Archives For zopiclone

The 25th of May.

Double Zopiclone meant I actually had a good sleep last night, and I feel like tonight will be decent too. Let’s hope I’m not wrong.

Today has been sad and lovely simultaneously. It was the funeral of Mr. Padden, one of my teachers from Hallfield. He was a great man, and I wanted to pay my respects, as did Fiona, so we went along to say goodbye and thank you.

I got there first, and found myself transported back to sixteen years ago, surrounded by the adults who were so important in my formative years. Mr. Cook, my Year 6 form teacher, who had left by the time I went back to do work experience, had to be reminded who I was, then I had to relay the past ten years to him. He gripped my hand so tightly, bless him. I was overjoyed to see Mrs. Thomas and Mrs. Norton aka Matron (who reads this! Hello!), Mrs. Villiers-Cundy, Mrs. Hore, Mr. Tobin and Mr. Florance. The affection I hold for these people is really beyond measure.

The service was beautiful. He wasn’t religious, so there were tributes from his daughters, friends and colleagues, plus his favourite songs, including a performance of Bring Him Home which absolutely broke me. It closed with us all singing the last two stanzas of Jerusalem, because he loved the last night of the proms and we left feeling uplifted, instead of depressed.

Fiona found me afterwards, and we followed other cars to the wake. We both had a glass of wine and started reminiscing with our old teachers about the old days. I kind of understand why so many people want to hark back to days gone by, but life has changed and we can’t have those times back. I wish we could have stayed for even longer, but we had to go and pick up Fiona’s children from their respective childcare. I got to meet baby Jack! He is a gorgeous ginger squidge. I did not cuddle him because he was a bit snotty, and he is not a massive fan of new people. Then Daddy picked me up and we drove home, enjoying all the chive flowers on the way.

The 26th of May.

It is warm and I am confused. And tonight it will be muggy and wet and we have to make sure my ceiling doesn’t fall down during the deluge.

For once, I got the sleep I expected, and my alarm woke me up! An unusual occurrence, but one I welcome.

The morning seemed to disappear while I wrote about yesterday, and I only got round to getting dressed at about twelve. Poof, gone.

This afternoon, Daddy and I went to see Solo. It was fine. On the whole I enjoyed it, I’m just not really invested in any of the characters so I didn’t care that much. Chewbacca and Lando are the best, and everyone else is a bit of a dick.

When we came out, we had to fill in a survey about the film for a girl from Universal. I was honest about my levels of enthusiasm. I’m only here for the Leia film, let’s be honest.

The 27th of January.

Ugh. Another bad night, and I am drained. Going to try Zopiclone again tonight – maybe two.

I dressed for the cold, in my knitted trousers and thermal poloneck jumper. Not going anywhere. This morning, I did not spill any water or coffee, and I wrote up a blog post. Then I had to finish Claus – he can’t be a candle without a flame. It’s over a year since I made these the first time and I have learned a lot since then, so these will probably be better than ours.

After lunch, I made a start on Xaver the tree, while watching another recorded film. This time, it was Shutter Island. I think I saw it in the cinema with Sophie, and not again since, so I’d completely forgotten how it goes.

I had planned on reading some more of Gnomon, but I feel so crappy I couldn’t concentrate. Bedtime soon please.

The 28th of January.

Stupid drugs. The Zopiclone kind of worked? It still took me hours to fall asleep, but then I stayed asleep until Mommy came in at ten to wake me up. I had set my alarm but apparently I slept through it. It does, however, mean I have been sleepy all day.

I came downstairs in my pyjamas because I was hungry, so after I’d eaten and had coffee, I went back to my bedroom to get dressed. By the time I was actually ready for the day, it was pretty much lunchtime.

There was no point doing any reading today because I don’t trust my Zopiclone brain to remember any of it. Instead, while I finished and assembled Xaver, I watched three of the Electric Dreams series Channel 4 did a while ago. Turns out, they were quite shit. They’re not long enough for any of the ideas to be really fleshed out so they’re like a weak Black Mirror. Maybe what they’re based on are better? I’ll look into the written works.

Maybe tonight I’ll have a normal sleep? I’m tired enough.

The 25th of January.

I have had to take lots of deep breaths today, which means I am tired. I’m taking a Zopiclone tonight so I get a good sleep. I woke myself up whispering angrily in my sleep because I was dreaming that I was having an argument with someone from The Biggest Loser.

So I have spent pretty much the entire day sat in the same position, doing the same thing. First, I was doing a blog post, then I carried on with the doily and my hand aches. I’m on the penultimate round, so I’ve at least been very productive. Hopefully I get it finished tonight.

Mommy was out with Grandma for ages this afternoon, so I had a long tv binge – Riverdale, then Black Lightning (I’m going to give it a couple more episodes before I pass judgement) and Carrie, which I recorded at Christmas. To be honest, I fast-forwarded the first half, because I just wanted to watch the bit where she gets her revenge. No need to see the bit where she gets tormented.

Ugh god I want it to be bedtime.

The 26th of January.

Zopiclone didn’t work. Sometimes that happens. No reason, but it means I’ve had little sleep and a drug hangover that’s made me feel like shit all day. Bleah.

It’s Mommy and Daddy’s wedding anniversary today (38 years!) so the first thing I did was give them their card. Then breakfast, coffee, hairwash. I tidied up the back of the doily I finished last night, then wrote the notes on the patterns for the Christmas dudes I am starting.

I spilled water all over the table again because I apparently have no muscle control, and it went much further this time, so Daddy and I had to spread everything out and dry it with paper towels. I’m going to stop being allowed beverages without lids.

After lunch, Mommy and Daddy went to see Darkest Hour (I know, so romantic) then they were having dinner, so I have had the house to myself for the afternoon. I have pretty much made the first Christmas chap, Claus the candle, while watching films. The Host, which I recorded ages ago and was meh, then Captain America: Civil War because Black Panther comes out soon and I needed to remind myself of the “previously on”.

Domino’s for dinner. What else?

The 23rd of August. 

Another disastrous night. I seem to be incompatible with sleep right now – it might be time for Zopiclone again. 

Not a great deal to report today. This morning, I had a bit of kitten fun time before writing up a blog post. That took considerably less time than Monday, because I used a different app to upload the photos. Mommy and I had chiro appointments, so went out at half past twelve to be stretched and crunched. There was a lot of tightness in my lower back, probably from my long days in the wheelchair in the time between visits. I can’t wait to see the pain man again. Steroid injections please. 

Came home, had lunch, checked on kittens. Mommy went to Grandma’s, and I spent a couple of hours writing, then watched the season 3 finale of Buffy, realising the similarities between the Mayor and Trump. It would not surprise me if he wanted to become a demon. 

The 24th of August. 

I had Zopiclone and it was good. I slept until half past nine, and this morning I did some kitten petting – Henrietta didn’t hiss at me, and she even gave Mommy a friendly headbutt! Definite progress. Denise is coming round this evening to meet them and pick up paperwork, and Penny is coming home this weekend so she’s coming to meet them too. 

This afternoon, I had a hairwash, which will hopefully stop the green rubbing off on my pillowcase, as I discovered was happening last night. I had a quick look at my copy of James Acaster’s Classic Scrapes which arrived from Amazon, and I am very much looking forward to seeing him again in the autumn. Since then, I have been finishing off the doily, which now needs starching or something, to look how it’s supposed to. 

Sorry for the lack of words. Life is pretty banausic right now. 

The 13th of August. 

I love Zopiclone. I had some last night and for once it actually worked; it wasn’t hours before I fell asleep, and I stayed asleep all night long. Curiously, I remember one of my dreams, which I don’t normally when I have drugs – we smeared Grandma’s head in jelly to make her warm. 

So I slept in, which was delightful, and after breakfast, I wrote up a blog post. And now we know we saw the last race Usain Bolt won. Even if it was a heat. And Mommy is extra glad she’s got tickets to see Mo next weekend at the Alexander Stadium. 

This afternoon, I needed to get away from the horrors of life (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re not paying enough attention), so I went upstairs, and I listened to James Acaster being interviewed by Richard Herring at Edinburgh which made me laugh so much, I can’t wait to see him again this autumn. Then I went to watch the final episode of Orphan Black with Betty, which made me do a small cry, but it was for happy reasons, not sad. 

I have felt much less terrible today. Less tired, less pain, less burping. All round improvement. 

The 14th of August. 

Normal sleep service has resumed, it seems. No drugs last night. Suddenly realised this morning that Becky and James’ wedding anniversary is tomorrow and we hadn’t got them cards. So, after Mommy had been to do the food shop that didn’t happen at the weekend, we went into Sutton to get some. While there, I bought some lip balms because mine is about to run out, and some nail varnish remover, then we got cards. 

Back home, we had lunch, then Becky and Jamie appeared with gifts to say thank you for feeding their cats while they’ve been away. Jamie should have been on his way back to Strasbourg, but he missed all his trains. He should be on his plane now, if everything this afternoon went to plan. We can but hope. 

Since then I have been crocheting a tiny teddy with the remaining pretty baby wool. I’ve actually finally had a good idea for what to give Pete and Sophie for their twins, and after talking to her this morning, I have a very up to date idea for when they’re likely to be born, so I don’t need to rush. 

The 11th of August. 

I have felt like total shit all day. It took me hours to go to sleep again, although at least I had no headache this time. 

This morning, I did a blog post, and I tidied up the blanket. Generally though, I have been curled up, trying to decide what to make for Pete and Sophie’s twins, and trying to ignore the fact that I am cold, tired and still full of wind. Indelicate I know, but it’s so frustrating how you can start burping after breakfast, eat multiple Rennies, yet still be massively uncomfortable come the evening.

I am considering taking Zopiclone tonight – maybe just one tablet, because I have to get up at stupid time tomorrow and I need to be properly conscious. I really hope I don’t feel quite so terrible in the morning, because I would like to enjoy the trip. 

The 12th of August. 

Phew. Pooped. Been up since five but it has been worth it. I have been a bit burpy and in some pain but I’m okay. 

So yes. The same way as last week, we bought breakfast and coffee at the station, and our journey down was largely uneventful, save for us having to move the man who was in our seats. Obviously the Euston people were nowhere to be seen when we arrived, so we got off on our own and sped down the road to St. Pancras. We almost missed our javelin train, but I got a seat, then a lot of evil looks from older women who had to stand. 

No messing about with the lifts in Westfield today; we went up in the car park and found Christine in the same place as a week ago. We made our way to our seats, but upon arrival, found the space full of fridges, so we had been reallocated. However, that was absolutely fine because we moved to seats halfway down the home straight which were way better!

First up we had the 110m hurdles in the decathlon, and in every single race at least one person fell over. Then we had some important races – the 4×100 and 4x400m relays, men and women. Our team got through to the finals of all, and we did lots of shouting and clapping, but what was most exciting was seeing Usain Bolt come out to do the heat, because he wasn’t expected to. Mommy absolutely lost her shit – I have never seen her more thrilled. It’s so funny, listening to the cheers follow the runners round the track. Less funny is when they tried to make us all sing Hey Jude, because nobody knew the words. Argh. 

We left after the 4×400, once we knew our guys were through as fastest losers. Since we’d had so much time spare last week, we went to Westfield for a leisurely lunch, and had pizza at Francis Manca. I would recommend, because their crust is soft, doughy and delicious. 

Needed some green juice and caffeine so went to Pret, then bade farewell to Christine and began the trek back across London. Euston team actually got us on the train in a timely fashion, and I listened to the new Kesha album all the way home. 

The 23rd of April.

Oh god I have never been so excited about the fact that it is Monday tomorrow. Maybe my four month long saga of the fat right arm will be over soon.

Somehow I managed to press the snooze button this morning without my knowledge, but I didn’t continue to sleep for too much longer. I think I was slightly less coughy, but I had Zopiclone so it’s hard to remember. Thankfully the rest of the day has not been necessary to remember anyway.

Shockingly, it’s been mostly tv. Sunday Brunch in the am, Netflix this afternoon. I had a break in the middle for my traditional Gardeners’ Question Time and a lie down/pretend nap, but that was pretty much my only non-screen-based activity. On Netflix, I watched the first two episodes of 13 Reasons Why. I think I’ll download the next several to watch while I’m having to lie flat in ambulatory care tomorrow.

The 24th of April.

So it is done. I am praying so hard that it has worked this time but honestly I’m expecting to be disappointed.

Mommy woke me up for toast at quarter to seven, and then I couldn’t go back to sleep. I managed to kill time until we had to leave by redoing some crochet that I’d done wrong, and we set off just after 10:30. Parking was a nightmare, but we drove round enough times to chance upon someone leaving. Before going to ambulatory care, we went up to 516 to give Jenny her bear. She was delighted and put him in her pocket. We couldn’t stay too long, so we had a brief chat, then we went back downstairs and she went to check patients’ blood sugars.

I checked in at the desk at ambulatory care, then had to wait until the afternoon patients were let in. While we twiddled our thumbs, we saw Vash, the mother of a girl I was treated with at BCH. Turned out she was in a cubicle in there with some mystery virus. She did not look well, poor thing.

I had a very nice nurse who liked my hair (actually nearly every person I met commented on it) and got admitted pretty quickly, then a nurse from angio came for me because I was the only one on their list this afternoon. When we got down there, I went through the theatre check list again, and Andrew came for a chat. He explained what he was going to do, and we talked a lot about gadolinium (the dye he has to use instead of the iodine-based contrast he normally would), because I have so much during these procedures, more than a patient who’s had a lot of MRIs, more than anyone he’s ever seen and there are no studies on how this much of it can affect a body so he has concerns about that. I am just tired, I want it fixed.

We went round to the suite we were going to use. I shuffled across onto the bed and there was a who, then Andrew went to scrub in and the nurses prepped me. Covered in iodine. Once everything was set up, Andrew ultrasounded the edge of my groin to find the vein, then one of the nurses came to distract me while he got stabby with the local anaesthetic. He tunnelled up as far as he could, then he put some local in my fat arm and drove a wire up the vein in there so the two nearly met, and he used them to measure the blood pressures in those vessels, and he did a run of contrast so he could see if any strictures were there. The one he blew up in January had returned, so he was going to have to inflate that again, but with a better balloon this time. Before doing that, he wanted to use the IVUS to make sure there weren’t any more, and to get some more information about my superior vena cava. I could see the screens today, so I can tell you that an ultrasound inside your veins looks like the title sequence of Doctor Who. Like going into a black hole. From this, he was able to glean that there isn’t any more narrowing, but it is scarred. Lines for seven years will do that to you.

Satisfied that I only needed the one inflation, he gave me some sedation (they are not comfortable experiences) and I had a tiny nap. Then all the tubes and wires got pulled out and I had to lie there while he pressed very hard on the puncture site to stop the bleeding.

In recovery, I had some water, then the nurses took me and my notes back to ambulatory care. Mommy was coming back in at the same time, so we both returned to my bedspace and I told her what had gone on. Andrew came round too, and we talked through what he’d seen. He also explained that there’s no point in strenting the vein he inflated because it’s surrounded by bones and fibrous tissue so would probably just get crushed. I have to keep wearing the sleeve and squeezing the stress ball, and hope that this time it’s had the desired effect. I’ll get an appointment for his clinic. Maybe I’ll be able to wear something that doesn’t drown me.