The 24th of June. 

Back to being not very warm. I liked the in-between weather, when it was about twenty. Oh well. Bloody British summer. Anyway, you don’t come here for meteorology. 

This morning I wrote up a blog post, idly watched some of Saturday Kitchen, then went to see the kittens. They’ve livened up since yesterday, although I could only see two of them. Obviously Betty is fine – she always runs right up to the door, chatting away. I rang up a chap who is interested in coming to view, so he and his wife are coming tomorrow. They can’t have any until they’re neutered so I’ve got some time with them still. 

After lunch, I’ve managed to while away the afternoon doing not much of anything. I did a chocolatey face mask, watched some tennis, and the latest episode of Nashville which had me an absolute wreck. Do not show me daughters watching their mother die because I cannot cope – it is my worst fear. 

So after that, I had to go and see the kittens again to cheer me up. They were much more forthcoming than usual – I got to stroke Bree, Betsy and Brodie, and they had great fun learning about shoelaces. 

Watching the footage of Jeremy Corbyn at Glastonbury made me quite emotional. So many people who believe in a world where hope triumphs over fear and where everyone gets a chance at a decent life. There is some light left. 

The 25th of June. 

Well it’s been a much busier Sunday than I am used to. I accidentally left the box of Dreamies out last night and they’ve eaten them all. I’d say there were 50 Dreamies in that box. So they were mental this morning. 

Becky came round about eleven. She’s had a super busy three weeks with report-writing and doing levels and having meetings about those, so no time to catch up until today, bless her. She got to meet the floofs and managed to get some cuddles, then we were joined by James. He has a play with the ones that were out – I think all the Dreamies made them more outgoing. They left when Alison rang about a holiday cottage, then after lunch, she came round to meet the kitties too. 

I had a couple coming to view the kittens this afternoon, and they arrived just before two. We thought they wanted two kittens, but they’ve decided one is enough (they already have two adult cats) so we had to try to work out which one would fit in best with their dynamic. Betsy presented herself first, and as is usually the way, it was love at first sight. I thought she’d be the one, as she’s so pretty, and she sits on me for the longest. They left after an hour and a half, and I’ve just got to sort out the neutering, then they can have her! And now I can let some other people view the rest. 

Since then, tennis, Grand Prix, bit of crochet. Everybody tired. 

The 22nd of June. 

19 degrees. Much more comfortable weather. From the clouds I can see, it looks like the rain is coming. Good. I love a good storm. 

I’ve had a relatively busy day? This morning, I got the new episode of iZombie watched (and almost shouted SHIT and grabbed my face at the ending), then Shaki came over. She had the vet histories of the kittens which didn’t correspond to the names she’d given them so had to rewrite all their forms, and it meant we could now identify which is which. So the one we were calling Betsy is actually Bree, Brodie is still Brodie, the lighter brown tabby is Bailey, and the darker one is Betsy. Once I knew that, I could book them in to Lydon’s for their first set of vaccinations. 

This afternoon I was back at Black Sheep for my colour change with Danyl. We had a chat and I told him about my ice cream kind of inspiration. First we bleached it all, then pink around the sides and at the roots, then added in a coral colour on some of the tips. I’m now a raspberry sorbet/fruit salad/drumstick lolly. 

That was my afternoon gone! Got home just before six, checked on the kittens, and have just heard news that my friends Vicky and Laura have got engaged and I am so happy!

The 23rd of June. 

Well we didn’t really have a storm, but we have the post-storm colder weather. I’ve had to put socks and a cardigan on. 

We were out at the vet at 9.20 for everybody to be jabbed. Although they were running rather late, so we amused ourselves watching the bunnies and baby and dog that were also in the waiting room. Our kittens just went to sleep. Even when we got called in, they stayed pretty relaxed. We did Betty first, then popped her into a separate carrier so I could get at the kittens. They were all fine, nobody struggled, just Bailey needs to eat a bit more. Get her up to a kilo, then they can all be neutered.

Since we got back, they’ve all been totally wiped. Just slept all day, flooped on the floor. I have written up a blog post, had some lunch, done some crochet. Listened to some podcasts, from a whole bunch of selfies to get a good photo of my new hair and iced some cupcakes. 

Daddy’s labyrinthitis has kicked off again, so he was throwing up from late morning until mid-afternoon. He’s only just come downstairs. 

Last night, Bree scratched my right arm, and water came out. Teeny tiny amount of blood, but mainly water. So I suppose if the venoplasty doesn’t work, we stick a load of needles in my arm and squeeze. We’re ringing on Monday. I don’t give a fuck, I have been like this for half a year and it is unacceptable. 

The 20th of June. 

It has been slightly less hot today. It didn’t feel like it this morning – I had to get changed after going upstairs to put on minimal make up because I was so sweaty. It was very unpleasant. 

I was meeting Sadie for waffles at one, so Mommy dropped me off in the Bullring car park and I went up in the lift to Selfridges so I didn’t have to deal with any blinding sunlight. I was early, as always, so I got a table and waited for her while perusing the menu. We decided we would have just waffles, no room for milkshakes too. I went for the Seriously Cinnamon, but without all the whipped cream and stuff they normally put on top. Just cinnamon and syrup for me please. 

I got to hear all about the debacle of her stolen phone, her dealings with the book eater (Matthew Goodwin, her PhD supervisor), and she got to squeeze my fat fluidy arm. A fair trade. Still no venoplasty date, by the way. Once we’d eaten and paid (neither of us could finish our plates), we moved to Starbucks for cold beverages and comfier chairs. Amazingly, sofas became available just as we ordered our drinks! How fortuitous. While there, we saw two children riding around the toy section of Selfridges on these houses that move around like real ones. They’re incredible and I want one. 

Back home, I managed to get the kittens to play a little bit. They will play with me, as long as I don’t make any sudden movements. Sigh. 

The 21st of June. 

Today has been the hottest. And I had to go outside. Bleah. Oxygen clinic at ten, where we saw Ben, who was very happy to see me without tubing on my face and looking much brighter. He also wanted to know what was going on with my venoplasty/PICC, and when we told him that nothing has happened, he said he would email Andrew to try to speed things up. 

Had a slightly longer appointment with the oxygen nurse, just because I had to explain everything about the pneumonia and my stays in during the past six months. She stabbed me in the ear and my oxygen levels were a bit lower than last year but that is only to be expected and they weren’t terrible.

Went into town before going home, where I bought three books (Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge, The Power by Naomi Alderman and We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie), an eyeliner and mascara from Boots, and a fan brush from The Body Shop. The lady who served me had to go and find one from the stock room, and came back with several which she put on the counter. I paid, and she brought my receipt and change round the counter to give to me, but not the brush. I assumed she had just forgotten to pick it up so asked for one and she thought she’d given it to me but I didn’t, so she handed it over. Then we went to Starbucks so I could get an espresso frappuccino. While I was waiting, I happened to look in my bag and saw a brush, which confused me because I was sure I’d put it in the Foyles bag with the books. I checked, and there was a brush in there too! I had no idea how the one in my handbag got there, so I got my drink and we went back to The Body Shop. I went up to the counter, where the lady was, and handed her the extra brush, apologising for my accidental thievery. She was very surprised me but congratulated me on my honesty. Sure I could have kept it, but what would I do with two? Seriously no clue what happened. 

This afternoon, I think I made some progress with Betsy and Brodie – we played games with my fingers. They don’t immediately run away from me now. 

I had an appointment with Trine at the chiro at half four, and it was much better than last time. No hospital bed makes such a difference!

The 18th of June. 

Too much warmth. Sleeping was not good. I have a sheet on my bed now so hopefully tonight it will be easier. I am not built for this weather. I prefer about eight degrees less than this. Low to mid-twenties is a good temperature. 

This morning was blog post and Sunday Brunch. Coffee, curtains closed. This afternoon, I’ve been counting down until kitty o’clock but now it’s here and they’re going to be late because another fosterer is delayed. Bahhh. After lunch, I started some new crochet (finished the doily last night but it needs ironing), then at 2 I went upstairs to lie in the dark and listen to Gardener’s Question Time because I’m very old. 

Back downstairs an hour later, crocheted until five, then found out about the hold up. Now writing, twiddling my thumbs. Dinner between six and seven so they can’t come then. I just hate it when people are unreliable. It’s not Shaki’s fault, but still it is frustrating. I want my floofs!

The 19th of June. 

Kitties arrived after dinner. They are super fluffy and gorgeous. The mum (Betty) is very friendly, she is very happy to be petted. The kittens (Brodie, Bree, Bailey and Betsy) are less forthcoming – will have to make them enjoy it. 

Obviously it is too hot to do much of anything. Last night was gross – my room is the hottest, even with the curtains closed and windows open. Bleah. 

For most of the day, I have been sat with the kittens, trying to get them used to me. Tennis on in the background, glasses of iced water. The kittens are bouncing around, exploring their new abode, having lots of pretend fights. I can tell which one is Brodie because he’s the only one with short fur. Betsy is the biggest, fluffiest girl, and she’s grey, so I think I can identify her. Bree and Bailey are both brown and look basically the same, but one is lighter. Which one that is, I am not sure. 

Wilting. Really not looking forward to bedtime. 

The 16th of June. 

I have a tiny bit of good news. I gave the ciclosporine eye drops another go last night, fully prepared for it to be awful again. But it was fine. It stung a bit, and first thing this morning was a bit tricky, but it was so much better than last time. So now that extra line of treatment for my eyes is up, let’s hope that helps. 

So it’s been a quiet day. I wrote up a blog post this morning and this afternoon I did some podcast listening and redid all the crochet I’d had to unravel. Now back to where I was, I can try to finish. Will have to do most of it tomorrow because on Sunday, new kitties come, so I will be super distracted. I need some tiny floofs. 

The more that comes out about Grenfell, the worse if gets. The Queen and Prince William visited victims today, Theresa May only went to the hospital where she could control the narrative. Then she goes to a church but nobody sees her and she sneaks out of a side door. No council-lead support; everything is being done by the volunteers. Everybody in power is doing the bare minimum, sometimes not even that. It’s inhumane. 

The 17th of June. 

So hot. So bright. Being on Voriconazole means I’m not really allowed to go in the sun (it majorly increases the risk of getting skin cancer and since we know someone who did get it because they didn’t know, I’m not taking any chances), so I can’t go outside and enjoy it, but even if I could, I’d be so photosensitive, I’d be blind. I miss being able to see without pain. 

It’s been mainly a day of crocheting. Want to finish the doily. And I’m doing very well – I’ve got one round left. Although focusing on tiny crochet hasn’t been great for the eyes. Finish a round, have a rest. Lots of drops. 

Very little to say. I iced some cakes and put sugar elephants and ducks on them. I climbed the stairs and it was fine. That was a really good feeling. It’s been so long since I didn’t need an immediate rest when I got to the top. 

The 14th of June.

It feels like we are just lurching from one tragedy to the next at the moment. Every week there is another atrocity, and it seems every single one is political. There is no doubt that the fact that this is a deprived area with poor residents, and that things have been done on the cheap will have made it worse, and the fire service were unable to tackle the blaze as effectively as they might have because they’ve been decimated by the cuts that Boris Johnson made. Heaven forbid there was a fire anywhere else in London. Just last year the Tories voted down a bill to force landlords to make buildings suitable for human habitation (surprisingly, 72 of them are landlords themselves), and Theresa May’s new top aide has been sitting on a review of fire regulations for months. They kill people. Every day. 

I had haematology clinic this morning, which was not enormously productive. I saw Praveen and updated him on my current circumstances, and he emailed Andrew. The most important thing was that we get some drugs, because my prescription got completely messed up when I was in.

I spoke to Emelda, Andrew’s secretary, and she has assured me that the paperwork has been sent and I should get a date for my next venoplasty very soon. I really bloody hope so; it was super warm today and I want to be able to show my arms without feeling like a freak . 

This afternoon, I hid from the news. I put on a sheet mask, watched Pretty Little Liars and iZombie, crocheted. I am lucky that I am able to escape from it. I can’t imagine the terror felt by those on the upper floors; if I were in that situation, I would find a way to kill myself. Absolutely petrifying. 

The 15th of June. 

I’ve been awake on and off since just before six this morning. It was too hot. Not surprising when you consider I still had my winter duvet on – it has been changed now so hopefully tonight I won’t be so warm. 

Quiet morning. Breakfast, coffee, then out to Black Sheep to get my hair cut at half twelve. Michaela was delighted by my FucktheTories necklace and immediately called Danyl over to see, who was straight in for a high five. I have decided he is going to be my colour guy now. Booked in with him next week. My hair was getting pretty long, so we decided to chop off all the back and sides. There’s only so much that can be changed when it’s this short already but Michaela can always come up with something. 

As I was leaving, I went to get in my chair and there was a lady sat by it with a great little chihuahua called Dolores. She was also a fan of my necklace and we had a photo together. 

Got home shortly before two, and this afternoon I have been crocheting, then unravelling because I changed colour and the new thread was thinner, so it has made the whole doily curl inward. Redo with a thicker one. The fluid in my arm makes it ache. 

The 12th of June.

It’s Daddy’s birthday!

He had already gone to work by the time I got up, which was a good thing because I hadn’t written his card yet. We’re going to take him to the Pink Floyd exhibition in London for his present, so I didn’t have to worry about that.

I had a phone call with Anthony Nolan this morning because they need examples of post-transplant care, so I was telling her how excellent mine has been. I know not everyone is so lucky. Then I had a chat with Nationwide because they had frozen my debit account for no apparent reason and hadn’t told me. It turns out that I had used it at a cashpoint or on a website that has left me exposed to fraud so they’ve had to cancel it. Well, that’s fine, but they could have sent me a letter? I’ll get a new card,it’s all fine.

This afternoon, Mommy and I went into town to take back all the kimonos I didn’t need. I also needed to get some facewipes, then we went into Selfridges to get Daddy some token bits – essentially fudge. I also bought myself some espresso chocolate spread so I’m very much looking forward to my toast in the morning.

Once home, I finished crocheting the bear, so he can go in the post this week!

The 13th of June.

I am annoyed and sad. Finally managed to speak to Tracey (the booking coordinator) and she hasn’t even had the paperwork yet. I have haematology clinic tomorrow so we’ll get them to chase Andrew. It’s all well and good for him to say “Yes we need to do another venoplasty” but if he doesn’t send the paperwork for three weeks I’m going to have to wait even longer for this nightmare to be over. It has been six months and it should not be this hard.

My alarm didn’t go off this morning so I didn’t wake up until quarter past ten. Thankfully I didn’t have anything that needed doing, but I still don’t like waking up that late. I got to have my coffee spread on toast for breakfast though, so there was that.

Since talking to Tracey early this afternoon, the heavy cloud has descended. I don’t think it’ll be a long-term storm, but it’s here all the same. I’ve just sat crocheting, listening to podcasts, trying not to think about it. I’m just so tired and it feels like nobody is trying.