The 26th & 27th; I'm sick of being afraid all the time.

The 26th of February.  I have such fat hands!it is obviously going to take several days of furosemide to get rid of the fluid. It is bizarre to have fat palms. There are no dents in my hands unless you press into them. 

I woke up with a very dry, sore throat, and trying to talk, I sounded like Chewbacca. But I was in my own bed which is all that is important. I gave Mommy her birthday present and card. I hadn't been able to wrap the earrings - my hands don't really work. Writing is making them ache. 

So I've spent my day going back and forth from the bathroom as that's what diuretics do. I haven't been able to crochet. I will just be quite useless until this fluid is gone. It hurts more than you would think. 

The 27th of February. 

It just doesn't stop, does it? The fluid is slowly going, after having 60mg of furosemide, but now it looks like the GvHD in my skin is flaring up on my torso. It might be a side effect of the fluclox but I don't know. It would just be fucking typical that having been off steroids for a month, the fluid finally draining from my face, I might have to go back on them and everything be ruined. 

Another day of not doing much at all, because I feel like a useless heap. My hands can do most things now, so I started doing some crocheting late afternoon. I've made up Benedict the Chimpanzee, and I've done the body of Georgia's bear. Christine has come home this weekend and she brought us brownies! I had half of the triple chocolate one because the others seemed too much for me to consume. 

I'm sick of being afraid all the time. I haven't had the slightest chance of normality since July, when I had to go back on steroids and lost all my muscle mass. I just want a break.