on procrastinating. There wasn’t actually as much to write up as I thought, so it wasn’t too intensive. Uploading the photos took a little while because of the WiFi, but one can’t expect miracles. I have been writing my journal updates in the Notes on my phone since I was admitted, because it hurt my arm too much to physically write when I first had the chest drain, so I have just carried on since then. Plus it made it quicker when I came to actually do the blog posts. I still have to write them into my diary but that can wait. 

With six posts to do, that took pretty much my entire morning. A different doctor is on the ward this week, Dr. Khan, but he hadn’t got much news – still nothing specific has grown, the pneumonia test that they sent off to Heartlands hasn’t come back yet but apparently it sounds like it could be that from my symptoms (I really don’t know anymore), and they would take some more bloods today to see what my CRP is doing. I’ve checked but they’re not back yet. 

Dean was planning to come and see me at midday after he’d been admitted for chemo, but things were hectic on YPU so he was delayed. That was fine, I just sat and did some crocheting until Vicky arrived at half past two with coffee and hugs. I spent a lot of time explaining what has been going on because she only had my instagram to go on, and we were amused by the doctor coming to take my blood and being surprised by us both knowing so much medical language and being so aware of how this all works. It happens when it’s been your life for so long!

Dean appeared at my window just after half past three and couldn’t stay very long as he had to go back to start his chemo, but I gave him a swirl and he gave us both copies of the magazine he has just launched (it’s called Hiskind and yes he has launched a magazine while having treatment for cancer he’s fucking amazing). We had a little bit of chat but he’s going to come back tomorrow because he’s only on fluids during the day. 

Vicky left about five, and Mommy had arrived by then. Oh I forgot, I was also dropped in on by Philippa and Kirsty while both Dean and Vicky were here, so I have been quite the social butterfly! 

I am doing this as University Challenge has started and hearing the voice of Monkman made me sit up with excitement. I think he is even better than the guy who wore the leather vest. 

The 15th of June. 

Bloody kittens. The day before they get neutered and I need Gracie to eat as much as possible before 9pm (when they have to be nil by mouth from) and she can’t be arsed. She was 950g when we weighed her the other day so she might be alright. We have to get them to the vet super early tomorrow, half eight, then off to the food show, so at least we’ll be there before the rush. 

I was meeting Vicky and her girlfriend Laura in Yorks this afternoon for a long overdue catch up. I  literally do not know when we last hung out – it was before we had any kittens so probably at least a year? We are really bad at meeting up. But we always have a lovely time. We drank coffee and tea, and I presented them with a housewarming gift of the dumpling kitty, which they love. Chatted about the referendum (we are all firmly pro-in), our various ailments, the shooting in Orlando, kittens and giant dogs. After two and a half hours, we needed to go our separate ways, so I got picked up and they went to buy a broom.

Once home, I let the kittens out to run around and gave them a late lunch as they’d finally finished their breakfast. Had to stop Gabby climbing behind the tv several times, and eventually they had to go back to bed. They are going to be a nightmare tomorrow when they’re starving. Not looking forward to that. 

The 16th of June. 

Today was going so well. Now all I can think about is that Jo Cox has been murdered in a senseless attack. There is speculation as to the motive, but it’s tough to comment until it’s official. Whatever it is, a three and a five year old are now without a mother, and they will find it difficult to separate a real memory of her face from a photograph. 

We started the day by taking the kittens to the vet to be neutered and chipped. They were ready to bite my hand off, having had no food since last night. Dropped them off, then went to pick up Grandma to go to the Good Food Show. I took my ticket and went off by myself in search of coffee. My usual supplier wasn’t there this time, so I had to get some from an untested source, but it didn’t taste like garbage. I worked out where I wanted to go on the map, which involved mainly purveyors of baked goods. I found The Brownie Bar first, where I bought four brownies – Nutella, rich chocolate, oreo and salted caramel, plus a corker, which is a cookie with brownie in the middle. Then I went to Gower Cottage, just for a brownie, but then I tried this brownie butter they’ve made and it is orgasmic. I had to have some. I picked up some macarons from Sweet Little Things who are new (bourbon and smoked sugar, coffee, mint chocolate and salted caramel), and they were so delicious – they actually tasted of what they’re supposed to, which is rare. I could detect the salt in the salted caramel. My only other food purchase, apart from my lunch, was some cinnamon bun oreos. Very exciting. When I was bored and bimbling around, I got talked into buying some microdermabrasion stuff, which I have to use now or it’ll be a waste of money. I had a cheese filled burger for lunch, then met back up with Mommy and Grandma and we came home. 

We just had time to unpack our purchases before having to go back out to pick up the kittens. Everything went fine, we have to keep them in the cage tonight and feed them little and often. They are starving and want to run around. It’s not going to be fun. 

The 25th of August.

I’m a very sleepy bear today. I had a reasonable sleep except for a distressing dream about spiders which I know is because of several news articles about all the massive spiders coming into our homes soon. Not looking forward to that. 

There wasn’t long this morning before going out to meet Vicky for lunch. We went to 6/8 for a change and had nice coffees and New York pastrami sandwiches. I drank a lot of water with mine because of pepper. My mouth is pathetic. It was so nice to hang out with one of my few cancer survivor pals. She gets it, and she understands my feelings of having no real purpose, not knowing why we’re here. We’re slightly different in that she is really pretty good now – her body functions quite well. But she still can’t work out have the sort of social life one would expect. It’s just hard, and it’s nice to have someone who understands. She thinks I should try again to get Daddy to let me get another cat. 

On the way back, we went to Becky and James’ new house and they’re already ripping it to pieces. There’s hardboard everywhere, random plug sockets, a picket fence suspended ceiling in the kitchen. Right now m it seems grim,but we can see the potential and once they start getting the rooms done, it will be really lovely. The bigger picture is hopeful. 

The 26th of August.

The day started abruptly at 3am when I suddenly woke up and felt something cold and wet on my leg. I turned on the light and pulled back the cover to find an enormous patch of blood and the dressing on my leg totally drenched. It was from my clexane injection on Monday which had been bleeding in the day but only a tiny amount, so I was somewhat alarmed! I had to go and wake up Mommy who took the duvet and cover away to soak out the blood, and we added a huge wad of gauze to the dressing and stuck a mepilex over the top.

When I woke up again at 7, the blood was trying to seep through that, so we added another huge dressing to hold it down and we’re grateful I had clinic this morning. We got there at quarter past nine but didn’t see Ram until quarter past eleven because it was so busy. We gingerly took the layers of dressings off and found them utterly sodden, but the bleeding seemed to have been stemmed. Cleaning it knocked the scab so it started again, and I have another dressing with some extra gauze underneath. 

We needed some photos printing so had a quick trip into town for that, and I bought a Corker from Selfridges. We saw an installation by Macmillan who have a cube which you can get into, but not see out of and can only hear stories from cancer patients. It’s supposed to represent the isolation that one feels when diagnosed and going through treatment. Exactly what I was saying yesterday. No one understands unless they have been through it. It’s so lonely. 

This afternoon, I’ve finished one hat and started the next. I’m not taking any more orders for now.