The 20th & 21st; Things all went horribly wrong.

The 20th of July. 

I woke up at half past five which I did not enjoy, then I couldn't even listen to the radio because all they could talk about was going to the fucking moon and I am sick of it. I listened to a No Such Thing As A Fish, then I think I fell back to sleep, then I woke up again and listened to some music until it was time to get up. 

I was making my coffee, when I got a text from Sadie about a film called Secret Obsession that has arrived on Netflix, and how I had to watch it. I essentially kept getting texts saying "This is wild." and I agreed to watch it once I had finished doing all my morning eye stuff. However, I then got a text from Superdrug saying my order had arrived (they are the only people who sell my toothbrush and I needed a new one, so I ordered ten because I figure that will last five years and I'll probably be dead before I run out) so I got Daddy to take me into Sutton so I could collect them. While I went to Superdrug, I sent Daddy to Under Pressure to get me a Swedish Cinnamon Bun, because he likes to do nice things for me. That was all fine, except Daddy did get grabbed by a woman wanting to ask him questions about gas and electricity, but he escaped fairly swiftly. 

We returned home, where I found a great film called The Megalodon on the SyFy channel, which he got confused with The Meg from last year. It is very much a lower budget version of The Meg, and is terrible. He kept accusing me of getting engrossed, but really I was only watching until it was lunchtime, then I was going to watch Secret Obsession. I made myself a crisp sandwich (I had a craving after listening to The Kitchen Cabinet) and popped it on while texting Sadie. I can confirm it is indeed "wild" and ridiculous and the main character was in The Suite Life Of Zack and Cody which I found quite distracting. If you like dreadful, predictable films with very generic characters, you will enjoy it. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon finishing all the TV. I had two more episodes of both Jessica Jones and Stranger Things to watch, so I did Jessica first while doing a bit of knitting. I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to hate this jumper by the time I finish it but I've invested now so I have to get to the end. And I hope I can fix whatever I hate. I finished Jessica Jones and I felt that ended satisfactorily, then I got to the end of the row I was knitting and had to shut all the curtains because the sun got too bright for my liking. I tried having different bits of curtain open but it wasn't to be, then I accidentally looked at the sun and that was very bad. Anyway, then it was time to finish Stranger Things and Christine was correct; I sobbed like a fucking baby. Oh my God, so much crying. And right when Daddy was putting our dinner on plates, so I kind of had to wipe my eyes and blow my nose, then eat my food. Soon it will be time for Killing Eve, bed, then doing it all again. 

The 21st of July. 

I don't know what to say about today because I am trying really hard not to let the heavy cloud in. I don't even want to really talk about why. What I can say is that I'm so frustrated with my brain for letting something get to me that shouldn't mean so much but yet it's like my whole psyche hinges on it. I'm hoping really hard that I might feel better about it in the morning. 

I didn't start off feeling this way. I got up, I got dressed, I even fucked up my own breakfast because I can't slice bread straight and my parents were out taking Grandma to church. I had my coffee, I did some knitting, I even did some dancing in my chair to the version of The Neverending Story from the last episode of Stranger Things. 

Then things all went horribly wrong. I went upstairs to work out and a thought got in my head, and now I can't get it out and I'm just working on making it to the end of the day. Plus I found out that the toothbrushes I got are not the same as my current one so they have to go back, and I did some more Googling and am really struggling to find my actual toothbrush. Great.