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The 19th of May.

For all my talk of not caring about the wedding, I watched the whole damn thing.

I think mainly out of FOMO. I maintain that I do not particularly care about any of the people involved, but I wanted to know what was going on, and to be able to be part of the conversation. I like seeing what everyone is wearing. I think Lady Kitty Spencer, Sofia Wellesley and Carey Mulligan looked the best. I want to know why everyone is so obsessed with Victoria Beckham smiling; let the woman have her face.

Weddings always make me a little bit sad because of course, I will never have one. I am not under any delusion that I will ever even have a significant other again, let alone a wedding. I will not walk down an aisle to someone looking back at me, thinking how lucky they are.

But enough of my pity party! Once it was over, I took myself off to the back room where I watched the final four episodes of Scandal and began my next crochet project, a big multi-coloured cardigan thing. Now I have completed season 7 and I am annoyed about one aspect of the finale but oh well, can’t change that.

Back to things I definitely don’t care about: the football.

The 20th of May.

This evening I am full. We had pork stuffed with black pudding for dinner and I feel immense. I don’t think I can move.

It’s been a pretty sedentary day anyway. I’ve been working on this giant cardigan, with an eye on Sunday Brunch, every so often popping my head in on the kittens (mainly sleeping under the chair). I persuaded Mommy to make pretzels, but they weren’t ready in time for lunch.

After not-pretzels, I was really tired because it took me hours to fall asleep last night, so I went upstairs to lie down and listen to Gardener’s Question Time. Might not quite be a nap, but it’s the next best thing. Then I came back downstairs and made myself a terrible iced coffee. I made it with two shots, so the milk I put in didn’t cool it down very much. I chucked in some ice and put it in the fridge, but it still didn’t get very cold, so I put in nearly an entire ice cube tray’s worth in and that finally made it refreshing.

I spent the rest of my afternoon watching The Hostile Hospital and The Carnivorous Carnival while making the collar of my cardigan. I got to the end, and realised I’d done it along the wrong side, so I pulled out all out and I’ve just started over again. Sigh!

 

The 4th of June. 

Recovery day. I was woken by the dawn at a ridiculous time again but today I put a flannel over my eyes and went back to sleep until half past nine. Then I had to heave myself out of bed which was not easy because my back was fucking awful, having been sat in terrible chairs all day yesterday.

There was a family get-together at a pub at one o’clock, so we arrived to big hugs from Hilary and Jeremy (both she and I were suffering a little) and took seats next to Tilly, Sophie and Peter. Inevitably, we ended up discussing London and the events of last night. I can’t help but feel this is why we need a Labour government more than ever, because the Tory Theresa May way is evidently ineffective, particularly when she has decimated the police service and accused them of “crying wolf” when they warned her how that would end.

The mood lifted when we were brought food – life seems a little bit less dark when you are surrounded by family and mac’n’cheese. I was having to eat with one hand while I used the other as a visor because my eyes were not tolerating any light today. It has been difficult.

I got to a point at which I had to go to the bathroom, which I really didn’t want to have to do because I had to walk and it was pissing it down with rain. I had Mommy walk with me, and as soon as I got inside I had to commandeer a chair from a random table so I could get my breath back. I suddenly became aware of how pathetic I must have looked when I heard Mommy say “It’s okay, she just needs to get her breath back”. Yeah, there’s nothing that can be done to help, I just need to breathe. We got Daddy to bring the oxygen for me to return to the marquee. Couldn’t do that again.

For the last hour, our table was joined by John and Maddie (who had been there already, but mingling with other people) and we talked about the amount of medical professionals who had been there last night, and plans for the rest of the week. They are going to Falmouth for a few days before they go on honeymoon, so I was recommending all my favourite places.

I think we left just after three? I curled myself up in the car with the oxygen, much like last night, except today I was a bit damp too thanks to the rain. We took Taid back to his hotel, then home, where I ate the brownie I bought at the Gloucester services and Christine and I watched last night’s Doctor Who. I’m very tired.

The 5th of June. 

Rain. So much rain. I thought it best to stay inside. 90% of my day has been spent on the sofa, which has been so much better for my back. I can stand a bit more upright today.

Most of my mornings right now involve trying to adjust to the daylight, creating a visor with my hands, listening to the news. I had to mute it today when Theresa May started her speech having a go at Jeremy Corbyn when she has LITERALLY BEEN IN CHARGE FOR SEVEN YEARS. Anyway.

Mommy and Daddy went out about noon to have lunch with Taid, then take him to the service station where he was meeting his coach to Looe. Christine stayed with me (I was just not up to going out for the fourth day in a row) and she bought us lunch from the bakery round the corner. I had a chicken mayonnaise sandwich and a vast Belgian bun – really tasty and a good bake (as Mary and Paul would say) but really enormous. I was incredibly full afterwards. We noticed Pitch Perfect 2 has arrived on Netflix so we watched that while we ate and had a lovely time singing along (as did the crow that has been sat outside our window all day).

I actually managed to do a small amount of crochet today for the first time in weeks – just a small pocket to keep my eye drops in (they have to be kept out of the light). Still, it is a start. I still have a doily to go back to but I’m not sure which hook I was using for it. Erk.

Jesus Christ I am so fucking tired. Apparently we might have a venture out tomorrow. I want to stay in bed.

The 2nd of June. 

Such a long day of driving. We got up, packed the car and set off to pick up Taid from New Street. Unfortunately, the assistance people at Llandudno forgot about him so they didn’t put him on his train, and they had to put him on the next one. That meant he had to change at Shrewsbury, not Crewe, and he got to us forty minutes later than he should have. Not very impressive.

Once we’d got him in the car, we then drove to the excellent service station in Gloucester, the one where they have a farm shop. We had some food, then I went to wander round the farm shop. I got a cinnamon swirl from the Richard Bertinet bakery, and two chocolate brownies – one classic chocolate for me, and one salted peanut brittle for Christine.

Back in the car! I spent my whole journey listening to the Do You Like Scary Podcasts? podcast about Scream (the tv series), trying to catch up to where I’ve watched. I had to stop when we got near Taid’s hotel, because then I had to start looking at Google maps to work out where we needed to go. It was very stressful because poor signal meant I couldn’t accurately see where we were, so we made a couple of wrong turns and it took a bit longer than it should have. Still, we got there in the end! Then we had to pick up Christine from the station here and get to the Tesco in Newton Abbot by 6 to pick up our order from the click and collect. We got there with two minutes to spare! Phew.

Then all we had to do was get to the house. Thankfully, that did not take very long, just the roads at the end were a bit narrow and windy. Great fun in a people carrier. Now we have had fish and chips for dinner, as is traditional, and will be doing our best to get a good sleep before tomorrow’s wedding festivities!

The 3rd of June. 

I highly recommend being ill directly before a wedding. Everyone is so much more delighted to see you! Well done me for attending.

I had a pretty reasonable sleep, only woken by the bright morning light about 5 but I was able to ignore it. I got up and dressed into my wedding outfit straight away – it’s hard enough to get dressed once, I’m not going to put one set of clothes on to get changed a few hours later. I had some breakfast and Mommy went get me a coffee (thankfully there is a shop that sells a decent flat white nearby), then I had to put make up on for the first time in about a month. Thankfully, it was not too uncomfortable for my eyes, although they were not loving it. So many eye drops.

We arrived at the church about half an hour early and it was entertaining trying to get the wheelchair in. The hardest bit was the gravel outside – the wheels did not cope well. I had to be pushed for a while. Actually inside the church, it was fine, I just drove it down the aisle and parked it, then sat in a pew with Mommy and Christine, and Daddy sat behind.

The ceremony was very traditional, and it involved the Eucharist in which I obviously did not partake. We sung some songs, including a curious rendition of One More Step Along The Way I Go – the organist didn’t seem to know the rhythm, so the end of every verse was unknown territory. When we came out, a guard of honour had been created with oars (John’s family row, Maddie’s sail) so we all waited for them to come out so they could be covered in confetti (which blended into my hair very well), then we all got in our cars to go to Exeter Castle for the reception.

There was much milling about at this point, the way people do at weddings while waiting for the food to start. I decided against having any Pimms, I thought it would be wise to stick with one type of alcohol if I was going to drink. Just wine for me. We had a brief rain shower, and the Red Arrows did a fly past (not for us but a nice surprise all the same), then it was time to go and eat! It was past 3 o’clock by this point, so we were all quite hungry. Christine and I were on a table with two of John’s cousins, a family friend of Maddie’s, another friend of Maddie’s, and three of John’s friends from medical school/university. It was a good group! There were two short speeches before we ate, from Maddie’s stepdad and her mum, then it was time for deep-fried camembert. So good, but so viscous. I felt like my mouth was stuck together, but for delicious reasons so who cares? The main course was brought out on boards – chicken with stuffing, plus bowls of vegetables, so we had to serve ourselves. Our method involved getting someone to stab you a bit of chicken, and the vegetables got passed around. The parsnips were excellent. The dessert was wedding cake, and very good it was too. Then John did his speech and it was very sweet – I nearly did a cry, but managed to hold them in. Giles, the best man’s speech followed, which was very funny, although not long enough (we had a sweepstake running on our table and my guess was way off).

After that, we all congregated outside for more photos before the evening festivities. There was a room for dancing, the bar, and a chill out room, plus an outside terrace. I started out in the dancing room, although purely as an observer – I can barely walk, so dancing is very much out of the question. There was a big old Ceilidh which was very entertaining but looked knackering, then John and Maddie had their first dance. Once other people started joining in, I went outside and sat in the remaining sun with Sophie and we mainly talked about cats and babies until it got cold, and I went back inside to find the dancing room empty and most people in the bar. I found a chair at the side and texted Mommy to find out how much longer we were going to stay because I was pooped. Thankfully, they agreed that it was time we ought to head off, particularly as we had to take Taid back to his hotel, so I said my goodbyes to the happy couple and went back to the car for some oxygen. We made the right choice, because by the time we got back to the house, I was ready to sleep. Well, eat some toast, then have sleep.

The 25th of January. 

Well, the oxygen idea didn’t work, so tonight’s plan is to add my third pillow back in because that’s also changed. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow with a tongue that doesn’t feel like sandpaper. 

Finally got Suzi’s parcel sent off this morning, First Class, so that should arrive tomorrow. I also did a blog post and wrapped myself in a blanket because it has been freezing in my house and I cannot cope with it. 

I had an email from Superdry saying my jumper was in so after Mommy had taken Grandma to the doctor (she’s got antibiotics) and we’d had lunch, we went into town to pick it up. 

The chap in the shop actually offered to open it up for me to check the contents and it was the correct thing in the right size, so that was all very pleasing. Last week, they gave me a card that said if I spent £75, I’d get £25 off, but I couldn’t find anything else I wanted. There wasn’t anything else we needed to do in the area so we came home again! Probably one of the shortest town trips ever. 

I called Piccadilly Opticians today to book an eye test. I’m really quite concerned about what seems to be a sudden deterioration of my vision. Thursday afternoon. 

The 26th of January. 

The extra pillow worked. How weird. Sleeping propped up I breathe better? Might ask Dr. Thompson about this. 

I didn’t have a good sleep – I woke in the middle of the night having had a dream about getting a spoon stuck in my oesophagus horizontally (impossible I know but dreams aren’t logical). I had to work very hard to distract myself from thinking about it to go back to sleep. 

Today is my parents’ wedding anniversary – 36 years. I came downstairs this morning and saw Daddy’s card, which he’d only seen of when he went to write it and found it said Happy Birthday! I can understand his thinking because from the front, it could be an anniversary card. Never mind. I am waiting until he comes home to give them their card. 

I got on the scales this morning for the first time in a fortnight. I still weigh myself regularly, I can’t let go of it. I was exactly the same as two weeks ago, so my days of birthday excess have had absolutely no effect. That’s a good thing, because I’m nowhere near ready to be getting back in the gym yet – I made my own lunch today and was becoming breathless by the time I was plating up. Everything is still such an effort. 

2015 has been pretty fucking fantastic, overall. The beginning and past few days have not been ideal, but other than that, so many great memories! The crazy Valentine’s Day, when Josie, Josh, Joe, Tom, Romesh and Mat all came to visit, coming off steroids, Lyme Regis, the Comedy Gala with Aisling, Katherine, Sara etc, meeting Dawn O’Porter by chance, going to see Heidi, The Hand and Flowers and meeting Tom Kerridge, getting my electric wheelchair, going to The News Quiz and meeting Sandi, hanging out with Elle, Ben and Luna, Hallfield Day with Thor the raccoon, Padstow, Becky and James’ wedding, meeting Yaser Martini at Tom’s Kitchen, getting kittens, visiting Naomi and seeing Curious Incident, Duck and Waffle, my autumn of comedy and hanging out with Suzi, Josh, Joe and Nish, Death Cab, Christmas, now here we are!

I couldn’t be more grateful for such a wonderful twelve months and I am indebted to all those who made it possible. 2016 is going to have to be really incredibly astounding to beat it but let’s give it a go! I hope it’s just as good to all of you. Be kind to one another and yourselves.

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The 26th of September. 

Today has been weirdly busy without me actually doing a great deal at all. I had a decent sleep (apart from an unpleasant dream about bugs) and spent my morning reading all the bits of the paper I deem interesting. I am very into the idea of making Ruby Tandoh’s pretzel rolls. 

I had my lunch, then wrote up four days of blog and worked on this crochet experiment until Jen came to go through cat paperwork before the potential adopters came.she arrived at the very busy time as we had an AA man and an RAC man here to look at the van we’ve rented to help Christine move tomorrow. It is missing a cap on the brake fluid reservoir and no one seems able to do anything because it’s not their responsibility. Daddy does seem to have got hold of someone now after five hours of people asking around who can locate a new van for us so there’s hope. It does mean he probably won’t be able to come out to see this thing in Centenary Square tonight which is a shame because he’s the one who really wanted to go. 

Anywho. Jen and I were going through the paperwork when the adopters arrived so I brought them through the chaos to the kittens. They were very inquisitive, sniffing everything and not running under the bed like I thought they might. Basically, after some talking and general questions, they decided they wanted the kittens, had brought a cat-carrier and they’re gone! Very sad. But I shall get some more to socialise (I’ve done a good job) when they’re ready!

Now to ice some cakes. 

The 27th of September.

Today definitely not busy at all. A day of just very fastidious work. Mommy and Daddy have been gone since before I woke up helping Christine move (I would have been no help whatsoever) so I’ve been alone in the house all day. 

What have I done with this freedom? I have crocheted. Oh, how I have crocheted. I was trying a beanie hat that is supposedly for an adult but I finished it this morning and it is way too fucking small for any full-sized human. That happened at about lunchtime, so after I ate, I went on Ravelry to hunt for different patterns and found one that I thought I could do. 

I had recorded The Gamechangers (hello, sexy bearded Daniel Radcliffe) so I watched that while I worked. I got a text from Becky at about quarter past two asking if I wanted to go and see the wedding photos which I very much did, so I put my wool down for a while and went over the road. When I arrived, Becky was lying on the living room floor because she has some sort of back injury, and we watched a slideshow of all the photos, plus all the ones from the photobooth. There are quite a few that I want copies of so I’ll have to go back over with a memory stick. I had a chat with Rocky and he seems so enormous compared to the kittens! Huge. 

I needed to come back to tablets, so I returned, had my hydrocortisone and continued crocheting until I finished the ball of wool. Now I’m perusing the internet for more and a metal 6mm crochet hook. Such an exciting life I lead. 

The 15th of August.

Becky and James’ wedding day! I got up at 7:15, got dressed, did my hair, had a crumpet and a coffee before going over the road. Alison was having her make up done when I arrived, then she and Danni went to get their hair done and I got in the chair for my make up. So much stuff on my face! I even had false lashes because why not? It was a very busy morning – cakes being picked up, flowers arriving, getting dressed, arrival of the car. Suddenly it was time to go! Lorna, flowergirl Chloe and I sat in the back of the car, then the two seats in front folded out so Rachel and Danni could sit in them, and Alison sat in the front with the driver. We felt very fancy!

We had to hang out in the vestibule at the back of the church until Becky and Chris arrived, not too late! I started us off, trying not to walk too fast or smile too ridiculously. I did a tiny cry during the ceremony, while we sang the second song. I mainly held it together though. After the service, we had some photos, and one of the photographers was a guy I knew from school, Malcolm! Weird coincidence. Then some cake in the church before we chucked confetti at the couple and they were driven to The Boathouse. Rachel, Danni and I swiftly followed, got ourselves a Pimm’s and found our seats. I spoke to a few people while I waited for the rest of my family to arrive. Shortly after they did, I needed to be in a couple of photos on floor that was very stony and painful, so I was glad when those are done. 

Everyone congregated in the restaurant, all waiting for food. I was with Christine and some of Becky’s church friends who I’ve met at parties previously, so we had a jolly time. We all got on the wine and ate our food which was really good, and we were nice and sozzled for the speeches. 

Chris’ was a lovely poem, James’ made me nearly cry when he talked about Becky (and knock over my Prosecco when he said how nice we looked, then made a face), and Tim’s made me slightly hysterical with a story of when James wrote about violins instead of villains for his English GCSE. 

After that, things are fuzzy. There was the first dance, to Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud, the cutting off the cake, photobooth fun times, some heart to hearts with total strangers, sparklers, and far more dancing than I should ever do. Now very, very sleepy.

The 16th of August.

Hangovers suck. I woke up in serious tummy pain, which I thought might be heartburn, but I really didn’t feel I could take any Gaviscon. At about half five, I was calling Mommy for help and shortly after, I threw up several times into the bin. Since then, I’ve felt pretty shit, trying to sleep until about ten. Mommy stayed with me until she needed to help Alison take Gordon and Margaret to the station, so then Christine came to sit with me while I whimpered. 

I started feeling vaguely reasonable at some point this afternoon, when I had some toast and marmalade. I watched three episodes of Dexter, and decided to come downstairs at about five. I’ve had some scrambled eggs and I think I’ll be okay tomorrow. I’m not going to pilates though.