The 2nd & 3rd; I am not the sort of woman men want to date.

The 2nd of February.  I had to get up ridiculously early today to be at the Women's Hospital for menopause clinic at 9. It was made slightly better by being greeted by an elderly volunteer who told us a wonderful day. I got called through at about half nine, she asked how I was getting on with the coil and I told her it was absolutely fine, then brought up that I'd had a letter about my smear. She tried to do one when I was under GA but it got contaminated and probably would've been insufficient anyway. She said we could try again there and then, so I said okay because I think it's necessary and I think she's probably the best person to do it. I went into the room next door, took off my jeans and pants, and covered myself with the tissue. The nurse got the smallest speculum and lots of gel, but it was still absolutely excruciating and impossible. She asked if I was in a relationship and I had to resist the urge to laugh in her face. I am not the sort of woman men want to date. I said no, not for a long time. It's been nearly three years since I was with anyone. Anyway, she's going to talk to a colleague about how vital this is, and if it's decided I really need it soon, I'll be booked in for another GA to try again. 

This afternoon has been incredibly tedious, making the hair for the crochet doll. I spent a good four hours attaching individual stands of wool all over the head. It was not my favourite activity but it does look good. At least it was worth it!

The 3rd of February. 

Hm well I've been productive but I'm annoyed at it. 

I have had a very boring day in terms of activities - I've just crocheted all day. I've been working on a swimsuit for my crochet doll, but the arm holes are askew and I don't like it. I don't understand how I've fucked up though, so I'm probably going to spend my evening looking up techniques, or just trying to work out how I can do things like this better. It looks fine when I've put it on the doll, because I can twist it a bit. It just doesn't make sense. 

Ohh I'm just frustrated and I have nothing else to say.