Archives For wrapping

The 16th of December.

It lifted, thank god. The wrapping day was not ruined. I woke up in time to say bye to Mommy and Daddy before they set off for Wales, then had my breakfast and wrote up a blog post. After fighting for a long time with the lock on the front door (I was being inept), I went round the corner to get some double sided tape and cotton wool pads (not for wrapping, I had just run out). 

After lunch, I set myself up at the dining table with my peppermint drinking fudge, The Polar Express, and all my wrapping paraphernalia. I spent the subsequent three hours indulging in festive spirit, and I have nearly finished, I just need to get some gift bags for a few things that even I am incapable of wrapping. Will pop into Paperchase after The Muppets tomorrow. 

Just after half four, I jumped in a taxi to go back to Black Sheep to have the toner cleansed our of my hair – washing did not give the desired effect. James was lovely and has fixed it, and I’m much happier now. 

I have just finished my dinner of a Domino’s personal pizza and two of four cookies, awaiting the arrival of my parents back home. They are mere moments away. 

The 17th of December. 

Today would have been 100% excellent if not for one (hopefully) minor inconvenience. But I will get to that. 

Woke up stupidly early for a Saturday, but for a good reason – Becky and I were going to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol at The Electric! She came to pick me up at quarter to nine, and off we went. We parked round the back of the cinema, then got some tea before taking our seats. I actually ordered a coffee, but it tasted awful so I went back and got a tea as well. The screening was not as busy as I expected, but some people still managed to be irritating by having brought their poorly-behaved, germ-riddled children. Not acceptable. Still, they could not ruin the magic for me. After all, it is the summer of the soul in December. 

Afterwards, we went to the Cereal Killer Café because I wanted to try one of their “cocktails”. I had a bowloccino, which is Nesquik, Coco Pops, a chocolate curl and espresso milk. So tasty! I would never go there for something like Special K, but combinations or ridiculous cereals, I am all for. 

Before coming home, we went into Paperchase so I could get some gift bags and more ribbon and tissue paper. Now I can finish my wrapping. 

Now to the inconvenience: I happened to push up my sleeves and thought “Ooh, my right arm looks a bit fat. Let’s give it a squish. Ooh, that’s a bit boggy for my liking. Actually, my right foot has felt puffier than usual for the past couple of days. And my breathing has been terrible of late.”

So I don’t know what’s going on, because I don’t have a line anymore, so that can’t be causing it, and it’s only one side, so I’m confused and unhappy. I have started diuretics to try to get rid of some of the fluid, but on Monday morning I might be ringing Gill Lowe to freak out. I don’t want to spend Christmas looking like the Stay Puft marshmallow man. 

This afternoon, Sadie came round! Mainly to see the kittens. She did not steal any (I checked). She was greatly amused by their interest in her feet. They love feet. We stayed with them until they fell asleep, then we watched the end of Mr. Magorium and ate the two remaining Domino’s cookies. 

She had to go about four to make sure her dad had done the pile of sorting she’d left him. Sometimes I wonder who the parent is in that relationship. 

Hoping to god my body deflates with peeing. Don’t make me have another venoplasty. 

The 12th of December. 

I feel alright today, but it hasn’t been a great day as it was Keith’s funeral. 

This morning, I did another blog post so now I’m up to date, and rang the vet to get the kittens booked in for their first of of vaccinations. Hopefully when we have to take them, they don’t hide under the chair. 

We got to the church early and met Rosemary outside before going in to sit down. It was good timing on our part, as it filled up pretty quickly. Dr. Haydn from the liver team was sat behind us, and we smiled at each other in the awkward acknowledging way that one does at funerals. 

Funerals always make me think about my own. There was a lot of talk about heaven and the afterlife, as you’d expect. I don’t think I want the afterlife discussed – I don’t really believe in it. I don’t want there to be a place I go where I can see all my friends and family but not be with them. It sounds like utter torment. 

What got to me was what Gareth said will be playing at the crem, which is All I Ask by Adele, the last song they cried at together. Listening to it with the lyrics from Gareth’s point of view is heartbreaking. It we were going to the service on Wednesday, I’d be a wreck. 

We got home to find one of the kittens had done a wee in a place they weren’t supposed to. Nice. 

I will leave my heart at the door
I won’t say a word
They’ve all been said before, you know
So why don’t we just play pretend
Like we’re not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don’t get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
‘Cause what if I never love again?

I don’t need your honesty
It’s already in your eyes
And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you’re the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?

Look, don’t get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
‘Cause what if I never love again?

Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious
And I ain’t asking for forgiveness
All I ask is

If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
‘Cause what if I never love again?

The 13th of December. 

Oh, today has been so much better. Apart from the start – I had the last of my post-transplant jabs (the ones I’ve been having approximately seven years late), the pneumonia one. I’ve had it once before, and I forgot how painful it is. I have a very sore arm tonight. Thankfully, it’s not the arm I sleep on. Also a woman came and sat next to me and she had a snotty tissue so I moved away because I didn’t want to catch her germs. I looked like a horrible person, but I don’t care, I really don’t want to get sick. 

Came home to have coffee and give the kittens second breakfast before going to the chiro. Trine gave my lower back a big stretch out, and found that I was really tense at the base of my neck. I’m not going to help myself either because on Friday I’m going to do my wrapping – sitting at a table for that long always causes me a lot of pain. 

From there, we had a trip into town to finish Christmas shopping and for me to get my wrapping stuff. I started off in Selfridges, then Superdrug (for things that were not presents), Foyles, Whittard’s and John Lewis. I met up with Mommy and we went up the German market so I could get a red sausage. A must, every year. 

On the way back through Grand Central to get my wrapping, I noticed Joe waiting for some food with a friend of his, so I went over and we had a lovely little catch up! Plus his friend Ben said I could get gold glitter wrapping paper in Tiger for less than Paperchase which was excellent! We did have to go to Paperchase anyway for tags and ribbon, where we bumped into Vicky and Laura, another delightful surprise! I have invited them round for kitten cuddles at some point over the next couple of weeks. 

At home, I fed the very hungry kittens, and have spent the rest of my afternoon writing my Christmas cards. I am getting very much into the festive spirit. 

The 13th of December. 

Feeling that particular type of melancholy that comes after a double Zopiclone. I’m sure I’m perfectly fine, I’m just disappointed at no specific thing. 

I slept late because I wasn’t going to get up to watch Sunday Brunch when I could watch it on delay and have more time in the dreamless sleep I get with medical assistance. I formulated a blog post and made one snowball. Five left. Plus their little hats. 

This afternoon, we went to see Carol, which is a shame because it probably means won’t really remember it, but I suppose at least I’ll forget the excruciating awkwardness of watching the sex scene with Daddy. At least we were in Gold Class so I felt like I could’ve been alone. 

It didn’t make me sad in the way I expected it to. I thought I’d just be grieving for the love affair I have forsaken, but I’m actually just unhappy about how shit people can be, how attitudes were, are, even if someone is hurting, it’s no excuse, how cold New York looks in the winter. 

The 14th of December. 

Another bad night – not only did it take me ages to get to sleep again, I also had a terrifying dream about loads of spiders, some of which were as big as my bedroom wall. It was very upsetting. 

I have been doing Christmassy things all day, so the kitty is very sad. I need to go and see him when I’ve finished doing this. This morning I crocheted one small and two medium-sized snowball chaps, and had a visit from a man from the oxygen company. They just have to come twice a year to check everything is okay and I don’t need anything new. I’ve thankfully not needed it since last winter when I was confined to the house because I couldn’t breathe without the tank, and I’m just hoping I make it past my birthday without it too. 

After lunch, I went to the dining room and spent four hours wrapping presents and writing cards. Irritatingly, I need another ribbon of each colour and another packet of tags, so that’s Wednesday morning. I watched The Polar Express and made myself a Buck’s Fizz white hot chocolate to drink while I folded paper and tied ribbons. My back is aching dreadfully – I need to have a lie down, stretch out. 

The dining room table is covered in glitter. 

The 1st of December.

There isn’t much to say about today, because I haven’t felt like myself for much of it. I had two Zopiclone last night because one alone wasn’t working, so today I’ve been very sleepy and somewhat zombie-like. 

I got a blog post done, but that was my only activity of consequence. I try not to do anything I’ll need to remember on days like this because I can never recall them afterwards. I can’t watch any TV that’s part of a series because next time I’ll have no idea what’s gone on. 

I hope it’s just the Zopiclone, but I just want to be back in bed.

[I wrote a lot here about feeling depressed and friendless, but even I, the shariest of sharers, don’t feel like putting it on here because I think it was the Zopiclone talking.]

The 2nd of December. 

I feel better. I think it was the Zopiclone. I mean, nothing has changed, but I don’t feel quite so terrible about it now. 

Mommy and I were both at the chiro this morning which we both needed, she for some sort of arm sprain and me for a painful neck. I think something in it jarred when that man landed on my head. It hurts where he elbowed me today. 

Having finished, we had a trip to Paperchase for me to look at gift tags, but they only sell the ones I want individually and I don’t want to spend 45p per gift tag when they sell packs of ten for £1.25, so I must find alternatives. 

This afternoon it’s been kitty and Netflix. I had to ring up handpicked collection regarding one of my orders, and I think the issue is sorted, but I won’t be 100% happy until I see evidence. I would like more emails. I am the sort of person who likes lots of written proof of things. 

I might consider going back to the gym at the end of this week. Short burst of workouts before more time off for Christmas. 

The 29th of November. 

I was thinking I might have a Zopiclone tonight having had bad sleeps recently, but after a visit from Elle, Ben and Luna, I don’t think I’ll need it. She is a tiny whirlwind human. 

This morning I busied myself with a blog post and the assembling of a crocheted thing. I am being vague about it in case someone finds out what their presents are. It took a good couple of hours because it’s quite a stressful process, making sure everything goes in the right place and is adequately stuffed. Got that finished, then lunch. The Winnington-Coes were supposed to arrive at half one but they were a tad late so I started sewing up another thing but didn’t quite finish it. 

Once they arrived, it was mild chaos. She will march off in any direction. Many things came out of the bags to entertain her, mainly musical books. We also spent a long time trying to get her to make a duck noise, and were suitably delighted when she did. The only word she can really say is “car”. Ben dearly wishes he understood her ramblings and one day they’ll make sense but for now it’s just noises and pointing. 

I didn’t get any smashy hugs this time, just a little headbutt. They headed off at about half four, when she got grizzly and sleepy, and took her new hat and mittens with them. She refuses to wear hats right now, but that’s fine because it’s a bit big so she can grow into it. 

I love watching her grow. I hope I get to for as long as possible. 

The 30th of November. 

It was a normal day. Daddy forgot his glasses again so we were taking them to him, then doing a couple of jobs in town. I took back one of the purses I’d bought for Mommy to House of Fraser, then went to John Lewis to get my wrapping paper. Doing a red and white theme. 

They didn’t have the sort of ribbon I wanted, so we went to Paperchase because I knew they would. We were moving through Selfridges, and there was a man dawdling in front of me so I swerved and overtook him. The next thing I knew, I felt this man’s full weight on top of me, one elbow in my head, his other hand on my bag. He used me to push himself up, and I asked him if he was alright. He didn’t extend the same courtesy to me, and walked away. I buried my face in my scarf, breathed deep, willed the tears back into my eyes. I know I make jokes about being invisible, but I’ve never been fallen on before. I was in front of him and he claimed he didn’t see me. It really hurt, physically and emotionally. It made me feel like nothing, no one. It’s like I live on the cusp of a normal life. I know that when I’m in the chair, all people see is the chair, but today they didn’t even see that. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. Nobody I know could understand.

The 20th of December. 

I am now fully prepared for Christmas – all of my wrapping is finished! It’s all under the tree except Mommy’s Chanel stuff and big box. I need Daddy to bring that downstairs. 

I spent my morning updating the blog and reading the paper, then at lunchtime, Daddy and I went to see The Hobbit. It was suitably enjoyable – Kili is my favourite dwarf. Other favourite character is Galadriel because she is ace. The women in general in this film are all badasses. 

When we came back, I finished my wrapping while I watched Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium which is one of my favourites. It is full of poignancy and I just adore everything about it. It fills me with warmth and magic and brilliance. It makes me happy to have lived. 

The 21st of December. 

Another day, another anniversary. Today is six years since I was given my liver. It’s nearly nine o’clock, and around this time we were getting ready for me to go to theatre. Paolo and Darius scrubbing in before they cut me open, took out an organ (or two – gall bladder goes too) and  put a new one in! Couple of days later, I woke up in PICU, incubated (not my favourite), went to ward 8, then a day or so later, it was Christmas. It feels like another life. 

This morning, I watched Sunday Brunch and put my new charm on my bracelet – it’s a letter to Santa. Six years ago, I got everything I could have wanted in another chance. Mommy washed my hair, then I had “posh” (read: Heinz 5 beans) beans on toast and watched Miracle on 34th Street. I feel super festive and I just can’t wait for Christmas. Eee!

The 16th of December. 

I had to have another Zopiclone night because my brain was too excited about Lauren and Grazia today! 

So obviously the first thing I did this morning was to go round the corner and buy all the Grazia! Well, we bought three. Had to leave some behind for other people to buy! Mommy read it and had a tiny cry so I smushed her and pretended to be a penguin. 

Lauren came round at half twelve for pizza and The Grinch! We put her vegan pizzas in the oven and I ordered Domino’s and it was delicious. I gave her her scarf and it swamps her but that is what she wanted so that’s good! Her mum had bought me a Hotel Chocolat Christmas Sleekster box, and Lauren had made me gingerbread so I’m definitely going to be starting on the winter bulking! All the foods. 

When Mommy came home from Grandma’s, we went through the photos Grazia sent so I’ll post my favourites at some point. Then it was time for her to go! We had lots of hugs and it was so good to see her, my lil sis. 

The 17th of December. 

Today has been really pretty great. Christmas music in the car on the way to the QE which is always a good way to start the day. Then some twitter magic happened in that someone my my mum was friends with at school and still sends Christmas cards to had a daughter who went to school with Josie Long and in short, she’s going to come to my house to do a private gig in February! I was sat in photopheresis, grinning insanely. People are great. 

This afternoon I have been wrapping all of the things! Well, I wrapped Mommy and Daddy’s presents. It took the entirety of The Polar Express and a little bit longer. I love that film -it is one of my few good memories of ward 8. I stopped at about half past five, by which time my ankles and feet were really swollen from the amlodipine and extra fluid you get given back during photopheresis. 

Tonight I went to Miller & Carter with Becky for festive food and joy. There was only one problem – none of my shoes fit me because my feet were so enormous. I wore Mommy’s size 8 boots when I’m normally a 6/7. The skin is so stretched, it’s so painful. Anyway! The food was super tasty and we were defeated – couldn’t even finish our main courses! 

When we got back, Hamilton decided to be a gladiator! I filmed him and added the Gladiators theme tune. It’s probably one of my greatest achievements.