The 5th & 6th; I have learned to live without.

The 5th of April. Marginally better. My sleep was not as bad, but it still wasn't good. However, my sats got up to 100% on just 1 litre of oxygen today, so I have been able to do some stuff without having to wear it at all. Spike has been allowed out of the cage to roam freely unsupervised, so I went to see him a couple of times without taking my little cylinder with me. They were not especially active trips - literally walked from living room to back room and sat on the floor. He just comes straight over for petting and purring. That is pretty much all he wants. That, and to be fed. He sheds so much though. My jumper is so fluffy. 

I wrote up a blog post, and spoke to the eye consultant's secretary about sorting out another appointment, who said she'd talk to the booking coordinator. Hopefully a letter will materialise soon. 

I listened to episode 6 of S-Town, which was upsettingly relatable, particularly the line "You learn to live without." Because I have. I obviously do not have the sort of love life that most able-bodied people my age do, and I don't really think about it anymore. The man on the podcast said he'd been celibate for six years and I suppose I was surprised because that didn't seem like such a long time for me. It's been four years for me. I have stopped trying to connect with people, people who do not even see me. I have learned to live without. 

The 6th of April. 

I don't know what is going on with my sleep pattern at the moment - last night was fucking terrible. Just before I woke, I was dreaming my bedroom was full of brightly coloured bugs and I was not a fan. 

Despite the ghastly night, my sats have been reasonable today - at one point this afternoon, they were 97% on air. It is a mystery to me. I'm supposed to see Dr. Thompson later this month, so I'll ask him. He'll probably just say something like "They vary all the time, you just don't notice because you didn't have a sats monitor before" and I don't think that's true but I won't be able to prove otherwise. 

Another day of not much to report, otherwise. This morning we yelled at the tv a lot because some people seem to think that the law requiring children to attend school every day unless they are ill or there are exceptional circumstances is somehow bad and "being told how to bring up their kids". It you've chosen to educate your child in the school system, then you should make them go. I don't see how that's unreasonable. 

I also got to tell off some Jehovah's Witnesses. They came to the door and tried to give me some sort of leaflet. When I saw the logo, I gave it back to them and said "I'm sorry, I can't take this because when I had leukaemia ten years ago, you would have let me die." And I slammed the door in their faces. It was fun.